It All Started With A Massage
by Black-Dranzer-1119
Summary: It only took a single massage to cause their lives to spin out of control. L/Light and Matt/Mello/Matt Co-written with Interstella.
1. Light the Masseur

**For those people who have or are reading 'Messages in a Dysfunctional Workplace' this story is set in a similar time frame as that story and does contain similar elements. This is because I was writing this with Interstella at around the same time****, and even sometimes at the same time as I was writing 'Messages in a Dysfunctional Workplace' with Jesus-of-Suburbia2o2o. Do not get me wrong though these stories are vastly different, especially in the portrayals of L. I am once again mainly writing as Light who is also a lot different strangely enough. As you can see by the warning this story is going to be a lot darker and contain a lot more drama than 'Messages in a Dysfunctional Workplace' so if you prefer light stories with a fair bit of humour I would recommend that instead. So for those who are still interested in reading this… enjoy.**

_**Warning**_** this story contains mentions of rape and suicide so if you can't handle that stuff then I wouldn't recommend reading this story.**

* * *

Light heard the chain jingle again as L moved around restlessly. Ever since they begun to wear the handcuffs Light was sure that L's sugar intake had almost doubled. That wasn't the only thing either as the Kira accusations, while still annoyingly regular had lost their edge. L sighed again, as he shifted in his seat, trying to get more comfortable. Why did Light insist on going to bed every night? Didn't he know that every hour should be a productive one? Sleep was a secondary priority, only to be done when no other choice. Another sigh came as he tried to find some way to easily keep his balance on the squishy surface. An irritated sound came out as he gave up and flopped down on his side, facing away from Light. His body was laid out straight and his arms were crossed in front of him. If Light wanted to sleep, L reserved the right to stop thinking so hard. Light sighed back as the noise finally stopped and he looked up at L, his eyes drowsy and noticed that L's wasn't curled up in his usual ball.

"L, what's up with you? You seem more restless than normal?" Light's tone was casual with the barest hint of annoyance which he hoped L missed. L grumbled something before turning onto his stomach. Turning his head, he looked at Light.

"I am stressed Light-kun," He said, with barely hidden annoyance. He didn't have to bother hiding the annoyance as his eyes squinted into a glare. "This case is taking too long, and sitting like that all the time seems to have made my back ache. Now please, go to sleep so that we may begin to work again sooner." Light rolled his eyes at the response.

"And here I was thinking that it was only normal people who got back aches from sitting the way you do." Knowing he would regret this later Light sat up beside L. "I suppose I can give you a back massage if you want?"

L snorted, "I don't think you would want to do that," He cautioned, but at that moment, a wave of pain hit him and he hissed softly, bringing his own hand back to rub at his back. After another sigh, he let his hand fall. Light let out a soft groan of irritation before he slowly straddled L's back before placing his hands on L's shoulders and beginning to knead the muscles gently at first but less so as he grew more confident.

"You better be grateful about this. Luckily for you though mum used to get frequent back and neck pain so I'm used to doing this," Light said, but more for his sake than L's. L moaned softly, and shook his head.

"As nice as that is, it's not where the pain is," He grumbled, not wanting this, but at the same time, not wanting to not have this. "Like I said, I doubt you'd want to rub my lower back better. Now please, you're making it worse by sitting there." Light was glad L didn't see the flash of slightly sadistic pleasure he felt at L's words that rid him of the pinkness that his ears had turned at L's moan. Lifting himself up Light shuffled down so that he could access the area L wanted better. Trying to pretend his hands weren't quite so low L's back in an attempt to keep his mind focused on the task, kneeling now to keep his weight off L.

"Now is this where the pain is?" Light said wanting to sure. L couldn't help the sound that escaped him. It was a cross between a moan and a gasp. He nodded slightly, not trusting his voice at that moment. He closed his eyes tightly, unconsciously tensing slightly. He'd never had a massage, especially not there. His hands, that were lay by his side, were fisting at the bedclothes. The pinkness was back but Light was relieved that he was actually massaging the right place right now Light continued to work, frowning when he noticed that L had tensed up. "Ryuzaki, relax or this massage will actually do more harm than good," Light advised. L tried to relax, but found it hard. The massage was having an odd effect on him. After a moment, L figured out what it was and his face turned pink.

"Light," he moaned out, "please stop..." even to his ears, it didn't sound convincing.

"Huh? Are you feeling ok Ryuzaki?" Light said, confused by the odd note in L's voice.

"Light, stop please..." L moaned out, "You're..." he cut himself off, shaking his head, "you're turning me on." Those words were said very quietly. Light's hands froze completely then, his face turning a deep shade of red as the words sunk in and Light fell off the bed in his haste to get off L.

"Wha-at?" L was lying, panting slightly.

"You heard me," He grumbled. "Now please, it was your idea to come to bed, I assumed that it was so you can sleep. Please do so, so we can return to work..." He wasn't sure what he was going to do about his little situation, but he turned onto his side, once again facing away from Light. This time, however, he was curled slightly to hide his obvious problem. Feeling incredibly uncomfortable now, Light slowly got back into bed, his back to L also trying his hardest to forget everything that had just happened and fall asleep. He had known he would be regretting his action, but not this much as he mentally hit himself again. How was he supposed to know that they usually stoic detective would suddenly grow hormones? That settled Light drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

L couldn't seem to get rid of his problem. Grumbling slightly, he tossed and turned for the first time he could ever remember. Eventually, he became more than a little angry. Grumbling again, he did something incredibly unlike himself, and hit Light in the chest, even knowing the other was sleeping. Light woke up, blinking before his eyes narrowed as he glared at L.

"Damn it. What is your problem?" Light whispered harshly, knowing that he would likely yell if he tried to speak any louder.

"You are my problem," L growled with a glare. "Why did you go and do that? Now I can't get rid of it!" he was yelling, but somehow, he managed to do it quietly.

"How was I supposed to know that you would react that way?" Light spat back. "I thought that I was helping you out but clearly I was mistaken. Besides those..." Light let out a shudder that he was even talking to L about this. "...Those things generally don't just go away on their own."

"Well I wouldn't know!" L muttered, looking down at his lap with a frown. "Look, just do something about it so I can get some sleep. I would like to return to work tomorrow."

"You have _GOT_ to be kidding me. What the hell am I supposed to do about it?" Light couldn't stop himself from yelling this time as panic tinged his voice.

"How the hell should I know?" L said, "It's your fault, now you do something about it so I can relax!" He shifted uncomfortably, his trousers long since uncomfortable. "What do you _do_ to get rid of this?"

Light choked. "_NO!_ You do something. Haven't you even heard of masturbating _AT ALL?_ Or the reason behind taking cold showers?" Light's voice was incredulous as he moved to the opposite side of the bed to put as much space between himself and L as possible.

"I will not sink so low as to touch myself," L growled out, "If you're not going to help me, then I will bug you until either it goes away or you help me. He turned onto his side facing Light, "It is quite painful." He glared at Light before advancing on him slightly. He stopped then, regarding Light with a strange look on his face. "Hmm... I guess some of my assumptions were incorrect." Light shuddered at the growl before willing himself to speak.

"Wh-What are you talking about?" Light stuttered, moving away from L as fast as he could and as far as he could. L smiled softly, moving closer still. He managed to get close to Light and leaned forward, gently placing his lips against the other's, he pulled away slightly to talk.

"I had assumed that you were interested." Light shivered at the feel of L's lips on his own and his back pressed against the wall behind him.

"Wha...how... why" Light could barely form much less coherent sentences as his mind buzzed. Instead of answering, L just moved closer and kissed him again before pulling away.

"Because you haven't hit me yet," He said with a small smirk, "And because of the way you treat Misa. There's no way you could be straight and not like that kind of attention." At this Light really did hit L. L fell backwards onto the bed, landing on his back and staring at the ceiling. "Okay then," He said softly, staying where he lay. "I take it you don't want to help me." Light shook his head violently and he tried desperately not to think of how nice L's lips felt against his own. L just laid there, his problem obvious for all to see. It had gone down very slightly due to the hit, but the thoughts that were circling in his mind weren't helping. He couldn't help but recall the feeling of Light's lips against his own; even if it was forced. Light meanwhile was still having the same problem.

"Why me?" Light groaned as he legs no longer held the ability to support him and he fell to the ground, his hands buried in his hair.

"Why you what?" L said softly, glancing over at Light with a half raised eyebrow. He sat up and looked at him a little more carefully, crossing his arms.

"Why did you have to rediscover your hormones now that I am chained to you wrist?" Light moaned, "and why did have to me that caused this discovery?"

L shrugged, "I thought you knew," He said simply. "This isn't a new discovery for me. Well..." he gestured at his lap, "That is, but you causing it isn't a surprise. Now, if you're not going to help me, at least go back to sleep so we can work later."

"How the hell am I supposed to sleep now?" Light as incredulously. "It was hard enough before when you woke me and now you just come out and say that it isn't a surprise that I gave you a..." Light waved his helplessly. "How can you just say that?"

"I thought you were smart," L muttered, sitting up and advancing on Light again. He kissed him softly, not forcefully. There was still room for him to back off if he wanted. It was a gentle kiss. No matter that it was the third time that night Light was still felt stunned that L was kissing him. Gasping, Light felt his heart speed up at the tender touching of lips which increased as Light suddenly realised he had unconsciously leant into L. L gasped slightly as he felt Light come closer. What little reprieve he'd had from the hardness in his pants had now come back. He leaned closer still, his hands unconsciously encircling Light, one around his neck, the other on his waist.

"Mmm," Light whimpered as he felt himself relaxing into the embrace and a slow shaky hand came to rest on L's cheek, cupping it loosely. L kissed Light deeper, gently pushing him down onto the bed. His hand that was on Light's waist started to move slightly to slip under Light's shirt. Light breathed in sharply at the feel of the cool hand drifting across his own warm skin. Both of his hands by now had slipped into the masses of L's hair as he began to return the kisses more heatedly than before. Moaning softly into the kiss, L removed the arm that was around Light's neck to join the other under his shirt. He rubbed his fingers over Light's nipples, tweaking them slightly even as he deepened the kiss by thrusting his tongue into Light's mouth. He was completely working on instinct now. Light mewled in pleasure as he felt the mixed sensations of L's hands and tongue. Tilting his head, Light opened his mouth wider to allow L greater access and his hands dug deeper into the raven strands in a vain attempt at getting closer to the other than he already was.

L pulled back slightly so that he could look at Light. He smiled softly, "Seems I was right," He said softly, kissing Light again, "Feel like helping me out now?" He asked with a small smirk, his breath coming out in pants. Also panting from the lack of air, Light smiled seductively.

"I think I might be a bit more open to the idea." Grinning, L leaned forward and kissed Light again, his hands moving down slightly to pull at Light's shirt. He pulled at it and tried to get it off while his other hand continued to moved down and slip beneath the waistband of Light's trousers. Light instinctively attempted to escape the hand now well and truly down his pants and instead distracted himself by slowly unbuttoning the shirt L had been tugging at. L noted this but continued moving. His fingers quickly found Light's member and started to gently rub him through his underwear. He pulled away from the kiss and smiled at him.

"If you want me to stop, tell me." He didn't want this to turn into rape.

"Mhmmm." Light moaned in agreement as he felt fabric rub against his still forming erection slowly. Leaning up Light removed his now open shirt and left it to hang on the chain of the handcuffs, his upper body now completely exposed for L's eyes to see. L leaned forward slowly to start kissing a small trail down Light's neck and chest. He stopped at his nipples to lick and suck slightly before moving even further down. Once he got to the belly-button, he thrust his tongue inside, gently lapping at it. Light shallow pants grew louder and his hands drifted down to shoulders where they encountered the white fabric of L's shirt which Light longed to have removed so that he could feel L's naked skin against his own heated flesh. L moved his fingers slightly faster before pulling back completely. All parts of their body connecting were pulled away as he pulled his shirt over his head, and started to gently pull Light's trousers down. As soon as his pants were removed one of Light's legs lifted to wrap around L's thighs. Dragging L's face up to meet his own, Light kissed him hungrily; desperate to taste and to feel more of the older man. L moaned softly, surprised about the bold move from the other. He leaned into the kiss and started groping him more. He pulled away panting.

"I thought it was you, supposed to be helping me. I'm worse than before."

"Mmmm; it has to get worse before it gets better..." Light said mischievously and his mouth moved down to rest in front of L's neck. "... a lot worse." tilting his head forward he began to run chaste kisses up and down L's neck and as he grew more confident, turned into licks and gentle bites. L tilted his head back, letting Light have more access. He moaned throatily and leaned closer to Light.

"Nnghn," He couldn't help but thrust slightly towards Light. His trousers were still on and all he got was more pain for that. As if sensing L's distress Light smirked and gently pushed on L's shoulders so that L was now the one lying on his back.

"Let me help you with that," Light murmured as his hands caressed L's smooth, white chest and made their way down to the base of L's jeans. Once they were there Light wasted no time undoing them and moved over slightly so that he could pull the jeans as well as whatever was underneath, down L's legs and tossed them on the floor. L lay back, as if in a daze and watched Light work. He smiled softly at him. Things had progressed fast, and Light seemed more than willing now. L couldn't help think that maybe he was going to get more than he bargained for. Crawling on top of L, Light smirked. "So how do you want to get rid of this problem of yours?" L swallowed, now slightly nervous.

"I don't know. How is it usually done?" He asked, with a smirk. Leaning down, Light moved his mouth next to L's ear as if whispering a secret.

"A. dick. up. the. arse." Light said crudely in response to L's smirk. L's eyes widened slightly. Okay, so that made sense. But still...

"Up who's arse!" His voice was squeakier than usual.

"You mean you didn't know?" Floored by L's question, Light couldn't stop the words from pouring out.

L glared slightly, "I'm kind of new to all this!" He pointed out, flushing slightly at the admission. "You're serious? Is that hygienic?"

"Well it isn't the cleanest activity, but with sex in general you have to learn to be a bit flexible with everything." Light moved to sit down beside L watching the older man with barely concealed amusement. L picked up on the amusement.

"What?" He asked, slightly insulted. "It sounds... uncomfortable..." he fidgeted slightly.

"Actually it more than uncomfortable at first and without prep it can be even more so," Light admitted before letting out a frustrated sigh. "It doesn't matter. I'll give you a hand job if it makes you too squeamish and I'll take care of myself later. Unlike you I'm not above getting myself off occasionally."

L squirmed slightly, still flushed, "And what does that entail?" Really, he had no idea. With the name, he could imagine that it had something to do with hands... he looked at Light, thinking. "Teach me." He didn't like not knowing things, "And I'll attempt to repeat the process on you."

"Well it is basically like masturbating, except instead of you getting yourself off I will be using my own hand to get you off." L bit his lip before nodding, giving Light consent to touch him. He wanted to know what to do, how to do it. Grabbing the bottle of lotion of the table, Light coated his hand in the liquid and leaned the hand forward to grasp L's erection firmly. Pumping slowly, he used his thumb to play with L's 'head'. The sound that came from L then was a cross between a startled gasp and a moan. He'd never imagined it could feel like this. Groaning slightly, he opened his eyes (when had they closed?) and looked at Light, pure shock and pleasure in his eyes. Smirking at the expression of pleasure on L's face, Light ignored the precum as he sped up his hand to try and increase the delicious friction that was currently turning L into mush in his hands. L's eyes fluttered closed again as his body jerked, thrusting towards the hand. He was moaning and panting now, having never felt anything like this. He forced his eyes open, wanting to watch Light.

Licking his lips, Light stared right back, scanning for every slight change in expression that L made. Light found it hard to ignore the effect L's moans and pants were having on him and his eyes radiated lust. Unable help himself, he leant down to capture those teasing lips with his own. L's hands, which had previously been fisting the blankets beneath him, rose up to encircle Light's neck, pulling him closer as he responded to the kiss. Even thought they were lip locked, L still managed to moan into Light's mouth, even as he clumsily tried to thrust his tongue inside. Guiding L's tongue into his mouth, he began to suck on it, his own tongue brushing it lazily. Meanwhile his index finger moved to the base and slowly dragged his nail along the vein and up to the sensitive tip. His inexperience catching up with him, L felt a pressure coil in his lower stomach. A brief moan was all the warning he could give before his release came, sending him into a state of euphoria with another, louder moan. Despite the urge to taste L, Light decided that he didn't particularly want the taste of the lotion and as well so grabbed a tissue to wipe his hand.

"There, it seems you no longer have a problem," Light said with the barest hint of irritation. L was panting heavily now, staring at Light as if he'd just grown a new head. His own head was still spinning and his whole body was tingling.

Swallowing, he tried for words, "That was..." he didn't know how to describe it. Wonderful? Excellent? Fantastic? These weren't words that the great L used.

"...An orgasm," Light finished. "Now if you will excuse me I have a problem I have to attend to myself and I would rather that you weren't around to get aroused again or else I will never get to go to sleep." L stared at Light again, really, was it so much to ask to have his brain working again? After a moment, he reached out to pull Light to him, kissing him gently. He wanted to do more, but he seemed to lack the energy.

"If you give me a moment, I may be able to help..." he mumbled quietly, even as he felt the drowsiness set in.

"L, forget it. You're wiped out. Just uncuff me for about 10 minutes and I'll take care of it;" was the blunt response.

L shook his head, "Can't uncuff you. You might be Kira. Could be using this as an excuse..." His eyes slid closed and he could feel sleep coming. Well this was a first.

"Fine then," Light spat back furiously. Grabbing his shirt he shoved it in his mouth to muffle as he began to get himself using his uncuffed hand. Annoyed Light used every trick he knew to try and speed up the process, but it seemed to take a lot longer than usual. Finally he released and wiping his hand off again lay down to try and sleep.

* * *

**So what did you think of the first chapter? I will try to update this on the days I update 'Messages in a Dysfunctional Workplace' so that should be about once a week considering that this is already written. Next update should be on Sunday.**


	2. I'm Bored Wake Up!

**Hi, welcome back for chapter two. I am really glad that you all seem to be enjoying this so far. Thankyou to all those who reviewed, it is really appreciated. Anyways I hope you enjoy chapter two.**

* * *

When morning came, and L blinked his eyes open his first thought was, _'I slept?'_, then his memory caught up with him and his eyes widened. That was when he noticed that he'd moved closer to Light in his sleep, and buried his head in his side. He wasn't holding him, oh no, his arms were by his own chest, not around Light. But he was close enough. Frozen, he realized that he was still naked. He wasn't sure what to do next. Light was still asleep during all of L's turmoil, oblivious to everything around him. L bit his lips and moved one hand to gently prod Light in the side. This action reminded him of Near a little, but he prodded him again. He didn't know what else to do. Light's eyes opened slowly and he was once again glaring at L. He had gotten used to being a light sleeper because of Sayu, but now it was pissing him off more than a bit.

"You really don't like to let me sleep do you?"

"You look too innocent," L huffed, "Makes me feel bad for wanting to convict you." He pulled his arm back to his chest, once again. It was now he realized that one of his hands, while pressed against his chest had manoeuvred so that his thumb was by his mouth. Lazily, he let out a yawn.

"Ok, now tell me an excuse that I would actually believe," Light requested as he sat up as it was obvious he wouldn't be sleeping again for a while. L stayed silent for a moment. Not moving, just watching Light. He then spoke quietly.

"You look cute and it confuses me as to why I would think that."

"What do you mean by cute?"

"Exactly what I said," L replied monotonously. He blinked slowly at Light, his thumb still in his mouth and his legs still pulled up to his chest. "And it confuses me. Last night was not the first time I felt like kissing you, and I have no idea what that means."

"I thought that would be obvious, even for you," Light replied and rolled his eyes, wondering how this oblivious genius could have had him so turned on earlier. L sat up. Not in his normal way, no, he was comfortable enough to sit with his legs crossed- or rather, his back was still aching. Subconsciously, his hands went to rub it better as he talked.

"I shouldn't feel this way about you. You're my suspect- you're Kira. And yet, I find myself wanting to do things with you, that I can't even picture. I have worked many years to bury my emotions in a place from which they can't return, but for you, they have- in full force. That is what confuses me. Why is it you, that has been able to remove all the control I had so carefully constructed?"

"It's not like I have the best sense of control when it comes to you either," Light replied curtly, feeling another brief flash of sadistic glee. "In any case the fact that you believe I am a mass murderer who you wish to have executed should have prevented me from allowing everything that happened last night from taking place. So your not the only one feeling things they shouldn't."

"I want it to happen again," L said simply, looking down at the blankets, as if embarrassed by the confession.

"Do some actual research before you even think about trying it again," Light advised stubbornly, but his face betrayed him as it held traces of pink. L too, was blushing as he looked up to once again make eye contact with Light.

"I was assuming that you would teach me." He reached one hand out to gently touch Light's cheek before he both pulled Light closer, and leaned in himself. When their lips were pressed together, it was a gentle caress, an unspoken word. There was no passion, just truth. L's eyes had slid closed, and his hand had moved to Light's chin. Light found himself unable to stop from returning the kiss which had silenced the thoughts buzzing through his head. After a moment, L pulled back, only far enough to talk. "What is it that you do to me?" he asked in a whisper, his breath mingling with Light's. "Why do I lose control for you?"

"Once I work that out I will be sure to tell you," Light replied his eyes focused on the lips that had just been on his own.

"What is this that we have?" L's words were still whispers, his eyes still closed and his hands still on Light's face, "Will it... disappear? Is this a dream to be broken once reality is restored?"

"I don't know either but I can't help feeling drawn to you. As to reality well then I guess if this isn't reality then it never really existed in the first place." Light's voice had also turned into a whisper as he took in L's face. "I don't particularly like that idea though."

"Ryuuzaki, Raito-kun!" Matsuda let himself in the room, "It's nearly eleven and we were getting-"He stopped suddenly as he stared at the two people, both naked, and in lip lock. L pulled away slightly to glare at Matsuda.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" he asked irritably. He was still holding onto Light. "It seems that reality has returned rather early," He muttered so that only the other on the bed could hear him. Matsuda's eyes were wide as he was staring at the other two. Slowly, a blush spread across his cheeks and he turned around.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize that you two were- are- uh…" He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head.

"Matsuda," L muttered, "Get lost." Light looked mortified as the clumsy detective rushed out of the room and moved away from L quickly.

"I see..." L said a little sadly. He stood and made his way to the dresser, pulling some clean trousers on. He ignored the stains on his chest and stomach, detailing their previous night. He put a clean black shirt, half on before undoing the cuffs, replacing them on the other arm, and fully dressing himself. He then replaced the cuff on the correct arm. Moving casually towards the bathroom, he seemed to either forget, or not care that Light was still chained to him. He didn't' stop to wait for Light to get dressed, or for him to even get out of bed before he was dragged to the bathroom. When L had relieved himself, he returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, opening his laptop. He was giving Light time to get dressed.

"L, I know that personal hygiene is of little importance to you but I would like to shower before I do any work," Light said as soon as he could speak. L completely ignored Light's words, and after ten minutes, stood and headed to the door, not even noticing if Light had got dressed or not. He was pissed. Grabbing's arm, he pulled back to prevent to man from leaving. "Damn it all L," Spinning the man around, he kissed his briefly and harshly. "I don't know what I've done but if it was because of before after Matsuda left then you should know I only reacted that way because I was embarrassed to have been caught by one of my father's co-workers naked and kissing you. I'm sorry but that is not the way I would have liked to have come out to someone."

L froze, "You made it quite obvious that you didn't want people to know that there had been a possibility of the two of us becoming more," He said darkly. "If that is your wish; fine."

"If you haven't noticed I am a rather proud person and someone other than you seeing me like that then kinda threw me." Light scowled. "Also I never said that I didn't want people to find out, I just wanted to be a bit surer of what is going on before I went around telling everyone. Jesus L, until last night I still thought I was straight so I'm sorry if I am still a little overwhelmed by everything." L bowed his head and turned around. He then looked up, directly into Light's eyes, challenging.

"Do you want me?"

"Of course I do, I thought I proved that last night," Light replied sounding exasperated.

L nodded, "I apologize that I was unable to return the…" he gestured with his hands, blushing slightly, not sure what to call it, "It was apparent that I was unable." He smiled softly, "I'm afraid, however, that a shower may not be possible. It's eleven am. We're five hours late for work."

"It's not like you will be doing anything anyway. Besides I refuse to go down stairs smelling like we really _DID_ do it," Light replied stubbornly. With a sly grin, L nodded.

"Very well..." He mumbled, "If it means I get to see you naked..."

"Fine, but I don't get what's so great about seeing me naked. I mean you saw me last night," Light sighed, "Anyway if you weren't going to let me leave the room last night then I doubt I have any choice in this matter either." L walked to Light and smiled. He gestured to the door.

"Shall we then?" He asked. Picking up some clean clothes, Light grabbed L's hand with his free one and pulled him into the bathroom after him. Once there, L began to strip. His back to Light, he seemed to be embarrassed. After he was naked, he turned around and looked at Light, slightly bashful. Light appeared not to notice L's shyness as he undressed again slowly, seeming to be deep in thought. Once Light was undressed, L looked away. His face was dark red and he was blushing.

"So L, how are we going to do this? I mean are we going to shower one at a time or at the same time?" Light asked barely looking at L. L bit his lips before turning around to study Light. For a moment, he couldn't speak, but when he did, he licked his lips.

"I think- I think we should shower together. To... save time." He was staring at Light, looking at him from top to bottom.

"U-um sure," Light replied trying not to stutter as he felt L's gaze trail up his body again slowly. L couldn't help but lick his lips before moving closer to Light. He was now stood right in front of Light, and leaned forward to kiss him softly. Moving forward, Light returned the kiss sweetly.

"I thought we were supposed to be in a hurry," Light commented but did not move from his spot in front of L.

"We're saving time by showering together," L pointed out, leaning closer and kissing him again. His arms slid around Light's neck and he kissed him deeper. He pulled back slightly, "Sorry," he mumbled quietly, "I just...really like doing that." He looked away blushing slightly, but his arms were still around him.

"Hmm, not _THAT _much time." Light's arms though wound around L's body though, to pull him closer as he initiated a slow, hungry kiss of his own. "But I never said I minded," Light finished breathlessly. L moaned softly and leaned closer to Light. He kissed him softly again before pulling away.

"We should... we should start the shower," He mumbled, feeling himself start to get excited.

"Yeah," Light breathed and with one last glance at L's mouth, he moved into the shower stall and turned on the taps. L followed Light, standing next to him in the small space. Smiling slightly, he reached around him for the soap. Something told him that they'd be spending more time in the shower than intended. Light could feel the warmth of L's body radiating behind him and watched as L's arm brushed him on the way past. Turning his head, Light's eyes met L's and he smiled cheekily.

"Want to wash my back for me?" L smiled softly, he moved in front of Light, covered his hands in soap and pulled Light close. He started to gently massage Light's back, rubbing the soap in and cleaning him gently, his body flush against Light's. Swallowing at the sudden contact, Light loosely wrapped his arms around L's thin waist; loving the feel of L's hands gliding across his skin. L leaned closer, placing his head on Light's shoulder. The proximity was starting to get at him, and after a few more rubs of Light's back, he stopped.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he realized that he was digging into Light. "Only you can do this to me," He said breathlessly, pulling away. The heat of L's skin was strangely relaxing and Light leant back to tilt L's head so that his lips could meet L's in a brief, chaste kiss. L leaned closer, kissing Light again. His eyes slid closed and he started trembling slightly. He moaned softly before pulling back. "I think we- I think we will have to- have to stop this," he mumbled, even as his body moved closer to Light. Light's eyes closed too.

"Yes… Yes we should." As with L though, the words continued to be contradicted by Light's actions as his arms tightened around L desperately.

"Light..." he gasped out. "It seems I have another problem," He muttered with a small groan. Light could very well feel that problem rubbing against him and that was very quickly giving him a problem of his own.

"Damn!" Light hissed.

"So..." L said softly, "What do we do about this?" He didn't move from Light, instead, he pulled himself closer.

"I don't know what you are ready for," Light replied managing to sound both peeved and lustful at once. "In any case we hardly have time for this now."

"I'd rather be late," L mumbled, "than walk into the room, occupied by the task force and your _father_ like this," he gestured to his 'problem'.

"As I said before, I don't know what you are ready for and what happened last night is the 'cleanest' way to get rid of our problems unless we decide to have a cold shower."

L pushed Light roughly, pushing him into the wall and kissing him deeply. "As you've previously stated," he muttered between pulling away and kissing Light again, "I am not one for personal hygiene."

"What was that you were saying about hygiene last night then," Light challenged, eyes gleaming.

"You took me by surprise," L mumbled, pushing himself even closer to Light. Feeling slightly mischievous Light wrapped one leg around L's hips to press their lower halves against each other fully and ground against him gently.

"Well then it seems you have a choice, that or a blow job," Light's tone was seductive, pretending as though his back wasn't quite literally pressed against the wall. L moaned deeply, his head tilting backwards and his eyes closing.

"Do, whatever you want to me," he moaned, pushing himself closer to Light. His words were nearly a plea.

"Maybe a little of both then." Light murmured and after quickly turning around Light shut off the shower and led L back to their room and pushed him back onto the bed, his mouth latching onto L's neck and slowly making its way down L's body. L moaned deeply, his legs wrapping themselves around Light as he fought to get closer to the other male. Light smirked at the reaction but lifted L's legs so they were no longer around him and continued his decent to the prize that stood proudly amongst the black curls. Eyeing it lustfully he lifted his gaze to meet L's as he bent over to lick it carefully from base to tip. L twitched and moaned. His eyes were closed and he was fisting the blankets beneath him.

"Nnghn." Once he reached the head he swirled his tongue around the tip. With his hands free now, he used them to hold down L's hips as he took L into his warm, wet mouth, bobbing his head up and down slowly. L's hips tried to thrust, but he was kept down. Growling slightly, he put his hands on Light's hair, pushing him down faster. He groaned again. Trying not to choke on the extra inch forced into his mouth, Light returned to his teasing and used his teeth to gently scrape along the thin, sensitive flesh. L could do nothing but moan. He was in heaven. But he couldn't help think about the fact that they were going to need another shower. Gently, he moved his hands to pull Light off him. Pulling him up to kiss him deeply, he flipped them and his hand slid to gently fist Light's member. With shaky inexperience, he started to move his hand, attempting to pleasure Light. "I don't- don't want to be the only one- feeling this," He mumbled brokenly.

"Mmm..." Light moaned encouragingly. The soft coolness of L's hand felt wonderful as it wrapped around him and attempted to replicate what Light had done to L the previous night. Still unsure of what he was doing, L kissed Light deeply while he moved his hand in a more confident manner. He pulled his mouth away to speak softly, "Tell me if I'm doing it wrong," he said breathlessly. Leaning in, Light kissed L just as passionately in response, small moans that were still passing through his lips grew louder as L's pace increased and Light fought to prevent his hips from jerking. L kissed Light over and over, not getting tired of that. His hand began to get faster as he was encouraged by Light's moans. After a short while, he moved his hand and hips slightly so that he could fist both erections in one hand, rubbing them both together. Groaning at the feel, Light moved his head to kiss from L's jaw to his ear firmly and nibbling on it delicately. "Lllll," The letter came out in a long pleasured hiss, "I _need_ you." L paused, pulling away to look at Light.

"What?" He asked confused. His hand was still on Light, but it wasn't moving. "You need me to what?" Pulling back, Light met L's gaze steadily though his heart pounded with the sudden fear of rejection.

"I need more, of you... of this... I need you..." Averting his eyes now Light said in a small voice, "I... um... would like to have sex with you." Light would have sworn before then that blushing that hard would be impossible but if the heat in his face was anything to go by it was. L bit his lip nervously. That was a big step. After a moment, he nodded nervously, shaking as he leaned forward and kissed Light with trembling lips. Light returned the kiss with all the need he could put into it before breaking the kiss; his eyes giving away his relief. "I suppose you wouldn't want to bottom this time," Light mused. "L, could you grab that bottle of lotion? I think I might have to lead you through the first part." L nodded and moved to grab the lotion.

"What- what happens now?" He asked, giving the lotion to Light. He was incredibly nervous, and shaking. He wanted to do something for Light, to help him with his 'problem', but he wasn't sure that he wanted to go so far so quickly. Still... Light wanted this, so he'd get it. Sensing L's nervousness Light pushed the bottle back to L, feeling disgusted with himself. Sighing Light pushed L off him.

"L you're not ready. I shouldn't be pushing you so fast." Light smiled at L softly. "I guess I keep forgetting that I am a hormonal teenager sometimes. You should be doing this for yourself, not just for me.

L bit his lips and nodded, "I'm sorry..." He blushed deeply and looked away, "We can still…" he cut himself off, "I mean, if you really want to... If it means we can still..." He was afraid that Light wouldn't want to do anything more with him if he refused. Light kissed L reassuringly.

"L I wouldn't let you even if you tried. I can wait but for now I guess we will have to be a little bit more creative."

L nodded, "I want to." He said, moving his hand gently. He fingered the slit slightly, wanting to make this pleasurable for Light. "How can I make this better?" He asked.

"Hmmm, just go with what feels natural," Light said trying to sound reassuring as he attempted to stay focused though he was quickly losing interest. Nodding, L removed his hand as he leaned his head down, swallowing before licking the tip. It was salty, and he found he liked it. Leaning down, he took the length into his mouth slowly, hoping he was doing it right. Light let out a low moan, stunned by L's actions. The softness and heat of L's mouth was intoxicating and he fought to retrain himself from thrusting into L's mouth. The moan definitely made L feel like he was doing something right. He started to suck gently, trying to get Light deeper. After a moment, he began to choke slightly and pulled away, coughing.

"Sorr,." He mumbled and Light rolled his eyes.

"Be careful ok? Don't try... and take too much in," Light scolded panting softly. L nodded, giving him a second before leaning in and starting again. He sucked then hummed. Light let out a gasp as the vibrations ran through him causing him to shudder. "Lllll," Light moaned again and his hands reached down to grasp L's shoulders tightly. L wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not, but still, he continued. If it was more obvious that Light wanted him to stop, he would. He hummed some more. "Soooo... ahhhh... goood," Light mewled, his grip tightening. L smiled as much as he could, glad that Light was enjoying it. But now his mouth was beginning to ache. He reached his hand around, pumping the parts that he couldn't reach. "Can't hold... on much... longer," Light panted, sweat beading on his face as he was nearly at completion. L nodded, bobbing his head up and down as he hummed louder and sucked harder. The breath caught in Light's throat as he reached his peak and he let out a hoarse scream as he released, his body shuddering slightly.

Swallowing on instinct, L waited until it seemed to have stopped before pulling away, licking his lips. He'd never tasted anything like this, it wasn't nice, but it wasn't disgusting either. Wiping his mouth, he looked at Light, wanting to kiss him, but not sure if Light would want to taste what was likely still all over his mouth. Light moaned at the sexy sight L presented and not even noticing L's hesitation pulled the man into another demanding kiss. The taste of himself on L's lips, while not wonderful was very erotic and Light's tongue sought to taste every inch of L's mouth. L blinked a few times before closing his eyes, leaning closer to Light. He pulled back after a moment and smiled softly.

"So I didn't do anything wrong."

"No... Why? Did you think you had?" Light asked sounding confused.

L looked away, blushing slightly, "I don't know. I've never..." He shook his head, turning back to Light to give him a rare smile. "You seemed to like it..." Light smiled back.

"Do you want me to take care of you now?" Blushing, L nodded before looking away. He then leaned forward to kiss Light deeply. Light returned the kiss slowly before moving down to take L's erection into his mouth, one arm slung over L's waist to hold L down. The other hand swept down to cup L's testicles and gently rolled them between his fingers. L moaned deeply, unable to restrain it. His hands fisted the blankets beneath him.

"Hmnngn." Light sucked at the head gently at first, before tentatively taking more of L into his mouth so that the tip brushed against the back of his mouth and hummed. L's breathing increased rapidly and opened his eyes. They slid closed again due to the sight he saw. He was afraid that looking at that would drive him to completion early. "Nghn, Liight..." He was having trouble not thrusting into the other, wanting more friction. Scrapping his teeth along L slowly, Light removed his mouth completely.

"L... Look at me..." Panting, L did as he was told, his glazed over eyes meeting those of Light. Smirking, Light's eyes held L's as he returned to his previous task licking and sucking L fiercely, occasionally allowing his teeth to graze the sensitive flesh gently while his free hand moved to stroke the base. L's eyes closed again as he held back a moan. He couldn't watch- that would send him over the edge. "Watch me..." Light growled again. Gasping, L shook his head, his eyes tightly closed.

"C-can't," He managed to get out breathlessly, "I'll come."

"I want you to. Please?" Light purred. L opened his eyes, trying very hard not to close them again. After a few seconds, he cried out, his eyes closing as a wave of pleasure hit him, throwing him over the edge. Gasping, he kept his eyes closed, riding out the pleasure. When he finally opened his eyes, he was panting heavily, looking at Light. Light licked the taste of L from his lips, grinning.

"Beautiful..."

L smirked and shook his head, "Not likely," He mumbled. His breathing was evening out now, but the boneless feeling was still there. Crawling up the bed, Light kissed L tenderly before pulling away.

"We better get ready and go down stairs before they start looking for us."

L nodded in agreement, but couldn't get his body to co-operate. He tried moving, but all he managed to do was curl up on himself and close his eyes.

"'m tired," He said within a sigh.

"L, what do you want me to do? I can't go downstairs to work..." Light grinned impishly, "…and you're too tired to get up."

"Carry me," L said with a small smile. "Or at least, come here," he held out one hand, beckoning for Light to come closer. Sighing, Light lay down next to L again and waited. L fell asleep almost instantly, holding onto Light with one hand and sucking his other thumb. Smiling gently at the cute image, Light lay in thought until he joined L is slumber.

* * *

**So what did you think? And for those who read MIADWP have you started to notice the differences yet? Also if you are interested in role play Interstella has set up a site to try and get together a site where people can find other role players so PM her if your interested. I also happen to have a poll up at the moment so if you could vote it would be appreciated. Thanks for reading and chapter 3 should be up next week.**


	3. When In Doubt Eat Pizza!

**Hi****, sorry for updating late, but yesterday I just had a huge mental blank and completely forgot to update. Well at least I have checked over this one earlier so it should be ok. Hope you all like chapter 3.**

* * *

Several hours later, L awoke to hear banging on the door. Grumbling slightly, he gently nudged Light.

"Someone's at the door," He mumbled, "Can't answer it... naked." Grumbling, knowing he wasn't much better, Light quickly pulled on some clothes before opening the door just enough so he could be seen.

"Hello?" It was his father. Slightly angry, and more than a little worried, Soichiro Yagami pushed his way into the room.

"Light, where have you been? We've been worried about you and-" And that's when he noticed L, sitting up blearily, rubbing the sleep from his eyes- the picture of innocence, save the nudity and mess on the bed. Going a bright crimson, Soichiro turned to his son, "What is going on!" He then looked at L before turning back to Light, "Is he taking advantage of you?" He asked, instantly blaming L. L just pouted, keeping his mouth shut- instead, listening to find out what Light would say.

"Dad, how can you even imply that?" Light said sounding annoyed. "Anyway it's none of your business till I make it your business. We're both fine." With a lot of effort Light finally managed to push his father out of the room. "Don't just barge in next time." Pale and shaken, Soichiro nodded. L smiled softly at Light, reaching his arms out, gesturing for him to join him. He yawned largely before talking.

"What are we going to tell them?"

"Well it's up to your really," Light replied sitting next to L, still getting used to the cute sleepy L he was now seeing. "I mean you have more at stake than I do."

L shrugged, "I don't mind. I disappear at the end of every investigation- remember. It's your choice what happens." Light stiffened at L's words and the implied meaning behind them.

Lying down on his side Light said, "I think I will take a nap." L nodded, climbing beside Light and curling close to him. He wasn't used to this, but this was how he was supposed to act, right? Besides, he liked being cuddly- it was a new experience. Light shifted away from L slightly, trying to make it seem natural before pretending to sleep though his mind was to full to actually manage. Light's movement hurt L slightly, but he figured he was being too clingy. After about an hour of attempting to sleep, and being unable, he sighed and sat up, sitting like he normally did, he watched Light sleep.

After a moment, he frowned, "Are you still awake?"

"Yeah..." Light replied sighing.

L sighed softly, "What is happening between us?" He asked softly.

"I don't know... Something..." Light turned over as he spoke to look at L. "Whatever it is... I hope it continues." L smiled at Light.

"Me too," He said softly, "Though I have no idea what to do next..." He was trying to explain how confused he felt. With another sigh, he lay back down, staring at the ceiling.

"What do you mean?" Light asked gently.

"I have no idea." L said softly, looking at the ceiling still. "I've never... never been in such a situation... I don't know what happens next."

"Just go at your own pace and only do what feels natural." Light smiled at how cheesy he was being. "I mean if that is being with me then that is great... but... Don't force your self to do anything just because you haven't experienced it. The way we both grew up we may as well have been born on different planets." L nodded, laughing slightly.

He turned onto his side and put his head on Light's chest, slightly nervously, "Am I allowed to do this?"

"Sure" Light said grinning before lifting his hand to stroke L's hair. "If I can do this." Nodding, L brought his hand up and gently stroked Light's chest.

After a few minutes, he pulled away slightly, "We need to have another shower..." he muttered, smiling slightly.

"Yeah, the last one didn't exactly work in getting us clean."

"Sorry," L mumbled softly, blushing deeply. He stood up heading for the bathroom. "We should go join the investigation some time today..." Following L, Light swooped down to plant a kiss on L's cheek.

"You look cute when you blush." Once Light had closed the door he quickly rid himself of the clothes he had hastily thrown on and walked into the shower. L blushed even deeper at Light's compliment, but he shook his head and got rid of it- most of it. He walked into the room and into the shower. He started cleaning himself, trying not to look at Light as he would probably end up getting all excited again. Light followed L's example and started washing himself, his eyes focused on the wall in front of him.

After washing, L dried himself and wrapped a towel around him. He then turned. Wishing he hadn't, he swallowed deeply. Light was still naked. Getting light-headed, he sat on the toilet seat. Slowly, Light pulled up his boxers and pants, his but wiggling slightly as he did so. After he finished he pulled on his shirt and leaving it open he turned to face L. L swallowed again before standing. Smiling slightly, he gestured to the door.

"My clothes are on the other side..."

"Well are you going to get them?" Light asked, flicking the wet hair out of his face.

"That is up to you," L said, "They may have differing opinions on the matter, and what they think, doesn't matter to me." Light turned to look L dead in the eyes, his heart racing.

"Will... will we still be together after the Kira case?" L paused for a moment, thinking.

"I don't know," He said softly, "As it is right now, I don't think so." Light felt anger well up inside him disguising the pain well.

"Then, I guess not. I mean they would just be making a big deal over nothing. Let's go down stairs before they send someone up again. L stayed where he was, looking at Light.

"Do you... want to?" He asked, somewhat surprised.

"What do you mean do I want to?"

"Do you want to stay with me?" L asked, keeping his usual emotionless voice. "I didn't think you'd want to." He looked away, hiding his face. Light turned his head away in hopes that it would make him less vulnerable, but his voice still came out in a whisper.

"Yes... Of course I do. You're the first person who can even begin to understand me..."

"I thought you…" L shook his head, "We can discuss this later. It's now nearly two in the after noon. We're eight hours late for work..." Light gave a tight grin in response.

"I hope Matsuda hasn't destroyed everything while we have been away."

"Matsuda deserves more respect than he gets- or at least, that's what I think until he does something else stupid..." L said with a small smile. "Shall we?" He gestured to the door. Light slipped through the door a head of L. Luckily the task force didn't seem to have noticed their entrance just yet. A dark liquid on the floor, that smelled very much like coffee showed Light just what Matsuda had been up to. L sat at his normal place, avoiding the coffee on the floor. He booted up his computer and carried on working as if nothing had happened. He found, however, that he was unable to concentrate. He kept thinking about what Light had insinuated before. Thinking about what he had said. Did he want to be with him? L had thought that Light had only been letting off steam. After all, L had pretty much forced him into it the first time. He still felt a little bad about that. Light however found it much easier to concentrate and pushed everything he had into trying to catch up on what he had missed earlier, refusing to think for a second on what he and L had been discussing.

* * *

After a few more hours, L sighed and gave up. He looked at the pile of sweets in front of him and frowned as he realized that he hadn't eaten a single one. Slowly, he picked up his fork and began to dig into a slice of cake. Half way through, he started to feel queasy, so he put his fork down and slid the sweets away. Light, who felt the movement, looked up.

"L, are you feeling ok?"

L shrugged, offering Light a small smile. "I am fine," He lied before glaring at his food. What was with him today? He'd slept more today than he did in a week, and he wasn't eating. He was getting nauseous just thinking about eating his normal food.

"L, you haven't even touched anything sugary today..." Light trailed off before looking at the bowl beside him and taking out some grapes. "Do you want some of these? Maybe they might make you feel better." L frowned again, wrinkling his nose slightly at the offered fruit. He'd only eaten fruit when it was mixed with something sweet. None the less, he took one and tried it. It tasted...sweet, but not like sweets. He refused to take any more. Instead, he called Watari and had him order some food. "What do you feel like eating?" he asked the team. After getting several answers, he had Watari order Pizza- something nobody had suggested. Light didn't bother to act surprised, but instead focused on his work again while he waited.

When the pizza arrived, L sent Matsuda to go and get it. When he returned, L divided up the pizzas. There was a Hawaiian to be shared between L and Light. L took the first slice and sniffed at it- unsure. After a moment, he took a bite. The slice was gone in less than a minute. He wasn't used to the food, but it was good. Light smiled as he watched L eat something that wasn't loaded with sugar before taking a piece himself and slowly eating it.

"So L, what do you think?" L swallowed his bite before answering, picking up another slice and regarding it.

"It is...interesting..." he mumbled, "Not quite as sweet as the food I'm used to, but nice none the less. And it has made my queasiness dissipate."

"I'm glad," Light replied, not trusting himself to say anymore. After another two slices, L left the pizza alone, having eaten enough. He felt strange. It took him a moment to realize that he was tired.

Standing, he turned to the others, "Let us retire for tonight," He mumbled, "Please take the rest of the evening off." He told the rest of the team. Light watched as the rest of the team forwarded out of the room quickly and followed L back to their room.

"It's strange. I'm usually the one getting tired."

"I blame you," L mumbled, stifling a yawn. He shuffled his way to the bedroom and fell onto the bed. "I'm not used to this sort of... exercise..."

"Uh-huh," Light sighed. "Can I at least clean my teeth first?" Sighing, L nodded and stood. He made his way to the bathroom and also cleaned his teeth. When Light finished he followed L back into to the bedroom to get changed before sitting on the bed casually. L lay down, staring at the ceiling for a moment.

"What now?" He asked, not looking at Light.

"I guess we sleep," Light replied, deliberately misinterpreting L's words.

"Light..." L mumbled, "That's not what I meant. We should talk..."

"You know that opening has a history of being jinxed?" Light responded. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Us," L answered. "I have no idea what's happening between us. Enlighten me, please. Tell me how far you want this to go..." He rolled over so that he was facing Light. His knees were pulled up into a more comfortable position and one of his hands was under his head. The other, the one with the chain attached was on the bed between them. Light mirrored L's position on the bed, looking thoughtful for a moment.

"I guess I haven't really had much of a chance to think about it," Light said honestly. "I keep trying to tell you what it is that's between us, but I really don't understand it myself much either."

"What I mean..." L started slowly, "is what is..." he gestured between them, "this? Purely physical... or more?"

"It's never been..." Light paused for a moment to correct himself. "...Well to me it has never been just physical. Your mind fascinates me and I think I could probably spend hours just talking to you."

"Do you love me?"

"It's too soon for that, but I really think I could," Light answered as honestly as he could. L blinked a few times, staring at Light. He was unsure of what to say to that. Instead of responding with words, he moved forward to kiss Light deeply. Light pressed back into the kiss for a moment before breaking it. "Look L, I know you are new to this so you don't have to reply straight away but I wanted to be honest with you."

Flushed, L nodded slightly, "I am unsure what to do..." He said softly, "I want to stay with you, but I fear that I may be unable." Now Light was the one not sure of what to say. Instead he turned over so that he was curled up against L's chest, wanting to be as close to L as possible. L gently stroked Light's hair. "I've never felt like staying with someone before... I know I can't stay here- so even if we were to stay together, you would have to leave your family. I won't ask you to do that." Light felt like purring under L's gentle caress.

"I'm not pretending that I know for sure what I will choose when the time comes but maybe... I would let them go if it meant I could stay with you. I love my family, I always will but they have never understood and I always feel like I am expected to behave in a certain way. Be... perfect."

"You are. Aside from the god-complex and Kira thing," L mumbled, amending himself with that second sentence. He sighed softly, "I doubt you would leave your family for me. I know I'm not very easy to live with- something Mello and Matt both constantly tell me."

"I'm not perfect, I just pretend to be. As for me leaving with you, if I feel this way about you after only being together for two days then the thought of being away from you may be no thought at all."

L let out a breath before speaking again, "I think we should sleep now... I'm not sure what is going on between us, but time will tell... I hope."

"L, what ever it is scares me... and is the greatest thrill of my life." Snuggling up to L, Light whispered, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight..." L replied, but he found he was unable to sleep. His head kept spinning, reminding him about Light.

* * *

Light woke up again and hour later and gazed up at L's face.

Yawning he said, "why are you still awake?"

L shrugged, "Couldn't sleep. Go back to sleep." He told him, "I assure you, I'm quite used to lack of sleep."

"Are you sure? You were the tired one earlier so if there is anything that I can do that will help you sleep?" Light asked his arms still curled around L. L tensed slightly, his eyes closing at those words.

"Please don't tempt me." He mumbled, "We'll never get out of bed." Light felt the sudden tension and looked at L's face confused.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Light," L started breathlessly, "The only way I've ever been able to get help sleeping, is what we did last night- and today..." he mumbled with a blush. He turned so that he could see Light better in the partial light from the city outside. "And if we keep doing that, I fear that we'll never stop." Light bit his lip at the breathlessness of L's voice.

"I was just wondering if you wanted a warm, sugar free drink or something."

L shook his head, "It doesn't work," He mumbled, turning onto his back. "Like I said, the only thing that works-" he shook his head and smiled tightly, "Just go back to sleep." He reached forward to gently caress Light's face. Light nuzzled the hand, smiling at L sleepily.

"It just makes me feel bad that I'm sleeping and even though you're tired too, you can't."

L laughed slightly, "You should get used to the idea. I don't sleep often." He leaned forward and kissed him lightly before lying on his back. "Now go to sleep." Resting his head on L's shoulder, Light did just that. L just spent the night watching Light sleep, but before morning, he himself had fallen asleep, completely comfortable.

* * *

When Light awoke the next morning he smiled as he heard L's steady breathing, letting him know the other was still asleep and tried not to move. His head had moved down to rest on L's chest at some point and the rhythm of L's heart was relaxing to listen to. After half an hour or so, L blinked his eyes open, shifting his position slightly. He smiled at Light and stretched slightly.

"Ohayo." He mumbled.

"'morning. I'm glad you got some sleep."

L nodded, "It's a strange feeling to be rested." He smiled softly and sat up. "I think we should get to work on time today," He said softly.

"Definitely; we can't leave everyone else to solve the case." Light replied as he was forced to sit up also.

"They couldn't, even if they tried." L mumbled. After yawning, he got out of bed. "However," he mumbled, "I'd like to..." he climbed back on the bed, slightly straddling Light as he leaned forward and kissed him deeply. Light responded to the kiss but tried not to get too into, afraid that it may cause L to have a problem. Frowning, L pulled away, "Are you alright?" He asked, noticing the hesitation. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked. Leaning in, Light kissed L firmly before breaking the kiss.

"No it's just I don't want to have a repeat of yesterday when we really should be going to help the others." L nodded, pulling back slightly.

"I think I could fall for you," He mumbled before standing and walking to the dresser. He pulled out some clothes. Light smiled contently as he did the same, picking out a brown long sleeved turtle neck shirt and black jeans. L looked at Light and smiled before the smile faltered. He wasn't sure what he would do if he found out that Light was Kira. "Let's just find Kira." Light pretended to ignore the falter and led L into the bathroom and waited for L to uncuff him so he could remove his shirt. Once he had removed it he obediently re-attached the cuff before removing his pants. L made sure that he wasn't facing Light when he started to change. He quickly changed himself and kept looking away. Once Light had finished getting dressed he walked over to the mirror to correct his hair before turning to face L.

"I guess I'm ready." Nodding, L turned back around and gestured towards the door. He then began to walk that way, not bothering with his hair. He stayed silent as he made his way down the multiple flights of stairs. "Do you mind if I have something to eat first?" Light asked politely, not feeling comfortable eating in front of the rest of the taskforce.

Pausing, L nodded, turning to Light, "What would you like to eat?" He asked. His own stomach rumbled, but he didn't feel like eating.

"I don't know what can I have?" L shrugged and moved them to the kitchen in their room. He moved to the fridge and opened it, feeling nauseous at the sight that greeted him.

"Uh, cake," He mumbled, "We have a lot of that. And some apples..." He shrugged, "Nothing more than that."

"I'm surprised you have apples L," Light laughed. "On the other hand I can't stand cake so I guess apples will have to do."

"Watari was trying to make me eat healthier," L mumbled. He reached into the fridge and pulled an apple out and tossed it at Light before closing the fridge. "Can you eat while we walk?"

"Sure," Light replied before taking a careful bite out of the bright green apple. "Why green though?"

"Red apples freak me out," L mumbled, "Remind me of clowns." He smiled softly before heading down to the stairwell. "Don't you like red apples?"

"I like apples full stop," Light said grinning.

"Shinigami," L joked slightly. "I've never tried apples." He mumbled as they entered the work room. He sat in his normal seat.

"Ha-ha," Light replied sourly and took a seat beside L. "I would ask if you wanted to try it but I don't think you would want to try this one." Light continued referring to his mostly eaten apple. L looked at the apple before leaning forward and taking a bite.

Chewing it over a little, he swallowed before frowning, "Odd taste," He said softly, "Needs more sugar." He mumbled with a smile, only now realizing that he was still close to Light. He smiled again before pulling away. Light swallowed, stunned by L's rather bold gesture and numbly placed the apple in the bin.

"I didn't think you would actually do it," Light choked out finally. L blinked softly, cocking his head to the side.

"Why not?" He asked. He looked at the bin where the apple was thrown, thinking it was a little of a waste.

"I just... didn't." L shrugged and turned back to his work. But he moved closer to Light, slowly without people noticing. He was moved so close that his arm brushed Light's as he typed. Light felt the soft caress as he continued to work, his arm tingling at the point where L's arm grazed against his own and he felt his cheeks heat slightly.

"I'm telling you," Matsuda was saying in a tight whisper, "Something's going on between Ryuuzaki and Light."

Soichiro shook his head, "Matsuda, you should concentrate on your work." L sighed softly, glancing at Light without moving his head. He wondered what Light would do about this, so instead of interfering, he pretended to ignore the others in the room. Light kept his head down also, as he forcefully recalled the conversation he and L had that night. He didn't even notice how hard he had bit his lip till a sharp jab of pain alerted him to the fact that the inside of his mouth was bleeding slightly. L frowned but continued with his work. He kept risking glances at Light as Matsuda continued to talk in a 'quiet' whisper.

"L? Is there something you want to tell me?" Light asked getting annoyed now that he was aware of L looking at him.

L shook his head, "Not that I can think of," He mumbled, keeping his ears on the rest of the team.

"Then why do you keep looking over at me like you expect me to be doing something?" Light hissed back, just loud enough for L to hear.

"I am merely observing your reactions to the conversation taking place behind us." L replied simply, trying not to show his concern for the other.

Light sighed. "I should have known that Matsuda would be stupid about it. I'm glad that my dad hasn't said anything though."

"Are you alright?" L asked.

"Yeah of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?" Light replied.

L shook his head, "I'm not sure," He sighed softly, "I am becoming quite irritated with their speculating... it is getting quite unnecessary..." Matsuda was now questioning which of the two were on top.

"Yeah, well unless we actually plan on still possibly being a couple even after the Kira case, then I don't see why we should let everyone know. Matsuda can speculate all he wants but it's not like anyone is going to listen to him apart from my dad who isn't talking anyway."

"So if we were to remain a couple, you would want to tell them?" L asked softly, cocking his head to the side as he looked at Light, turning his chair to do so.

"Of course I would. It's not like I am embarrassed or anything," Light answered confidently. L nodded, thinking for a moment before standing, his chair rolling backwards as he stepped forwards. He leaned closer to Light, placed his hand under his chin and tilted it up so that he could place his lips against Light's.

There was silence in the room, and L was sure that everyone was staring at them. Gently, he pushed closer to Light, one hand still under his chin, and the other on his chest, palm flat against him. Light breathed in sharply at the sudden kiss, his eyes wide as he stared at L the silent message sinking in quickly. Tilting his head, Light chastely kissed back, trying to block out the fact that his fathers co-workers were now openly staring. After a second, L pulled back, looked at Light then sat back down on his chair, turning to the computer screen. Not saying a word. Light smiled at L gently before returning to work himself.

* * *

**So what did you think? I am really sorry I updated late but it would be very appreciated if you review.**


	4. Getting Dirty

**Very sorry that I haven't updated in ages, I have just been busy and when I wasn't being busy I was being lazy and reading or writing other stories. I am really glad that people are enjoying this story so much and I think this chapter should make up for the lack of updates… I hope.**

* * *

Ten minutes later, everyone was still staring at Light and L and Light was getting annoyed. He turned around and looked at the rest of the team.

"Problem?" he asked. Light turned around also to see what was going on. Matsuda was staring, mouth agape, and Soichiro was glaring at L. L just looked at them and they all looked away. L stared at them for a moment before returning to work. After a few more moments, he sighed and stood. Glancing at Light, he tugged on the chain and walked towards the door. Light stood and followed L, sparing the others a glance as he walked past. Once they were out of the room, L sighed, his shoulders relaxing.

"I think your father disapproves," He mumbled.

"Well there was always the possibility that he would but he will get over it eventually or he won't," Light said, and walked over to sit on the bed. L looked away, slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry I had to do that," He mumbled. "I don't know exactly what's going to happen after the Kira case is solved, but..." He shook his head, sitting down on the bed and saying nothing more. Light smiled and leant his head against L's shoulder.

"That's ok." L looked at Light blinking. He moved so that he could kiss Light softly. He didn't know why, but he seemed to like doing that.

"So what happens now?" he asked softly, "and what happens when you regain your memories of being Kira?" Light pulled away, he could barely even look at L.

"That's always going to be between us isn't it?" Pulling his knees up to sit in a very L like pose, he sighed. "I doubt that even if I was to become Kira 'again' I could hurt you and continue."

L chuckled, "so I've changed the way that the 'great and bountiful god' Kira thinks?" He shook his head and laughed again. He threw himself back so that he was lying on the bed. His hands were spread out either side of him and he sighed. "Your father dislikes me now," He mumbled, "And I think Matsuda was scarred for life..." He raised his hand in the air and looked at it for a moment before letting it drop, "And I can't concentrate properly. I just keep thinking about... Well let's not get into that." He cut himself off with a small blush.

"I always thought this way and if I was Kira it was only because I was brainwashed." Light lay down on his side so that he fit snugly against L's body. "As for my father, he will get over it or he won't and well Matsuda... I doubt it. Especially considering what he was asking about." Light finished with a laugh.

L blushed. "Yeah... it seems like he knows what he's talking about..." He mumbled before turning to Light. "…More so than I do." His heart began to race as he realized how close Light was, and he wanted to do something- but he wasn't sure what. He was close to kissing Light again, with more passion, but he held himself back. He'd been doing that a lot.

"So L, what do you want to do now?" Light said, his hand coming to rest on L's chest. L swallowed and closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing.

"I'm not sure..." he mumbled, "But I know it has something to do with kissing..." Leaning forwards Light pressed his lips against L's, gentle as he breathed in his warm scent before he pulled away.

"Like that?"

"Hmm," L mumbled as if thinking, "Maybe... more...?" He hinted. Light kissed L with more passion this time, opening his mouth and drawing in L's tongue to play with his own. L moaned softly, moving his tongue against Light's. He moved himself so that he was closer to Light. His eyes were closed and his heart was thumping in his chest. He pulled away slightly to talk in between kisses, "Yeah- More." His hand slid into Light's shirt, gently caressing the skin underneath. "Maybe- even- more." He panted between kisses. Light let a moan in response and buried his fingers in L's hair, allowing L to take it as far as he was ready. L wasn't sure what else to do, but he let his instincts take over. He moved so that he was on top of Light, straddling him. He deepened the kiss and his other hand joined the other. He let one snake up and the other down. He gently started to rub Light's nipple while his other hand gently caressed his stomach. He pulled back from the kiss and started on Light's neck. Light gasped before small mewls of appreciation began to stream from his lips, Light used the hands which had knotted in L's hair to pull him closer, loving the feel of L's hands and lips on him.

L pulled away and looked at Light, "I honestly have no idea…" Kiss, "…What is supposed to…" kiss, "…Happen next…" He kissed Light again before pulling back, "…Teach me."

"Are you sure?" Light asked, biting his lip but not sure whether it was from nervousness or desire. Nervous, L nodded, and swallowed. He kissed him softly and rolled them over so that Light was on top. He kissed him again before lying down and staring at Light. Light sat up and looked at L beneath him before sighing and pulling away.

"L, I don't think you're ready yet. One day doesn't change that."

L frowned deeply, "You were quite willing yesterday," He pointed out, "And I am ready..." He leaned up and pulled Light into a kiss.

"I want you to know at least the basics of what it is we will be doing," Light said as they broke the kiss. "I'm sorry but I still feel disgusted at myself for trying to force you into this when you aren't ready."

"You're not forcing anyone," L said, pulling him back again. He broke the kiss to speak, "I want this. I want you."

"You don't even know what 'this' is."

"I know enough." L was being stubborn. He leaned up and kissed him again. When he pulled back he thrust his hips up, "I know enough to know I want to trust you- to feel you- to be whole with you." Light looked at L amazed. Getting off the bed he grabbed the bottle of lotion from the last time and handed it to L and swallowed.

"I didn't think you would want to bottom," Light said and lay down beside L. L looked at the lotion in his hands in a slight confusion.

"So what do I do?" He asked, "How do I prevent injury...?" He remembered what Light had told him before, about what goes where, but he also didn't want to hurt Light. "Talk me through it."

"Well would you like to take my clothes off first?" Light said smiling, pure seduction written across his features, even as the worry still lingered. Licking his lips, L nodded, slowly removing Light's clothes while leaning forward and kissing him deeply. Light moaned into the kiss, returning it hungrily. "Now you..." Light whispered heatedly. L's clothes were gone within a minute and he was hungrily kissing Light again. He pulled back to smile at the other- with slight nervousness.

"N-now what?"

"This is the bit where it gets a bit... dirty," Light said anxiety crossing his face again as he worried that L may not want to go through with it after all. "You have to stretch me first..." L looked at Light, unsure.

"And how-?" He asked, figuring it out in his head, but not wanting to assume something like that.

"You have to put that lotion on your fingers and you have to slowly, one at time, stretch me with them until you have three in me..." Light trailed off, his face a brilliant red. "Then you can... uhhh..." L nodded also crimson.

"I see." Biting his lips, he sighed before squeezing some lotion on his hands. He spread it around before softly pressing one finger against Light's entrance. "Uh, if I hurt you, tell me..." He mumbled before gently pressing inside. His lip was between his teeth in concentration, trying hard not to go wrong. Light tried as best as he could to stay relaxed as the finger wriggled inside of him, feeling rather strange but not painful yet.

"You're doing well so far," Light murmured back. L smiled nervously before changing his movements slightly. He was now coating Light with the lubricant, while still moving his finger from side to side in an attempt to stretch the other. After a moment, he looked at Light, pausing his movements.

"Do I add another?" He asked.

"Yeah you can now," Light replied, getting used to the intrusion. L removed his fingers, putting a little more lubrication on them before placing two fingers inside Light.

"I can't imagine this feels very good," He frowned slightly as his fingers brushed against something that felt slightly different, smoother. Light let out a gasp, pressing instinctively into L's fingers.

"There... just there."

L blinked and pressed back onto that bundle of nerves, "There?" He asked, biting his lips. He looked at Light's face, wanting to see if he was doing it right. Light moaned louder this time, his back arching and his face contorting in an expression of pleasure and lust .

"Y-yes... Yes th-there." The look on Light's face made L even harder. He moaned softly, pressing his fingers into that spot and leaned over, kissing Light deeply. As he did this, he started to move his fingers in a slight scissor motion, making sure to press into that particular spot. Light pants turned harsh as the spot was attacked continuously, his groans swallowed by L's lustful mouth; the pain of the stretch eliminated by the onslaught of pleasure. After a short while, L pulled out of the kiss and paused his movements. He pulled out and placed three fingers inside this time, stretching and making sure to hit that spot. He kissed him again before pulling away.

"Is that- is that enough?" He asked.

"Yeah," Light said. "I want..." Light cut himself off though before he said anymore.

"What is it?" L said as he reached up with his clean hand and gently stroked Light's cheek before he kiss him deeply. Light returned the kiss fervently before he broke it off.

"I want you..." Light whispered, hoping that it wouldn't cause L to back off like last time. Biting his lips, L nodded, moving away slightly and looked around with a small frown. He reached over and picked something up from a draw. Opening the packet, he concentrated and put it on.

"I just... go in?" He asked. Light picked up the bottle and coated the condom carefully.

"Yeah, you do." Taking a deep breath, L placed himself at Light's entrance, pushing in, making sure to go slowly. He moaned softly as he felt the overwhelming tightness.

"You're so warm..." he groaned. Light shuddered and tried to relax as the stretch increased to a burn at the base of his spine and fought to prevent the discomfit from showing. L was a lot bigger than three fingers. L moaned again, leaning his head on Light's chest. "Nngn... Did I do it wrong?" He asked, looking at Light and paused his movements.

"N-no... keep going," Light replied, trying to get used the feeling of L inside of him. L moved further in, sliding all the way before pausing again, pausing to catch his breath. His head was now against Light's chest. He moved out slightly, only to move back in. He changed his angle to hopefully hit that one spot as he pushed back in. Light gasped as he felt L push into him again. He felt himself tense slightly as the pain increased slightly before finally struck true and Light's mind blanked from the pleasure. Instinct took over and L found himself moving out and pushing back in. He started to increase his pace, leaning up to kiss Light. It was so intense, so warm and tight. Pulling out of the kiss he looked at Light.

"Nhnngh..." he tried to speak but found that he couldn't. Light kissed him desperately as the pleasure mounted.

"...Uhhh... please L," Light begged, his body arching up towards L. The feeling of L inside of him, pleasuring him was indescribable.

"W-wha?" L asked, pausing in his movements, "What- do you want?" he asked, moaning softly and panting deeply. "I'll give it to you, anything."

"D-don't stop... More please..." Light asked again, his arms winding around L to hold him closer, the friction of skin on skin feeling amazing and he tightened around L in an attempt to give L more pleasure. L moaned deeply, placing his head against Light's chest as he moved faster.

"I- Can't- can't hold much longer," He warned.

"Neither... c-can I." Light stammered as his legs wound around L tightly, panting heavily as he couldn't stop the sounds that kept flowing from his lips. Moving faster, L brought his hand down to gently grasp Light's member as he kissed him deeply.

"You first," He whispered breathlessly. Light shuddered at the dual sensation of pleasure before letting out a screamed "Llllll" as he came into L's hand, his muscles spasming around L. L came himself with a loud cry as the muscles tightened around him. He sat moaning for a little while trying to catch his breath, collapsing against Light.

"Woah..." he panted, looking up to look into Light's eyes. Leaning up, he kissed him deeply. Light returned the kiss breathlessly as his arms moved up to wrap around L's neck, kissing him with all the passion he could muster. After a moment, L pulled back, panting deeply. "Thank you," He said softly, leaning against him. "I'm going to have to have another shower..."

"We both are," Light replied with faint amusement and kissed L's cheek tenderly. L smiled tiredly, kissing Light again before pulling away.

"Can it wait for us to sleep for a while?" he asked, yawing.

"I wondered if you would ask that," Light replied, pushing L's fringe up slightly as he kissed L's forehead. "Of course," Light then moved to take L into his arms.

L lay comfortably, closing his eyes sleepily. "Thank you," He whispered before falling asleep. Light stroked L's hair as L slept and watched him before he too fell asleep.

* * *

Several hours later, L blinked his eyes open. After he realised that he was in bed with Light, he smiled and snuggled closer to him, yawning softly. His thumb was in his mouth and he smiled softly. Light woke up at the movement, smiling also as he felt L curled around him and he felt… content. After a little while, L sighed.

"We should get up..." He mumbled, "… and shower. And talk to the task force..."

"Yeah," Light said, unsure whether to get up or not.

"I don't want to get up..." L sighed, snuggling closer to Light. He sighed again, "But we must, yes?"

"Would they still even be here?" Light asked cuddling L back. L moved slightly to glance at the clock.

"Because it's nearly seven am. We slept through the night," He mumbled, yawning again. "That's probably the first time I've done that in a long while. What do you do to me?" he asked softly, giving Light a fond smile. Light gave a mock concerned look.

"It seems I tire you out, is that ok?" L sighed as he moved around, leaning closer to Light.

"Yes. It's fine." He smiled softly, "You cured my insomnia, and I don't need to eat so much sugar right now." Light smiled at L lovingly before he rested his forehead against L's.

"So it wasn't just a self induced thing?"

L shook his head, "I-" He shook it again and smiled, "I have dreams when I try to sleep, and end up not being able to. You-distract me." He kissed him softly, "Let's get up and cleaned." He didn't want to talk about his reasons for insomnia.

"Ok," Light said, slightly stunned at being shut out, but decided not to press it. L smiled softly, getting out of bed and heading towards the bathroom, tugging slightly at the chain. Light sighed at the tug and stood, following L into the bathroom. Pulling Light into the bathroom, he gently pushed him against the wall, kissing him.

"Thank you." He said before moving to the shower and turning it on. Light followed L into the shower, kissing him passionately, cupping L's face. Moaning softly, L leaned against him. After a moment, he pulled away to laugh slightly, he moved his head onto Light's shoulder. "Are we going to do this every time we have a shower?" he asked amused.

"No, I just had to return the favour." Light answered with a cheeky grin. "Why do you keep thanking me anyway?"

Smiling softly, L shook his head, "I felt it to be right," He mumbled. He turned under the spray, letting it fall over him. Closing his eyes softly, he sighed and let his stress fall away.

"How do you mean?" Light asked again, as he picked up and bottle of body wash and began washing himself thoroughly.

L shrugged, "I don't know. Anyway, what's going to happen with the task force?" He was trying to change the subject, and he hoped that Light would go with it. He wasn't ready to talk about that yet. Mentally filing that under stuff to ask L later, Light sighed.

"I don't know."

"At least you don't have to introduce me to your father..." L attempted a joke. Sighing, he started cleaning himself before turning to Light and smiled slightly. Leaning forward, he placed his arms around Light and his head on his shoulder. "What is this between us?" he asked, "is it just lust, a short lived thing?"

"If you keep asking me that, I will start to get seriously paranoid that is how you see it as. As for me... I'm falling for you. Harder than I ever thought possible, excepting cheesy romance fiction." Light said in an attempt to break the tension. Smiling softly, L stayed where he was, his arms around a wet, naked Light. He moved his head only slightly as he started to gently lick and nibble Light's neck.

"And what happens," kiss, "when," nibble, "the Kira case," suck, "is over?"

"I think would follow you anywhere if you still wanted me," Light confessed, moaning. L paused what he was doing to place his head on Light's shoulder again.

"Gods, you really know how to talk to a guy, don't you?" He asked with a small laugh. "Do you enjoy making me feel like this?" he asked rhetorically, "Like I'm going to explode and implode at the same time?" Light turned his head slightly to look at L innocently, and batted his eyelashes.

"I don't know what you could possibly mean."

L laughed slightly, punching him gently in the arm. "When I'm around you, I feel like I'm just bursting with energy, but I'm comfortable enough to fall asleep around you. I feel safe enough to sleep, without fear of them-" he cut himself off, changing the subject, "but when you're not around, I feel like something's missing, like my life isn't complete. You've screwed up my mind."

"I know exactly how you feel," Light replied sincerely and turning around he wrapped his arm around L's neck and kissed him lovingly. L leaned into the kiss, moaning softly. He yelped slightly as he felt the water suddenly turn cold.

"Looks like the shower's over..." he mumbled, shutting the water off. "No more sex til the hot water's back on." Light laughed.

"That's good because we _REALLY_ don't have time especially as it makes you so tired." L nodded in agreement.

"And it puts me in a much too good mood. I can barely keep my mind on my work." There was something nagging at him, something big. After falling silent and grabbing a towel, he wrapped it around himself and stood for a moment. When he next spoke, he refused to look at Light, and his words were quiet, saddened, "Part of me is still worried that you're Kira. It makes logical sense..." Light felt himself drop to the floor and the urge to curl up in a tight ball and disappear was a very great temptation. The fact that L wasn't even looking at him hurt even more. He didn't know how they could be together and the more he thought about it the more hopeless it seemed. He just couldn't think of how they could survive if L didn't trust him. L heard Light fall to the ground, and turned, frowning. "Light?" He asked softly moving closer to the other male and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Did you fall? Are you alright?"

"No, I didn't fall." Light mumbled before letting out a short, bitter laugh. "I guess I did in a way though..."

L frowned, trying to make sense of the words. "That doesn't make sense, either you fell or you didn't. And you didn't answer my second question." He bent down beside Light and started to gently check him over for damage. "Are you okay?" Light looked L directly in the eyes a slight frown on his face.

"I don't know." Pausing in his movements, L looked directly at Light for a moment, his dark eyes scanning the male before him, as though he could see exactly what was going on in Light's head. He placed the back of his hand against the young Yagami's forehead, his other hand going behind to check for damage.

"You're not making much sense right now, Light. You may have hit your head. He stood, his slouched figure towering over Light, and made his way to the vastly stocked bathroom cupboard. Rummaging through the items that won't be listed for the sake of space in the page, he took several moments before pulling something out. Returning to his spot on the floor next to (his beloved) Light, he shone, what turned out to be a pen light, into his eyes, first one, then the other. "Your pupils are normal, which means no concussion..." he mumbled under his breath, fully aware that the auburn haired individual could hear him.

"L... L! My head never even touched the floor." Light said flatly. "I just realised something that I wish I didn't." Pausing in his movements, the elder looked at the younger.

"What is it?" he asked, his voice showing the emotion of care to all that knew him well enough to tell (namely Watari and Light). His hands that had paused searching for injury now changed their tactic, almost as if thinking on their own. They moved from gently prodding and poking, to gently stroking and caressing. One of his hands moved down to Light's shoulder, his thumb gently brushing against the firm bone beneath. Light stood.

"I think we should get going, the others are waiting," Light said stiffly.

"Light," L stayed where he was, his figure a gargoyle in the bathroom, watching with eyes that gleamed in the light. "Speak to me," He demanded in a voice that left for certain denial. His manner had changed completely, from a caring lover, to a nervous teenage girl, playing her favourite game of 'he loves me, he loves me not'. "Are you upset because of what I said earlier?" He inquired, "About Kira?" Still, he did not move a muscle, not even to allow his eyes to follow Light's ascent. Light grabbed L's chin and made him look at him, the pain evident in his eyes now.

"I love you..."

"And that is something you wish you didn't realize?" Try as he might, L seemed unable to hide the slight hurt in his voice. The look of pain in Light's eyes, only confirmed what he didn't want to know. He moved his head down, looking at the ground.

"No, it wasn't that which I didn't want to realise, but... I would really rather not say," Light choked out.

"You are fine with figuring out that you love me," It still felt weird for him to say those words, he'd never believed that someone would say those words in truth, not to him. "But you do not wish to say it?" The hurt managed to make its way into the words again. Standing, his body hanging as if it was a puppet on strings, he turned away, "Forgive me, but that does not sound like love." Those words had barely made it out of his mouth when he headed towards the door- no longer wanting to be on the bathroom floor. Light chased after him and wrapped his arms around L so that he couldn't escape.

"I. Love. You. I said it because it is true and I wanted to say it. I however didn't wish to say what I had also realised. I love you ok." Obsidian eyes closed softly as a sigh escaped the pink lips of L. Relaxing into Light's grip, he melted against him, his head lolling against Light's shoulder. Moving his head to the side, he took in Light's scent.

"Yet you don't trust me enough to talk with me..." It was a statement, not a question, a statement spoken on tired lips, from an emotionally exhausted male.

"I'm scared..." Light said honestly. "I don't want to hear what you may tell me." Arms joined Light's, encircling them gently and pulling them tighter around him.

"If there's one thing you can trust, it's that I won't hurt you intentionally." He turned around in Light's arms, being sure that his face was close to the other's. "Whatever it is, you can tell me without fear. I'm just worried about the reaction this revelation had on you." He looked into Light's eyes, trying to explain his own feelings through his own expression.

"I love you, but I don't think you will ever be able to love me back..." Light whispered fear evident. The expression on L's face was grave.

"It's quite possible I already do," He said quietly, leaning closer to the other. "But as I am who I am, I don't know if that's exactly what I feel." His hands were snaking around Light's shoulders, pulling him closer so that he could place his head against his shoulder. "What is love? How is it describable?"

"It isn't, a million songs and stories are written about it, but unless you have felt it you can never get it quite right. What I do know it that one of the most basic elements in love is... trust." Light's voice grew softer and the arms around him felt almost like the cage that L wished to trap him in.

"L. L Lawliet," Those two words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. After he said them, he became tense, every muscle in his body was on fire, telling him to run and hide. Not that that would do much use. If Light really was Kira, then L didn't have long to live at all. And if he wasn't...

L was only sure of one thing. He loved Light. He wasn't sure on whether or not to tell him, or even how to do so. Shock caused Light's legs to give out again and he collapsed on the floor, his eyes wide and breathing harsh.

"Your... n-name," Light stuttered, "I... I don't know what to say... Thank you... Thank you so much." Light had tears in his eyes now which he ignored and instead hugged L's legs tightly. L was still frozen solid, in complete disbelief of what he'd said. Slowly, his muscles started to loosen and he began to tremble, and he stared straight ahead, as if not even noticing that Light was still there. Light took L's hands pressed his lips to them gently and waited for L to come out of his trance. L blinked once, then twice. He then moved his head slightly to stare at Light completely.

"I just..." He couldn't even say it. "My name..." he couldn't put the sentence together. After a moment, he swallowed deeply and smiled shakily, "Just don't kill me with it," he attempted at a joke before leaning forward. Removing a key from his back pocket, he undid the chain. There was no need for it anymore. If Light was Kira, L would die. No matter what. And if Light wasn't, L was safe. Light watched stunned as the chain fell away before his gaze rose to L's face and he had no idea how to react. Stepping forward he cradled L's face in his hands and pressed his lips to L's. His heart was racing a mile a second and it felt like it would explode in his chest from the amount of emotions seemed too much to contain within him. L melted into the kiss, seemingly unsure of himself. After a moment, he pulled away and looked at Light.

"I don't- I don't know what happens next..." he whispered, leaning against Light, still trembling. "Light, I- We should go down to work."

"Yeah sure," Light agreed hugging L to him and rubbed his back to try to soothe the shudders. "L, I will be here for you as long as you want me to be and we can work things out as we go." L leaned back so that he could move his head slightly and kiss Light deeply.

"Don't let me down," He said softly, kissing him again. Light returned the kiss with all the love in his heart.

"I won't," Light pledged fiercely. L pulled away and looked at Light seriously.

"We should really talk to your father..." He mumbled, "If we're going to stay together, then we have to tell him."

"Sure, whenever you want," Light said, his heart bursting with love and pure bliss.

"But what do we tell him?" L asked, "I don't think he'll approve... Especially if I take you home with me... You'll never see him again... Are you sure you're alright with that?"

"Although I would love for him to be happy for me, if he doesn't that won't change a single thing," Light promised. "I can only hope that if he doesn't approve he will come around eventually. I don't want to go back to being alone again now that I know how perfect it is being with you. I will miss my family but not anywhere near as bad as if it was you that I never saw again. I love you L and I want you for always. As for what we will tell him I will tell him that I have fallen for you and that I have decided to stay with you from now on."

"And he'll blame me for brain washing you, no doubt" L uttered tiredly, and a little darkly. Sighing, he smiled softly at Light, "Still, we have to tell him- just one thing- please continue to call me Ryuuzaki. The others needn't know my name." He realized now that he was still holding the chain; he looked down at it and shrugged as he threw it into a corner. He wasn't the one with cleanliness OCD...

Light hugged L tightly. "I love you," Light said again partly to try and reassure L and partly just because he loved telling him. "Anyway if I do slip up and call you L they will just think I am referring to your alias, but I would never give anyone your name. Anyway let's go then."

"I believe the hardest task for today will be keeping my hands off you," L mumbled under his breath in such a way that there was only a 50/50 chance of Light hearing him. Still, he smiled softly and leaned against him before pulling away. "The task force will question the lack of chain, please, allow me to explain to them." Light blushed as he heard L's comment.

"Sure, if you want." L led them down to the work room, taking Light by the hand as if he was a child that had lost his way. Once in the main headquarter room, he sat in his usual chair, but made sure it was closer to Light's than usual. As they were late for work, everybody else was there- including Misa. L barely glanced in her direction as he set to turning his computers on. Briefly, he wondered what she was doing in the work room, and why she wasn't in her own. Then he remembered.

"Light, weren't you supposed to go on a date with Misa today?" He couldn't quite keep the slight hint of hate from his voice as he said her name. Really, how could anyone be so stupid and still be alive? Light sighed.

"Probably, it's the only reason I can think that she would be allowed to be down here for. But then again she hasn't latched onto me the second I walked into the same room as her so that's a first." Misa was staring at the pair, her eyes travelling from L to Light to their still intertwined hands. Honestly, L had forgotten he was holding Light's hand... honest...

L pretended to ignore her, all the while still working on his computer. When it seemed that his computer wasn't booting up very quickly, he decided to have some fun with Misa. She had to be useful for something after all. Turning to Light, he smiled softly- the first smile in the taskforce's main room, and started speaking quietly, in a lovey-dovey voice. Only Light could hear the actual words, but everyone could hear the tone.

"Raito-chan, I'm going to have some fun with Misa now. If you're serious about her in any way, at all, please say so now, and I will leave you be with her." There was a definite threat there, but there was also a question. Did he have permission to break them up? Light gave a soft smile back and gave a small giggle before replying in a tone that would have dentist crying for years because of its sweetness.

"Of course not Ryuzaki, you know that I think she is a crazy stalker."

L's smile increased in size, "Then allow me to kiss you?" He asked. Misa's eyes were growing larger by the second. She couldn't hear what they were saying, but she could hear the tone, and see that they were moving closer slowly. Also, she could never remember seeing L smile, and Light giggling? That was just unheard of.

"How much of a response do you want?" Light replied, fighting to keep the grin from emerging.

"The more the better. Just be careful, or we may end up having sex right here, right now, and I don't think you want your father to see that..." L warned, keeping up his sweet voice. He placed one hand on Light's chest and leaned forward, hungrily taking Light's mouth in his own. The hand that had been holding onto Light's let go to circle his waist as he moved fluidly onto Light's lap, pushing them closer. Light felt a quiver in his stomach like he felt every time that L had kissed him and he returned the kiss passionately though trying to keep the noises down to a minimum. His hands grazed up the sides of L's neck to grip the soft dark hair and pulled L closer. L was distracted by a rather large sounding 'thump'. Pulling away from the kiss regretfully, he looked around to see all the task force (except Soichiro, who had turned his head) staring at them, with Misa in the front in a heap on the floor. Looking at the task force, L silently asked a question.

It was Matsuda who answered, "She-she fainted..." He was still staring at L and Light. This was when L realized that he was still sat on Light's lap. Sighing slightly (for the audience), L leaned his head against Light's shoulder. "Perhaps we could have thought of a better way to tell her we're involved..." he mumbled. His arms were around Light's waist now and he was actually quite comfortable. Light glanced at Misa, looking bored.

"She actually lasted longer than I thought. Now when did you want to have that talk with my dad?"

"Well..." L looked a little embarrassed and squirmed slightly. "Remember that 'problem' that started all of this?" He asked sheepishly, hiding his lap. "Maybe when it goes away..." Light laughed at that.

"Yeah that is probably a good idea though it may help if you weren't on my lap," Light suggested. "I think you should tell them why we aren't wearing handcuffs though before one of them decides to bring it up." L stayed where he was.

"I'm comfy," He muttered in explanation. "And if they bring it up, I'll tell them. If they don't, I won't. They'll trust that I have my reasons, even if my reasons are that I'm 'brain washing' you." He sighed softly, his warm breath dancing across Light's neck. "I have left you plenty of room to escape, have I not? And if you wish to, there's still time." His grip tightened softly, subconsciously. He didn't want Light to go.

"Why on earth would I want to escape?" Light asked incredulously, shivering slightly as the feel of heated air fanning across his skin.

"Because I can be a manipulative, self-centred bastard sometimes?" L said with a chuckle. "And I have no idea how to act in a relationship. Besides that, I don't think your family would approve... Though if it's grandchildren they're worried about, they needn't be." He sighed, "My boys are going to love you." He was smirking slightly, hidden as he was under Light's chin.

"Ryuzaki, how many times do I have to tell you that the only reason I would ever even think of leaving is if you wanted me gone. I don't care that you haven't had much experience and I don't care if my dad or mum don't approve... my sister on the other hand will _LOVE_ you and I will probably have to fight her off with a stick." Light said avoiding the last two comments as he wasn't sure how to respond to them and didn't want to jump to the wrong conclusion about the latter.

"A bit of a fan girl is she?" L asked with a small smile, relaxing completely against Light. "I bet she has every episode of Gravitation..." He pulled away a little to look into Light's eyes. "We're really doing this?" He asked, "You're really going to introduce me to your family, and let me take you to England? From where you'll most likely never return...No matter how much shit the boys put you through...well... one of the boys. The others will leave you alone..." Sure, he shouldn't have been talking about 'his boys' like this, but he figured if he was going to tell Light his name, he might as well tell him everything.

"No, it's not that... well it's not just that..." Light admitted. "...There is just something about you that I think she would like and yes we really are. You will really meet mum and my sister and I will really being going with you to England. I hope that is ok with you."

"I couldn't ask for anything else," L muttered. A polite cough echoed from beside them, and L turned his head to look at Soichiro, who was stood, less than a meter away.

"Is this true?" He asked, keeping his face blank, "Are you stealing my son away?" Light smiled at L before turning his head to look at his father and said in a voice only loud enough for the three to hear...

"Stealing implies that he is taking something that doesn't belong to him. It implies that I would not be leaving of my own free will, when in fact neither are true. L isn't stealing me so much as allowing me to follow."

"He's brainwashed you into thinking that. You're not an adult yet, Light. You're not going anywhere." Soichiro glared at L, "And if you attempt to take him, I will report you for kidnapping."

"I'd like to see you try." L didn't mean to goad, really, he didn't. He honestly would find it amusing to watch Chief of police, Yagami Soichiro try and accuse the detective L for kidnapping. He wouldn't get very far, that was for sure.

"I _AM_ an adult dad, I turned eighteen over five months ago but you have been so busy you didn't even notice," Light yelled. "Also you are being so hard headed that you can't possibly believe that I could be gay and love L." L's grip tightened slightly on Light when he said the word 'love'. It was still hard for him to believe that someone could actually love him. He swallowed deeply and then glared at Light's father.

"I believe we would both prefer it if you were to accept this. But it won't change anything if you don't." L held hold of Light's shirt even tighter now. "Just know that I am not forcing him into anything. I don't even have him in the handcuffs anymore." Soichiro's eyes briefly glanced at Light's and L's wrists, noting, for the first time, the lack of binding.

"..." He didn't want to believe this was happening.

"I'm sorry dad, but I really do love him, even if he is childish and eats nothing but sugar, and I will always love you and mum and Sayu, but I don't think I could bear to be away from him anymore. I have made my decision and I hope you can respect that." Light continued firmly and after a final glare at L Soichiro left. L watched him go and turned to look at Light.

"Are you alright?" He asked softly, caringly. He held onto Light, making sure that he was close, but had enough room to move away if he wanted to.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You're holding me." Light said in an attempt to be cheesy. Smiling softly, L nodded, kissing him softly.

"Now let's work on the Kira case. We have to find the real deal."

"Ok," Light agreed and started up his own computer awkwardly. "As nice as this is, could you get off me so we can work then?" L just turned around where he was, so that he was facing the computers.

"Don't want to." He pouted, knowing that he was being very childish, but he still didn't want to move. He was comfortable where he was thank you very much. Light grinned.

"Fine, but you will have to do my work since I can't."

"You can still see the screen." L pointed out, leaning back so that his head was beside Light's. "The only problem I can see with this position is that I want to kiss you. Now, let's get back to work." He pulled the chair closer to the desk and typed in his username and password on his own computer. Only he would have the password 'L is the best'.

"Yeah well it is very awkward to try and actually use the computer." Light pointed out. L sighed and reached behind him for Light's arms and pulled them under his own so that they were on his keyboard.

Leaning his head back so that he could smile at Light; "Better?" He asked, leaning over and gently kissing under his ear. He then turned around and looked at the computer. "Ah." It had finished loading. Light pouted this time.

"No it isn't."

"Liiiggghhht... I don't want to move." L was still pouting, but he squired slightly, moving closer to Light. He pulled Light's keyboard off the top and placed it in his own lap, then placed Light's hands on the keyboard. "You can see the screen, you can type, and you don't need a mouse to run a computer." He seemed very smug with himself.

"Ryuzakiiiiiii I will have fun watching you work then," Light replied. L dragged his keyboard and mouse in front of him and turned the monitor around. He was quite comfortable working like this. Until he realized that Light's hand was on his lap. And that Light was going to type with it. Still, he'd give it a go. Seeing the problem Light, clumsily picked up the key board and pushed it on to the desk, turning his head so that he wasn't breathing on L. Pulling his own keyboard onto his lap, L began to work. It wasn't long before he was completely taken up in his work. Several hours passed before he blinked his eyes again and looked around. He'd been so absorbed in his work that he didn't realize how much time had passed. He leaned against Light and sighed softly, closing his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Light asked softly, he had never realised how absorbing watching L work could be only to find he had been doing it for hours.

"Exhausted," L mumbled, yawning softly. He moved his head to look around and noticed that the task force had gone. Looking at the time, his eyes widened. "No wonder I need the bathroom..." he mumbled. It was nearly eleven pm. "There should be some hot water now. Let's go get a shower."

"Sure," Light agreed. He actually needed to go too, but hadn't wanted to disturb L while he was so involved in work. L stood, stretching and clicking all the muscles in his body. He grimaced and his hand went to his back, rubbing it softly. He grumbled slightly and headed towards the bathroom. He would've looked back at Light, to see if he was following, but he really needed to pee. As soon as L got off him, Light was quick to try to rub the feeling back into his legs as once he was sure that he wouldn't fall over as soon as he stood up; followed L to the toilet. L relived himself then washed his hands. After that, he turned to Light and smile softly.

"I'm going to go to bed. I'll have a shower in the morning." He then headed towards the room, his hand on his back.

"Hey Ryuzaki?" Light asked popping his head outside the door, "I just need to use the toilet but if you want I can give you a back massage. Your back sounded rather sore earlier." Blushing quite deeply, L nodded.

"That would be... nice." He smiled sheepishly. "That's what started all of this, after all."

Light smiled, "Ok, I will be out in a bit." A couple of minutes later, Light forwarded out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed next to L. "So do you want to lie down so I can start?" Obediently, L lay down on his stomach, turning his head to the side so that he could see Light.

"Before you begin... are you ready to face the consequences for this action?" He asked, laughing slightly. He sounded like some sort of judge. "I mean remember what happened last time."

"Yeah I do, I suppose we will have to deal with that then." Light moved to straddle L's legs and pushed up L's shirt before moving his hands to L's smooth back and kneading it gently, a lot more confident this time now that it wasn't as awkward to be touching L there. Taking in a breath, L let his eyes slide closed. Moaning softly he felt himself relax.

"Hmmnnm, Light... You should be careful. I'll get used to attention like this you know..."

"I want you to," Light replied simply and tried to get rid of the tight knots that had formes in the muscles of L's back. Lights back almost ached too feeling the tension that was held in there. L moaned deeply before replying.

"I don't deserve treatment like this," He said softly, "You spoil me."

"You do deserve it and I spoil you because I love you and I love to see you happy," Light said, not even noticing the warm smile that was on his face as he worked.

"Mmnmgn- There!" L moaned deeply, exclaiming at Light touched a certain spot, just above his ass. He was definitely starting to feel the effect of the other's hands on him – there was a definite swell between him and the bed.

Light pressed a little harder on that spot, working silently to try to ease the L's pain and tried to ignore the moans of pleasure that were raising the hairs on his neck and had his spine tingling.

"Nngnnnm" L's moan was that of pure ecstasy. He couldn't ignore the swelling beneath him anymore and he reached behind him to catch Light's hand as he turned over. His trousers were now incredibly tight and his eyes were lust filled. One thing was for sure, he wasn't so tired anymore. Lights eyes were wide at the sudden movement and gasp escaped his lips as he saw L's expression.

L sat up, leaning forward enough to pull Light into a heated kiss, but before Light could respond, he pulled away and lay back down, unbuttoning his jeans as he did so. The zipper came down next, and then his pants were slid down. All the while, he stared at Light, a look of absolute lust on his face. Light was mesmerised by the look in L's eyes and gulped.

"How do you want to... uh get rid of this problem of yours?" L leaned back up to kiss Light deeply, pulling away only as far as he needed to speak.

"That thing we did last night-" kiss, "the other way around," deep kiss.

Light eyes looked fearful before a sudden gleam sparked in them dimming the still unsettled look, "I have an idea." Light said seductively before slowly unbuttoning his shirt lingering on his skin and trailed his hands to his pants and removing them and took the bottle the night stand. Slowly he coated his fingers and lowered them to his own sphincter and whispered, "Sorry L, but I can't take you," and gently pressed a finger inside.

L watched Light, moaning softly. He reached out and took Light's hand stopping his movements. He leaned forward and distracted Light with a kiss. While this was happening, he took the lubrication from Light and covered his own hand.

Light pulled the bottle away from L and removed L's hand from his own. "Please, I can't... not yet. Let me... let me do this." Light begged and moved to return to what he was doing. "I'm sorry but this is the best I can do right now." Lifting himself up, he guided himself onto L and slowly pressed down. L gasped as the tight warmth enveloped him. Arching into Light, his eyes closed as he moaned softly.

"L-Light..." His body burned for more, more friction, more movement, but he waited for Light to be ready. Light, felt the pain of the stretch as he sank down but ignored it, his eyes squeezed shut. Gradually it faded slightly and he rose up again before pushing himself down harder and faster than before. Soon his pace quickened and he was bobbing up and down on L, feeling his body swallow the stiff erection with each thrust. Moaning louder this time, L moved his hips slightly; trying to change his angle to hit that one spot he knew made Light crazy. He bent his back, trying to lean up to kiss Light. His arms went around his shoulders, moving in sync while reaching up. The change of angles did it and Light almost shrieked in response. Continuing to thrust his hips down onto L, he bent down and caught L's eagerly awaiting lips into a desperate, mind blowing kiss. His breath was rough now as he tried to keep his pace and kiss L and the pleasure was getting more intense by the second.

L's eyes were closed so tightly in concentration, trying not to loose it too quick, that tears were slowly forming. Tears of pleasure, tears of joy. He began rocking his hips faster, trying hard to hit that spot, over and over. Light's moans grew louder with each thrust and he found himself arching his back as he continued. Opening his eyes he bent his head down to watch L's face, now pink and contorted with pleasure and Light loved it.

"Eh... L!" Light panted, he knew that he didn't have much longer and L looked like he had even less. He was close, so very close, but he wanted Light to come first. Panting deeply he reached his hand forward to grasp Light's member, pumping it in time with their movements.

"Ngnn, Light..." Light moaned louder and he soon found himself jerking forwards in time with L's hand.

"Llll... mmm... So close..." Light squeezed down as he thrust harshly onto L, striking dead on. Light saw white as he choked out L's name, spilling all over L's stomach as he came. Panting and still moaning softly, he opened his eyes and looked at Light. He leaned up and kissed Light deeply before falling against him, his eyes closing again.

"..." he didn't know what to say, but he knew he was even more exhausted now. Light lifted himself up off L carefully before lying down beside him and wrapping his arm around L's waist and resting his head on L's shoulder.

L leaned against Light and smiled softly, "I think I've fallen for you," he said softly as he fell asleep, curling around Light and sticking a thumb in his mouth. Light squeezed L to him gently, so as not to wake him and whispered.

"I know I love you."

* * *

**Thankyou for reading chapter four and I hope you have all enjoyed it. As always reviews are very appreciated as I really like to know what the story is getting right or wrong. I will try to update soon next time.**


	5. Ahhh! It's a Monster

**Look at this, I'm updating already. Scary isn't it? Lol I hope you are all enjoying this story so far as there is still plenty more to go. Now onto chapter five…**

* * *

Morning came and L opened his eyes. It seemed that this was going to be an everyday thing- sleeping through the night, waking up naked, with Light. He snuggled closer to Light and smiled softly, looking at his sleeping face. Light's formerly smooth face contorted into a frown and he let out a small whimper as he continued to sleep. Frowning in concern, L gently stroked Light's face, trying to comfort him. Light's arms tightened around L and his head buried into L's shoulder as he let out another cry.

"H-hey," L tried to shake Light gently, "It's okay, wake up." He'd recognised the symptoms of a nightmare, having suffered a few of his own. Gripping Light tighter to him, he tried shaking him again. Light's eyes squeezed shut, not seeming to notice the shaking.

"L... please... don't go," Light whispered softly, still fast asleep. L froze, staring down at Light. His eyes widened and he felt tears rise.

"I won't leave you..." he said softly, "I promise, I'll never leave you." He gently stroked his hair, "I- I lo-love you," he had a small difficulty saying the word, but he was sure that it was true now. And Light couldn't hear him anyway. Finally Light stirred and he looked at L with bleary eyes.

"L?" L's eyes had tears forming and he hugged Light tightly, relived.

"You were having a nightmare," He said, his voice muffled as his face was pressed against Light's shoulder. "I promise I'll never leave you." Light smiled and hugged L back realising that that he too had tears in his eyes.

"Thank you." L leaned back far enough to look at Light and gently caressed his cheek.

"You scared me." He gave a quiet, bitter laugh, "It's strange for it not to be me with the nightmare."

"It's weird since I don't dream much," Light said leaning into the gently hand. L smiled softly and sighed, leaning closer to Light.

"We'll catch Kira today," He said softly, "And then it can be just us." Light smiled back but knew it wasn't possible seeing as they had only just got their first lead. L sat up then, smiling at Light. "I need a shower. If you join me, are we likely to get sticky again?" He didn't act like he was apposed to the idea. Instead, he was smiling softly.

"In don't know, are we?" Light said teasingly and grinned mischievously. L grinned, standing with quite a bit of energy. He reached out and took Light's hand, pulling him towards the bathroom. Once there, he closed the door and pushed Light against it, kissing him deeply.

"I should…" he kissed Light again, "…learn to keep…" and again, "…my hands off you." He pressed his hand against Light's bare skin, glad that they hadn't gotten dressed yet. "It's your fault." He seemed content to kiss Light between every couple of words, "…you make me…" kiss, "…want you like…" kiss, "…nothing before." Light's arms wrapped around L's neck and pulled him closer.

"It's a good thing that I love having your hands on me, and I want you to want me," Light murmured. Moaning softly at the words, L reattached his lips to Lights', his hand reaching down to grasp both their growing erections. He ran his hand up both of them, moving closer to Light. He pulled away with a small laugh.

"It seems like this is all we do." He laughed softly, his head falling on Lights' shoulder and his hand falling away. "I want to know that what we have is more than just sex..."

"Good, because I want you for more than just sex too, however, you are a dating a hormonal, 18 year old male so you have got to expect it," Light laughed and kissed L's shoulder. L nodded and returned to his previous actions, his hand returning to their manhood's and his lips returning to Light's. Light groaned into L's mouth, his tongue wrapping around L's, desperate to taste and to feel. L was instantly as hard as he could get and he moved faster. He moved closer and deepened the kiss. Light felt himself buck against L's hand and used his free hands to hold L to him tightly. L moaned softly, thrusting into his own hand and moving faster. Light freed on hand and moved it to cup the hand that was pumping L's erection and squeezed it gently. Meanwhile sounds of appreciation continued to flow from his lips. A feeling of warmth coiled in L's stomach and he moaned deeply, leaning closer to Light.

"I'm gonna... soon…" he warned, continuing his movements.

"Come for me," Light murmured. Moaning, L did just that, emptying himself over his own hand and Light. Even through the exhaustion that always followed, L managed to keep his hand moving, not wanting to be the only one to enjoy this. Light came a minute later and breathing heavily.

"I don't care what you say... you are beautiful."

"Pfft," L snorted, "Hormone induced craziness." He waved a hand in a circle around his ear, making a coo-coo sound. Laughing slightly, he moved away from Light. "We should wash." He yawned, "We made a mess." Light frowned, bordering on glare.

"You have amazing eyes, your skin is flawless and pretty, but I love it when it is flushed pink and your hair... has a mind of it's own but it is so soft. You are beautiful in my eyes L and I hope that one day you will be able to see it too," Light explained softly. L snorted again, turning to the shower and turning the water on.

He stepped under the spray and let it fall over him before turning around and looking at Light, "You going to join me?" Light rolled his eyes and followed L in.

"You have the sweetest smile and when something strange has happened and you're not quite sure of what to make of it you have the cutest expression. You eat mounds of sugar but I haven't seen any model with nicer teeth and you get away with eating nothing healthy but not gain hardly any weight," Light continued as he washed the gunk off him.

"I secretly binge on apples," L joked, reaching for the soap. "Like I told Misa, if you use your mind, you don't have to exercise- though I do like to play tennis." He started soaping himself and scrubbing.

"I watched you for hours working and wasn't bored for a second," Light said finally and hoped it didn't come out as creepy. L just looked at Light with a 'yeah right' expression. He handed the soap to Light while he rinsed his body down. He then reached for the shampoo.

"_I _get bored with my working," He said.

"Fine, ask anyone in the room. I did nothing but look at you for the entire time," Light challenged as he took the soap and began to wash.

L sighed, "Look, you can say what you want, I'm not saying you're lying, I'm saying you're crazy. There _is_ a difference." He emptied some shampoo directly onto his head and started rubbing it in, his eyes closed to prevent the soap from getting into them.

"So I'm crazy now? Crazy for thinking that the one I love is beautiful. Am I crazy for thinking that you are the most amazing thing I have ever seen? Because if so I guess I'm crazy because obviously you are so damn set on believing the opposite," Light said sounding frustrated, "I will keep telling you until you believe me." Thankfully all the suds were gone and he stepped out of the shower, grabbing a towel to dry himself off. L opened his eyes to look at Light, but unfortunately, the soap wasn't all out of his hair and some moved into his eyes.

"Ow!" He grimaced rinsing his hand under the stream of water and rubbed his eyes furiously. "Pass me a towel," L asked quietly. He hadn't meant to upset Light, really. He just truly didn't believe what he was saying. Light grabbed the hand towel and passed it too L immediately.

"Are you ok?" Light's asked concerned.

Taking the towel, L rubbed his eyes and nodded. He sighed and stuck his head back under the shower, throwing the towel in Light's general direction. "I'm fine."

"That's good, but try to be more careful. I don't want you to hurt yourself," Light scolded gently.

L sighed into the shower and nodded, smiling a little. "It's just a little shampoo. It's not going to kill me." He rubbed the soap out of his hair and made sure that none of the suds were still on his body before stepping out of the shower. He pulled a towel from the rack and started drying himself, not bothering to cover. It felt kind of natural now, for him to be naked with Light.

"Can we do something tonight?" he asked, "Something together...?" He didn't look at Light as he asked, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

"Sure, have anything in mind?" Light asked casually and walked over to stand behind L. Taking half a step back, L leaned against Light.

"I don't know...dinner?" he suggested, smiling at Light through the mirror. "Something... coupley." He shrugged. "I don't know what they do..."

"That sounds... nice. I would really like that," Light replied and hugged L tightly from behind.

"I can cook," L admitted a little sheepishly. "I never had to, but I enjoy it... I can make us something tonight... what would you like?"

"As long as it's not too spicy then I don't really mind what it is. I can help if you would like, my mum used to work night's so I would have to cook dinner for me and Sayu." Finishing dressing, L turned around and stared at Light for a full minute before swallowing deeply.

"Gods, you're beautiful," He whispered as he stared at Light, "You shouldn't wear that to work...it won't stay on for long before I rip them off you..."

"Should I time you?" Light replied teasingly.

"Do you want me to be like that in front of the task force?" L asked with a small laugh. He brought his hand up to wipe his mouth. "Gods, what are you dong to me? Making me horny, unable to concentrate, eating normal food, and now I'm drooling." He laughed again, finally tearing his eyes from Light.

"I guess we better go down stairs," Light replied laughing now too. Light smiled and quickly followed downstairs after his lover. Once in the main work room, L sat on his chair and turned his computer on. Sighing as he started working again.

* * *

It wasn't until about three hours later that he blinked at his screen, completely surprised. "Higuchi..." he whispered, prodding Light in the arm without taking his eyes off the screen. On the screen was a video surveillance of Kyosuke Higuchi the head of technology development of the Yotsuba group. Higuchi was writing in a notebook in the park. L had zoomed in on the words, they were names.

"I've cross-referenced the time of his writing with the time of death. Each person died exactly 40 seconds after their names were written..." How could he have been so careless? To do that in the open...? L turned to look at Light finally, with a small smile on his face, "I told you we'd capture Kira today." Light smiled.

"Ryuzaki, you are truly amazing."

Grinning, L nodded before turning around and talking to the team.

* * *

Several hours later, L was sat in the helicopter, staring at a being beside Higuchi. In his hands, held delicately was a black book, the tool of Kira's work. Unable to handle the curiosity Light grabbed the notebook and a wrenching pain flooded through him as is mind was assaulted by memories and Light didn't even hear himself scream.

"Light!" L exclaimed, "Are you alright?" He gently placed a hand on his shoulder and gently tried to take the book off Light. "What happened?" Sure, the form of the shinigami was shocking, but Light usually kept his composure, he shouldn't be like this. L completely ignored the crumpling form of Higuchi in favour of pressing his hand against Light's forehead. "Are you alright?" He asked again, standing from his seat and checking Light over. His eyes were wide and worried. He was also a little nervous about Light having the Death Note. The boy knew his name, after all. Looking down again and seeing the Death Note, Light all but threw back at L. Light's eyes were full of pain and horror.

"I don't think so... I really don't think so." Taking the Death Note, L placed it on the seat behind him.

"I understand that the form of the shinigami is..." he tried to find a word to describe her, "Incredible, however, I didn't think you'd react like this." His arms were now around Light, pulling him close. He barked orders into his headset, all the while, keeping his arms around Light, trying to comfort him.

"I don't care about the damn shinigami," Light cried and he clung to L like a lifeline.

This caused L to place all of his attention on Light, "Then what is it? I thought you'd be overjoyed that we caught Kira..." Light choked up, and tears began to stream silently down his face. He couldn't say or he would die. Ripping away his headset, L brushed the Death Note off the seat and sat on it, bringing Light with him to sit on his lap. "What is it?" He asked softly, holding him tightly, "please, tell me." Light shook his head fiercely, his cries becoming more and more audible by the second. "Light," L began, talking quietly and comfortingly, "It's okay, whatever it is, you can tell me. I can't help you unless you tell me what it is." By this time, all of the task force had returned to the headquarters already. L gestured to Watari, who was behind them, to take the other stick and take them back. Light just shook his head harder, a headache building from the pressure. "Please," L was starting to get really upset now, worrying about him. "Please, tell me so I can help." Tears were falling out of his eyes now.

"_NO NO NO NO NO!_" Light yelled overing his ear with his hands and looking like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"Light, please?" L was sobbing too now, afraid for his lover, trying to figure out how to help. "Please let me help." Light gave into temptation and curled up into a ball, his hands still clasped over his ears and he continued to shake his head fiercely. L leaned over Light, holding him closely.

"Light, whatever it is, I promise I'll listen."

"Stop it!" Light moaned miserably, "Please just stop."

"I just want to help," L said softly, trying to calm Light with soothing motions with his arms. "I love you Light. Please, let me help."

"Please L just leave me the hell alone." Light said coldly, not knowing how else to get his lover to stop talking. Each word was like a dagger turning in his heart. No matter how unconscious of the fact he was, the truth still was that he had betrayed L and when he gets sent to his execution... no even when he is merely charged as Kira and knowing that without a doubt Light would have to die for his actions... it would destroy L.

L refused, shaking his head, "No. I love you." He said, sniffing and shaking his head, "And you look like you need me, now more than ever." He said softly, holding him still. "So I'm not going until you talk to me, or at least calm down." Slowly Light's shaking stilled.

"It's because I love you that I can't tell you."

"Light..." L was more than half confused, "I don't care what it is. What are you afraid of?" He asked, softly, "I love you. And this is scaring me, Light. You're making me worry." Now that Light was back in control he was the trying to consol L. Carefully Light took L's face into his hands and caressed it gently.

"That is the last thing I want. I never want to worry you and I never want to hurt you. You deserve so much more than that." L nodded, wiping his eyes, and keeping walking.

"But please do."

"I will," Light vowed, his heart aching at the sight of L's tears. L walked into the workroom and there was a meeting within the team.

"We still need to figure out who the second Kira was, if we are to assume that Higuchi was the first Kira." Light instinctively sat down next to L as the team stood gather around them. He could almost feel the poison of the death note whispering in his ear again and he fought hard to ignore it. There was a short meeting, in which, the group agreed to meet again in the morning. It was too late to get much done now. Once the group had left, L picked up the Death Note, using only two fingers, and moved to a glass container. He placed it in there and closed the lid, locking it. He then turned to Light and smiled softly, "Shall we go upstairs?" He asked, moving to the stairs before letting Light answer.

"Yeah, sure," Light replied quietly, unable to even look at the deadly object and walked over to L. L was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He spat into the sink and turned to look at Light, "Are you alright now?" he asked softly, placing his toothbrush under the stream of water. He was worried about his lover.

"Yeah, I'm fine now. I guess being around the death note was really giving me the creeps," Light said smiling at L gently, trying to rid his eyes of the slight tension they held though was harder. L could tell that Light wasn't being completely honest. He frowned for a second before nodding. He put his toothbrush away. He wiped his mouth then turned to the toilet to relieve himself. He smiled sheepishly at Light, uncomfortable peeing with someone in the room. Light blushed and quickly raced from the room to wait in the bedroom. After reliving himself and cleaning his hands, he entered the bedroom, standing nervously at the door.

"..." He didn't know what Light was hiding, but he knew it wasn't good. "I love you," he said. This was the first time that he'd said it without panic around, and without sleep on its way. "I do. And you can trust me. I just want you to know that." He was looking at the ground.

"I do trust you and I love you more than my own existence, but I know I will hurt you," Light said and gently enfolded L in his arms.

"I don't care... I'll listen, I promise. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I never want to hear you that upset again." He leaned against Light, feeling the tears come. He could guess what it was, but... he prayed he was wrong. Gently Light guided L to the bed and sat him down twining both thin, pale hands with his own before speaking.

"First I would like to say that I love you... I love you with all my heart and soul. Everything I am and have is yours to do with what you wish. I just want to have no doubt about this when I tell you this. I know you know this already and I know you wish you didn't. To tell you this is tearing me apart as I know it will hurt you as I said and your pain is my pain... as I guess mine is now yours. You have changed me L, and I am a far better person because you have been in my life, as my friend and as my lover." Light choked up now and he found it difficult to continue but swallowed and did it anyway. "I am Kira… The first Kira... the main Kira. I am giving you my life now L, I just wish it wasn't under these circumstances. I swear to tell you everything I know and to never under any circumstances allow anything to happen that will lead to your death if I can prevent it." L froze, his heart beating faster, panic starting to set in.

"I-" He looked away, swallowing thickly. "It's okay, we can deal with this..." he stood and started pacing. "We can tell the force that Higuchi was the first Kira. If I tell them that I'm sure, they'll believe me, and they won't suspect you. We'll burn the note, then you won't be able to use it, and we won't have to worry about you falling back on that…" He shook his head then looked at Light, "I won't let you get the death penalty for this." Light stood and sat L back down again and spoke calmly.

"L, even I know that I deserve the death penalty for this. You can do what ever you think is best and I won't criticize you no matter what your decision is, but you can't take this lightly. Sit down and try to calm down. I know it won't be easy but you need to think with a level head and right now you are understandably in shock. You don't need to destroy the death note for me to never use it again. I would rather kill myself than risk hurting you like that. When you think you can think clearly I will tell you everything and then you can decide but you shouldn't make a decision like this now."

"Light... I don't care about justice if it means I have to lose you," He said softly, tears falling in a stream. "I don't want to lose you. The Death Note will be burned. I don't want it existing anymore."

"Still, think it over. You're in pain and I would do anything to take it away, but you need to let me tell you everything before you decide what we should do," Light murmured and moved closer to L so as to stroke his back softly and kissed the side of his head. "I love you so much."

Not feeling very secure, L gripped onto Light, climbing in his lap and sobbing softly, "I refuse to lose you..." he cried, "I refuse." Light held L tightly in his arms, rubbing L's back soothingly.

"I promised that I will be here for as long as you want me to be. You are my life L and so I will let you decide how we are to deal with this." L clutched him tighter, shaking as he cried.

"Light..." he said softly, "why have you renounced Kira?" He asked softly, "Why have you given it up?"

"I thought it would be obvious," Light said as he gently wiped away the tears on L's cheeks. "I did because I love you, and I can't do both so I took the only option I could live with even if I may die with it too."

"But..." L stared at Light, "…I didn't think..." he looked at him again, "I'm not going to let you die," He said softly, "I promise you. Nobody will have to know about this."

"Would you like me to tell you everything now?" Light asked still rubbing L's back. Numbly, L nodded, holding onto Light tighter. He didn't want to hear it, but he needed to.

"I promise; I'll listen to you." Light quickly begun to tell L everything from his background to when he first got the note book to now and taking care to explain the rules of the notebook he had discovered. "So the rules in the back of the book are fake?" L asked softly, still clutched against Light.

"Yeah, they are," Light confessed just as quietly his head resting on L's shoulder.

"Then I can burn it," He said softly. "I still don't understand why you're giving this up. It sounds like the book is very powerful, and that it's taking a hold of some of your personality. It sounds like you couldn't stop it, if you wanted to. So why now?"

"Because I have finally found something that I can't lose." L kissed Light softly, his eyes closing.

"Then we won't tell them. You can't confess to them, it'll cause you to get taken away. We'll say that Higuchi was the first Kira, and we'll say Misa was the second, but she gave up her notebook and memories. There'd be no reason to lock her up, as unfortunate as it is, she'll be free," He smiled softly, trying to joke.

"If that is what you have decided then we'll do it," Light said and kissed L's cheek.

"Then we'll go to England. You'll help me with L. You'll join me in working with it… If you want to."

"I would love to help you," Light replied immediately.

"Let's sleep for tonight. We'll talk again later." He didn't move, staying on Light's lap. Light held L tightly as he turned them so they were lying on the bed before leaning in and kissing L softly.

"I don't deserve you."

"Probably not, but I don't deserve you either," L mumbled, shifting his position slightly so that his head was on Light's chest. He could hear his heartbeat, and it comforted him somewhat. Sure, he was a little nervous upon finding out that his lover was a mass murderer, but L trusted Light.

"Of course you don't deserve me; you deserve someone so much better."

L shook his head, "No, I don't think so." He sighed, his hand reaching up to place his thumb in his mouth. "I love you," he said softly, closing his eyes.

"I love you too... always," Light whispered and closed his eyes too.

* * *

**So L finally knows. Readers of MIADWP may have recognised the nightmare scene as something similar happened in that story too. ****I hope you all enjoyed that chapter and reviews are always appreciated.**


	6. I'm Kira Don't Kill Me!

**HAPPY HALLOWEEN! And Happy 30****th**** birthday L…. Yes I'm in denial. Lol I hope you're all enjoying this so far.**

* * *

It was only a couple of hours later when L woke up, gasping for breath and sweating. He looked down at Light, trembling and sobbing quietly. Reaching over, he pressed a few fingers to his neck, looking for a pulse. Finding it, he breathed a sigh of relief, his dream still plaguing the edges of his consciousness. He lay back down, his head resting on his chest again.

"I love you," he said quietly. Light woke up at the sound of L's gasps and cradled L to his chest.

"Are you ok?" Nodding, L sniffed slightly.

"Bad dream. It's fine. Go back to sleep." He gently stroked Light's chest, wrapping his legs round the others. He wanted to be as close to Light as possible, and didn't want to let him go. "I had a dream that... that you had been killed rather than Higuchi..."

"I'm sure Rem would have wanted to but I don't think she would have risked Misa suiciding," Light said allowing the closeness, even adding to it. L just gripped onto Light tighter, tears still leaking from his face.

"It's scary to think that you could've died... if things hadn't been like they were, and we'd found out each others names before meeting, one, or both of us would be dead."

"Yeah it is, but we did find each other and I do love you and we are both alive," Light said and pressed his lips firmly to L's forehead. He held Light closer still, the tears still falling.

"I love you," He sobbed. "No matter how fucked up things get," He said softly, using one of the words that Mello had been heard using. Light's eyes widened, he hadn't heard L swear before and it was rather strange.

"L, you are breaking my heart," Light whispered, "It is killing me to hear you cry so much."

"I'm sorry," L said sniffing, "I... It's your fault you know," He said softly, "You made me get in touch with my emotions..." He snuggled closer. "But it's alright. I love you."

"I know it is my fault and that's what makes it hurt all the more and not just for reacquainting you with your emotions." Light kissed L gently again, "but you don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that you love me."

"I love you," L said again, "I love you, I love you." He started to sob again, "Iloveyou." He held him tighter. "And I can't stop worrying about you. I feel like something's going to happen… Something bad."

"I worry about you too," Light whispered sounding scared. He was at a loss now, everything he said just seemed to hurt L more and nothing he did seemed to comfort L enough to stop crying for very long.

"Light," L said after a moment. "What's going to happen to us?" He asked softly.

"I've heard that when people go through tough things, they don't stay together much longer," L said softly, "And I don't know... I love you. I do know that – And I know it's never going to change, but... Light... I'm scared. Now that you've regained your memories... will you still love me as much? What's going to happen to us?"

"That's not always the case, and of course I still love you as much as always, but if that really scares you so much I can give up the death note and I will lose all my memories of being Kira again," Light said trying to comfort L. "I would do anything for you L and I know my feelings for you won't change but if you would prefer me to go back to not remembering about being Kira... I would still remember everything else then that's fine."

"But as much as I dislike it, being Kira is a part of you. What kind of person would I be telling you to change?" L shook his head, "No. We'll burn the note. You should keep your memories, right?"

"Yeah I thought you would say that and yes I would still keep my memories as far as I know."

"Good," L prodded Light's chest gently, "And never touch one again, 'k?" he acted like he was scolding a small child.

"I promise," Light said and played with his watch for a couple of seconds opening it and taking out two small pieces of paper and handing them to L. "These are from the Death Note. You may also want to have the one in the forest collected." L took the paper, his eyes wide. Delicately taking the paper in two fingers, he put it on the bedside table.

"I'll burn that... Later," He said softly. "And we'll get the one in the woods tomorrow. You can show me where it is."

"Of course," Light said, "heck, you will even get to meet Ryuk." L shuddered at the idea.

"Yes, and until we can be sure that there are no Shinigami around, at all, I will be remaining abstinent. Sorry, but I don't feel like being the entertainment to a death god."

"That's ok, I completely understand," Light replied quickly.

L nodded. "Though, when we go tomorrow, I don't want you touching that book. Call me paranoid, but I think you touching a Death Note would be a bad idea. I will pick it up and then give up the note. Ryuk will have to return to the shinigami realm then, right?"

"He could but knowing Ryuk he wouldn't be satisfied with that and would likely drop the death note some where else. He promised that when it was my time to die, he would be the one to kill me and I don't know how he will react to this news." Light sighed, "Ryuk takes care of himself first and his interests and he gets bored easily. Though I am hoping he won't, I wouldn't put it past him to decide to simply kill me to see what would happen."

L stiffened. "What if I was to keep the note, then burn it?" He didn't want Light to die. No way. No way in hell. L decided to read through the rules carefully. If there was a way, he'd save him... Always.

"I don't know, he wouldn't be able to give out another notebook but he is pretty unpredictable. He has an obsession with apples though," Light said giving a small laugh.

"I'll bribe him then." L nodded, "I won't let him kill you. And if he does, I swear to all the gods in the sky that I will find a way to kill him. And I will do it."

"The only known way of killing a shinigami is to get them to extend the life of a human they care for."

"Ah." L paused for a moment, thinking, "There should be another way," He mumbled, "And I'll find it."

"Well I suppose they would die if they could no longer extend their life with a death note but as I said, that is the only known way. Apparently that was why Misa got her notebook in the first place since it belonged to a shinigami who died for her."

L grimaced, "Of course. It's Misa who else." He sighed. "How's this then, I won't let you die? I promise you that. I won't let him kill you."

"No, just promise me that you won't die."

"I promise that whatever happens, we'll do it together," L said, kissing Light slightly, "If you die, I will die too. If I die, I'll wait for you. Wherever it is we go after. There's no such thing as heaven or hell, so we'll go to wherever it is together." He was completely disregarding the rule about heaven and hell.

"I'm sorry L but I don't think I will be able to join you in heaven," Light whispered, "I have used the death note and so am destined for Mu."

"Then I'll go there," L said confidently. "I don't care where it is. With you, anywhere is heaven." He sighed softly, stifling a yawn. "Now lets go back to sleep?"

"Ok," Light said and smiled drawing L close to him again. "I love you and I will be here when you wake up."

"Just make sure you sleep too. The next few days are going to be hard and busy," He said softly closing his eyes and moving even closer to Light, his legs and arms both around him. Light sighed and closed his eyes again to before going to sleep.

* * *

When morning came, L blinked his eyes open, but refused to move. He didn't want to move. He stayed close to Light, watching him with a worried expression on his face. This man was Kira. Kira- taken from the English word Killer. And he was L.

L loved Kira.

L refused to allow Kira to be punished.

L was corrupt.

L was human.

Oblivious to L's distress Light slept on, unconsciously pulling L closer though. L allowed himself to be pulled closer, taking small comfort in that. He moved one hand to gently caress Light's face. Kira's face.

"I love you," L said softly, quiet enough not to wake Light. A couple of minutes later, Watari entered silently to stand beside the bed, waiting patiently. "Watari..." L said quietly, not moving, "I don't think I'll be up until later." He sighed, quiet for a second. "You saw it, didn't you? The confession, the conversation afterwards..."

"Yes, I did. However I will not condemn you for your decision as I believe that there may have been more at work than even Light was aware of," Watari replied bending down so he could speak quietly. "I wish you the best." Smiling at Watari, L nodded.

"Thank you," He said softly. "I fear I will be needing you now more than ever. The next few days will be hard and long. Can I count on you?" This was his way of telling Watari that this wasn't an order. If they were caught hiding Kira, they would get the death penalty- both of them. L wouldn't force Watari into that.

"Of course you can, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Just let me know what needs to be done and it shall be." Watari smiled easily at L.

"I'm forever in your debt," L said, meaning it completely. "Thank you, Watari." He couldn't help but feel affection for the elderly man. "Be sure that the jet is ready for transport. I doubt that we'll have much warning."

"I shall make preparations immediately and have all your funds dispersed into your secret accounts. I only wish I could do more."

"You have done more for me than I could ever ask," L said with a smile, "Thank you. I don't know how to repay you." Just then Light stirred and his head inched onto L's shoulder before settling down again. L turned to Light, smiling fondly. "I love you," L whispered before looking back at Watari. "Keep your phone on, I may need you."

"Of course," Watari replied and left just as silently. The second Watari left Light's eyes opened slowly and he yawned.

"Good morning L."

"Good morning, Light." L gently kissed Light. "I love you, but we have to go face them now." Light hugged L tightly around the waist.

"I love you too, let's go then."

L got out of bed and got changed. "Watari has the jet ready, should we need it with little to no notice." He smiled softly, "So we'll be able to go if things turn out wrong. He also knows about you. He heard everything over the cameras." He said, "and uh..." He blushed deeply, "He knows how close we are."

"... I uhh heard him." Light admitted quietly. "You're lucky to have him."

L nodded, "He's the closest thing I have to a father," He said softly, "It's going to be hard to leave him behind..." He sighed, "He's nearly old enough to retire. I don't want to put him through anything that could be dangerous."

"Let's hope that things go well and we don't have to," Light murmured. Nodding, L hugged Light close.

"Let's get going then." He said resigned and Light stood up and got changed too.

"L, I will be here with you the entire time. Whatever happen I will never leave you."

Smiling softly, L nodded, "I hope things will go well. Also, when do you wish to go to the woods?"

"Whenever it would best for us to go," Light replied simply, "but we better not let the team find out or there may be questions about how we knew where to find it." L nodded, thinking.

"We can go late at night." He said with a smile. "Until then, let's just go and see how it turns out."

"Ok then," Light replied and took L's hand in his. "Let's do this." Swallowing deeply, L nodded once again. He headed down towards the stairs. Light followed after him and squeezing L's hand gently. "I'm here." Once they got to the room, there were a lot of questions.

"We've managed to find Kira. That's a good sign. We believe that Higuchi was the first Kira. Misa Amane was the second, however, she gave up the Death Note and she has no memory of the fact and I can find no reason to convict her." He looked at them, and smiled softly, "Congratulations people. We have found Kira. Unfortunately, he was killed by a Shinigami. This means we don't have any proof." He smiled wider. "We will stay together for a few more days, just to be sure, and then we will disband."

"Oh thank god," Soichiro murmured. "So Light wasn't Kira after all?" L paused for a moment before shaking his head. He looked at Light and sighed softly. He moved so that he could look at everyone.

"I wish to give a formal apology to both Yagami Light and Yagami Soichiro. I was wrong, and I pushed my convictions too far. I apologise and wish to ask you both for your forgiveness." He bowed his head. "I was convinced that Light was indeed not Kira, a few days ago- hence the removal of the chain – When I told him my name." A loud gasp echoed through the room at L's confession.

"So you're saying that you trust Light with your life is that right Ryuzaki?" Matsuda asked sounding excited and L nodded, bowing his head.

"I do. I trust him with every secret that I have," He said softly, "And I'm sorry that I treated him so badly." L looked up at Light. "Can you find it within you to forgive me?" He knew that Light was going to forgive him; after all, he was right.

"There is nothing to forgive," Light replied and smiled at L. L felt a wash of gratitude fall over him as he openly grinned at Light.

"Thank you," He said. He looked over to Soichiro. "Please, may I ask of your forgiveness also?"

"If my son can forgive you so easily and whole heartedly then who am I to not forgive you also," Soichiro said tiredly.

"Thank you." L bowed again. "There is just one more thing..." he started, "I will be returning to England soon, and Light has agreed to return with me. I thought you should know that we will be leaving the day after we disband the task force." He looked to Light as if to ask if that was alright. Light looked at L and nodded to show that he approved.

"Light, is this true?" Soichiro asked stunned looking at his son.

"Yeah it is. L has asked me to join forces with him to help catch criminals not only that but during my time with him I have come to love him very deeply and I want to spend the rest of my life with him," Light said calmly, "I hope you can give me your blessings." L bit his lips, not expecting Light to say those words to everyone. He blushed slightly as he made his way back to Light's side. He leaned over and whispered very quietly in his ear, so that nobody else could hear him.

"You sound like you wanna get married." it was meant as a joke, but if Light took it seriously, L wouldn't correct him- unless the reaction was bad. He was smiling softly, but of course, Light couldn't see that.

"Maybe I do, eventually," Light replied, smiling widely. "Does that bother you?"

L chuckled softly, "Nope. Not at all." He leaned against Light and looked to Soichiro. "Do we have your blessings, Yagami-san?" he asked, softly.

"I'm a parent so I want my son to be happy, and as unlikely as it seems he is happiest being with you. I would have liked to have seen Light become a parent himself but I guess that's not really to be," Soichiro said carefully, "I give you my blessings." Light smiled at his father brilliantly before kissing L's cheek. L turned his head so the kiss was full. But then he pulled away a little embarrassed.

He looked at the rest of the team, "Um, can we be excused?" he asked before grabbing Light's hand and dragging him towards the door. "Thank you Yagami-san," he said over his shoulder, dragging Light outside.

* * *

Once they were away from the taskforce headquarters and turned to Light.

"Take me to the Death Note," He said gravely, his mind still on his work. "I can't rest easy until it's destroyed."

"Yeah I can take you there right away but how will we get to the forest?" Light asked curiously. L looked at the overcast sky, then at his bare feet.

"We can't walk," He mumbled, "I'll have Watari drive us. Hold on a moment." He fished a phone from his pocket and dialled a number. Speaking into the phone, he smiled softly. Hanging up, he nodded at Light. "Watari will be here momentarily."

"Ok, so how are you?" Light asked L gently.

"Hmmm?" L asked, with a small frown. "What do you mean? I'm relieved, I suppose, that the team took the news so easily, but anxious about the presence of a Death Note. We need to retrieve this one, then burn the both of them."

"I just wanted to make sure you were still doing ok," Light replied. "Shall we go and meet up with Watari now?"

"He'll drive the car in front of us," L said easily, turning to Light. "Did you mean what you said in there, about one day getting married?" His tone was completely neutral, inquiring without inferring.

"Of course I did. I love you so much," Light replied as Watari drove around. L bit his lip, still not used to hearing that. He smiled softly and made his way to the car.

"Light, you tell Watari the directions. Light climbed in the car after L quickly and passed on the directions to Watari.

"L, the only one who will be able to see Ryuk is the ones that have touched his Death note so I won't be able to." L nodded, understanding.

"I understand. I will explain the situation to him, and bribe him with apples until he agrees with my assessment of the situation." Light took L's hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Good luck my love." The car was stopped and L removed himself from the car, walking into the woods. He'd gotten the location from Light and made his way there. He knelt on the floor and dug up the note book, pulling the black covered note out of the box. He ignored the note to Misa and took a deep breath as he touched the note book.

"Hello Ryuk," He said without looking up. "I need to talk to you."

"Woah, it's you L. You were the last person I expected to have found the notebook I assume Lights plan didn't' work so well after all. That kid sure is thoughtful though to leave me an apple though," Ryuk said as he dug into said apple.

"Light is fine. He is well." L looked at the shinigami now, glaring at him, "He has possession of Rem's notebook," He said, "However we have come to the decision that Kira has to stop. He is in full agreement with me. There will be many more apples for you should you agree with us also. We intend to burn Rem's book, along with this one." He held Ryuk's note book up delicately in two fingers. "How is the bribe of five thousand red apples? I believe that that should suffice?

"Hahahaha, good try L but no amount of apples will suffice if I can't stick around long enough to have them, which I won't if you burn that notebook. Burn that notebook and Light dies but I have to make sure the death note will be used before let a human keep it." Ryuk replied with a wide evil grin. L thought for a moment and nodded, taking the book and placing it under his shirt. He then stood, wordlessly and walked back to the car.

"Wow that was quick Ryuzaki," Light exclaimed as his lover came in to view. Running over to his lover his kissed him briefly before pulling away. "How did it go?"

"I have the note." Ryuuzaki didn't say anything else. He gestured for Watari to drive. Bringing his knees up to his chest, he looked out the window in silence. Light's eyes widened and he curled up to L as soon as he got in the car but didn't speak. When the car stopped, L got out, and turned to smile at Light softly.

"Come on..." he said gesturing to the task force head quarters. "I'll explain everything later."

"Ok," Light replied returning the smile happily and followed after L into head quarters.

When they were inside, L headed to the stairs, turning to look at Light for a second. "Stay here." He said softly. "I will return soon." He smiled before moving up the stairs. Once there, he took out the note book and looked at it with a sigh. Reaching for his laptop, he opened it and did a quick search. He then pulled out a pen and wrote down two words. A name.

He spoke to the empty room, knowing the death god could hear him. "You will have one week. That's seven days, in which to eat the apples before I destroy the note book. I will be keeping a close eye on you, and if it seems that you are to betray me, I will destroy the book before. That act will cause you to no longer be able to remain in this world – am I correct?" He knew he was right, he just didn't want to make it seem like he knew.

"Heh, I didn't think you would actually do it. All right get the apples and I will accept your deal. Just try to stay interesting, I get bored very easily," Ryuk said with a low chuckle.

"What is your opinion on voyeurism?" L said darkly, picking up the phone and dialling a number. "Watari, I need five thousand red apples delivered as soon as possible." He said over the phone before hanging up. "As long as Light doesn't know you are here, things will be interesting." L promised the shinigami before standing and walking down the stairs.

"Eew I can't believe humans do something so disgusting voluntarily. If your asking if I will be watching then no I will be amusing myself with those wonderful apples you just ordered," Ryuk promised as he followed L.

"Hmm." L got to the ground floor, glad that he'd placed the- his note book in his shirt. He made his way back into the room and smiled at Light. "Sorry about that..." He said softly, "I needed the bathroom." He walked up to Light and bit his lip. "I have to be 'entertaining'." He mumbled quietly, "However, I have found that the shinigami dislikes the idea of watching us have sex. If we ever have the need to get rid of him for the next week, that is what we do." He'd decided to tell Light after all.

"But won't he get bored if we do that?" Light murmured though secretly he was excited by the idea.

L leaned closer, his lips close to Light's, "I'm not sure, but isn't it worth trying out...?" His eyes were locked on Light, but his ears were listening for Ryuk's reaction.

"Hmm." L got to the ground floor, glad that he'd placed the- his note book in his shirt. He made his way back into the room and smiled at Light. "Sorry about that..." He said softly, "I needed the bathroom." He walked up to Light and bit his lip. "I have to be 'entertaining'." He mumbled quietly, "However, I have found that the shinigami dislikes the idea of watching us have sex. If we ever have the need to get rid of him for the next week, that is what we do." He'd decided to tell Light after all.

"But won't he get bored if we do that?" Light murmured though secretly he was excited by the idea.

L leaned closer, his lips close to Light's, "I'm not sure, but isn't it worth trying out...?" His eyes were locked on Light, but his ears were listening for Ryuk's reaction.

"Ok, fine, I get the hint. I shall be else where," Ryuk said and drifted out of he room. Light meanwhile leant close so his lips barely brushed against L's.

"Is he gone?"

"Oh yes," L mumbled, leaning closer and kissing Light passionately, his arms circling around his neck. He pulled away from the kiss for a second before looking around. "He's gone." He said, trying to get his breathing back under control. He didn't pull away completely, however – his arms remained around Light.

"Good," Light said softly, his arms snaking around L too. L pulled away completely, smiling at Light.

"Let's get some cake." He mumbled; glad to have gotten rid of the shinigami.

"Sure, don't expect me to eat it though," Light said chuckling.

L frowned and sighed, "Never mind then." So maybe eating a meal together wasn't the most normal thing to do. "Weren't we supposed to eat dinner together tonight?"

"You can still have your cake but I will have something else. Also As far as I knew we were still having dinner together," Light replied a little confused.

"Then let's go somewhere." L suggested, kissing Light again. He took a hold of Light's hand and pulled him closer, so that his entire body was pushed flush against him. "Or are you wanting something else?" he whispered suggestively.

"If you put it that way then... I guess I'm not really all that hungry," Light said, shivering at the sound of L's voice. L kissed Light deeply, his arms moving down from around Light's neck to brush down his chest, gently caressing it.

"So..." he said between kisses. "…What exactly…" more kisses, "…would you like us…" more kissing, "…to do?" And with that, L pulled away to look at Light and grin. Light dragged L back into another kiss before pulling away as the need for air was far more urgent.

"I would like us to take this to somewhere a bit more private where we continue this. I do love your grin by the way." Blushing deeply, L found his hand reaching to his own mouth to cover it, embarrassed. He shook his head and kissed Light again, his arms returning to Light's neck as his legs were lifted up to wrap around Light's waist.

"Well, where do you want us to go?"

"Well since you have put yours self quite literally in my hands, I will keep it as a not so surprising secret," Light said smiling at the cuteness of L's blush as he wrapped his arms around L to steady him before slowly moving towards the door to the bedroom and opened the door to the bedroom and stumbling backwards slightly as he made his way across the room. L pulled himself closer to Light, resting his head on his shoulder, leaning forward slightly to kiss his neck. He then began to lick and suck at the small spot on Light's neck, just below his ear. His hands buried themselves in his hair, gently stroking the other side of Light's neck. Light moaned softly and his legs hit the edge of the bed where he sat down awkwardly, tilting his head to allow L more access. Since he was still straddling Light, L was now on his lap. Keeping his mouth pressed against Light's neck, he gently pushed him down on the bed. He pulled away slightly to look down at him, and blushed a deep red when he realized that he'd marked Light's neck.

"Uh- that's gonna leave a mark..." he mumbled, smiling nervously at Light. "Still," He muttered, leaning down and kissing Light fully. "Nobody will think you're not taken." His hand reached down to start pulling at Light's shirt as his mouth set to work, leaving a trail of saliva and small marks down Light's neck. Pleasured sounds continued to issue from Lights mouth as his hands flew to the bottom of his shirt to help L remove it. Once that was off he all but tore L's shirt off him before pulling L down to kiss him passionately, his hands running up and down L's back. L mewed into Light's mouth. He gently twisted Light's nipples in his fingers as he ground his hips against Light's. Light groaned loudly and his hands clasped L's hips to try to increase the delicious friction. Shudders ran through him at the sounds was making and he needed to hear more. L moaned softly, increasing the friction slightly. He then pulled away, leaning down to undo Light's trousers and pulled the underwear down. He looked down at Light's swollen member and leaned forward to lick it experimentally, glancing up to Light to see his reaction. Light's eyes widened he let out a low moan at the feel of the wet muscle on him. Leaning forward again, L placed Light's organ in his mouth, and started to suck, his hands reaching to gently play with Light's balls. After a short time, he pulled away. "Want to go all the way?" he asked slightly breathlessly. Light felt his eyes almost roll into his head at the pleasure and moans escaped his lips.

When L pulled away it took a minute or so to respond before he let out a panted, "Y-yes." his eyes drifting down to find and capture L's with his own

"Lube?" L asked softly, pulling away slightly to speak. He kissed Light again, his hand gently fisting Light's member, waiting for his answer.

"Mmm... hand lotion... bathroom... bottom shelf," Light moaned when he was finally able to talk. Kissing Light once more, L pulled away and moved to the bathroom. He grabbed the hand lotion and returned to the bed. He kissed Light again, palming his member once more and stroking it once or twice before pulling away enough to put some lotion on his hand. He bit his lip.

"You ready?" He asked, his finger gently massaging his entrance but not going inside yet.

"Ye-es... please!" Light begged the finger till teasing his entrance and he tried to relax his muscles. Gently, with a massage, L pushed one finger inside, kissing Light all the while. His other hand was stroking Light's member still. Light let out a groan as he felt the strange sensation of having a finger inside him, but ignored it by instead focusing on the mind blowing kiss he was receiving from L and his hands moved to clasp L's cheeks firmly between them. Deepening the kiss at the same time as he was deepening his finger, L moved it around slightly to look for something. There! He found it. Gently pressing his finger against the bundle of nerves he could feel. "Ah-ahhh..." Light gasped against L's lips as he felt L hit_ that_ spot. "M-more..." As if not listening to the request, L pulled his finger out. Less than a second later, he pressed it back in, this time accompanied by another. Making sure to hit that spot, he began scissor like motions. Light moaned loudly as he felt himself being stretched slowly increasing the slightly uncomfortable feeling. Stretching him a little more, L felt himself become much harder at Light's sounds. Soon, he pulled his fingers away and placed three in. He moved them around for a few seconds before pulling away. He put more lotion on his hands and covered himself with it. He moved so that he positioned himself at his entrance.

"You ready?" He asked, panting slightly.

"Yes... pl-please L... let me feel you..." Light whimpered and wrapped his legs around L to draw him closer. Nodding, L gently pushed himself inside, pausing every so often to let Light get accustomed to the feeling. Soon, he was all the way in. Panting harshly, he leaned forward, his head on Light's chest. After a few seconds, he kissed Light and then pulled out to push back in. He aimed for that one spot that he wanted to make him crazy. Light clenched his teeth as L pushed in and wrapped his arms around. Light let out a soft yelp as L plunged back, hitting his prostate first shot. Light legs tightened around L reflexively. When L thrust back in again Light moan was almost a scream of pleasure and his blunt nails raked L's back harshly as he tried to hold onto some form of sanity. L slowed his pace a little to look at Light in concern.

"Are you alright?" he asked breathlessly, worried that he'd hurt Light.

"Be-better than..." Light panted, letting out an occasional mewl of pleasure for emphasis. L leaned forwards and kissed Light deeply as he continued his movements, making sure to hit that spot. His hand reached forward and he stroked Light in time with his movements. One of Light's hands rose to sink into L's hair as he returned the kiss passionately as he lost himself in feeling.

"I... lo-ove... you..." Light murmured against L's lips.

"I love you too," L replied, picking up his pace again. He kissed him deeply for a second before pulling away breathlessly, "I'm so close..." he whispered, "But- you first." He was struggling to keep his 'excitement' in. Light fought to keep his eyes open and focused on L's as the onslaught of pleasure continued. Hands raking L's back softly Light's body arched against L's as he came, shrieking his lovers name and tensing harshly around him. With a gasp, and a cry, L followed Light into ecstasy. Panting, he collapsed against Light. "I love you." He whispered, his eyes closing. His heart was starting to slow back down now and he lay holding Light close to him. Light wrapped his arms around L too and cradled him against his chest. Kissing the top of L's head softly Light closed his eyes too as he stroked L's feathery hair.

"I love you too." L smiled softly as he fell asleep, feeling completely content.

* * *

**So Ryuk has showed up and looks like he will make some trouble. I really hope you liked this chapter and would really appreciate the reviews. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Meeting The Boys

**As today is the unmentionable day I decided to update. I am in complete denial over the fact that anything happened on this day. This is the chapter you have all be waiting for… maybe. I hope you all like it.**

* * *

Several hours later, L opened his eyes to hear his phone ringing. Grumbling, he moved to pick it up.

"Moshi moshi..." he said sleepily, stifling a yawn. After a moment, he sat up straight. "What!" Light's eyes opened and fluttered, lids heavy with sleep as he watched his L... Yes, his and waited.

After a short conversation, that was carried out in French, L pulled his phone away and clicked it shut. "I have to go back to England sooner than expected..." He wasn't looking at Light, instead, looking forward. He was pale right now. "One of my boys – Near – He's taken sick." He bit his lip.

"Oh... " Light didn't know what to say to that and he didn't want to assume anything in case he was wrong.. but he had never been in a situation like this before and it made him nervous.

L leaned back against the wall but sat up again a few seconds later. "Damn it..." he whispered. "Sorry..." He mumbled, standing and heading towards the chest of draws with his clothes in. He leaned against it and sighed. "I have to go to England in a few hours. I have to make sure that he's okay..." He opened the draw and took out some clothes. "It's up to you if you come now or if you meet up with me later..." He started putting the clothes on, but got tangled in the shirt.

After a few seconds of struggle, he threw the shirt down and let out a breath. He was shaking now – worried.

"You... You mean I can come?" Light asked, wanting nothing more then but to go and embrace his scared love but knew he would be in the way. Laughing slightly, L leaned against the wall and slid down it.

"Yeah! Please, I need you," He said shakily. He put his head in his hands. "They've never called me because he was sick before... means it must be serious..." Light couldn't hold back instinct this time and flew to L's side and had him in his arms in an instant. His hands were everywhere at once, soothing and stroking. Caressing L's face, head, back, arms. Feather soft kisses were pressed to L's head as Light murmured words of comfort to L.

"L, it will be ok. Near will be ok and no matter what I will be here for you… I will always be here for you…" L let his fear come out clutching onto Light and trembling. He didn't cry- he couldn't afford to cry. After a moment, he took a deep, shuddering breath and sighed, pushing Light away slightly.

"Let's go... soon..." He stood and ran his hand through his hair. "We need a shower first... then we need to pack... and the flight... well... I have my own plane... and we'd have to tell Watari... and then-what about your folks! They'll wonder if you just disappear... but it's the wrong time of the day to tell them..." To say he was freaking out was an understatement.

"We will leave them a message saying that it is an emergency and we can contact them once we know everything is ok and it will be ok." Light took L's shoulders and steadied the man before kissing him tenderly. "Please L, calm down. Getting yourself so worked up won't help anyone right now and I will try to help Watari get everything prepared but you need to help me ok?" Light voice was caring and he kissed L's forehead. Walk over to the cupboard he pulled out some clothes and handed them to L. "You go and have a shower and I will go and get some suit cases so we can pack." Shakily, L nodded, taking the clothes and heading into the bathroom.

He took a quick shower, and then headed back into his room. He threw himself on the bed and sighed, waiting for Light. He tried to calm himself down, but ended up leaking his tears onto the pillow. He sniffed slightly, taking deep breaths before sniffing, trying to calm down. Light brought the cases up carefully and placed them on the floor. Looking up he saw L's scrunched up figure on the bed and his heart broke. Moving over to the bed Light swept L into his arms again and cradled the man in his arms. One hand moved to stroke L's hair while the other rubbed L's side; Light's face buried itself in L's hair. Light heard Watari shuffle into the room and begin to pack for L and Light felt a brief smile of affection cross his face. Sniffing slightly, L leaned closer into Light. He sighed and took a few more deep breaths before pulling away and smiling shakily at him.

"Thanks..." He wiped his eyes and looked to Watari, who nodded. "Time to go." L said standing.

Light was surprised to see a case packed for him. He didn't bother to mention he hadn't showered yet and instead stood and wrapped an arm around L. "Let's go then."

* * *

The trip to England, should have been a relatively short one, but for L, it seemed to be the longest journey in his life. No words were spoken, and when the plane landed, and they boarded the helicopter, L had to pause to throw up. Once the helicopter landed, L exited the vehicle and tuned to Light.

"We're here." He spoke, finally, quietly. "This is Whammy's House." He turned and walked down the stairs. "I grew up here." Light barely gave the building a second glance. To overcome with concern for L.

"How are you feeling?" Light asked quietly.

L just shook his head, "I'll be okay, once I know of Near's well being." He led Light down to the second floor before looking around and sighing. He saw a pair of students, and called out to them. "Matt, Mello!" They turned, "Do you know where Near's room is?" He asked. The smaller one, a blonde student, who looked more female than male, snarled and pointed.

"He doesn't want to see anyone right now."

"I believe he asked where Near's room was," Light replied sounding annoyed "You will tell us or we will get someone else will, either way we will be seeing Near or at least he," indicating L, "will be." L just shook his head with a small smile.

"Light... there's not much point in that." Mello just growled before grabbing L's arm and pulling him down the corridor. He pointed to a room and the stormed away. L just shook his head and knocked on the door. Matt just shrugged and wandered after Mello. Light smiled slightly in triumph but didn't move to follow L.

* * *

L entered the room and walked up to the bed. He took the seat next to it, and looked at the sleeping boy. He was only eleven years old. He gently placed his hand against his forehead and felt his temperature. The nurse, who was sat on the other side of the room smiled up at him.

"He's on the mend... but his fever is still dangerously high..."

* * *

Light sat down while he waited. Hoping that L would get the good news he needed.

"So who, are you?" The same irritable blonde walked down the hall and leaned over so that he was bent over Light. "Just who the fuck are you that he brings you home?" He leaned closer, trying to be intimidating, but at fourteen, he looked like a girl.

Light gave the blonde a bored look too worried about L to bother putting up a mask. "My name is Light Yagami, it's a pleasure to meet you I'm sure."

"Pfft, yeah right." The blonde stood back up to his full height. "I'm Mello." He said as if it was the most well known fact in the universe. "Now who the fuck are you to L? He doesn't bring people home."

"I don't suppose he would. Well since it seems you can't wait for L to tell you, I am for lack of better word, his boyfriend." Light gave a small chuckle at using such a kid like phrase.

"Yeah, right," Mello grumbled with a laugh. "L is about as asexual as they come." He shook his head, "You're deluded dude." He leaned against the wall opposite Light. "Alright then, I'll bite. How did you meet? How did you get together?"

"I thought you would have guessed already, we met when L came to Japan to solve the Kira case. As for how we got together well… it's not the type of story I will be sharing anytime soon," Light finished, with a slight smile. Mello looked either way down the corridor before sitting down and looking at Light.

"You mean it? You're really with him? How do you do that? How do you – how do you get together with someone...?" He was looking at the ground, not at Light.

"Yeah, I really am but to be honest I don't know how I did it either. With me and L it sort of just happened really. Since we are able to see each other as equals on most levels it was just to easy to fall for him. There was no real beginning to it either. If you want a real shock though, it was L who came after me, not the other way around," Light added, his mind racing as he tried to keep up with Mello's questions and his own responses. He had never needed to speak in English for so long before; or so much. Mello was looking at the floor, until he heard that it was L that had started it.

"Really? He came on to you?" He asked, looking up at Light. "Sounds like you really love him." He said after a while, his voice obviously sad. "What do I do if I like someone?" Those words were a quiet whisper. Mello wasn't one to ask for help, but he had tried everything.

"Yeah, he did and I do." Light gave a small frown, "As for what you can do, just be yourself and do what feels right. Don't force yourself to do anything if you're not ready. Just speak from your heart."

"Tried that... not like he'd listen to me." Mello shook his head and stood. "Never mind. Shouldn't be talking to a stranger about this..." With that, he walked away, shaking his head. At that point, L returned from the room. He sighed and moved to Light. Sitting on his lap, he buried his head in his shoulder.

"He's going to be alright..." He said tiredly, relieved. Light wrapped his arms around L's waist and drew L against him.

"Near? That's good," Light replied and pressed his lips against the side of L's head. "See, I told you everything would be ok."

L smiled and nodded, "What did Mello want?" he asked, looking in the direction that the blonde had gone.

"Relationship advice, I think I failed," Light said as he rested his head against L. "I haven't ever been in a relationship before you so I didn't know what to say." Shaking his head with a small laugh, L started stroking Light's chest.

"I think he has the hots for Matt." He sighed softly. "Matt won't notice... He's too caught up in his games."

"That's what I thought. Maybe you could talk to Mello…" Light suggested and looked up at L with a hopeful expression. "First though can I find out where we are staying?" L nodded, smiling.

"My floor." He pointed up, but didn't move. "And I think Mello has to figure it out on his own.

"I know you think it's comfy to sit on me but it is not so comfy for me since I am sitting on the floor," Light pointed out and L stood and held out his hand.

"Alright then..." He smiled at Light. "Thank you...for all of this..."

"I would do almost anything for you," Light replied sweetly as he took L's hand and stood up. L led Light to the stairs and up two flights. He then pulled him into a room and pulled him into a room.

"We're staying here," He said softly. "It's only one floor, but I have my own place just outside of town. We can go there once Near is completely well again."

"That's fine, whatever you decide," Light said and sat down on the couch. Eyes on L, he opened his arms to him, "L?"

"Hmmm?" L moved towards Light and sat on his lap. "Something up?" he asked, snuggling close to Light.

"Not that I know, why?" Light said, his arms snaking around L instantly.

"You're not really this cuddly, usually." He smiled contently, "Usually I have to start the cuddling."

"I think that you need extra cuddling considering that Near is sick," Light replied and squeezed L's waist gently. Smiling lovingly, L leaned against Light and closed his eyes.

"I love you," He said softly, "So very much... Thank you so much..." and with that, he fell asleep.

"I love too L, always." Holding L in a gentle but firm grip and stroked L's hair and watched L sleep. There was a knock at the door, and it opened slightly. A small, flushed child poked his head in. His hair was white, and he was clutching a stuffed bear to his chest.

"L...?" He asked his voice weak. He saw L and Light on the couch and let himself in. He shuffled over to the men. "Is- Is L okay?" He asked, his voice shaking.

"Hello, I'm Light, you're must be Near. L's fine just tired. How come you're up?" Light said quietly, so as not to wake L. Near sat down on the ground, facing the boys. He held the bear with one hand, and began twirling his hair in the other hand. He looked from L to Light.

"You're his lover?" He asked, "You care for him very much." He said softly, ignoring the question to his own health.

"Yes he is and I do," Light replied, smiling softly at L before turning his head to look at Near again.

"You're from Japan...?" Near asked in Japanese. "May I practice my words with you until L wakes up...?"

"Sure, it was getting weird talking so much in English anyway," Light said a bit relieved, as he too reverted to Japanese. Near smiled softly.

"You are a friend." He looked at L as the older male shifted slightly, sighing quietly. "If you know L, you must be smart. You must know much."

"Thank you and I hope so or else I would really be worried about the rest of Japan," Light joked, trying not to sound too boastful. Looking down at L, Light continued to stroke the soft hair.

"What is it like, to love somebody?" there was no longing in his voice, only curiosity, he cocked his head to the side and looked at him. He sniffed again before coughing.

"It is hard to describe exactly, but once you have felt it, it consumes you. You would do anything for that person and ask for nothing in return. All you want is to be near that loved one always. Sometimes though it can be more painful than anything else but other times it is the most wonderful thing in the world. That is as best as I can describe it."

Near frowned, "Sounds like it's a waste of time," Near said softly, "You should be concentrating on solving whatever case you are working on, not on somebody else." He looked at the ceiling, "I don't think I should ever fall in love."

"Only someone who has never felt it would think that way as I'm sure L would be able to tell you. Well I hope you're wrong and you do meet someone," Light said, "Anyway lucky for L I was planning on a career in detective work anyway." Near was sat on the floor, so he got up and sat on the couch next to Light.

"Why do people love?" he asked, looking at the way that Light was holding L. They were sitting close… Like his parents used to. He ignored his memories for a moment, filing it away to look back over later.

"No one ever gets to choose how they feel, or it would be called decision and not emotions. No one chooses who to love, they just do. Sometimes by loving someone, another will get hurt. It isn't always fair, it just is. Before I met L I thought exactly like you do but now… I don't think I could live without him or at least not in a way that could really be called living. So really why people love is because it is instinctual. It is something that is built into us that binds people together." Light explained, struggling slightly as he tried to speak from his heart rather than his head. A small sound came from L, and he turned his head to face Near.

"It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Sometimes, the synapses in the brain are crossed, and a man can fall for another man. Do you think it's wrong?" He'd been awake for a little while, and listening to the conversation. It was interesting. And Light's responses were flattering.

Near paused for a moment then shook his head, "Why would it be wrong? If the brain is confused, it's a fault of nobody." Light's eyes narrowed slightly, he had never liked think that what he felt was simply an error and that he should be in love with a girl like Misa. He didn't say anything though; L knew that Light tended towards a more idealistic view on things. L leaned closer to Light, and smiled. Near just looked at them and frowned, "You don't think of it as a mistake?" He asked, "But what if your brain changes the way it is when it reforms? You know the brain is constantly changing, right?" L smiled again and shook his head.

"Most people don't change the way they feel about gender issues." He said softly, "And I don't intend on ever changing my mind." Near smiled.

"I want to be invited."

Blinking confusedly, L frowned, "To what?"

"The wedding." Light blushed and buried his face against L to hide it.

L laughed slightly, "I don't know if there'll be a wedding," He said softly, slightly sadly. He shook his head, "We've only been together for a short while." Near looked between the two and smiled.

"I think there will be." He coughed again, his hand covering his mouth.

"Right, back to bed for you," L said softly, standing up and taking Near's hand. "You still need your rest." Near turned to look at Light.

"Thank you." He said softly, "for allowing me to practice my words." He smiled and allowed L to pull him back to the stairs. Light smiled back, trying to hide the fear that suddenly shot of his spine at L's words. Lying down on the couch, he waited for L to return. L returned a few moments later, smiling softly.

"He's resting." He noted Light's expression and frowned, "Is there something wrong?" He asked softly, walking over to the couch and crouching beside him. He smiled at him and gently stroked his forehead.

"It's nothing, just me overreacting as usual," Light replied and gave L a tired grin.

L pouted softly, "C'mon, you can tell me." He smiled softly, lifting Light's head so that he could sit down and place Light's head on his lap. He was stroking his hair softly. "What is it that you were over reacting to? My boys? I know Mello can be a handful, but he doesn't mean it..."

"It's not them; Mello's fine…" Light replied quietly before he blurted out before he could stop himself, "… Why don't you think there will be a wedding?" L blinked a few times before smiling down at Light.

"I didn't think you'd be interested in talking about that just now." He said softly, "We've only been together a little while..." He stroked his hair. "Do you want to?"

"I guess it is just that at the moment I don't even want to consider a future without you," Light answered quietly and curled up closer to L.

"Ok, that's fine by me," Light replied before letting out a soft, contented purr. L leaned forward and kissed him deeply.

"In a few weeks, I'll ask you to marry me." He said softly, "It's too soon now, you've only just got to my home, and you're only just meeting my people." He said softly.

Light returned the kiss lovingly, "Thankyou; that's all I ask." Still smiling, L put his arms around Light and held him close.

"Light," He said softly, "Shall we migrate to the bed?" He asked, "It's more comfortable."

Light looked up at L and smiled back, "Sure." Without waiting for Light to stand up, L stood up, holding Light bridal style before he placed him on the bed, hovering over him and kissing him deeply. Light's arms tangled around L's neck as he returned the kiss fervently, moaning softly. L pulled back and smiled at Light before rolling to lie beside him. He snuggled closer to him and stroked his face.

"I'll have to introduce you properly...to the boys..." He closed his eyes, smiling.

"Ok, I'd like that," Light replied and curled up close to L and closed his eyes too.

"Light..." L said after a while, "Is this really happening?"

* * *

Somewhere else in the house, Mello stormed into a room, not bothering to knock on the door. As bold as his entrance was, Mello just stood for a moment, trying to think of what to say to the redhead in front of him.

"I-I want to talk to you." Okay, so not what he was intending on saying, but it'd do. Matt, was button mashing as fast as he could and only vaguely heard Mello speak.

"Yeah, yeah, just one sec I need to… _Damn it!_ Why did you have to do that?" Matt shouted, pressing a few buttons, Matt turned off the game but not before saving it.

Mello, for the first time he could remember, stayed by the door, nervous. He looked around, but not at Matt. He wanted Matt's full attention before he spoke. "What...what would you do if I told you that... that I maybe... possibly like guys- instead of girls?" He asked, stuttering in places.

Matt snorted, "You were worried about that? Have some faith in me; I am your best friend. I knew that years ago."

Taking a deep breath, Mello continued, still not looking at Matt, "And what if I told you that I thought I might like someone in particular?" He asked, flushing red.

"I would say you look very cute blushing and stuttering like that," Matt replied simply. Mello's breathing stopped for a moment, and he bit his lips before looking at Matt.

"And...And what if I told you that I- That he- um... that the person I like... That I…" He shook his head, trying to figure out how to say it. "It's you!" He blurted out finally. He put his hand on his mouth and looked away. Still flushed deeply, Mello looked up at Matt, his breath leaving him and short, nervous pants. He was shaking slightly. He licked his lips before speaking again. "Wh-what?"

"I have wanted to do this for a while," Matt murmured, mostly to himself and he lifted his hand to cup the back of Mello's neck and pressed his lips against Mello's soft, pink ones. Gasping, with his eyes opening wide, Mello felt his heart beat faster while the rest of his body froze. After a second, he closed his eyes and pushed forward, leaning against Matt while he clumsily attempted to return the kiss. Matt lifted his other hand to steady Mello's head before nipping at the soft bottom lip gently. Mello pulled away softly and looked at Matt.

"Do- do you mean..." he stuttered slightly, still completely pink from the kiss.

"…I have been waiting for you to tell me," Matt finished. "It certainly has taken you long enough." Leaning closer to Matt, Mello kissed him again. Still new at it, he wasn't any good. He pulled back again and smiled at Matt.

"How long have you known?"

"Long enough," Matt replied and wandered back over slump back onto the bed to sit lazily.

"Um..." Mello fiddled with his fingers. "Where does this... leave us...?" He asked, looking down at his lap.

"Well I'm the still the same and you're still the same, the only thing that's different is that know we will be actually be displaying the affection we feel for each other. You can label this what ever you want but that doesn't change a thing. I like you and you like me, it's really not all that complicated," Matt answered, his eyes on the ceiling.

"You sound like you've done this before..." Mello said with a small laugh. "You some sort of player?" He asked as a joke. He leaned against Matt and smiled softly.

"Nah, got it off this chick game L gave me as a joke." Matt replied and after a moment he slung an arm around Mello's waist. Mello leaned closer to Matt, still feeling a little nervous. He paused for a second before shifting his position completely. He was now laid down on the bed, with his head on Matt's lap. He looked up at Matt and smiled softly. After stroking Mello's hair for a bit, Matt's eyes drifted over to his game before looking back at Mello questioningly as if asking 'can I?' Laughing slightly, Mello nodded, shuffling slightly, his head moving closer to Matt. He closed his eyes and his breathing became more regular – he was falling asleep. Quick as a flash Matt's hands reached out and snatched the game and within half a minute he was back to being engrossed in his game as if nothing had happened. Smiling, completely comfortable, Mello fell asleep on Matt's lap.

* * *

**So what did you think? I hope you like Matt as I was the one who writes as him and Interstella writes as the others. I will update again soon.**


	8. The Talk

**Welcome back on this day of mourning. In case you were unaware it was on this day that Soichiro Yagami died aged 58. So in honour of his death both MIADWP and ISWAM have been updated. Enjoy!**

* * *

A few hours later, he opened his eyes blinked a few times. Blushing deeply, he realized that during his sleep, he'd turned onto his side, and now he was facing Matt's crotch. He took a deep intake of breath and blinked again. He turned his head away, to look up still blushing deeply.

"Wakie, wakie sleeping beauty," Matt murmured. "You really are cute when you blush."

"My head was...I mean..." He bit his lower lip and looked away blushing deeply. He couldn't help but glance back at Matt's crotch. He pulled his eyes away to look at the wall on the other end of the room.

"Yeah, I guess it was. You looked so peaceful though I didn't want to move you," Matt replied eyes stuck on his game.

"Something tells me that I could be blowing you off right now, and you'd still be concentrating more on the game..." He laughed slightly. "You probably wouldn't even notice..." He found himself licking his lips and shook his head with another laugh.

"It almost sounds like you want to test that theory," Matt said sounding amused.

"How do you know I'm not already testing it and you haven't noticed yet...?" He asked with a laugh, not being able to resist moving his hand to stroke Matt's crotch with one finger.

"I would have definitely noticed that," Matt replied and held back a slight shiver. Mello repeated the process of stroking Matt's crotch, this time with two fingers.

"Are you quite sure?" He asked all his attention on what he was doing now and trying not to drool. He swallowed and tried to regulate his breathing. Matt's hands shoved the game aside and grasped Mello's face in one hand, forcing Mello to look into his eyes.

"What are you trying to do to me," Matt whispered heatedly, his other hand grabbed Mello's hand and stilling it.

"I don't know..." Mello answered truthfully, stuttering slightly and flushing dark red. "You didn't like it?" He asked, threading his fingers through Matt's.

"It is not a matter of me liking it but what your intentions are." Matt moved closer so that their foreheads met and he looked deep into Mello's eyes; his hands moving to grasp Mello's thin shoulders.

"I don't know..." Mello said truthfully, leaning up to kiss Matt. "I just...wanted to touch you..." He blushed deeply and turned away. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Matt muttered and leant back, pulling Mello on top of him. "Go ahead." Blushing deeply Mello stared down at Matt. After a moment, he leaned down and kissed him deeper than before, his eyes closing and a soft moan escaping him. He pulled away again and looked down at Matt's crotch.

Licking his lips he nodded, "You sure?"

"I promise to be good," Matt said in a velvety voice Mello had never heard before. Breath hitching, Mello leaned back and straddled Matt's legs. He ran his fingers down Matt's crotch before reaching up and gently undoing the trousers. He pulled them down slightly, along with Matt's underwear. He then ran his fingers along Matt's bare length. Matt didn't bother to hide his reaction this time and let out a low moan as the soft fingers danced across his skin. Mello was completely entranced by the sight of the swelling member under his fingers. He closed his own eyes as he tried to control his reaction to Matt's sound. He moved his fingers again, gently pressing harder against the organ. He couldn't help but stare at it.

"God Mello! What do you do to me," Matt groaned as his arousal increased not only by the gentle, testing touches but the look of absolute fascination in Mello's eyes. Mello looked at Matt's face and smiled sheepishly.

"I didn't know I could do that to you..." He said softly, his fingers still moving. He leaned down to kiss Matt again before pulling back to carry on watching the swelling organ under his hand. "It's..." He bit his lips and smirked slightly, "too dry... It's gonna hurt you if I don't..." Instead of finishing his sentence, he leaned down and gently licked Matt's member, coating it with his saliva before pulling back and carrying on with his stroking. He continued to stare, awe filled at the pink length.

Letting out another groan and light shudder Matt said, "You always have Mells. Even when it was as… uhhh… innocent as you eating expensive chocolate." Mello frowned, pausing for a second to look at Matt.

"You've... always felt like this?" He asked quietly, looking at Matt before continuing with his task. Matt seemed to be enjoying it as much as Mello was. He stroked him again, bringing his other hand up to do so too. He started to finger the slit at the head, wondering if that was the right thing to do, while his other hand was gently caressing the vein on the underside.

"Mhmmmm… Always…" Mello was having trouble hiding his own excitement, so he shifted slightly, hoping it wasn't digging into Matt's leg. He pulled one hand away, and closed the other into a fist. Honestly, he had no idea what he was doing, but he followed his instincts. He started pumping his fist up and down Matt's member.

"Is this...okay?" He asked, completely unsure.

"You are doing… ahhhhh… fine," Matt's eyes darkened with lust. He could feel Mello's arousal and he wasn't sure how much longer could hold back before he literally _attacked_ the boy. Mello grinned at Matt, glad he was doing right. He started moving slightly faster, leaning forward to kiss Matt at the same time.

"You like?" He asked, pulling away slightly from the kiss. He shifted his lower body again, not feeling comfortable in his trousers. Matt felt the pause and before he could stop himself, he had flipped them over so that he had Mello pinned to the bed.

"Oh I like alright," Matt murmured as he drank in the sight of Mello beneath him. After a moment Matt captured Mello's lips in a deep kiss, his hand reached down to pull down Mello's zip and freeing Mello's straining erection. Mello gasped, allowing his eyes to close into the kiss. He moaned softly.

"Matt..." He moaned softly, his member throbbing. Blindly, Matt reached for the drawer where he kept his hand lotion and poured it onto his hand. Loving the soft sounds but needing more, Matt grasped Mello's erection tightly before running his hand up and down the firm muscle. "Ahh!" Mello had never felt such a feeling before. He arched into the touch, moaning deeply. "Matt...?" He panted, wanting to feel more of that. Matt smirked and dragged his nail up the vein on the underside of Mello's erection before pumping it again fiercely. All Mello could do was moan and thrust his hips towards the sensation. He'd never even touched himself before, and he'd had no idea it could feel this good. It was almost too good. There was a warmth coiling around his lower stomach, and he had a small idea of what it could be. His eyes screwed closed, he moaned again through panting breath. "Matt...I think… I think..." But he didn't get a chance to say it before he emptied his seed, with another, pleasurable moan. Matt's eyes took in every tiny expression Mello's face made as he came and stored it in his mind so he would be able to remember it always.

"You looked beautiful Mells." Matt breathed, his chest heaving. Mello, panting and shivering, was still seeing stars. He opened his eyes and smiled dopily at Matt. He reached for Matt and pulled him towards him, gently kissing him before letting go so that he could breathe. After a couple of seconds, he looked at Matt again, still smiling.

"You want me to finish you...?" He asked.

"Only if you want to," Matt replied after a moment, he felt close to the edge from just watching Mello orgasm so it wouldn't take much more to set him off either. Mello nodded, kissing Matt again. He pushed him down so that Mello was on top now, all the while still kissing him. He moved his hand down to stroke Matt before grasping him in his fist and pumping. Matt moaned loudly as he felt close to edge once more. "So… close…" Matt panted, refusing to arch his back. A few seconds later Matt let out a quiet "…Mello" and came into Mello's hand. Mello kissed Matt again, rolling over so that he was lay on his side beside the redhead. He brought his hand up and looked at it before bringing it to his face and licking it. It was a strange urge, and it tasted interesting. Matt's eyes glowed briefly as he watched Mello taste him before dragging him into another deep kiss. Mello moaned softly into the kiss, his eyes closing as he leaned closer. He pulled away and looked back at his hand.

"Maybe we should wash up..." he suggested tiredly.

"Do you want me to go first or you?" Matt replied.

"Together?" Mello suggested, smiling at Matt, kissing him again. Matt returned the kiss briefly before breaking it.

"Let's not, I don't think I could resist the temptation," Matt breathed against Mello's lips.

"Temptation to what?" Mello asked, inching towards Matt with his mouth as he said the words. He kissed him again and pulled away slightly to look into Matt's eyes.

"Let's just say that whatever it is, you're too tired for right now," Matt replied simply. Mello pouted, but didn't argue. He agreed with the tired comment. Instead, he lay down on the bed and pulled Matt closer, snuggling into his side.

* * *

L opened his eyes, blinking at Light. He must have fallen asleep. Smiling, he gently stroked Light's hair, moving slightly to kiss his forehead. Light squirmed slightly to move closer to L before letting out a contented sigh and continuing to sleep peacefully. Smiling softly, L moved closer and closed his eyes contently, readying himself to go back to sleep. At the feel of L's movement, Light's eyes opened drowsily and he let out a soft yawn.

"Morning sunshine." L said with a small smile, his drifting towards sleep interrupted by the sound of the yawn. He opened his eyes and looked at Light. "Sleep well?"

"Mhmmm, sorry about that," Light said sounding guilty at falling asleep on L like that.

"Sorry for what?" L asked, pulling Light closer into his arms. He sighed softly and snuggled closer, his face nuzzling Light's shoulder like a kitten. "It's comfy."

"For falling asleep on you," Light replied in awe of L's cuteness. "You are adorable, did you know that?" L gently punched Light on the arm.

"Doubt it." He sighed softly and yawned, a small sound, similar to the meow of a cat escaping him. As soon as it did so, L covered his mouth with a blush. "Haven't done that in a while..." he mumbled.

"You are now officially the cutest person I have ever met," Light declared and kissed L's cheek. L pouted, squirming slightly.

"Cute is for girls..."

"Well you seem to be determined to defy that logic," Light laughed.

"Pfft." L sighed, shifting his position so he was leaning above Light. He leaned down and kissed him lovingly before pulling back and smiling. "I love you, you know that, right?" He asked before rolling off Light and heading to his dresser. He dug through his draws and pulled out some clean clothes before changing. He picked some more clothes and threw them at Light. Light got changed too and stood in front of L so that he could give L a kiss in return.

"I do know and I hope you know that I love you too." Grinning, L kissed Light one more time before turning to the door.

"C'mon. I'll introduce you to Matt and Mello properly."

"Ok," Light replied and took L's hand and followed L out of the room. The journey to Matt's room was a quiet one, once they got there, L smiled at Light.

"You've met Near and Mello, so I figured today we could start with Matt." And with that, he gently knocked on Matt's door. "Matt, are you in there?"

* * *

Inside, Mello blinked his eyes opened and looked at Matt.

"Um..." He pointed to the door, blushing.

"I suppose we have a little bit of a problem don't we?" Matt murmured. Mello blushed deeply, making sure that his trousers were on and zipped up. He was glad that they hadn't actually stripped. He looked at Matt, then at the mess on the bed and on his hand.

"Zip up and get rid of them!" He hissed. As soon as L and Light entered, Mello was sure they'd be able to smell what they'd done last night. L knocked on the door again.

"Hey...are you in there! Are you alright?" He was starting to get a little worried now. Deciding to be nice to his nervous love, Matt called out.

"Dude, I'm just about to have a shower. I'll go to your room when I'm done." L raised an eyebrow and shrugged at Light.

"Okay," He called through the door before turning to Light. "Let's go to see Mello then." Mello heard this through the door and with wide-eyed gestured to Matt to do something.

"Oh and if your looking for Mello he said something about getting chocolate." Matt yelled out again before grabbing some clothes and having a quick shower. L just rolled his eyes.

"He's in there with you isn't he!" He asked through the door, smirking to Light slightly. Mello paled and stared at the door.

* * *

Two minutes later the shower shut off and Matt dried himself off before getting dressed and walking to the door after grabbing his game and leaving the room.

"Dude, are you deaf? I said chocolate." Matt said sounding bored and switching on his game. "So why the hell were you looking for me anyway?"

"Need to introduce you properly to Light. He's going to be here for a while, so you need to know," L said to Matt, raising his eyebrows and smirking slightly. "Are you sure that Mello isn't in there? Coz we can leave you two alone to do...whatever..." The fact that the two were underage didn't seem to bother L. Light whacked L on the back of the head.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Matt."

Matt looked at Light and smirked before saying to L, "You're keeping this guy or I will stick a chocolate high Mello on you."

"We both know the easiest way to tame Mello is to give him more chocolate," L said with a laugh, rubbing his head where Light had hit him. "And yes, I'm keeping him." He smirked, "So no going after him, he's mine. Tell Mello to clean up then come up to my floor." He added with another smirk before walking back to the stairs. Matt shrugged and walked back into his room, but not before grabbing his emergency stash of chocolate which he handed to Mello immediately. Mello took the chocolate and looked at Matt.

"Did L just say what I thought he said?" When Matt had been outside, Mello had gone for a quick wash. He was now clean and sitting on the newly stripped bed. "He knows... and doesn't care?"

"Pretty much," Matt agreed, appearing to be engrossed in his game. Mello found himself gawking at Matt.

"He doesn't care?" He grinned, "That's great!" He moved closer to Matt and smirked. "There go the games again..." He moved closer, "I wonder how much I can get away with without you noticing?" He asked, picking up one of the chocolate bars. "You know chocolate is an aphrodisiac... right?"

"I should know since it looks like you are orgasming when you eat the really good stuff," Matt answered, his eyes locked on the game. Smirking still, Mello moved closer to Matt, not physically touching him, but close enough. He looked over the game to watch it. After a few seconds of this, he pulled back and looked at Matt, open the chocolate and holding it in his hands to heat it up before moving back to Matt.

"I just happen to have some here... That we can share." He smirked at Matt. "Or will you not notice...?"

Matt looked at Mello in shock, "Wow Mells, I think that is the first time you have offered to share your chocolate with someone. You must _**love**_ me."

Mello bit his lip, looking down at the chocolate before nodding, "Do you want some, or not?" He asked, gently lifting his hand to push the game away and lean up to kiss Matt. He then pulled back and kneeled down in front of Matt. "Well?" He asked, looking up at Matt from his position next to his crotch.

"Let me taste it again…" Matt purred and pulled Mello into another kiss, his tongue delving into Mello's mouth and tasting every inch of it before pulling away. "Delicious…" Slightly breathless from the kiss, Mello smiled, leaned forward and kissed Matt's neck. Moving back slightly to put the chocolate on the night stand, he returned to Matt and gently ran his hands down his side. Matt pushed his game aside too and his hands grasped either side of Mello's hips and pulling Mello closer so the older boy was straddling him. Mello leaned forward and kissed Matt deeply, smirking slightly.

"Isn't L expecting us?" He asked with a small laugh.

"I'm sure he can wait a little bit longer," Matt replied and shoved one hand into Mello's hair so that he could capture the warm lips in another kiss while using the other to tug the blonde closer to him. Mello moaned softly before smirking.

"What do you want us to do with those few extra minutes?" He asked seductively.

Flipping them back over so that he was above Mello, Matt murmured, "Kissing you senseless sounds like a good idea." Giving a brief smirk, Matt proceeded to do just that. Moaning into the kiss, Mello pushed up into the kiss. He couldn't help but thrust his hips up too.

"Mmmn." He pulled away only far enough to speak, "Sounds like a good idea..." he panted, returning to the kiss. He couldn't, nor did he want to hide the swelling in his lower regions. Matt only deepened the kiss at the sound of Mello's moan, the hand holding Mello's hip tightened and ground into Mello harshly before pulling away completely but not with out a large amount of reluctance.

"L's expecting you, I'll be here when you're done."

Mello whined, "Maaatttt...I'm not going to L like this!" He thrust his hips up to point out his excitement. "I'm not crazy!"

"That will take more than a couple of minutes though," Matt teased. Mello pouted, looking up at Matt.

"Matty..." he said softly, in a whining voice. He shifted slightly, "I don't wanna go like thisss..." Matt's eyes burned with lust at this, unable to hide it even if he had wanted to. Straddling Mello's waist Matt shoved the blonde hair aside and latched his mouth onto Mello's neck nipping and sucking, turning Mello into mush in his hands. With his free hand he unzip the leather top and rid Mello of it quickly.

Mello moaned again, his body arching towards Matt. "Mmmm Matt..." He was breathing deeply now, panting with closed eyes. Neck sufficiently marked, Matt dragged his lips down Mello's chest, lips latching onto one nub while he used his finger to play with the other to make it hard. Switching now, Mello's moans, like music to his ears. With his free hand he unzipped Mello's pants and tugging them down to Mello's ankles. Shifting his hips, Mello attempted to help Matt get him out of his clothes. The sensations on his chest enough to get him to shudder and moan even more. He thrust his hips up again, wanting Matt to touch him there...

Matt removed the rest of Mello's clothes before dragging his tongue down Mello's skin and plunging once into the belly button. Lowering his mouth further, Matt finally reached his prize. Holding Mello down firmly Matt licked him from base to tip before sinking down onto the length. Mello's eyes widened as the wet warmth enveloped him. They then slid closed as his body reacted, becoming even harder and trying, in vain, to thrust towards the sensation. His hands that had been fisting the blankets beneath him now moved to rest on Matt's shoulders, his nails digging in slightly.

"Nnngnnh Matt..." Matt bobbed his head up and down, licking and nipping at the sensitive flesh. "Matt..." Mello could feel the warmth begin to coil. He was close, he was so close. "Matt..." That was more of a moan, "I'm gonna..." Again, he didn't get a chance to warn Matt fully before he emptied his seed – directly into Matt's mouth. Matt tried not to choke on the load and removed his mouth from Mello's now limp penis and licking his lips. Panting tiredly, with a dopy grin on his face, Mello looked at Matt. He moved his hand slightly so that he could gently caress his cheek. He leaned closer and kissed him before collapsing onto the bed. "Lemme have a small nap..." He mumbled.

"Nope, you have to go meet L," Matt replied grinning back. "Or do I have to carry you?"

"Go tell L that I'm indisposed..." Mello mumbled, his eyes closing.

Sighing, Matt grabbed Mello's clothes and began dressing the boy again, "I guess I'm carrying you then."

"No, no." Mello pushed Matt away and dressed himself. "I'll go, I'll go." He sighed and looked at Matt. "But can you see why I just want to spend all day in bed with you?" He asked with a smile, "All day in the arms of a beauty." He kissed Matt, tasting a strange taste on his lips. Pulling back, he finished getting dressed and smiled. "When I come back...It's my turn to taste you." He said with a grin before leaving the room.

Matt rolled his eyes, "He's the beautiful one."

Irritably, Mello knocked on L's door. As soon as L opened it, he glared.

"What? I was busy, what the hell do you want?"

L just snorted, "I don't want to know what you were doing." He gestured for Mello to enter, and the blonde did so. "You should meet Light properly."

"I already did!" Mello objected, "It's thanks to him that I'm able to do what I want to!"

"Don't you mean who?" L asked with a smirk. "I hope you're using the right protection..." Mello just gave L a blank look.

"Protection?"

"Don't worry L, I doubt they have got that far yet," Light said.

"Well they still need to know." L pouted, placing an arm around Mello's shoulders and guiding him inside. The irate teen just sat on the couch with his arms folded.

"What do we need protection for? It's not like we can get pregnant or anything..." He looked to Light for answers, since L seemed to have disappeared.

"L? Damn it get back here o else I will tell Mello something you would rather not want him to know," Light yelled. L poked his head out of the kitchen, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"What is it?" He asked, "I don't want to give him that talk! You do it!" And with that, he returned to the kitchen. Mello just grimaced.

"I don't want the sex talk from L."

"Too bad because I have given two already and I refuse to make it three," Light said stubbornly.

"Who'd you give the talk to?" L asked from the kitchen, not bringing his head out again. The shuffling of pots and pans could be heard, along with another, distinctive sound.

"Is he...cleaning?" Mello asked his eyes wide and surprised. "L never cleans..." Yep, the other sound was running water and scrubbing.

"My sister first and the second person should have known long before me considering they were older than me," Light said hintingly. "And I don't care if L is cleaning he will come out here now since I won't tell you."

"NOPE!" L yelled, "I'm not telling!" He turned the tap on a faster setting so that it was louder, and ended up getting himself completely drenched. Yelping, as the cold water touched him, he turned the tap down again. "Well that didn't work." He mumbled.

Mello laughed. "You gave L the sex talk?" He asked, trying vainly to hold his giggles back.

"Since he won't give it to you, yes he was the one I gave a sex talk too." Light admitted, "Now excuse me, there is something I need to be doing."

"Wait, what?" Mello looked at Light, wide eyed. "You're not gonna tell me what I need to know?"

"Yes he is!" L said from where he was stood, next to the kitchen door. He looked at Light, a commanding look on his face, "Aren't you?"

"Hell no and you're not making me either," Light stood up to leave.

"Light..." L sighed and leaned against the door. "I don't know what to tell him. I honestly don't..." He shook his head, "He needs to hear this from someone who knows what they're talking about, not someone like me who went in completely blind..." His tone was that of hopelessness, he honestly didn't think that he could tell the boy what he needed to know.

"L, do some research… I… I just can't." Light said sadly, "I'm sorry." Mello was just looking back and forth between the two. After a moment, he headed towards the door, figuring that they probably wouldn't notice that he was going. L did notice, but he didn't say anything, instead, he looked at Light with a little disappointment. He smiled sadly and returned to the kitchen. Light left to see Watari, he did actually have something he needed to do.

* * *

**So what did you all think? For the readers of 'Friends?' it has not been abandoned and I am currently editing the story so far. I will be putting up the edited chapters soon and will return to working on new chapters.**


	9. Near The Closet Pervert

**Hi, sorry I took so long to update. I was planning on updating on Friday since it was my birthday, but on Wednesday I lost the internet and have only got it back. Anyway I have some people who I would like to make a special mention to and they are the people who have accepted 10 of my plot ideas. So far three have been posted and they are:**

**'Pride an Predjudice: the Death Note Edtion' By katie-elise**

**'Second Chance' by TheFlamingRainbow**

**'After Dark' by **

**Check them out if you get the chance. I have other plot ideas posted on my profile too so if you are stuck trying to think of a chapter story idea feel free to request them though it will have to be L/Light not Light/L. I also have been doing some beta work for MLMsky4life. In particular 'Fading Light' and 'Love You, Hate Me' so I recommend reading them too, but not until after this. Enjoy!**

* * *

When the dishes were clean, L sighed and went to the bedroom. He sat on the bed, then, deciding against sitting, lay down, staring at the ceiling. He was a little disappointed that Light couldn't explain to Mello what he couldn't. He was a little worried for the boys. A few minutes later Light returned.

"Hey, I just called my parents." L looked at him and smiled softly.

"Oh?" He asked. He didn't sit up or anything and the thoughts that had been running in his mind were still circling. Still, he listened to what Light had to say.

"Look I'm sorry, but I am sick of having to be the one everyone runs to every time they don't want to do something. My parent's did it a lot since mum had to take care of the house and dad was always working. They would always use that as an excuse or say that I knew more and they could never be bothered to looking it up themselves," Light tried to explain though his excuse sounded weak in his ears.

"Light..." L sighed and sat up, still looking at the other. "I turned to you, because I didn't know what else to do. He's my kid, Light. My responsibility. I adopted him the day I turned 18,thinking that I could look after him." He shook his head, "I probably should have told you earlier, but I was just hoping you'd help me with that." He was looking away now, his voice quiet. "I honestly don't know what answers he's looking for. I'm still new to all of this."

"L, I just met the kid. It was hard enough telling you and Sayu. Of course I will help you with him, but you can't just have me meet him and expect me to act like a parent straight away since I am probably only 4 years older than him at best." Light said as carefully as he could. L sighed, leaning back down.

"I know. I'm sorry," He said softly, tiredly. "I adopted all three of them... You realize that right? Matt, Mello and Near... They're all mine..." He shook his head, "See, this is the sort of reason I didn't want to ask you to marry me straight away." His eyes were closed. "If you have a problem with my having three kids, the youngest being only seven years younger than you, it's much easier to walk away now...though you might want to get a copter since it's a long way home..." He shook his head. "I want you to know what you're getting into... and find out if you still want to get into it."

"L, no, I don't have a problem with them. I just have a problem with meeting them and being asked to give one the sex talk the same day," Light said as he walked over and lay on the bed next to L. "L, I love you and nothing could ever make me even consider leaving you." L laughed slightly, leaning closer to Light.

"I'm pretty sure there is." He shook his head, "I just don't want you to find it ten years from now. I swear, if you leave me now, I'll eventually get over it, but if you marry me then leave…" He shook his head, "I'm pretty sure I'd die."

"Ok, fine, bar you deciding you don't love me anymore or cheating on me, or something else as ridiculous as that there is nothing that could ever get me to leave." Light leant in to close the distance and kissed L firmly on the lips. L leaned into the kiss, reaching out to pull Light closer. Breaking the kiss, he smiled at Light.

"Thank you. I love you." He leaned against him, placing his head on Light's shoulder. "So what did you say to your parents?" he asked after a short while.

"I got dad thankfully and said that you had an emergency and that a close friend was sick and I had to go with you to make sure you were ok. Dad decided to come up with something else to tell mum," Light replied happily. L gave an amused sigh.

"I was supposed to meet your mother and your sister..." he said. "I know...I'll arrange a meeting. Do you think your sister and mother would like to go to Paris? Or maybe London...? Or Auckland even?" He shrugged, "Anywhere they'd want to go. You're father too, of course...Maybe even m- our boys..." It was a big step for him to be saying that, he knew. He wasn't sure if Light would ever accept them as his own. "Of course... none of them know I adopted them... So it could be a problem explaining things..." Light let out a laugh but didn't object to L labelling the boys as his too.

"Definitely Paris, I would like you to go over and have first with them first though. Just so you know I'm scared what will happen when Mello meets Sayu." L laughed slightly.

"Yeah... they're about the same age..." He looked at Light. "You don't mind... about the boys? I probably should have told you earlier... but..." He shrugged, "I'm not used to talking about myself."

"Just let me get used to the idea of being a parent for a little bit," Light said seriously, "and I will get used to it once I start getting to know the three a bit more."

"Do you think I should tell them...? That I adopted them?" He looked to the roof, not sure what to do. "I didn't before, because I knew they'd want to go with me... But... I think I might give up being L... Take on the role of one of my other alias's... take less dangerous cases." He swallowed slightly. "Settle down."

"You mean they don't know?" Light exclaimed before he could stop himself before trying to correct himself. "What I mean is you should tell them. I don't think they would be adverse to the idea in the slightest. As for giving up being L… Are you sure that's what you want? If you want to stay L for a few more years I would help you. Don't take this as me telling you what to do; I'm just surprised is all." L looked at Light.

"I've been L since I was ten years old. That's almost fifteen years. I think I'm about done. The Kira case nearly killed me, and at the start, I wouldn't have minded – but now... Now I want to live." He sighed. "I've been through a lot, and I think it's about time that I had some time to be me. Not L, just... me." He smiled softly, "There are problems I could think of with telling the boys... Mello's and Matt's involvement for one. While technically it's not illegal, some would still see it as incest. I don't know if they would too or not."

"As long as you're sure. I think Matt and Mello do deserve to find out though before what they are doing goes any further than it already has," Light advised and kissed L's cheek softly.

"I'll tell them then... tomorrow... I'll tell all three of them at once..." He sighed, "I should check on Near. Make sure he's still getting better." He smiled softly at Light and kissed softly before standing and walking to the door. "Want to come with?"

"Sure," Light replied and stood up to follow L. L smiled and took Light's hand, leading him towards Near's room. When they got there, he gently knocked on the door and poked his head inside. Near was lying on the bed, the same stuffed bear cradled to his chest. At the intrusion, he'd looked up. Noticing who it was, he smiled.

"Hello," He said with a small wave and sniff. L walked in with a smile and sat on the bed beside Near.

"How come you're not playing with your toys?" he asked. His voice wasn't the same as it would be if he was talking to someone else Near's age – no, L knew just how smart the child was.

"The nurse said I wasn't allowed until I was better," Near answered, still clutching the bear. "She said I can only play with Watson." L smiled as he recognized the bear he'd given Near on the day he'd adopted him. He hadn't told Near why he'd given it to him, just that he'd wanted to. Same with Mello's huge chocolate selection and Matt's first hand held game. He gestured over to Light, signalling for him to sit in the chair next to the bed.

"You remember Light, right?" Near nodded and greeted Light with a smile.

"So will I get an invite?"

"As soon as L proposes you will," Light replied teasingly.

"So L's the seme and you're the uke?" Near asked, once again testing his Japanese words. "Interesting." He shifted his bear slightly, seeming to give it all his attention. L knew that this wasn't the case. But still, he was confused.

"Seme and uke? I've never come across these terms..." Near just looked at Light as if to say 'I'm not going to explain it'.

"Well originally the words came from martial arts with seme as the attacker and uke as the receiver. Now though it also refers to the positions during sex in a homosexual relationship. The seme is the one who dominates and basically the one who has his penis up the uke's butt," Light explained with a sigh. "So Near is right. Though it is strange that he knows this and you don't."

"Unlike L," Near gestured to the very pink detective, "I actually do research into things I'm interested in."

"You're interested in gay sex!" L asked his eyes wide as he looked at his eleven year old son.

"Yes." The reply was a simple one.

"But you're eleven!" Near blinked and looked at L.

"I don't see how that is relevant." He shrugged, "I do writings. Online, with some internet friends." He gestured to his computer. "You may not want to read them..."

"_Finally_… Someone understands the concept of research," Light exclaimed. "So how long have you been writing Near?"

"A day." Near said with a shrug and a cough. "Since the conversation yesterday, I thought I should do some more research." By this time, L was looking really uncomfortable. Near smiled at him. "This isn't something you would like to discuss with me, is it?"

"Well...no...it is a little...weird..." L muttered, face pink.

"Because you adopted me and I'm your eleven-year-old son." Near nodded, "Makes sense." Light was liking this kid more and more by the second but he forced his face to remain blank since he guessed that L would not be happy if he saw the grin Light was hiding. He knew the kids would have no problem knowing L was their dad.

Near nodded. "When you gave us all the toys and chocolate, I figured something must be wrong." He pulled his bear from next to his chest and started playing with it. "So I did some research. I found out that it was your birthday, 31st October, very fitting. But then I began to wonder, why you would give us gifts on your birthday." He shrugged, "I shared my concerns with Matt, and we tapped into the schools database. We found the records. Mello is the only one not to know." L stared at Near for a full three seconds before laughing.

"I wouldn't expect anything less," He said with a smile.

"See? I told you that they would be ok with it," Light murmured but only loud enough for L to hear.

L nodded, still a little surprised. "I still have to tell Mello..." he said softly. Near nodded, still playing with his bear. He then looked at Light frowning slightly.

"So if L is my father...and you marry him... will that make you my stepmother?"

Light scowled playfully, "Would it really be that weird having two dad's?

"I am still unsure of the terminology," Near admitted. "You must remember that while I am smart, I am only eleven. There are some things I haven't learned yet."

"Well basically since I'm a man and not a woman I would be your stepfather rather than your stepmother even though you already have a dad," Light explained.

Near nodded, "That makes sense." He smiled softly, "How old are you?" He asked, "You can't be the same age as L...You don't look it..." L was just happy watching the two interact, get to know each other.

"You're right, Actually I'm eighteen," Light admitted. Near looked at Light for a moment, really looked at him.

"You must love L very much." He said quietly, "To even consider getting married at such a young age..." L smiled softly and looked at Light, wanting to know his response.

"I really, really do," Light replied with a soft smile on his face. L stood and took Light's hand before smiling down at Near.

"We should let you get some rest. You're still not well." With that, he pulled Light out of the room and up the stairs. "I feel bad." He said, looking at Light. "Near's right, you're young! I shouldn't be asking you to marry me at such a young age!" He shook his head, letting go of Light's hand. "We've only been together, less than a month – we should wait before we consider this." He ran his hands through his hair and then put them over his eyes as he sat down on the bed. "People who marry young have a higher rate of divorce..." Light looked over to make sure the door was closed before he grabbed L's face between his hands and kissed him as passionately as he could. Pulling away he rested his head against L's so that he could look into his lover's eyes as he spoke.

"I. love. You. You are the most amazing human being I have ever met and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wouldn't have given up what I did for anything less," Light said heatedly, bringing up Kira for the first time since they got to England. "You think I didn't consider how young I am before? Of course people who marry young have a higher rate of divorce but that is because they have a lot more things going against them than we ever will. You are my life now." Smiling softly, L kissed Light again, but pulled back soon.

"Still... I feel like I'm pressuring you into it..." he said quietly. "Lets wait a while... before we get married." He said, pulling Light closer and adjusting their positions so that he could lean against him with his arms around him. "Let's stay together a couple of years first... What difference would it really make? The only real difference between marriage and being together, is a piece of paper and some kitchen gifts."

"L, _I_ feel like _I'm_ the one that is pressuring _you_ into this," Light murmured as he wrapped his arms around L too. "Still if waiting a couple of years is what will make you happy and content that I will never want to leave you then ok." Smiling, Light nuzzled closer to L, just happy at being so close to him after all they have been through. Smiling softly, L leaned against Light and relaxed.

"All it will take, to make me happy, is to be with you." He said softly.

"Hehehe… You haven't little old me by any chance have you," Ryuk cackled as he glided though the wall and into the room. "You know you're really not keeping up your end of the deal." Sighing, and mentally counting to ten, L pulled away from Light to glare at the shinigami.

"And when things seemed to be so right." He shook his head, "I had the apples organized to be put in the first floor of the task force HQ." He told the shinigami. "They should be there. So go eat." He made a shooing motion.

"Yeah well it sucks to be you don't it? Cos I have to remain at least in the same country as the Death Note wielder and right now you're getting boring." Ryuuk replied, cackling at the shooing motions. Taking yet another deep breath, L sighed.

"What if I give up ownership with the sole condition being I name the next wielder? Would that work, and allow me to keep the book?" He asked, looking over at Light with a small, pathetic smile. "Because otherwise, we'd have to return to Japan, and we'd likely have to bring the boys along. I don't think you'd get along very well with Mello. He tends not to like anything... inhuman."

"Nope, I don't think you would want to do that. Though I am curious as to whom you would have given it to," Ryuk replied with unconcealed curiosity.

"It doesn't matter." L sighed and turned to Light. "We must return to Japan. For a week." He smiled softly, "I think I'll bring the boys along..."

"I knew you would see things my way," Ryuk said with an evil laugh.

"Ok, but will Near be well enough?" Light asked sounding worried. L frowned for a second.

"I will speak with his doctor." He said with a nod. He headed to the door before pausing. "You may not wish to come along, shinigami. There are some strange people here. There was once a boy who was born with they eyes. I would not be surprised if somebody could see you." He didn't speak any more on the 'boy who had the eyes', but instead turned to look at the Shinigami.

"Haha, silly human. Now I just have to come. Nothing interests me more that strange humans," Ryuk replied and came over to follow L.

"Well you're in a house full of them." Resigned, L left the room, heading down to the nurses office. After talking with the doctor that was there, L walked to Near's room. "Near..." He knocked on the door and pushed his head inside. "I have to go back to Japan. Would you like to come along? I've cleared it with your doctor."

Smiling, Near nodded. "When do we leave?"

"Today after lunch."

"And here you said there would be interesting people. Let me guess, he's a genius too?" Ryuuk muttered annoyed. Ignoring the shinigami for the time being, L headed down to Matt's room, figuring both Mello and Matt would be there. He knocked on the door.

"Hey guys, I need to talk to you..." He said through the door.

"Don't think I will go away just because you are ignoring me," Ryuk warned.

"Sure dude, what is it?" Matt asked, eyes on the game he was playing which coincidentally was the first one L had ever given him. L smiled softly at the other.

"Is Mello there too?" He asked, "Is it safe to come in?"

"It's safe," Matt replied bored. L entered the room and smiled. Mello was indeed in the room, but by the looks of it, wasn't in much shape to be listening to L. He was asleep, curled up on Matt's bed, snoring quite loudly.

"How do you put up with that... If Light snored like that, I'd end up hitting him..." He said with a small laugh, completely ignoring the floating form of Ryuk.

"Wow, I would never have picked you as the abusive type," Ryuk chuckled.

"Easy…" Matt replied and shook a small container or ear plugs.

L laughed softly. "I suppose it's a bad idea to wake him..." He said with a smirk. "I wanted to tell you guys, I'm going back to Japan this afternoon. Near's coming with me and Light. Do you want to join us?"

"I doubt you could stop us if you tried," Matt replied and continued to play his game. Laughing softly, L shook his head. He was about to leave, when a thought struck him.

"Seven years ago, you helped Near break into the computer system, didn't you?" He asked, "You found out what I did..."

"Yeah of course I did… Dad," Matt said with a laugh. "It will be weird though having another dad who is only five years older than me though."

"Why didn't you tell me that you knew earlier?" L asked with a sigh, "doesn't matter. Anyway, have you told Mello yet?"

"Well me and Near decided to wait till you decided to tell us but I guess he let it slip. Mells doesn't know though."

L nodded. "I think I should tell him." He smiled at Matt. "You're still playing that game?" He asked with a small smirk. "It's got to be old by now..."

"It's a classic, shit graphics though," Matt responded, his eyes still fixated on the game.

"Hey, language!" L scolded, feeling a little more like a parent now. He laughed slightly. "Make sure Mello is awake and ready, we leave after lunch." He said with a smile before heading out the door and back upstairs.

When he was gone, Mello rolled over and looked at Matt.

"Dad?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"Ummm… Ooops?" Matt murmured softly.

"Something you're not telling me?" Mello asked, rolling onto his side and placing his head on his hand. The blankets slipped, showing Mello to still be naked.

"… More like something L's didn't tell you," Matt replied, eyes even more focused so as not to get distracted by Mello's bare body.

"Tell me," Mello demanded, eyes commanding. He completely ignored his nudity, in favour of demanding answers.

"_Crap_. Fine," Lifting his head Matt looked Mello dead in the eyes. "Seven years ago me and Near discovered that L adopted us."

"L adopted you and Near?" Mello was feeling a little left out, but he looked to Matt's eyes, and somehow, it didn't matter. Matt shook his head.

"Damn, this is where it gets complicated. He adopted all three of us so legally… We're brothers Mells."

"So I just had oral sex with my brother..." Mello said as if telling Matt that he has a video game in his hand. "Okay... And I thought this place couldn't get any weirder..." Matt tried not to look crushed at the word brother.

"You know how I said that I was waiting for you to tell me that you liked me? That wasn't everything. When I realised I could never see you as a brother I… I fucking freaked ok. I knew though that I liked you too much that if you were to say it back I wouldn't be able to resist you. Games or not," Matt explained, his eyes returning to the game so his hands would have something to do. Smiling softly, Mello moved to sit behind Matt, bringing his arms around him and pulling him closer.

"Hey, we're adoptive brothers. It's not against the law." He shrugged, "And even if it was, since when have I followed the rules?" He asked with a small laugh, placing his chin on Matt's shoulder. He found his legs had wrapped around Matt's waist, as well as his arms. Matt put the game down in favour of stroking Mello's bare legs, loving the feel of Mello's body pressed against his back.

"Thanks Mells," Matt sighed and leant back against Mello, relieved. Mello held Matt closely for a little while before turning his head slightly and gently kissing Matt's neck and nibbling softly on his ear.

"Anytime," He whispered into his ear. Loosening Mello's arms and legs slightly he drew him around so that Mello was now sitting on his lap.

"This is much, much better," Matt whispered and pulled Mello's head down into a deep kiss. "God your beautiful Mells." Laughing slightly, Mello kissed Matt back, pulling away to shake his head.

"I know." He kissed Matt deeply. "But I could tell you one person who's more so than me." Matt returned the kiss with one just as deep, one hand running smoothly through Mello's hair to cup the back of Mello's head.

"Not possible," Matt disagreed.

"Oh, but I'm looking right at him..." Mello said with a smile. "I lo…" he took a moment and swallowed, changing his word half way through, "…I like you a lot." He said softly. "You're the most beautiful person in the world as far as I'm concerned."

Matt scoffed, "Get your eyes checked Mells." Smiling gently at the older boy and taking a hopeful guess at what Mello had been about to say, said, "I love you." Mello froze his heart rate increasing and his breath slowing.

"Matt..." He said slowly, swallowing deeply. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply, pushing him down on the bed. He wasn't ready to say it in words, but he could use his actions. Quickly Matt caught one of Mello's legs to help him flip them over so he was on top without breaking the kiss. Surprised at the act, Mello's eyes blinked open, but he didn't stop kissing Matt. He leaned closer to him. He moved his hands to travel down Matt's body. He pulled away and looked at Matt. "How...how far do you want to go...?"

Matt thought for a moment.

"…Well, considering how old we are and the fact that I am the only one who actually knows what the hell more is I don't think we should go any further yet." Mello nodded, understanding. He leaned closer and kissed him again. He found his hand moving down to gently caress Matt's crotch through his clothes.

"I'm glad that you put clothes on before L came," he said softly, "but I think they should go now."

"If you want," Matt replied smoothly and got on his knees to straddle Mello as slowly removed his shirt. Mello sat up to kiss Matt deeply. He let his hand run up and down Matt's newly exposed chest. He continued to kiss him, his arms now snaking around his waist. He moved his hips slightly, allowing Matt to feel his need. Matt ground down on Mello as he returned the kisses with everything he had. Matts hands drifted to grab Mello's shoulders as he continued, trying to stabilise himself while letting out a groan of pleasure. Moaning deeply, Matt thrust up again. He kissed Matt deeply and pulled away.

"Matt... stop..." he said softly, gently pushing Matt's chest. Matt stopped instantly and looked at Mello questioningly. Looking at Matt apologetically, he smiled softly.

"I'm sorry." He gently stroked Matt's cheek. "But I-" He blushed deeply, "If we carry on going, I don't think I'll want to stop..." Matt sighed and got off of Mello and reached for his clothes.

"Just so you know I said we _shouldn't _go any further. Not that I didn't want to." Smiling, Mello stood and walked up to Matt and pulled him to his chest.

"I know... But..." he stroked Matt's hair. "You're right, we shouldn't rush things... We've done a lot considering I only confessed yesterday." He smiled softly, leaning around to kiss Matt deeply.

"Love you Mells," Matt replied as soon as the kiss broke and he dressed quickly. Pulling something out of his drawer he shoved it at Mello. It was a box of chocolate. Mello's eyes widened at the gift. He grinned at Matt, pulling him into a hug.

"Thank you!" He exclaimed, "I love you!" He yelled, pulling him close. He didn't even seem to notice that he'd just said that. He pulled away from the hug and clutched the chocolates to his chest. He grinned at Matt before shaking his hips. "I think I might need clothes... mine are kida messy..." He grinned, "Be a good boyfriend and let me wear some of yours?" He was still shaking his hips in a seductive manner, not seeming to notice what he was doing.

Matt mouth went try and he had to swallow so that he could speak, "S-sure." Mello leaned forward and kissed Matt deeply. He grinned and leaned over him, reaching for some clothes. Before putting them on, he moved back and looked at Matt. "You okay?" He asked, his head cocked to the side. Matt snatched the game of the bed and began to play it furiously.

"Now I am," he replied after a minute or two. A little disappointed, Mello sighed and sat on the bed next to Mello.

"Are you trying to test me?" He asked, "Test me to test you...?" He smirked softly, "Same as before...?"

"Huh?" Matt asked a bit distractedly.

"You're ignoring me for your games again..." Mello said with a pout. He put the shirt on and shook his head. "Oh well," He smiled, "It's part of who you are, I suppose..."

"Oh I am only too attuned to what you're doing," Matt disagreed. "I haven't found a game that was enough of a challenge to force me to concentrate on it that much." Mello laughed slightly, staring at Matt.

"Matt..." He squirmed a little uncomfortable. "Um... What kind of protection is needed...for this sort of thing...?" He asked, "L said something about using the right protection, but then neither he nor Light would tell me what he meant..." He was blushing deeply, looking at the bed sheets.

"They meant condoms cos dudes have a higher chance at passing on STD's or something," Matt replied shrugging.

"Oh..." Mello nodded, still blushing deeply. "Um...I don't know how to use them..."

"Guess it is a good thing we don't have to yet then." Mello sighed, feeling awkward. He fell back onto the bed, lying on his back and watching Matt. He didn't really like it when Matt picked up his games, it kind of made him feel like he was being ignored, but the games made Matt happy, so Mello put up with them.

"Mells do you know why I play these games?" Matt asked as if reading Mello's mind. _'Well that was spooky'_, Mello thought as he shook his head.

"Why?" He asked, still watching the other. He sat up, regarding him with innocent curiosity.

"Well first it was that L gave me one and I found out he is our… dad. But I really got into it when I realised I liked you more than platonically and so I well freaked and decided that I might be able to distract myself from you if play them… Now that I have you well it is just to stop myself from having my hands on you every second," Matt explained simply. Mello took a second to absorb that information, and stared at Matt.

After a second he said in a steady voice, "Put the game down then." He was telling Matt that he really didn't mind having his hands on him, and to be honest, he'd rather be having some form of pleasurable activities than watching Matt play games.

"No Mells, we're not ready and legally we shouldn't be ready for another three years at least," Matt said firmly.

"But Maaaatttt..." Mello whined, "I don't like it when you play your games... it feels like you're not even in your room. If that's the only reason you play them, then I say screw the rules and screw me!"

"Mells I am _always_ paying attention to you. We really should wait till we're older and then it may be better for both of us. But _please _stop tempting me," Matt requested, cheeks pink. Mello sighed, using all his acting knowledge to cover up the grin he wanted to use. The kiss was still affecting him.

"Okay..." He said and forced a pout on his lips. "I'll just take care of it myself..." He sighed again, as if it was a big chore. "Just keep sitting where I can see your face." He muttered as he lay down and undid the trousers he'd only just put back on. He slipped them off and threw them onto the floor before grasping is own, semi-hard member in his hand. He started moving his hand, slowly at first, all the while looking at Matt. He then began to move his hand faster, moaning softly and fighting the urge to close his eyes. He was staring directly at Matt. Matt almost whimpered as he heard the sounds Mello was making and when he barely resisted the urge to look up at the blonde his mind instead supplied him with hundreds of images of Mello instead.

"_Mells_…" Matt whined. "Didn't I just say to _not_ tempt me? It is hard enough _without_ you doing that." After a particularly powerful pump, Mello grunted, his eyes closing for a second before he opened them and stopped. He left his hand on his now fully hard member and looked at Matt. He knew his face would be flushed, and he was fully aware of his panting. There was also a desire in his eyes, the need for Matt.

"You won't. Someone's got to," He said, his voice deepened with lust. Still staring at Matt, he began to move his hand again, moaning softly while forcing himself to keep his eyes open and look at Matt. "This is all for you, Matt." Matt's gave in and stared at Mello, lust reflecting and burning brighter in his eyes than ever before. In a heartbeat Matt was over and on top of Mello, his hands pinning Mello's above the blonde's head.

"You want this? You want _me?_" Matt asked in a voice that no thirteen year old should have. Finally allowing his smirk to surface, Mello looked up at Matt with the most lustful expression he could manage. He paused for a second before leaning up to whisper in Matt's ear.

"More than all the chocolate in the world."

"Don't say I didn't warn you then…" Matt replied and grabbed the bottle he had used when he had given Mello a hand job and quickly coated his fingers in the liquid. "I'm sorry but I don't have any protection on hand but as it is both our first times…"

Mello nodded. "Shouldn't be too dangerous, right?" He smiled at Matt, leaning up to kiss him deeply. "Since I haven't a clue what happens next, I'll let you lead. I have an idea, but I'd rather not say it..." It was a very disturbing idea. If that was what it really was, then there had to be some reason people did it...right? And one thing was for sure, he wasn't going to ask L or Light for any advice. That hadn't exactly worked before.

"It will most likely hurt a bit to start off with, but it should get better," Matt explained and turned Mello so that he was lying across the bed vertically before lifting up Mello's lower half to pull towards him. "This is going to feel weird…" Matt warned softly before his lotion coated finger began to massage the rim of Mello's entrance gently and very carefully pushed it inside; thankful that he kept his nails short for his games. Mello's eyes widened at the intrusion, but for some reason, it made his member twitch. He felt his muscles constrict and forced them to relax. His intellect told him that relaxing right now would be good. Still, he couldn't help but squirm a little. "That's good Mells, just stay relaxed," Matt said soothingly wiggling his finger and curling it gently before adding another. Now that there were two he was able to scissor his fingers and reach deeper inside the other boy. Mello couldn't help the small sound of discomfort that escaped him as he squirmed a little. Still, he wanted to do this, with Matt. Be one with him...

"Wait a minute!" Mello said as he realised something. "This means you get to be on top!"

Matt chuckled, "Bit late to be realising that Mells. But I can stop if you want, I'm sure you get the general idea well enough." Matt removed his fingers before adding a third despite his words; flexing his middle finger in particular he finally hit a spot that felt different. Grimacing slightly at the new intrusion, Mello shook his head.

"Then this would've been for nothing." He mumbled, "I get to top next time." He squirmed again against Matt's fingers but then froze as a wave of pleasure like nothing he'd ever experienced before assaulted his nerves.

"The hell-?" He asked after moaning. "That spot... hit it again..." Matt grinned at the moan and did as he was instructed causing Mello to arch off the bed. Matt removed his fingers in order to take off his clothes yet again in a rush. Groaning softly at the empty feeling. Mello opened his eyes and watched Matt. "Strip tease?" He teased, leaning up to kiss the redhead.

"I was thinking more along the lines of just stripping…" Matt replied and allowed their lips to meet while he used his coated hand to grasp his erection and spread the liquid on it, groaning lightly at the sensation. Once he was done he pulled Mello closer, "are you ready?" Closing his eyes for a second, Mello took a breath and opened them again. He looked at Matt, a soft smile on his mouth and a lustful look in his eyes.

"Oh yeah." Moving Mello again, Matt positioned himself in front of Mello's entrance. Matt then leaned forward and kissed Mello deeply as he slowly, with a bit of resistance, pushed inside. He let out a groan as the tight muscle surrounded him and he reached for Mello's erection to hopefully ease the pain he was most likely feeling. Mello couldn't stop the gasp of pain, or the tears that came to his eyes. Even with the preparations, he still felt like he was being ripped apart. He smiled thankfully at Matt when he took his length in his hand. Still, even through the pain, he attempted to relax, ordering his muscles to allow Matt to enter him. Panting, he moved slightly, still trying to get used to the intrusion. Matt paused for a moment, panting, to try and allow Mello to adjust to having him inside him. The tight, hot pleasure was almost driving him crazy though.

Mello squirmed a little, "Matt...Move..." Mello hissed, getting used to the feeling. He wasn't sure if he liked it yet. Matt pulled again slowly, moaning softly, before plunging back in, try to aim for that spot he had found with his finger before. "AH!" Mello's eyes widened and he gasped. "Nnhnng..." He moaned, "Th-there!" He thrust his hips, trying to get Matt to hit that spot again. It felt good, so good... Matt grunted in response, surprised but grateful he had found it so fast as he thrust back inside.

"Mmmm… Mello…" Matt groaned heatedly as he felt himself sink deeper into that inviting warmth. Mello found his back arching and his head lolled back as he moaned. His hips were moving faster now, in time with Matt, attempting to move faster.

"Matt... More... Deeper!" Grabbing Mello's hips and holding them tightly, Matt somehow managed to increase his pace. Moans and gasps spilled from his lips at the arousing sounds Mello made. Mello felt the warmth coil around his stomach and moaned deeply. "Matt... I'm gonna..." He didn't really get a chance to warn Matt properly as he emptied himself, spraying his seed all over his own chest and Matt's stomach. His muscles constricted and he laid panting, seeing stars. He kept moving though- wanting Matt to feel the same bliss.

It didn't much longer for Matt to come either, yelling out "Mello!" as he spilled inside the other boy. Pulling out slowly, Matt collapsed next to the other boy, panting harshly as he stared at Mello's flushed face. "…Wow…" Mello nodded, agreeing.

"Yeah..." He panted, "Wow..." He pulled Matt into a hug, holding him close, his face burring itself in Matt's chest to hide the tears. "I never thought I could feel this much at once..."

"Neither did I," Matt replied and stroked Mello's back softly. Mello leaned up and kissed Matt deeply before pulling back and smiling slightly.

"Did I hear L right before? We're going to Japan?"

"Yeah, think you can handle that? Near will be there," Matt said cheekily. Smiling and snuggling close to Matt, Mello nodded.

"I'm sure I can. So long as you're near by." He sighed softly. "I think you're probably the only thing in existence that can make me this calm," He said, "I'm not angry at all..." Matt kissed Mello's cheek softly before planting a chaste kiss on his lips.

"I will always be near by if you want me to be Mells."

Grinning happily, Mello nodded. "I'll hold you to that one. Now let's get going." He grinned. "So... that always being near me thing... does that work in showers too?"

Matt grinned back, "It is even more binding for showers." Excitedly, Mello grinned and bounced up, holding his hand out to Matt.

"C'mon then." He said, still grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Let's go get some showerin'!"

"Sure," Matt replied, loving Mello's grin. Taking Mello's hand he stood up. It was a good hour of waiting before L got too impatient. Looking at Light and Near, he sighed. "I'll go get them." He grumbled, leaving the other two to stand at the front door of Wammy's House. He made his way up to Matt's room and knocked on the door. "Hey, you guys, you're an hour late!" To his (not) surprise, it was Mello that answered the door, sticking his head out with a sleepy smile.

"Sorry. Be out in a minute." He mumbled; shutting the door before L could see inside. He walked to the bed and prodded Matt with his foot. "C'mon, time to go."

Matt stood up and yawned, "Mmm ok." Picking up his things he walked out the door. Thankfully before anyone important could see, Mello grabbed Matt's arm and pulled him back into the room.

"Clothes moron." He said, gesturing down to Matt's naked body with a smirk. "Unless you've suddenly turned nudist." Meanwhile, outside, L was trying to remove that particular scene from his mind. Matt put some clothes on and rolled his eyes. "Don't look at me like that," Mello said with a dry chuckle. "Or you would've been half way to Japan and wondering why it's so chilly." He laughed slightly, making sure he was fully, and properly clothed before heading out of the room and smiling at the pink L.

"Please... in future, warn me before you decide to streak."

"You're just disappointed you don't look this good," Matt replied a little pink.

"Let's just go. We're already late enough as it is." L said, turning and walking away. "You boys got everything?" He asked over his shoulder.

"Sure, don't know about Mells though," Matt replied.

Mello nodded. "Yeah." He adjusted the position of the backpack on his shoulder. "Oh wait!" He rushed off to his room. He met up with everyone at the front gate. "Forgot my chocolate." He said with a small blush. L rolled his eyes, and they were off.

* * *

**So what did you think? Don't forget to check out those stories.**


	10. Light Gets Cock Blocked

**Hi. Sorry I have taken so long to update but my grandpa just passed away so I have away because of that. Anyways I'm back now so I will be back to posting fairly regularly. I hope you like this chapter.**

***

Light took L's hand the second they arrived.

"Took you long enough."

"Matt decided that clothes were optional," L said under his breath, walking closer to Light. The plane ride was a short one, and it wasn't long before they arrived at the task force headquarters. L figured they might as well use that. Mello looked around, a strange look on his face. "Uh, what's with all the apples?" He asked, picking one up.

"Don't eat that," L scolded, taking the apple from Mello and throwing it in the pile. "It's a long story that I'm not getting into. And don't come down here unless it's necessary. Use the back door if you need to go out. We're not supposed to be in the building."

"So, I guess we should show them to their rooms," Light said after a moment. L nodded, heading to the elevator. He turned to Matt and Mello.

"Do you want to share a room, or separate rooms?" he asked. Mello looked at Matt, a sheepish look on his face. He wanted to share a room, but he'd let Matt make the choice.

"Do you even need to ask?" Matt asked sounding amused. L shook his head, smiling softly.

"Alright. You two can have this floor." He said, pressing the button for the second story. "Near, you can have the third floor. Light and I will return to our previous rooms on the fourth floor. If you want to leave the building, come and get one of us. If you need him, Watari is on the top floor."

"Thanks dude," Matt said as he and Mello got off at their floor.

After dropping Near off at his floor, L took Light's hand in his and leaned against him. "Is this too much...?" He asked. "Living together... having three boys....? You're only eighteen... are you ready for this?"

"I'll be fine as long as you help me," Light replied and squeezed L's hand gently.

"It's not like I'm going to be going anywhere," L responded with a small smile and stepped off the elevator. "We have a week, in which we so far have no obligations. I assume that meeting with your family would be a good idea while we're here, but aside from that, what would you like to do?"

"Nothing really comes to mind," Light replied, following L. Laughing slightly, L pulled Light into the bedroom, pushing him onto the bed and sitting with him.

"Nothing at all?" He asked.

"Let's just say you are great at inspiration," Light replied grinning.

"Oh?" L asked, still holding Light's hand. He moved his position so that he was straddling Light now. He leaned down and kissed him deeply. "And what am I inspiring?" He asked, smiling seductively at Light. Light's arms moved to wrap around L's waist.

"Oh, you're inspiring more idea's by the second," Light purred, his hands running up and down L's back. With his arms around Light's neck, L leaned forward and kissed Light, bringing his hips down against the others in a slow, tantalising manner.

"Are you going to share any of these ideas?" He asked.

Light let out a low moan, "Oh yes, I will. But most of them involve less clothing…" Very slowly and obviously Light dragged his eyes up and down L's body. "… A lot less. Tell me if you want me to stop behaving like a hormonal teenager," Light requested, his arms tightening around L's as he lay back on the bed beneath him. Pushing his arms out as he fell forward so he didn't land on Light, L just grinned.

"Oh? Less clothing you say? Best make sure the door's locked then, hmm?" He asked, leaning forward to kiss Light while rubbing his body against Light's. He then, slowly, and deliberately got up, sliding his body backwards over Light's. He made his way to the bedroom door and made a very obvious movement of locking the door. He then turned around, and started removing his clothing slowly as he made his way back to the bed. Before he lay down on the bed, he had to take his trousers off.

"I'm feeling a little too lazy to take my pants off," he in a fake voice, with a small 'hmm' expression. He undid them and started to move his hips in a slow, rounded motion. "I'll let gravity do it for me." Light didn't even bother trying to hide his very obvious staring.

"Since you are doing such a great job with your clothes I think I should take care of mine now too," Light murmured, almost coming out as a moan. Moving onto his knees, Light didn't even bother with a strip tease, instead he just unbuttoned his shirt and removed it carelessly, letting it drop on the floor. Stepping off the bed now, Light undid his pants and slipped them down his legs, along with his underwear. Completely nude now, Light moved to stand in front of L and kissed him deeply. Returning the kiss, L moaned softly, quickly stepping out of his underwear. He moved them back towards the bed and pushed Light down onto it.

"I want to see you," He said softly, taking a step back and looking at Light, from the toes to the top of his head. He then stepped forward onto the bed and leaned over Light. Arching his head down, he kissed Light deeply, conveying all his feelings into that one kiss. He started stroking his fingers down Light's body. Light shivered as he felt L's fingers caressing him and soon his hands were mimicking L's as they mapped out the others, smooth, pale body. With his lips he confessed everything that could never be explained with just words alone. L pulled back and looked at Light.

"Beautiful," He said in a whisper.

"You are," Light replied and lifted his hand to stroke L's face with the tips of his fingers as if L was something immeasurable fragile and precious. Leaning in Light let his lips meet L's in a soft chaste kiss. L some how managed to laugh into the kiss as he deepened it. He began to rub his body over Light's. Light's hands moved to press L tighter against him, needing to feel more of this man than was physically possible. His tongue twirled with L's as he tried to convey the depth of his need. Moaning, L moved against Light, grinding his hips against Light's. He pulled away, breathless and looked at Light. He reached forward and gently caressed his face with his hand.

"I love you," He said softly, meaning every word. "But this shinigami isn't leaving... And I don't think I can perform under such circumstances." He lifted his head to glare at the cackling shinigami. The mood Light had tried so hard to build was destroyed in a second and feeling frustrated Light moved out from underneath L.

"Excuse me for a sec while I go freeze my arse off," Light murmured and he picked up his clothes to go to the bathroom. With a defeated sigh, L collapsed onto the bed. Once that shinigami was gone, things would be better. He got up and retrieved his clothes, putting them on while glaring at the shinigami.

"Hey, I don't know what the hell you're glaring at me for. I used to respect that guy," Ryuk said with a shudder. "I knew he had an ugly face but his body… I don't know what you see in that guy."

"Go back to your apples," Ryuuzaki said with a small sigh. He didn't really feel like explaining the concept of love to a shinigami. Fully clothed now, he sat on the bed, closing his eyes and waiting for Light to return from the shower.

"Oh no, you're not getting away that easily. I came up here because I'm bored, which you were supposed to take care of. Instead I find you about to do… that…" another shudder, "… you're really not such an honest person yourself are you? No wonder Light finds you so amusing." L started banging his head on the headboard.

"What is your idea of 'entertainment'?" He asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"I would tell you, but I don't think you would really want to know what entertains a shinigami, though I have to say what you are doing now is quite amusing," Ryuk replied and gave a low chuckle.

"What? Banging my head against a wall hoping that you're just a figment of my imagination?" L asked dryly. "Great." He continued to bang his head. "What about awkward situations? I'm pretty sure there's one of them coming up."

"No, just the banging your head part. As for the awkward situation, who knows? I may find it interesting," Ryuk gave another chuckle and Light finally came out of the bathroom.

"Hey, is Ryuk still here?" Light asked as he walked over to L. Annoyed, L nodded, gesturing in the direction that Ryuk was.

"He's bored," L mumbled with a pout. "How do we make him not bored?" Light froze and bit his lip.

"…Well the only reason I was entertaining to him was because I…" Light let the sentence hang, hoping L would know what he meant. L nodded, understanding. "Then how do you think we can entertain him?" He asked, sliding down the bed to lie down. He closed his eyes with a weary sigh. He wasn't enjoying this much.

"Hey, will you quit talking like I'm not even here," Ryuk complained.

Light sighed, "Nothing that I would have you do. Part of the reason he was so entertained was because he was so curious as to see which of us would find out the others identity first. Now that we are together that aspect is gone. There is no longer the excitement of watching the chase." L laughed slightly and nodded. "We have to figure something out to entertain him, or he'll write our names in the book," He said softly, not seemingly caring. Ryuk getting bored picked up the TV remote and began playing it. Suddenly the words 'Blues Clues' appeared on the screen and the shinigami froze in it tracks. L looked at the screen and couldn't help but laugh.

"Blues clues?" He asked. "Really?"

"Hey, shut up. I'm watching this," Ryuk replied sounding annoyed.

"You're kidding me right?" Light said, though he was looking at L.

"The shinigami is enjoying Blues Clues," L said with an amused smirk. He picked up the phone and spoke to someone on the other end. After a short conversation, he turned to Ryuk. "I have ordered the collection of DVD's. There are about ten DVD's. Remember, you only have one week before I destroy the note book. That means you have six days from today. I won't count the time that we were in England as you were unable to reach the apples. If you finish the apples first, you are quite welcome to remain the rest of the week here, watching the television. The DVD's will arrive in about an hour." Then, he turned to Light. "Shall we go show the boys around the city? Or would you like to see your parents again first?"

"We should probably see my parents first and then we can show the boys around. Otherwise we may forget the time and have to put it off till tomorrow," Light decided. L nodded, smiling.

"Alright. We'll go to see your parents. Want to call them first or just drop in?"

"Well we should probably call first so we know they're home, plus it's the polite thing." Simply nodding, L gave the phone to Light. He sat back and watched the shinigami be amused at the children's television show. Light handed the phone back a couple of minutes later.

"Mum said to be over in half an hour since she has to get ready first," Light said quietly so as to not disturb Ryuk.

L nodded, "I'll go tell the boys that we're going. He walked down the hall. Ten minutes later, he returned with a grimace. "The boys are hungry. I've ordered pizza. If you want some, it'll be downstairs in ten minutes." Light grimaced too.

"No thanks." Laughing softly, L returned to the bed and sat next to Light. He briefly looked at the shinigami, and laughed slightly.

"Who would have thought that a shinigami would be interested in Blues Clues?"

"Who would have thought they would be addicted to apples," Light countered.

"I suppose Shinigami are comparable to children," L said with a thought. "They are obsessed with the small things, and don't really care about the big picture."

"From what I heard from Ryuk, their world is pretty boring and all the shinigami are lazy and if they do kill then they are mocked as working too hard. All they do is gamble all day so I guess he wouldn't know what the big picture is anyway," Light added. "Though will the death notes and shinigami I doubt I could even begin to think about what the big picture is either."

L nodded. "I see." He smiled softly. "I don't think anybody really knows what the big picture is..." He said quietly. "What are we fighting for?" He shook his head, "It's a question that nobody could answer."

"I guess it depends on how much information you need to base an answer on."

"Or we could just go with 42," L said with a small smile.

"That works," Light replied with a smile of his own, "Though I'm surprised you have read 'Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy'."

"Who hasn't?" Ryuuzaki asked with a smile. "Also... I was kind of forced to." He moved to his draws and dug around for a little while before pulling out a rather large book. It was all five parts condensed into one novel. Smiling, he took it over to the bed and opened the cover. Written on the inside of the cover was a note.

'_You had better read this one; I have your word that you will._

_You've been a great inspiration,_

_Thank you._

_Doug.'_

Underneath, there was a signature. Ryuuzaki shrugged. "I met Doug while on a case."

"Great so you weren't just asked to by just anyone, but the actual author himself," Light said incredulously and laughed. Laughing slightly, L nodded.

"I found it quite an... interesting book," He said after a while. "They say you can't know both the question and the answer in a single universe, for if you were to know both the answer and the question in the same universe, the universe will be destroyed and replaced with something even wackier. Some say this has already been done."

"Uh-huh," Light replied. "Anyway we should get ready to go, since it's nearly time." L nodded, moving over to his wardrobe and pulling out some clothes. Donning them, he turned to Light and smiled.

"What do you think?" He asked, gesturing to his identical clothes. Light moved over to kiss L's cheek.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"You're probably right. C'mon. Let's go," He said softly, smiling.

"Ok," Light replied and followed L out. After a quick shout to the boys, and a short radio conversation with Watari, L and Light were on their way. Once they got to Light's house, L turned to him.

"Did you... did you tell them that I was coming?"

"Of course," Light replied instantly. "I hope you don't mind but I said that your name was Ryuga, like the name you used to apply to To-Oh since mum has probably seen pictures of you already and I wasn't sure how much you wanted my mum and sister to know just yet."

L nodded. "Alright..." After a moment, he bit his lips. "Can... can your mother and sister keep a secret?"

"My mum is the best at keeping secrets. I used to tell her about everything when I was younger to try and close the gap between us," Light said sadly. "My sister is great too, though she likes to pretend that she can't."

L nodded. "It's up to you," He said. "If you want them to know who I am, you can tell them. But only them." Light didn't reply, as he was deep in thought. Instead Light got out of the car and after waiting a moment for L to catch up, opened the door to his house and walked in. A little nervously, L followed. Light lead L to the lounge room when he was suddenly bowled over by Sayu.

"Sayu…" Light said lowly, sounding only a little annoyed. "I thought I told you to stop doing that." L found himself smiling, almost laughing despite himself. As soon as Sayu was off Light, L offered his hand to help his lover up. Light took the hand gratefully.

"But _why?_" Sayu whined before noticing L. "Who's this guy anyway?"

"Sayu, this is Ryuga, Ryuga this is my little sister, Sayu," Light replied, ignoring Sayu's first question.

"It's nice to meet you," L said politely, with a smile and a bow. He kept a hold of the hand that he'd held to help Light up. He was more than a little nervous, about meeting Light's family. Light squeezed L's hand softly.

"Wow, it's awesome to meet you. Light hardly ever has people over and I have never seen him hold someone's hand before," Sayu commented.

"Sayu, could you get mum and dad for me?" Light asked, still not letting go of the hand either.

"Sure, sure," Sayu said a little miffed and Light could tell that had she had her own way she would be interrogating L just then. After one last look at L, Sayu took off to get Light's parents. L bit his lip, letting out an uncomfortable laugh.

"Doesn't she know...?" He asked, squeezing Light's hand slightly.

"Well I haven't really had a chance to tell her have I?" Light replied simply, "I will tell them all at once, as soon as she gets mum and dad."

"At least your father already knows," L said, "Will your mother accept this?" he asked, nervousness seeping into his voice. Biting his lip, he waited for Light's answer.

"I don't know. I never really talked to her about that," Light replied though he didn't sound nervous. "It was the one subject we never touched."

"Alright..." L couldn't help himself, he moved closer to Light, placing his arm around his waist, leaning his head into his shoulder. "She's going to hate me..." he said after a while. Light wrapped his arm around L's shoulders and stroked L's hair softly.

"Why on Earth would she hate you?" Light whispered.

"Because I'm weird," L said. "Look at me. Who'd want their kid to date me? I sure wouldn't. If one of my boys came home with someone like me, I'd be more than a little disappointed." He shook his head. "And because of me, she'll never have biological grandkids from you..."

"Ryuga, she probably would be getting biological grand kids from me anyway, even if I wasn't with you. I'm sure you'll do fine," Light said and a minute later Sayu burst in with her parent's in tow.

"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaack." Ryuuzaki pulled away from Light quickly and turned to the three people. Blushing, he looked at Light, waiting for him to introduce him.

"Mum, Sayu, this is Ryuga, my… boyfriend," Light said with only the slightest pauses as he still couldn't get over how weird the term was. Smiling nervously, L bowed.

"It's nice to meet you," He said softly. He stood up again and smiled at Soichiro. "And it's good to see you again, Yagami-san." Sayu let a shocked squeal and Light smiled.

"You better give me photos," Sayu demanded and Light rolled his eyes.

"Now way Sayu," Light laughed before looking at his mum. "What about you mum?" L was blushing deeply at Sayu's demands. He shook his head and stayed close to Light as they both looked at his mother. She was pink, blushing, but smiling.

"If he makes you happy, then I'm proud."

"He does mum, I love him," Light said and took hold of L's hand to try and calm him down. L was close to hyperventilating. This was a bit much. He wasn't used to interacting with people. Smiling a little at Light when he held his hand, he squeezed it slightly, leaning closer to him. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't think of the words. Light's mother just smiled and nodded.

"I'm just sad that you'll never have children."

"Um..." L bit his lip, looking at Light briefly before smiling at his mother. "I... I have three..." He said quietly. "I know... technically they're not Light's... but..." He shook his head, laughing slightly, "But Light has agreed to help me raise them."

"Well biologically speaking their not yours either," Light replied so that neither of his parents got the wrong idea. Sensing L's fear Light pulled L into his arms and murmured so quietly that only L could hear. "It's ok L… Everything fine… just calm down." L was actually hyperventilating now. He rested his head on Light's shoulder and took some deep breaths, trying to calm down.

"I'm not good with social situations..." he mumbled before pulling back and smiling at Light thankfully. He looked back at Light's parents. "I adopted three children a few years ago. They –well, most of them know that they were adopted. The youngest is already treating Light as if he was his father." He looked to Light's parents, wanting to know their reaction. Light's mother smiled softly.

"Oh, where are my manners, come sit down! Would you like a drink?"

"Just water for me thanks mum,' Light replied as he drew L over to a seat and pulled him close again.

"Wow Light. Bet you didn't think that you would have to be a dad so fast," Sayu commented with a slightly dreamy voice. "Sure can pick 'em bro. This ones actually cute." Light laughed.

"No I didn't, but I don't mind. Actually I think you might like to meet them yourself. Oh and about the cute thing, I have been trying hard to convince him of that myself but he won't believe me," Light added. L was burying his head against Light's shoulder now, blushing furiously. He pulled away slightly to look at Sayu.

"The eldest is about your age..." he said, "Maybe a little younger." He smiled softly at her, still leaning against Light. He completely ignored the comment about his looks.

"Um, I'm okay without a drink..." He said with a smile to Light's mother who then disappeared into the kitchen. When she came out, she was carrying a plate of biscuits. Chocolate, with chocolate icing. L's eyes widened as he saw the plate.

"I might have mentioned something about you liking sugar while I was talking to mum," Light said laughing at the wide eyed expression on his lovers face. L turned to Light and grinned before smiling at his mother. She put the plate on the table in front of L and Light.

"Help yourself," She said. L leaned forward and picked up two biscuits, giving one to Light and nibbling on the other. The situation was still a little awkward for L, but it was getting better. Anytime sugar was introduced, was a better time.

"No, you can have it," Light replied and gave it back. "I don't eat these anyway since they are too sweet." Smiling softly, L took the biscuit.

"So...Ryuga, what do you do?" Light's mother asked.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm a detective..." Might as well keep close to the truth. "I also attend the same university as Light." He looked to Light. He hadn't been briefed about what Light had told them. And as before, he'd told Light that it was his choice if they knew who he was. Looking over at L a bit nervously he turned back to his family.

"Mum, Sayu; dad already knows this already, but I was wondering if you two could keep the secret too?"

Light's mother looked at Light and L before smiling. "Of course I can honey, what is it?" L looked at Light with a small smile. He was trusting his family.

"Well mum, Sayu, I would like to introduce you to L," Light said and looked at L, smiling softly.

"I thought his name was Ryuga..." Light's mother said softly, confused.

L nodded. "Yes... Ryuga and Ryuuzaki are two of my pseudonyms. I am L." Light's mother still looked confused.

"Um... Soichiro-san knows..."

"Mum, dad and L were working together to capture Kira so that's how dad knows. But considering how L is the world's greatest detective he needs fake names so as to blend in with everyone since he would have people after him otherwise. That's why you need to keep it a secret," Light explained.

"Jeez mum, how could you not get that?" Sayu said before laughing. L laughed slightly, he liked Sayu.

"Sayu-san, were you aware of L's position in the world?"

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! Light used to talk about you all the time. I think he used to try and trace all of your cases at one point," Sayu said and Light blushed horribly.

"Sayuuuuu…" Laughing slightly, L turned to Light and raised an eyebrow.

"Really?" He asked softly, happy about that. He itched to kiss Light, but held himself back. Light's family were watching. Instead, he turned to Sayu. "He followed all my cases?" he asked.

"Yeah, he used it for practice since dad didn't let him help with his more than he had to. I think Light has about a dozen notebooks on it," Sayu replied and Light looked down at his hands.

"That's adorable," L said with a grin, looking up at Light. "Can I see them?" He asked. Light nodded without speaking and went upstairs to grab them. L, a little uncomfortable, smiled at the family. Mr. and Mrs. Yagami had to go somewhere, leaving L with Sayu. L smiled at her, looking at the stairs, wondering what's taking Light so long. After a short while, he turned around to look at Sayu.

"I suppose you know a lot about Light's past? Anything embarrassing I should know?" He asked, for more sake of conversation than anything else.

"Are you kidding me, I have heaps of stuff," Sayu boasted.

"None of which you will be saying a word about," Light finished as he returned with a stack of books.

"Aww," L said, "C'mon... I'll tell you about my past..." he said with a small. He looked at the books and gestured for Light to give them to him.

"Ryuga, stop encouraging her," Light said with a playful scowl and handed the books over.

"She knows who I am, you don't have to call me that." L said with a smile. He took the books and opened them. "Hmmm.... That's not quite right...." He flipped some pages, "Interesting idea..." he said softly, reading to himself. "Hmmm..." He seemed to be enjoying himself, looking through the books. Looking up to Light, he smiled, "This is all impressive."

"Well it's not exactly like I had much information to go on. You cover your tracks incredibly well. It took me years to get all that and even then I would only occasionally find something," Light said flushing with pleasure at the compliment.

"We'll need to use these to learn how to get better at covering our steps better." He pulled Light down to sit next to him so that he could lean against him.

"Thanks," Light said and sat down, wrapping his arms around L to support him. L continued to flip the pages, reading over the notes.

"You know... You should've gone to Wammy's as a child... You would've fit in well there..." he mumbled absently, reading through the notes.

"Yeah, I probably would have but I would have had to be an orphan before I would have left my family," Light replied, not noticing Sayu's disappearance. "Things change though. So how many did I miss?"

"How many what?" L asked, looking at Light, his attention taken from the notes in his lap. "Hey, where'd your sister go?"

"Maybe she wanted to give us some time alone… or more likely mum called for her," Light answered. "Anyway I meant how many cases did I miss?"

"Hmmm.... about twenty small ones and a couple of the bigger ones. Maybe about twenty six in total." He smiled at Light, "Not bad."

"Wow, I thought I would have missed more than that," Light said returning the smile.

"You're good at this. How did you find all of these?" L asked. "I thought I'd covered my tracks better than this..."

"As I said it was hard and I don't even know how I found half the stuff I did," Light admitted.

"Well done," L said with a smile, snuggling closer to Light. "What's say we take Sayu back with us to meet the kids? Think she'd like that?"

"Sure," Light replied happily and kissed the top of L's head softly. Okay, so he was going against his past choice. After telling Light that they'd wait a while, he asked almost right away. L was completely comfortable, content- no, happy. Laying in Light's arms, in a living room.... Turning slightly, he kissed Light deeply.

"Marry me." Light felt his breath hitch in his throat and he had to swallow in order to be able to speak with the large lump that had formed in his throat. He had questions but they weren't important right now all he could do was say one word…

"Yes." Light barely even registered the squeal from Sayu from behind them and just beamed. "…Yes." L had noticed the squeal, but ignored it in favour of leaning up to kiss Light deeply. His heart was thundering in his chest and his breathing was rapid. He couldn't help but grin. He was close to laughing, but right now, he'd make do with making out with Light. His arms wrapped themselves around Light's neck as he pulled him closer. Breaking the kiss, he grinned.

"Great..." He couldn't think of anything else to say. Except... "We need to invite Near." He added with a laugh. Light burst out laughing too as he felt happiness flood through every inch of his being.

"Of course," Light replied shakily, brushing away the tears that had begun to form at the corner of his eyes and his arms tightened around L too, to draw the man closer.

"Why are you crying?" L asked, worriedly, cupping Light's face in his hand. He wiped away the tears before leaning forward and kissing Light. "Aren't you happy?"

"I am so completely and unbelievably happy. I love you L," Light replied returning the kissing with small, loving ones of his own. L's heart soared and he kissed Light back. Pulling away, he looked over to Sayu, who was stood on the stairs.

"I think we have a voyeur," He said with a laugh, gesturing for Sayu to join them. "So... you're soon to have another brother... and three nephews. Who, you should be able to meet soon." Sayu came down and walked over to Light and L and quickly ran over to hug L and Light tightly.

"Congratulations you guys," Sayu cried.

"Thankyou Sayu," Light murmured and stroked her back as he held her. A little uncomfortable, L hugged Sayu back.

"Thank you Sayu," He said softly. He was leaning against Light again, completely relaxed and happy.

"You two are so perfect together. So when can I meet my nephews?" Sayu asked cheerfully.

L chuckled, "We can go now if you'd like...? Like I said, one of them's about your age." He smiled softly, standing and pulling Light up with the hand he was holding. He smiled at Sayu as he stayed close to Light, bringing the arm that he was holding across his chest as he leaned against him. "Shall we?"

"Awesome," Sayu yelled and danced to the door eagerly.

"Sure," Light replied and walked with L too the door. "Once sec." Leaning over Light kissed L's cheek and raced upstairs, telling his mum that Sayu was going with them to the hotel for a while. He came down stairs quickly though and quickly flew back into L's arms. Blushing deeply, L smiled nervously at Sayu when Light had kissed him. Laughing, L clung onto Light, leaning against his side. He started walking with him towards the building. Once there, he smiled at Sayu.

"Ignore the apples. They're for an investigation. And please don't eat them," He said with a smile before leading them inside. He got to Matt and Mello's floor and walked in

"Um... there's something you should know... two of your nephews are going together." He shrugged, "They're not actually related, so it's fine." He knocked on their door. "He guys, you decent!? I gotta talk to you."

"We're fine, Near's here. Come on in," Matt called out a second later. Smiling, L opened the door and the three of them went in.

"We have some news, and someone for you to meet. First, this is your aunt Sayu." He introduced Sayu to everyone.

"I didn't know you had a sister...." Mello said with a frown.

L shook his head, "She's Light's sister. Which brings me to our news." He looked at Light with a grin, "You should tell them that."

"Near, it looks like you're going to a wedding. L proposed," Light said laughing. "You two are invited as well of course," Light said smiling at Mello and Matt. Mello looked at Light, then L with a shocked expression.

"You guys are what? Uh, you realize that it's illegal in most countries...right?" L just stuck his tongue out at Mello.

"It isn't in England." Light just laughed at L's behaviour before taking L's hand again.

"Congrats dudes," Matt said warmly"… or should I say dads?"

"Hey L, I thought you said I was get three nephews?" Sayu said laughing and looking directly at Mello. Mello glared hard at the girl.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean!?" He asked, jumping up and making as if to go to hit Sayu.

"Mello, calm down." L ordered and Mello did so, still glaring at Sayu.

"Wow, you really are going to be as fun to play with as you look," Sayu commented happily and Light frowned.

"Sayu, cut that out."

"But whyyyyyy?" Sayu complained and immediately unleashed her kicked puppy look on Light who visibly flinched. L laughed.

"If you provoke him, I won't stop him. You won't like the results. He has quite a temper." He smiled at Sayu. "I'd be careful if I were you." Mello snarled at Sayu before returning to the bed and snuggling up to Matt. Matt put the game down and wrapped his arms around Mello's waist.

"I was just testing his reactions," Sayu said innocently. "Anyway it's not like I said that he didn't look like a guy. You just jumped to the conclusion that was what I thought." Light sighed and moved closer to L so that he could rest his head on L's shoulder. Putting his arm around Light, L laughed slightly.

"Play nice," He warned.

"Should we risk going to see how Ryuk's doing?" Light murmured, his arms wrapping around L too.

"I don't really want to think about Ryuk right now. Just let me be happy without worrying about the threat of death, just for a little while," L said quietly, snuggling closer to Light.

"Sure," Light replied and kissed L's cheek and just watched Near played quietly with his toys.

L sighed contently. "Are things going to be better from here?" L asked softly.

"I don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see," Light answered, kissing L's cheek gently.

"Just... promise me you'll stay happy," L said with a smile, "and if you're ever not happy, you'll tell me so I can fix it."

"I can't promise that I will always be happy but as long as you're happy, I think I will be too," Light said quietly.

"You two are so corny!" Mello said with a grimace, "Get a room..." Even with saying that, Mello was snuggling with Matt, sitting in his lap and nuzzling his face into Matt's neck. Matt seemed completely oblivious and was playing his hand held game. His arms were around Mello, but that was just so that he could see the game. Light grimaced slightly as he remembered the reason they couldn't take it else where. Instead be pulled L over to take a seat, holding the male in his arms tightly. Leaning against Light and resting in his lap, L smiled softly. "We'd rather stay in here with our family," He said.

"Uhuh," Mello mumbled disbelievingly as he started to lick Matt's neck.

"And you're telling us to get a room," Light said as he spotted what Mello was doing.

"I'm just seeing how long he can hold out before giving a reaction," Mello said with a smirk, "It's a little game of ours." He started squirming on Matt's lap as he nibbled on his earlobe. L laughed slightly, looking at the others in the room. Near looked bored, not paying the others any attention.

"Enjoying the show Sayu?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"If I said yes would that make me a bad person?" Sayu replied, eyes on the two boys.

"Not at all. Just remember, they are your nephews." L pointed out with a laugh as he snuggled closer to Light. Mello was still squirming and nibbling, but now his hand was gently groping Matt's chest. Near just rolled his eyes. Matt was finding it harder and harder to ignore Mello's efforts as he continued to play his game.

"It's not like I would be able to get anywhere even if they weren't considering their gay," Sayu said and rolled her eyes.

L laughed again, "Well... don't get to excited about them. We'll be leaving them alone soon." Mello started to softly moan into Matt's ear while continue his previous movements. Matt tensed, it was very hard to ignore a horny Mello and it was harder when he wasn't entirely sure he wanted too. Light helped L up and walked over to the door, holding L tightly.

"Come on Sayu… Near you want to come with us?" Light asked. Near jumped from his seat as if he'd been burned and ran from the room. Laughing, L headed out of the room.

"Have fun boys. Dinner'll be in a couple of hours." Matt swallowed harshly as he continued to play his game but saved it immediately as the room cleared almost instantly. Once the room cleaned Mello pulled away from Matt completely to sit on the other side of the room and pick up a handheld that Matt wasn't playing with. Matt let out a sigh though he wasn't sure if it was from relief or disappointment. Mello wasn't actually playing the game, he was watching Matt, wondering if he was actually interested in doing anything tonight. The way Mello was sat showed that he obviously was. He was practically showing it off. But it was another matter completely if Matt would look. A shiver ran down Matt's spine and he felt his concentration drop dangerously low, He only had half a bar left of health and if he kept playing he would die soon. A minute later he shut the game off reluctantly and looked up at Mello. His eyes widened at Mello's provocative pose and got off the bed slowly to stalk over to Mello and pulling the game from his hands.

"Mell's I never thought I would have the chance to do that," Matt murmured.

"Do what?" Mello asked, rolling so he was lying on his back, his member proudly standing in the silk boxers he was sitting in. He smiled innocently at Matt.

"I never thought I would be the one taking the game off you," Matt replied and straddled Mello's waist, grinding against Mello's erection harshly. Throwing his head back, Mello moaned deeply, pushing his waist upwards to meet Matt's. Opening his eyes, he looked at the other and grinned.

"My resistance to you is far weaker than yours to me," He mumbled, reaching up to kiss Matt. "I've already forgotten what game I was playing."

"I've had more practice," Matt murmured as he leant down and after pushing Mello's hair aside began to nibble and suck on the smooth skin. Closing his eyes, Mello arched his neck so that Matt would have more room to work with. Smiling softly, he let out a little mew of happiness.

"I love you, Matt." He whispered.

"I love you too Mells," Matt murmured and returned his attention to Mello's neck. Moaning softly, Mello found his arms going around the back of Matt's neck, his fingers gently stroking at his skin.

Meanwhile Matt's hands moved to the bottom of Mello's singlet and were pushing them underneath the thin material to caress Mello's sides gently, his lips moving to capture Mello's in a heated kiss. Mello returned the kiss, hungrily. After a moment, he pulled out of the kiss to stare at Matt.

"God, you're so beautiful," He whispered, pulling Matt into another kiss. He was panting, and now, painfully hard. "Matt..." he moaned, "touch me..." Matt's hands stilled, before reversing and pulling Mello's boxers down to his knees. Hands continuing to move, one hand wrapped lightly around the base of Mello's erection, stroking it teasingly while the other one fondled the soft sacs beneath. Mello moaned deeply, his back arching and his hips rising off the bed to move closer to Matt's hand. Placing his hand on Matt's to still him, he looked at him. "Let me have you," He said. "Let me be inside of you..." Matt just leant forward slowly and kissed Mello in response. His hands moved to Mello's shoulder and he gradually relaxed against other's warm body. Mello kissed Matt back, his hands gently caressing Matt's back. "That mean you'll let me...?" Mello asked, pulling back only far enough to talk.

Matt nodded once, "I love you Mells." Mello moaned and flipped them over so that he was on the top again. He leaned down and kissed Matt deeply, pressing him further onto the bed.

"I love you too Matt," he said between kisses. Matt returned the kisses eagerly, allowing himself to be pressed deeper into the bed. Mello kissed Matt deeper and moved his body so that his hips could roll against Matt's, causing delicious friction. Matt groaned loudly and his arms tightened around Mello to bring the other closer. Moving to do the same thing again, Mello tried to remember if they had any lube.

"Did we get lube?" He asked.

"I don't think so…" Matt replied.

Mello nodded, "Then we'll have to suck." He said with a smile, kissing Matt again. He pulled back, rammed their hips together and pressed three fingers in front of him. "Can you suck on these...?" Matt nodded and taking Mello's wrist in his hand he guided the fingers to his lips before wrapping his mouth around them and sucking gently. Using his tongue he coated them as thickly as he could with saliva before releasing them. Mello moaned at the sensations. He didn't feel like letting those fingers come out of that warm, moist mouth. While Matt was sucking his fingers, his other hand was undoing Matt's trousers, slipping them off skilfully with his one free hand. Once that was done, and Matt had let go of his fingers, he placed them to the other male's entrance.

"You sure?" He asked, gently massaging the muscles around the hole.

"Yes…" Matt breathed watching Mello's face intently. Swallowing thickly, Mello gently pushed his finger inside, moving it around gently to try and stretch Matt. He leaned over and kissed him deeply, trying to take his mind off the uncomfortable feeling. The first finger didn't hurt exactly but it felt weird having it there so Matt returned the kiss eagerly so as to try and ignore it. Mello pushed his finger even deeper in, moving it around, he continued to kiss Matt deeply. After a moment, he pulled his finger out and pushed in two. He pushed deep inside before stretching his fingers in scissor-like motion. After a moment, he began to move them in and out while continuing the scissor motion. He had to pull back from the kiss to breathe, so instead, he moved his head to nibble and suck on Matt's neck. Matt moaned loudly. Mello's actions were very welcome now that the stretch was becoming more than just uncomfortable. Matt's moan caused Mello's cock to twitch. He removed his fingers to place three inside.

"Matt..." he mumbled, into Matt's ear. "Tell me if I'm doing it right..." He mumbled.

"Doing… f-fine Mells," Matt replied. Mello returned to kissing Matt while his fingers kept moving. When he deemed Matt to be prepared enough, he pulled them away.

"Ready?" He asked, pulling back to look Matt in the eyes.

"As ready as I will ever be," Matt replied as he returned the look. Leaning down to once again kiss Matt, Mello positioned himself and pushed in, slowly. Once he was all the way in, he paused, panting. Matt was so goddamn tight. Moaning, he pulled out of the kiss to rest his forehead against Matt's.

"Fuck..." he mumbled. Meanwhile Matt was trying his hardest to relax, wincing slightly. Still panting, Mello looked down at Matt, waiting for him to be ready before moving. He leaned his chin down to kiss him deeply before pulling back and waiting.

Matt shifted around a little bit before deciding that he was ready, "m-move…" Mello nodded and moved, pulling out to push in again with a deep groan. He changed his angle, wanting to find that one spot, to find the spot he knew would make Matt scream (in a good way). Matt groaned as he felt Mello force his way inside him again, feeling a burning sensation at the base of his spine. Mello was feeling like he was on top of the world. It was taking a lot of effort not to just start pumping hard and fast. Right now, he was worried about making it good for Matt. He kept changing his angle, trying to find that one spot that would make everything good. He couldn't hold back his own groans and moans as he thrust.

Matt tried to focus on the delicious sounds Mello was making instead of the pain before Mello finally struck his prostate and Matt let out a loud moan.

"Mells there…"

'_Yatta!'_ Mello thought as he thrust towards that point again, trying to hit the same place. He brought one hand up to gently start caressing Matt's member, stroking it in time with his thrusts. Soon the pain began to fade away to be replaced with pleasure and Matt's legs curled around Mello's waist to pull him closer. Mello began to move faster, his hand pumping as his hips thrust. He was constantly trying to get that one part of Matt, to hit that spot. Soon, he felt the heat coil in his stomach, but he closed his fist tighter, wanting Matt to come first. Matt could sense his lover was close and he tensed around Mello in time with Mello's thrusts, but he knew Mello was far closer than he was. Mello stopped, moaning softly, he looked at Matt.

"Nnn... You first..." he mumbled, trying hard to slow his panting.

"D-don't… stop…" Matt groaned. Mello started moving again, but making sure to put more pressure on Matt's member as he ran his hands up and down it. He was hitting that spot again, as much as he could. "MmmMello…" Matt purred his hands stroking Mello's skin gently. Mello moaned, not able to hold it back any more. He emptied his seed inside Matt with a long, drawn out cry. After he'd done, his body collapsed on top of Matt, exhausted. He tried to move to finish Matt off, but... He was just too tired. Matt moaned at the feeling of Mello filling him but seeing how exhausted Mello was, helped Mello pull out of him.

Panting, Mello felt his eyes close. But he struggled hard to keep awake. He tried to reach his hand, to move it enough to bring Matt to completion. But he couldn't. His hand twitched, but didn't move. He'd never been so exhausted in his life. Realising that in Mello's condition he would never be able to finish him off, Matt took over and after pumping himself for about a minute he finally came, crying out Mello's name as he did.

*******

Several hours later, Mello found himself waking up. When he did so, he looked down at the mess they were in. He sighed as memories assaulted him. He looked at Matt and smiled softly.

"I'm sorry..." he mumbled. He felt incredibly guilty for not being able to help Matt earlier.

"Hey, it's cool," Matt replied continuing to play his game.

"No, it's not... I should've been able to wake up enough to at least help you." He looked down at his lap. He felt like crap for not being able to finish his job. "I should've been good enough for you..."

"Hey… Hey… cut that out. It was you're first time being seme so you can't expect to be perfect the first time," Matt said and hugged Mello tightly.

Mello leaned against Matt, "I'm sorry." He said again. "It's not like it'd've taken much out of me..." He was starting to think... what kind of a man was he to not be able to do that? How selfish must he have seemed?

"I thought I told you to stop that," Matt murmured and held Mello tighter. "It's ok," Matt said trying to reassure Mello, kissing the boy's cheek gently. Mello turned to look at Matt. He was ashamed to feel tears were in his eyes.

"I'm sorry... I really am." He looked at the other and wiped his eyes. "You know I love you... I should've been able to help..."

"I love you too Mells, always. I'm not annoyed or anything," Matt said gently kissing away Mello's tears softly. Mello stood up and looked away. He found himself pacing and shaking his head.

"N-no. It's not okay." He shook his head before sighing and sitting next to Matt again. "I feel like I've failed you," He said softly, looking away.

"It is ok and you didn't fail me Mells," Matt said and opened his arms to Mello. Mello leaned in against Matt.

"It won't happen again," He promised, "I won't leave you like that again." He nuzzled into Matt's shoulders. After a moment, he sighed. "Matt..." He said after a moment, "Don't you mean it, when you say you love me?" He asked quietly, "Coz... I don't think anyone could love me as much as you seem to..."

"I do Mells, I love you so much," Matt replied honestly and nuzzled Mello back gently before kissing his lover softly on the lips. Mello kissed Matt back, pushing him down onto the bed.

"Let's get some sleep..." He suggested, his smile faked well. Matt lifted up the sheets and drew Mello under the sheets with him, curling himself around the boys warm body. Feeling strangely for reasons he couldn't understand Matt carefully wrapped an arm around Mello's waist and buried his face in Mello's chest.

"I love you Miheal," Matt yawned and fell asleep. Mello waited until Matt was fast asleep. The use of his real name had spooked him. As far as he knew, Matt shouldn't have known that. But what spooked him more was what Matt had said. He loved him. He really thought he did. Once Mello was sure Matt was asleep, he snuck out of the bed and down to the elevator. Deeming the elevator to be too noisy, he located the stairs and ran down them. Half way down, he turned on his heal and returned to the room. A few moments later, he returned down the stairs, this time fully clothed. He ran out of the building and just kept going. He didn't know where, or even why he was going, he just knew he wanted to run.

Run as far and as fast as he could.

***

**Yeah I left it as a cliff-hanger. I'm just that evil. If you can be bothered me and Interstella really appreciate reviews and thanks to those who have. Thanks for reading.**


	11. When It All Falls Apart

**Yays I managed to update on time. Not that it should have been all that hard to do. Anyways a special message for those people who have read my fic 'friends?' I have just edited the whole story so far and replaced the old chapters. I have been working on that story a fair bit lately and I have gotten two chapters written and will be working on the third today. I will post chapter 11 as well as the update for this on Christmas Day. Anyways enjoy!**

**Oh wait I should probably mention that the warnings I had in chapter one well… you were warned.**

*******

Matt woke up an hour later to the sound of someone knocking on the door. He opened his eyes with a wide smile on his face he looked over. His face fell as he realised his love was missing and so he got out of bed and checked the bathroom. Seeing the blonde was not there either he dressed quickly and ran to the door. Something was wrong. Wrenching it open he looked at L's surprised face.

"Have you seen Mells?" Matt demanded instantly.

"That was what I was going to ask you," L said with a frown. "I thought he'd be in here." He felt like something was wrong. "I'll check the cameras..." something told him that Mello had gone outside. He wasn't sure what it was, but he was worried.

"Are you ok?" Light asked sounding concerned as L left.

"I don't know… I had this real bad feeling before I went to sleep because Mells was acting real strange and now he's gone…" Matt dragged his fingers through his hair harshly and Light leant down to hug Matt gently who returned it gratefully.

"It will be ok. I'm sure Mello will be fine. Let's go check on L, 'k?" Light murmured and lead the boy to the camera room. "Found anything?" L nodded, looking at the screen. It was paused footage of Mello leaving the building.

"This was about an hour ago," He said quietly. "I say we give him another ten minutes to get back, and if he doesn't, we go looking for him. It could be as simple as he needed some air. However, it is quite a dangerous city." L was incredibly worried. His face was paler than usual.

"I can't check to see what he took. I disabled the cameras in your rooms. Both to afford you privacy and to protect me from seeing something I'd rather not." Matt dropped to the floor suddenly, burying his face in his hands.

"Why...? Why did he do this? Why did he run away…?" Matt murmured, his whole body shaking.

L shook his head, "I don't know. But we can ask him when we find him." He stood from the seat he was sat in and moved to the exit of the room. "I think we should start looking..." He was getting really worried. He looked at Matt, "We'll find him," He said before leaving the room.

"Matt, I know you want to come, but it would be better if just me and L go. You can help Watari scan the traffic cameras to see if they caught Mello on them," Light said and hugged Matt gently. L was stood by the door, but he turned around and looked at Matt.

"He's right... We already have one of you outside, we don't need another. You stay here with Near. We'll bring him back." With that said, he headed out of the room and down the stairs. He should've known something like this would've happened. He should've locked the doors, he should've seen this coming. He knew Mello. He knew how emotionally unstable the young blonde was. But still, Mello was out there, and he was quite possibly in danger. L tried not to remind himself of how feminine Mello was, or how pretty most people saw him. He tried not to think of what type of people were out there.

"Hey, L let's go and look for Mello, it will be ok. We'll find him," Light said and stepped out into the night air. "Come on." Nodding, while tying to hide his fear, L followed Light outside. He'd already figured that it would be better if they searched on foot. He'd figured out the direction Mello would've run in, and started them out that way. He didn't speak, not sure on what to say. Also, he didn't trust his voice not to tremble. Light followed after L, remaining silent too as he was not sure what to say that would be of any use. Suddenly, someone placed their arm around Light, grinning. He reeked of alcohol.

"Hey babe, wanna come have some fun?" He asked Light, not even seeming to notice the dark glare L was sending him.

"I'll go on ahead," L mumbled, wanting nothing more than to find his lost boy.

"Little busy… Ryuzaki don't leave me," Light cried as he tried to break free of the man. The man was rewarded with a kick in the face by L, who'd dropped to the ground and kicked up as soon as he realized what the man's intentions were. Standing, L looked at Light.

"Come on. We don't have time for this." He'd just had proven what kind of people were out at this time.

"Thanks Ryuzaki," Light panted and they set off again.

"Just hurry up." By this time, L was incredibly worried about Mello. "We don't have time for these...distractions." He stopped suddenly, hearing something from an alleyway. Taking off at a sprint, he headed towards the source of the sound. Sobbing. He could hear sobbing. Part of him was afraid that that was Mello, that he had some reason to cry, but another part hoped that it was Mello, and that at least he was alive. He ran into the alleyway and cried out at what he saw. Mello was sat there, pushing himself as far as he could into a corner, his clothes torn and ruined. His trousers had been removed and were on the other side of the alleyway, and Mello obviously hadn't gone to get them. Under the boy was a puddle of what L would rather not identify, but the smell was memorable enough.

"Mello..." Mello looked up at him, tears falling down his face. He had scratches and bruises all over his visible skin. Even in the darkness of the alley, L could see this. "Oh my god, Mello..." He ran over to the blonde, freezing as the boy flinched away.

"Mello, it's okay... It's me...I'm not going to hurt you." He was choking up by now, tears coming from his own eyes. The boy was still sobbing, his arms across his chest as if protecting himself.

"I tried to stop him..." Mello sobbed out. "I tried. I'm sorry." At this, L's heart broke and he found himself collapsing to the ground in front of Mello.

"M-Mello..." Light froze for an instant before reaching into his pocket and drawing out a phone and calling Watari immediately.

"Hey Watari, we found Mello. It doesn't look good…" Light continued to talk to Watari for a moment to give directions as to where he could get them before shoving the phone in his pocket and stumbling over to the to the two other males. Light's heart pounded in his chest as he watched on. L was just sat there, staring at Mello as tears fell down his eyes. Mello kept apologizing, not saying what it was for, just saying 'I'm sorry' over and over. After a moment, L shook his head.

"No Mello... it's not your fault..." He said. He was sobbing now. "I'm sorry... I should've taken better care of you..." Light walked over to the road, just as Watari drove around the corner. The old man was out of the car in an instant and raced over to L and Mello.

"I came as quickly as I could," Watari said kneeling beside the two. As soon as Watari tried to get near Mello, he shied away. It took a lot of calm talking from L for Mello to get in the car. He climbed into the passenger seat and curled in on himself. L turned to Light.

"I'll go with Watari to the hospital. Mello needs an examination. You go and get Matt and Near. Take Near to your parents, ask them if they wouldn't mind taking care of him for a short while. Then call me. I'll tell you where exactly we are so you can bring Matt." There were no traces of emotion in L's voice as he spoke. Mello just sat staring out of the window, not looking at anyone. Light nodded and went to take off towards the building, but Watari stopped him.

"Light, I will drop you off on the way, ok?" Watari grabbed Light and brought him back over to L and Mello.

"Mello needs immediate attention. We can't afford the time it would take," L objected. "The head quarters are only two blocks away. You could get there in a few minutes." Watari opened the door and almost pushed Light inside.

"No, I will not allow you to risk the same thing happening to Light because we could not spare the extra minute it would take to drop Light off at the hotel," Watari said firmly and opened the door for L and Mello. "As you said, it is only two blocks away, so get in the car and we will leave." Nodding, L got into the car. He didn't look at Light as they got in. It was a silent drive to the hotel.

*******

Once they dropped Light off, they headed towards the hospital. Mello had yet to say anything to anyone, and L was getting more and more worried. When they got to the hospital, L explained to the nurse what happened. The police were called, and Mello was taken to a private room to be examined. This was made hard by the fact that he wouldn't let anybody touch him, but due to the fact that the hospitals had encountered such behaviour before, the tests were eventually carried out. The psychologist was talking to Mello while the police were talking to L. L told them exactly what happened, and where it was, and the police went to check out the scene. They said they'd be back soon to get a statement from Mello.

Watari waited patiently for Light's phone call. When that finally arrived he told L before leaving to collect Matt and Light. Matt was in a horrible state when he arrived, but Light seemed to be doing a wonderful job at soothing him. A couple of minutes later they were back at the hospital and Watari left to inform L. L nodded when Watari told him. He was sat in the waiting room while the psychiatrist talked to Mello. The blood tests wouldn't be in for another half hour at least, and when they were, the doctors were going to discuss this further with L. He was freaking out about this. When Matt and Light came into the room, he refused to look at either of them.

Light tried hard to ignore this fact, refusing to admit that small action had hurt him and continued to murmur soft words to Matt. Matt was torn too between the desire to race to Mello's side and stay as far away from the blonde as possible and his heart ached at the injustice of it all. When they were told that they could go in, L led the way. Once he was in the room, he took one look at Mello and nearly bolted. The blonde was crouched like L usually was, not letting his ass touch the bed. He was staring at nothing, just holding his legs and shaking slightly. L sat down next to Mello's bed and just waited. He'd let the boy decide when he wanted to speak.

Meanwhile Light drew Matt aside and sat at the furthest seats from the bed. It felt like there was a barrier around L and Mello that Light couldn't breach and it scared him. After a while, Mello looked at Matt. He saw how far Matt was sitting from him, and burst into tears. He didn't like the idea that Matt thought he couldn't come near Mello. Because Mello was tainted. Dirty. L saw this and moved closer to the bed. He sat down next to Mello, but didn't touch him. He looked to Light and Matt to leave. He needed to speak to Mello alone.

Matt saw Mello's tears and ignoring L, moved over to the bed, "Mells I love you, always." Mello didn't know what to do. He wanted to be held by Matt, but he didn't want to be touched, he was confused. He just nodded, reaching up to wipe his tears. L stood and gently placed a hand on Matt's shoulder.

"Let me talk with him. Please," He said.

"Ok, but Mells know that I will be back the second you need me no matter what," Matt said sincerely as his hands fidgeted with a keychain game as he itched to comfort Mello. After one last lingering look, Matt walked over to Light and the two left the room.

*******

Mello and L talked for a good half an hour. When they had done, Mello requested that Matt be brought in. He wanted to talk to him alone. Mello had calmed down quite a bit, and L was inclined to allow it. He exited the room and told Matt to go in. He then took a seat near the room. He didn't look at Light, but it wasn't obvious avoidance. It was more like, he didn't notice him. He sat in his normal way on the chair, taking deep shuddering breaths.

This was all too much. His memories were rebelling and he was trying very hard to control his outward appearance. There were tear tracks on his face, and it was obvious that whatever he'd been talking to Mello about had been hard. Light looked over and slowly moved to sit beside L and reaching out a gentle hand to rub L's back. It tore at his heart to see L in so much pain but he didn't know how to relieve it. L jumped when Light touched him. He flinched away as if he'd hit him before throwing an apologetic look at the other.

"Sorry...just...not right now..." he mumbled. His memories were far too recent for him to be comfortable being touched. He once again lapsed into silence, holding his own knees close. Light gasped as though he had been kicked in the stomach rather than a simple flinch and his eyes widened in shocked pain. He didn't know what to do so instead he waited and watched.

*******

Meanwhile Matt had just sat down in the chair next to Mello's bed and he fought the tears that burned at his eyes as he watched Mello silently.

"Matt...I..." Mello didn't know what to say. He was sat in that strange way, looking at the other. Eventually, he let his head fall and he bit his lip before speaking. "I'm sorry." He said softly. "I-I shouldn't have ran away... I freaked out..." He held his knees closer. "And now... after that happened... now I'm dirty, tainted. I'm sorry." Tears began to fall again, but at least he wasn't sobbing this time. He understood, he really did understand why Matt wouldn't want to touch him. Matt's eyes widened.

"Mells please, I love you just as much as I always have. It was not your fault and you are not dirty or tainted or any of that. You are beautiful and I love you. Please don't be sorry for something that wasn't ever your fault. If you were wondering why I haven't touched you yet, it is because I didn't think you would want me to, not because I haven't wanted to. It is tearing me apart to see you hurting so badly and not be able to touch you." Mello looked up at Matt, his eyes wide and trusting. He reached a hand forward for Matt. He wanted so bad to be held by the other, but he wanted to just take it one step at a time. Just one small step, after another. He wasn't sure himself how far he was able to go right now.

Matt smiled softly and he slowly reached back, allowing their hands to brush, giving Mello the option to hold it or not. He didn't want to rush the other but at the same time ached to be closer. Mello gripped Matt's hand, holding it tightly. He pulled on it gently, wanting Matt to come closer. A hug. He could handle that, right? Matt wouldn't get mad if Mello freaked out... would he...? Matt squeezed Mello's hand gently and allowed himself to be pulled closer but wanted Mello to be the one to initiate the hug.

It'd never been so hard before, to gently place his head on Matt's shoulder. It was hard to do this time, incredibly so. But when he had, and he'd put his arms around Matt, he felt so much better, safer. Clutching onto Matt tightly, he allowed himself to sob, the anguish and hatred for what had happened to him all coming out at once. Slowly, Matt returned the embrace, stroking Mello's back softly. He had never been as proud of Mello as he had been then.

*******

Outside that room, L was having difficulty keeping his emotions in check. After a few minutes, he stood abruptly, covering his nose and mouth with his arm.

"Sorry, I gotta- I can't..." He rushed in the direction of the bathrooms, barely making it in time before he threw the contents of his stomach up. His memories were getting stronger. He couldn't help but think on them. After throwing up the entire contents of his stomach, he wiped his mouth with toilet paper and flushed the chain. He then sat leaning against the wall of the cubicle, tears pouring down his face. He couldn't do this... it was too much. Mello shouldn't have had to go through that. It was a horrible thing. And what was worse... Mello had told him that he'd only missed the guy by about two minutes. If L had gotten up earlier... or if Light hadn't held them up by being unable to just tell that guy to fuck off... L shook his head. It was ludicrous. That hadn't been Light's fault. He was just too damn fine for anyone to resist. Still... a part of him blamed Light.

*******

Light found himself fighting tears and he collapsed on the floor. A part of him knew that L shouldn't be suffering this badly, but the utter helplessness he felt was more than he could take. He would though for L's sake as well as the sake of his future son. After a while, the floor was getting quite uncomfortable for L. He stood up, cleaned himself up as much as he could before returning to sit next to Light. He didn't say anything. Light didn't speak either; he wouldn't know what to say anyway. He was relieved that L was feeling better now. L's tears had stopped, but he didn't felt all that better. Every time he closed his eyes, he remembered what had happened to him. Was Mello going to grow up like this? After a short while, L stood up again.

"Sorry." He mumbled before moving to the exit. On the way out, he visited the in-hospital store.

As he lit up his cigarette outside, (a nasty habit he'd picked up just after his own incident. He thought he'd given it up, but now, more than ever, he needed a smoke), he briefly wondered if Light was going to follow him. Part of him wanted him to, to know that he did care, but another part of him, a bigger part, was afraid that if he let Light get too close, he'd wind up hurt. So L wasn't sure what he wanted. Light followed L anyway, he could see clearly that L was in pain and even if his words or touch couldn't help, maybe his presence alone would be enough to show L that he wasn't alone. He didn't want L to think that he would abandon him now that things were a little tough.

Light froze though when he saw the cigarette and he felt momentarily sick that L could so such a thing to himself. Not bothering to announce his presence Light simply sat down near L but on the on the side that the smoke wasn't being blown towards. L looked towards Light, a little thankful. After a moment, he stubbed his cigarette out and let out all the smoke that was in his lungs. He sat down next to Light and just stared ahead. He didn't know what to say to the other, how to act around him. It was strange, he'd always been so comfortable around the younger man.

And now he felt like he was a stranger. Not Light. But L himself. After another minute of silence, L lit up another smoke. His hands were shaking, and when he took that first drag, it was heaven. He found himself sighing out the smoke and calming down. Light was shaking too but not enough to be noticeable. The look in L's eyes was so far from what he had been used to that he felt like he was sitting with a complete stranger rather than his fiancé.

*******

**So times are getting darker for Light and L and poor Mello. If you get a chance please review as they are always appreciated.**


	12. Light's Singing Opera

**Yays I have just updated Friends? For the first time in eight months. Anyway Merry Christmas and I hope you like this new chapter.**

*******

After several more minutes, and two more cigarettes, L stood, and snubbed his smoke out.

"I'm going inside..." He said, both telling Light that he wasn't ignoring him, and that he was going inside. Also it broke the awkward silence. Sighing, he made his way back inside the building and up to the floor that Matt and Mello were on. He retook his seat outside Mello's room.

*******

Inside Matt still held still held his love in his arms. Holding the boy close as the blonde boy cried. Mello slowly calmed down. Once the tears had stopped falling, he stayed in the embrace, tired now. Exhausted. But he didn't want to sleep.

"I'm sorry Matt..." he said after a while.

"It was not your fault my love," Matt murmured and he continued to hold Mello gently.

"Yes it was! I freaked out and left... All because I didn't think you could ever love me..." Mello turned his head away, pulling out of the hug as he said that. "I've always believed that nobody ever would."

"Please believe me now when I say that I love you," Matt said gently as he allowed Mello to pull away.

"It's not that I don't believe what you're saying...it's just that I can't. I've grown up all my life, believing that I can never be loved. That I'm never going to be good enough. I was okay believing that. But then you came... you came and changed my world." He looked back at Matt. "You changed everything I ever believed in. I fell in love with you, and then... when you said you loved me... I didn't believe you. But today.... today I did. And it scared me." He looked away again. "I'm sorry."

"Thankyou for believing me, but it hurts that you think you have anything to apologise for," Matt replied smiling softly.

"I... I feel dirty," Mello admitted, curling in on himself. "Like I've rolled around in dirt and shoved it in every hole." He tried to sink lower into the bed, but as soon as his as touched it, he yelped in pain and shot back up again.

"Fuck..." He moaned. He looked at Matt again, before looking away. He couldn't look at him. "I feel like I've cheated on you," He admitted.

"I know, but you didn't cheat on me and nothing will ever make me believe that you did. I will be here for as long as you want me to be," Matt said and leaning down to meet Mello's eyes.

"I don't know Matt..." Mello said uncertainly, looking away. "How can you want to be with me, after what happened? I don't want to be around me." He curled further in on himself. "Am I even worth loving?" He asked quietly.

"How can I want to be with you? I want to be with you because I love you and I always will," Matt said without the slightest hint of a doubt. "You have done nothing that would make you unworthy of my love and though that may be hard to believe now. One day you will."

Mello nodded, "You're right. One day, I will do something to make me unworthy of your love." He looked at Matt now. "Maybe you should find someone who won't fuck up..." He was being serious. He honestly thought that Matt would be better off with somebody else. His voice was sad and tired, but not at all angry. He knew that Matt hadn't been meaning that, but he twisted the words.

"Everyone fucks up at some point or another and just because you may later, don't you think it is for me to decide who is or isn't worthy?" Matt asked an eyebrow raised. "In my opinion you are more than worthy of it. I won't leave you."

"Even after all of this?" Mello was having trouble feeling convinced of this. After thinking for a moment, he bit his lip before awkwardly standing. His ass still hurt, but the painkillers that the doctors had given him were starting to kick in. He moved to the other side of the room and grabbed a cup and filled it with water. More for the sake of needing something to do with his hands than anything else.

"I could have all sorts of diseases from him..." He added quietly. "You might not want to stay with me then..."

"Yes, even after all of this. Even if you get every single disease from that… thing I would not leave you. I will always want to be with you and I am quite willing to keep telling you this until you are one hundred and ten percent convinced that I love you and want to stay with you. Any less than that, any hint of a doubt then my work is not finished." Mello turned around to look at Matt. He walked to him and pressed a forceful kiss to him. He pulled back soon, turning his head away, he bit his lip. He didn't want to give him any diseases he might have. Once the blood tests came back, he could kiss Matt properly.

"I wish I could believe you..." He said quietly. "But in my life...nothing good stays."

"Then how about I be the first one that does?" Matt replied, squeezing Mello's hand gently. Mello nodded, a small, sad smile on his face. He pushed himself back on Matt's chest, his head on his shoulder. He needed to be close to someone who loved him, someone who didn't want to hurt him. He needed to know that he was cared for. Matt moved onto the bed now and pulled Mello close to him gently. Matt's loving arms held Mello as though he was the most precious and fragile thing in the world.

*******

Outside, one of the Doctor's approached L. He smiled softly at him.

"I have the test results for Mello," He said kindly. "I'm afraid that I have to give them to him personally. I can't give them to you until he says that it's alright. May I enter?" He was asking, in case Mello wanted privacy.

L nodded. "He's in there with his friend." He stood up, but the doctor gently pushed him down again. L flinched away from the touch.

"I'm afraid I must give them to him on his own." With that, the doctor knocked on the door.

"C-come in." Mello called. The doctor walked in. He smiled at Matt.

"Please may I talk with Mello alone?" Mello clutched tighter to Matt. He didn't want to be alone with a stranger. No way.

"Hey, Mells doesn't want to be alone at the moment so I think he would be alright with me hearing this too. Am I right Mells?" Matt asked softly. Mello nodded, looking at the doctor while clutching onto Matt. The doctor nodded.

"Very well then." He flipped the chart that he was holding. Mello found himself holding his breath. "From the blood results so far, it doesn't seem like you've caught anything. However, there are some diseases that can't be identified straight away. You'll need to return in six months for an HIV test. But so far, it looks like you've got a clean bill from this...." Mello frowned, it sounded good enough, but the doctor was looking worried.

"However, there was something else in your blood. We would like to run another test." He looked at Mello. "I'm sure it's nothing, but we'd like to be sure."

"You don't sound too sure..." Mello said, "What could it be?"

"Well, you're white count is low. This means that either you're just about to get an incredibly bad cold or the flu... or it could be cancer." He smiled, "I'm sure it's just the flu, but we'd like to run some more tests, just to be sure. I'll get your adoptive father to sign this sheet, and we'll go ahead with it. But not if it's not okay with you. There're no side effects, and virtually no risk, but it's procedure to get consent."

Mello nodded. "Do it." Matt hugged Mello a little tighter, relieved that so far his love was in the clear. The doctor nodded and left the room. He stood next to L and explained to him what was happening. Pale and shaking, L nodded, signing the paper. Once the doctor left, he drew his knees in on himself, placing his head on his knees and silently started to cry. His shoulders were heaving, making it obvious what was going on. Mello shouldn't have to go through all of this. He shouldn't!

*******

Light, who had been talking to Watari saw L talking to the doctor and froze. Excusing himself Light walked over to sit beside L.

"How is he?" Light asked softly. L just looked up at Light, tears streaming down his face and shook his head.

*******

Several hours later, the doctor had taken the blood and run the test, and now came back with the results. He smiled broadly at L before knocking on Mello's door. He walked in and grinned at Mello.

"You're going to be fine. You're just coming down with the flu." He said with a smile. "No cancer."

Mello's eyes widened and he looked at Matt, hardily believing it. He then looked back at the doctor and smiled. "Thank you. Make sure you tell L..."

The doctor nodded. "You'll be released sometime soon. You can go home in a little while."

Mello nodded. "Thank you." Oh how glad was he that he'd learned Japanese? He leaned against Matt, smiling. The doctor left and told L the good news. He nodded and thanked the doctor, smiling very slightly. That was a load off his mind.

*******

It was three days later and Mello was back at the hotel. During that time Matt had rarely left the blondes side for anything more than bathroom breaks. L had also stuck pretty close to Mello too. In fact if Matt hadn't been so stubborn about staying with Mello, L would have probably forced Matt out a while ago. Light had hardly seen L since the attack and had been spoken to even less. It wasn't from lack of trying but L seemed determined to keep Light out. Ryuk was determined to help L in keeping him away from Light by whispering suggestions in L's ear.

"Light is acting so needy lately. It is really surprising since he claims to love you but the only one he seems to be thinking about is himself," Ryuk murmured. Showing no outward signs of hearing the Shinigami had become second nature for L. He agreed with the death god, and as Light entered the room, L sighed. He had to put up with his neediness. He had to put up with it, but it was getting harder and harder to do so lately. L was very close to losing it.

He, Mello and Matt were playing a game of scrabble. Near was...somewhere doing something. Probably playing with his toys. The youngest boy was very self reliant…

…Unlike Light.

Watari was very worried now. L was growing more and more distant by the day and he could see that soon L would explode and probably destroy everything in its path. Even will all the love Light and L shared wouldn't be able to survive this. In fact Watari would be surprised if Light managed to hold on a single day longer. He had to stop this before it got too out of hand. Out of the corner of his eye, L saw Light enter the room. He didn't acknowledge the male, instead, he carried on playing the game. Mello noticed Light, and noticed the way L was treating him. He knew why. He'd been told on the night it'd happened. He understood. But he wasn't sure Light did, or if he ever could.

Smiling a little, he placed some letters on the board.

L

O

V

E

Light had found that he was spending more and more time with Near. Ever since the attack on Mello it was like he no longer mattered to L at all. He tried to be understanding but it was getting harder and harder to do so. He was just being stupid and needy wasn't he?

*******

Despite Watari's prediction Light and L hung on till the day that the shinigami was supposed to leave. Then again Light and L would have to be talking in order for them to break up and L had been remaining silent. When that day came, L had completely forgotten. He didn't burn the Death Note. In fact, it was sat on the counter top. There had been a phone call from the police, a few hours earlier, identifying the person who'd attacked Mello. L had received a name, and by his request, a photo.

*******

When it came to midnight, when he was sure nobody else would be around. He took the Death Note to a blind spot with the cameras and opened it. Looking at the page with the name and picture on it, he opened the book, took a pen, and wrote. As luck would have it though, Light was unable to sleep that night. He had been struggling to for the last few days as L had decided that they should sleep in separate rooms so that he could be closer to Mello. Getting up he walked out of the room. He wasn't sure where he was heading to but that didn't matter when he saw L sitting with a black note book, pen in hand.

"L…" Light gasped. L slowly closed the book before turning around and looking at Light.

"Yes?" He asked, as if he'd been interrupted reading a good book rather than committing murder. "Did you need something?" He asked, but this was Light. He'd need something. Probably a hug, or to complain about their sleeping arrangements. L was getting tired of his clinginess. Couldn't he see that Mello needed him more now? "If you don't need anything, then please leave me alone." Light swallowed before biting his lip and nodding. It would be hypocritical of him to say anything. L stood, returning the book to the table top. He didn't really care if Light picked it up again – why should he? He put the pen back on top and walked away. "Good. I'll see you in the morning," He said, heading towards the bedroom. It was then that the phone rang. On his way out, L picked it up. "Hello." He waited for a moment before smiling. "Thank you officer," He said before placing the phone down.

Confirmation.

"Goodnight," Light murmured, trying to keep the sadness from his tone. He was losing his L more and more each day and soon… Light didn't even want to think about it, but it was becoming clearer that L now saw him as nothing more than a nuisance. Like he was a fly that just wouldn't go away, so you swat it just to get it to shut up. L sighed as Light stayed where he was. He didn't seem to want to move. Turning around, he looked at the other.

"It was him," He said, "It was the man that attacked Mello. That's who I killed." He then turned around and walked up the stairs.

"Oh did you see the look on his face. I never realised what a self-centred person Light was. You try to help Mello and Light is bawling his eyes out because suddenly the world doesn't revolve around him anymore," Ryuk whispered, quite unnecessarily. "Oh look, here he comes." Light had followed L out a minute later to head back to his room which happened to be the same way L was going. L stopped, letting out an angry breath before turning around.

"What is with you!?" He asked, "Stop following me, leave me alone! Stop being a self centred jackass for a while and let me take care of my son. He needs me. And you don't." The last sentence was spoken in a tone of challenge, the words obviously making it sound like he knew he was right. Okay, so if it wasn't for the shinigami constantly saying things into his ear like that, he'd probably not exploded. But as it was, L had no idea that he was being out of line. As far as he was concerned, this was all Light's fault. If Light hadn't been hit on, if he'd been able to tell that guy to fuck off, if he'd not asked L to stay, they could've found the guy and stopped him. Two minutes. They'd missed him by two minutes. Light froze, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"Excuse me? I wasn't following you, my room is this way and if you haven't noticed I have been giving you space so you can take care of Mello. I know he needs you so I haven't said a word a word of complaint." L didn't seem to hear his words; he just kept talking, yelling.

"You're being needy and clingy! You're always around! Don't you get it? I have to help Mello, I don't have time for you!" As soon as he said this, his eyes widened and he shook his head. "No... I do...but...I need... I need to be with Mello..."

"I'm sorry if being around you is suddenly such a nuisance to you. I thought that I should be with you since you are so obviously hurting and I love you," Light shot back, his voice full of the pain he felt. L stayed silent for a moment before speaking quietly.

"It's your fault," He said, looking away. "If you hadn't let that guy hit on you, if you told him just to fuck off we would've gotten there in time. If you weren't so fucking desirable, Mello would be fine." And with that, he turned on his heals and walked away, not wanting Light to see the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"Even now that pathetic excuse of a human is hurting you after all you have done for him," Ryuk murmured.

"I see," Light said, and swallowed, following after L for a few steps. "So that's what you think. You're probably not even listening to a word I' m saying either, I could be singing opera for all you care. I could be gone and you would probably just be relieved that I have stopped being so damn clingy and needy all the time. Maybe I should test that theory…" Light continued in a rush, his heart racing in his chest.

He was right, L wasn't listening to him. He was thinking about what he'd said. He was right, wasn't he? It was Light's fault.

Right?

"Just leave me alone..." he said sadly after a moment.

"If that's what you want then fine, I will," Light replied and hurried back to his room. He didn't waste a second packing his bags. Like Mello before him he used the stairs to leave, calling a taxi as he went. Within an hour he was back home, in his room. His parents, while surprised to see him so late didn't bug him for answers and let him go to his room where he collapsed on the bed and had soon cried himself to sleep.

*******

**So things don't look too good for L and Light right now. As for whether or not L sees what a bastard he's being… you will have to wait for the next chapter. Thanks for reading.**


	13. Panic on a Plane

**Sorry I took so long to update I have been a bit busy. I hope you like this chapter.**

*******

A few days later, Mello frowned.

"Hey, where's Light?" He asked. "I haven't seen him in a few days..."

L shrugged, "He left," He said, not even seeming to notice what he was saying. "He's giving me some space. It was his fault we didn't get to you sooner though." He shrugged again before smiling at Mello. "It's okay. He understands that I need to be here for you."

Mello frowned. "L, you're taking my being raped worse than I am," He said. "Light was already giving you space..." He'd noticed how L was being lately. He looked over to Matt, wanting him to back him up. Matt nodded at Mello.

"Seriously dude, you need Light. Don't let him get away." Meanwhile Ryuk chuckled in the background. L had forgotten to burn the notebook and now was being far too entertaining for Ryuk to even consider reminding the man himself.

"He was being too clingy," L said with a frown, "It's his fault that-"

"No! It's not!" Mello shook his head. "If anything, it's my fault for leaving. And that assholes fault for doing it. It's definitely not Light's fault!" He reached out and shook L, ignoring the way he flinched away from the touch. "Wake up! You just sent your fiancé away because he got hit on. You're blaming him for what happened to me, and for what happened to you."

L's eyes widened. He hadn't even thought about it that way.

Shaking, he swallowed. "He was clingy-"

"When was the last time he tried to hold you? When was the last time he even touched you!?" Mello asked. The hospital. When L flinched away. That was the last time Light had so much as touched him. Standing abruptly, L headed to the exit. He had a fair idea where Light would've gone.

*******

It took him ten minutes to get to Light's house, and a further fifteen to work up the courage to knock on the door. After three seconds of silence, he was tempted to turn away, using the excuse that nobody was home.

But then the door opened. It wasn't Light, though that L was greeted by, but Soichiro who upon seeing L's face glared harshly.

"_You!_ What on Earth gives _you_ the right to be here after you hurt my son?" the man spat angrily. "I don't care that he doesn't blame you, I sure as hell do. Especially when it means that when I go and check on my son I find that he has cried himself to sleep." L felt his head hang as his eyes began to take on moisture.

"I was wrong. I- I came here to apologize to Light..." He admitted quietly, "It's the least I can do..." He lifted his head to look at Soichiro. "Please, may I be permitted to do that?"

"Well I had to see that someone told you off for what you did. Knowing my son he will forgive you straight away. Now get up there before I change my mind. I don't think I need to give you directions," Soichiro almost growled, but stepped aside to let L through. L rushed up the stairs, heading towards the room. He knocked on the door. Biting his lip, he hoped that Light would let him in sooner rather than later; before his courage escaped him.

"L-Light...?" He asked. The door was wrenched open a second later to reveal Light standing there, a stunned look on his face and a hand frozen in his hair for a minute before it dropped.

"L…" Light breathed in amazement, before opening his door wider to let the other in. L's head bowed again and he shook his head. Now that the time came, he didn't know what to do.

"I'm sorry," He said, trying hard not to burst into tears. "I'm sorry." He didn't go into the room. He was ready to run if he needed to. "I- I said some things that I shouldn't have... some things that weren't true. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "It wasn't your fault..." Tears were falling. "And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for talking to you like that. I'm sorry for asking you to leave and calling you clingy when you were being anything but..." He had to pause to sob then. "And I'm sorry," He said again. Light moved over to his bed, curling his legs up beneath as he watch L cry. While he longed to hold the other man he wasn't sure if he was allowed to anymore.

"That means a lot to me and I forgive you. I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to stay anyway. You're hurting and I just left you, I'm so sorry," Light murmured in reply. Looking down when he finished, Light just watched his own finger bent and flexed as he drew patterns on the sheets. L shook his head, stepping into the room and closing the door. He stayed by it though.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness." He looked up at Light, trying to stem his tears. He took a step forward towards Light. "I'll- I'll understand if you won't take me back... I accused you of some horrible things..." He shook his head. "Frankly, I'd be more surprised if you did want to take me back." He threw something onto the bed. It was a small velvet box. He'd purchased the thing inside on the way here. He then smiled softly, "You keep that...either way." Hesitantly, Light went to reach out for the box but stopped.

"Of course I want you back, I love you L and I want to be with me always. I forgive you," Light said smiling, tears in his eyes too. Reaching the rest of the way he opened the box and looked inside. Biting his lip, L nodded and slipped down to sit against the wall.

"I saw it... and I thought... I never really gave you one..." He knew what was in the box. It was a gold and silver ring; the two strands of precious metal were intertwined in a thin chain. "It's... well, metal and gold don't usually go together… but in this case they do... I thought that was an adequate metaphor for us." He didn't look at Light while he said this. He heard what Light had said, but he didn't believe him, not yet. "You- you shouldn't want to be with me," He said softly. "I'm a horrible person." Light smiled and took the ring out of the box and slipping it on his left hand ring finger. His hands itched to touch L now, but he didn't.

"I know you think that I shouldn't want to be with you, but I do. I love you L and I couldn't possibly think of you as being a horrible person," Light said. L looked up at Light, his eyes wide and hopeful. He stood and moved his way towards Light. Standing by the bed, he looked at Light, a little nervously. He opened his arms, wondering if Light would accept him back truly. Light opened his arms in return, the longing to hold L becoming almost unbearable. With a cry, L threw himself into Light's arms. He sat on his lap, his head on Light's shoulder. He emptied his tears on Light's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," He sobbed, "I'm sorry." He clutched onto Light's shirt. Light's hands snaked around L's waist immediately, his face pressed against L's chest, tears leaking out of his eyes too. Light breathed in deeply as he took in L's warm, familiar scent.

"It's ok my love, it's ok…" Light whispered smiling broadly. "I have missed you so much." Feeling slightly uncomfortable, L held Light closer.

"I- I have to tell you something..." He said shakily. Pulling away slightly to look at Light, he bit his lip. "I-I lied to you... I wasn't a virgin before we met... What Mello...what Mello went through...I've been through too..." he looked away. "When I was a kid... That's- that's why I knew what Mello needed... I didn't have anyone back then. I was determined to be there for him..."

"I… Thank you," Light stuttered. "I'm amazed that you wanted me too…" Light couldn't continue. "I want you to know that this changes nothing in terms of how I feel about you," Light finished.

"I tried... I tried to make myself believe that it never happened. I nearly succeeded too... But...then...Mello..." He shook his head. He clutched tighter to Light. "I'm sorry," He said before staying silent for a while.

"I killed someone..." he said quietly after a while.... "With the note..."

"I know but it is not for me to condemn you, especially since I have done the same, but on a far larger scale. Also what happened to you is not something you can simply forget no matter how much you or I would wish it otherwise," Light said, his hands stroking L's back softly. "But maybe together, even though it won't be as good as forgetting you'll be strong enough to face those memories and heal." L leaned against Light and sniffed softly.

"Light...It's not as easy as all that... It went on for almost a year..." He said softly. After a moment, he pulled away, he was getting a little uncomfortable in the embrace while talking about that. He sat next to Light. "I'm sorry I lied to you."

"I have always been an optimist," Light murmured, letting L go. "I don't mind that you kept it from me either, you just weren't ready for me to know." L pulled his knees up to his chest and held them.

"What now...?" He asked, "Do you want to come home with me... Or do you want to stay here for a while...?" He laughed bitterly, "I told you, you wouldn't want to marry me."

"Well that's my decision isn't it? By wearing this ring it means that I have decided that I want to be with you, marry you without the smallest doubt. Are you ready to have me return yet though?" Light replied, looking down at the ring. Smiling a little, L swallowed before nodding. He placed his head on Light's shoulder, his hand snaking down to grasp Light's in his own. He picked it up and looked at it. Running his finger over the ring he smiled softly.

"Do you like it?" he asked.

Light nodded, "Of course I do. You gave it to me."

"Not what I mean," L said with a smile. "I meant if you didn't like it, we could find another one for you...."

"It's perfect," Light answered, beaming back.

"Good, because I have a matching one on order," L said with a smile. His stomach rumbled and he blushed. "I... I haven't eaten in a while..." He said softly. He pulled away from Light and went to the door. "I'm going to get something to eat... would you like to join me...?" He asked, not looking at Light but smiling softly.

"Sure, I haven't really been eating much either to be honest," Light admitted, standing. Smiling, L pulled out his cell phone and he called a car.

"Put something nice on. I'll take you somewhere special. I'm gonna go back and get changed. I'll pick you up in an hour..." He said with a smile, "If that's okay?"

"Ok, I will see you then," Light replied and walked over to take L's hand for a moment, barely a graze of fingers but it was enough. L took Light's hand in his and smiled softly. He leaned forward and kissed Light. He pulled back before leaving the room.

He then left the house.

*******

An hour later, he knocked on the door, completely uncomfortable in the posh suit he was wearing. He waited for Light to answer the door. Light answered it almost immediately wearing a suit of his own; it was black with a sky blue shirt. L had to take a deep breath when he saw Light. He was having trouble breathing.

"...Gods..." the man was beautiful. Blinking a few times, he took a step back, gesturing for Light to follow him. "C'mon..." He said with a grin, gesturing to the stretched limo that was waiting for them.

Light smiled and followed L into the limo.

"You know this really wasn't necessary," Light said laughing as he got settled. "You look nice." L blushed.

"The boys picked it out... I had no idea what to wear..." He laughed softly, taking Light's arm and leaning against him. "Um... I wanted to take you to my favourite restaurant... but... um... tell me you're not afraid of flying..."'

Light laughed, "Shouldn't you have asked me that before we flew to England?" He joked, "Anyway they did great picking out your clothes," Light added and took L's hand gently.

L laughed and nodded. "Do you speak any French?" He asked. "Because I don't know how many people speak English where we're going..."

"Yeah, Sayu wanted to learn it. She didn't get too far before quitting, but I carried on with it. My accent probably isn't any good," Light confessed.

"It'll do," L said with a smile, "Have you ever been to Paris?" He asked as the limo drove them to the airport.

"No I haven't," Light replied cautiously.

"You'll love it," He said with a grin. The driver stopped and L got out. "C'mon. We have a private plane ready," he said to Light, leading him towards the airstrip. Light smiled nervously but followed anyway. Getting flown over the world with L all the time would take some getting used to. Once they were in the plane, L ordered some drinks. "Want anything to drink?" L asked Light, "They do some good red wine..." He was more than a little nervous.

"My, my L, trying to get me to break the law are you?" Light teased. "We are still in Japan and so I can't touch that stuff for well over a year." L laughed and shook his head.

"We're in international airspace. Law doesn't exist here," he said with a smile.

"Well to me it does, besides I don't know if I want to drink alcohol yet," Light replied grinning.

"That's fine. Orange juice then?" L asked with a small laugh. "It's up to you." He smiled at Light and gently kissed him. He pulled back and smiled. "In France, the age requirement is different. You're allowed to drink the wine from birth." He shrugged. "If you don't want any, drink something else. I'll get the menu for you if you like."

"Thanks," Light said and smiled happily, before biting his lip nervous "… Can I… can I kiss you?" L smiled, pulling him back to him and kissing him deeply.

"Any time," he said with a smile. Light grinned back, before he cupped L's face in his hands, kissing L heatedly. He couldn't believe how much he had missed this. Undoing his seat belt, L moved to sit on Light's lap. He kissed him hungrily, leaning closer to Light; he let his arms surround Light's neck, pulling him closer. Light felt his stomach tighten and his arms wrapped around L's waist to steady him as he return the kisses fervently, his hands grazing the skin above L's baggy pants. L pulled away softly and smiled at Light. He pressed his forehead against Light's, smiling at him.

"I love you. I really do," he said quietly, smiling softy.

"I know and I love you too. You really scared me though, I thought I was losing you," Light mumbled.

"You... you were...well...I was losing you..." L said softly, "I....if it wasn't for Matt and Mello... I think..." He shook his had, "I don't think I would've seen what I was doing."

"I know and I owe them so much for that. Promise that you won't distance yourself from me like that again…" Light pleaded softly, leaning up to kiss L's cheek.

"I thought... I honestly thought that you were being too clingy," He said softly, "I'm sorry." He shook his head and then leaned so his head was resting on Light's shoulder. "I really am."

"I know, so what do you want to do while we wait to get there?" Light asked curiously. Smiling, L snuggled closer to Light.

"I missed you... just let me sit with you for a while..." He said.

"Of course, I have missed you too… so much," Light replied and his arms tightened around L's waist.

"Never let me push you away again," L said after a while. "I don't want to lose you." He pulled back slightly to smile at Light. He leaned down and pressed a button on the side of the chair, making it collapse so that they were horizontal. He moved slightly to be lying beside Light. He placed his head on Light's shoulder, his arm around his waist.

"I will try harder next time, I couldn't handle losing you again either," Light replied, allowing himself to be pushed back, his am tightening around L. Light couldn't remember the last time he had felt so content. Then he remembered… "I haven't felt this content since you asked me to marry you," Light murmured softly.

"You still want to get married...?" L asked quietly, his fingers tracing random patterns on Light's chest. "I'll understand if you don't want to...or if you want to wait a while." He was speaking, quietly, sadly. He didn't want Light to break off the engagement, but he could understand if he did. "Maybe we should slow down a little..." He mumbled, "Stay engaged for a few years... see how it goes..."

"Of course I do, you know that but maybe… maybe it's not me that's not ready but you. Are you ready to marry me, my love?" Light asked stroking L's back.

"I know that I don't ever want to let you go..." L said softly, thinking over Light's words. "But... I don't know if I'm ready for that much trust... I can't trust myself not to hurt you." He snuggled closer to Light. "That's what I'm afraid of."

"I wondered if that was the case, let's wait then. We can get married when your ready, but not until then. I trust you with everything I have and I will wait for as long as it takes," Light said gently, his eyes closing as he just enjoyed L's warm presence. Smiling, L leaned closer to Light.

"I just... I want to make it official. Tell the world what we feel..." He shrugged, "But I can wait. So long as I have you, nothing else matters.'

"Of course you would have me. You will always have me for as long as you want me. I want to make it official even more than you do." L kissed Light again. His heart longed to marry Light right away, but his mind told him to think on it. After what had happened recently, he wasn't sure how long they'd be together. He was worried. He couldn't be sure how long it'd last before he did something stupid, something so stupid, that Light would leave him forever. Light returned the kiss with all the love in his heart in an attempt to reassure L that he would never leave him again. That he would be stronger next time and if L ever lost his way again it would be him that would bring L back. After a moment, L pulled back and smiled at Light.

"I love you," He said softly, "I truly do." He gently stroked Light's hair, smiling lovingly at the male. "You... you give my life meaning," He said softly, "I'm here to take care of the boys, but I live to be with you..." He took a deep breath. "You make my life worth it." Light smiled softly, almost purring.

"I don't think I could have said it better myself. I feel the exact same way. I love you so much that I don't think I could ever say it enough."

"Let me finish," L said softly, "You make my life worth it, but I don't know how long I can go without seriously screwing up," he said softly, "I don't know how long I can... How long I can keep your love. You say that you love me, and that you always will, and I believe that you believe that." He shook his head, "But I know that life isn't like that," He said, starting to hyperventilate. He honestly believed that, and that was why he wasn't ready to marry him just yet. Light had tears in his eyes.

"L, I swear I will try to be stronger from now on. I won't run away again and If you do screw up I promise that I will be the one to bring you back to me. I just can't lose you again. I can't…" L was shaking now, hyperventilating and hiccupping with sobs. He shook his head.

"You won't." He shook his head, tears falling down. "I'll lose you." He pulled away and hugged his knees to his head, sobbing into them. "I'm sorry," He said softly, shaking his head. "I can't…" He shook his head, "You're going to leave me one day... I can't... I couldn't handle that..."

"Damn it L… Why won't you believe me? If you feel that way then why the hell can't you understand that I couldn't handle losing you either. That the only reason I would ever leave you is if you didn't want me anymore," Light shouted as he took L in his arms again and held the older man tightly. L's eyes widened slightly and he squirmed out of the embrace.

"Get- Get Watari," He panted out, grasping his chest as he jumped out of the chair and pushed himself into a corner, panting. "Panic- Panic attack..." tears were falling from his wide eyes. He was gasping for breath, trying so hard to regain proper breathing patterns. He pushed himself further into the corner, looking around wildly, his arms pushing at the ground, trying to get him further into the walls of the plane. For the first time in a while Light felt tempted to slap L but didn't; instead he did as requested and went to find Watari. Watari was flying the plane. There were no co-pilots. When Light told him what was going on, his face hardened.

"I need you to take care of him," He said. "Now listen to me. Whatever you do, don't approach him fast. Don't try and hug him, he'll just freak out if you do. When he's like this, he doesn't like being touched. Just stay close to him, and tell him that it's going to be alright." He turned to face Light, "Let him take his time, let him come to you." He turned back to the controls of the plane. "This plane doesn't have autopilot, I can't come back there unless you can take the stick." He smiled softly, "I don't think you can do that. But you can help L. Don't worry, it'll be fine." Light rolled his eyes and went back to where L and sat down in a near by chair.

"L, listen to me. You have to calm down. Everything is alright. Try to slow you're breathing down or you will pass out. Just try to take deep steady breaths," Light instructed in a calm clear voice. L's hyperventilating just got worse. His hand was clawing at his chest while the other was at his throat, trying to take away whatever invisible force was trying to suffocate him. He shook his head, his wide eyes looking at Light.

"C-Can't..." He felt like he was going to die, like he was going to suffocate in his own plane. Tears were spilling down his face and he felt his fingers and lips tingle.

"L please, everything is fine, just calm down and everything will be alright… you're going to be ok just calm down my love," Light continued and moved slowly down to sit near L, but didn't move to touch him. Still struggling for breath, L looked up at Light. With one final exhale, he collapsed against Light, his eyes closing and his breathing pausing momentarily before evening out slowly. He was completely limp, lying against Light, his eye lids fluttering, but not opening. Light felt like screaming, why did this have to happen to him? Why did he have to be so helpless? He wanted to help L and he really tried but he just wasn't good enough. Why wasn't he good enough? Gently Light laid L down so that his head was on the floor and propped L's feet up on a chair, before his hand shoved through his hair violently. It wasn't L that wasn't good enough… It was him…

After a moment, L moaned softly, opening his eyes and blinking. He could feel the tingling in his mouth and the itchiness of his eyes. He knew what had happened. Closing his eyes with a sigh, he took a deep breath before opening his eyes and sitting up. Rubbing the back of his head, he looked at Light.

"I'm sorry..." He said softly, "I was hoping you'd never have to see me like that..." He said softly, looking away embarrassed.

"Hey, it's ok, I just wish I had been able to help you," Light replied smiling, relief evident in his eyes.

"You did, believe it or not," He said with a sheepish smile. "I haven't had an attack in a long time, but when I used to get them, I used to hurt myself." He smiled softly, "I didn't do that this time." He pulled his hand away from his head and moved closer to Light. He didn't touch him though, just staying close. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that..." He apologised again.

"It's ok, but I don't believe it. Thanks anyway," Light murmured. L pushed his arm forward and pulled his sleeve up. There was a faint outline of teeth marks on his arm, a scar.

"I'm not surprised you've never seen it before. It's quite hard to see. But please, do believe me."

"Ok, I believe you, but don't expect me to believe in myself…" Light said quietly after a moment.

"Liiiiigggghhhhhtt..." L whined, falling forward to place his head on Light's shoulder, "You have to believe in yourself." He turned his head to look at Light. "And thank you...for before..."

"Tell me why I should believe in myself when you don't?" Light's tone wasn't harsh though but helpless.

L closed his eyes. "It's not you I don't believe in," He said quietly after a moment. He leaned back off Light's shoulder and stood. "I wish you could see what I do when I look at you," He said looking down. "I'm sorry that you don't."

"Every time you say that you're sure I will leave you… no matter how many times I tell you I couldn't… that it would destroy me to even try; you are telling me that I am too young, too ignorant, and too flighty to possibly feel the same way. Every time you say it you are not only doubting me, but telling me that it is impossible for me to love you as much as you love me," Light looked at L desperately. "You ask me to try and see myself the way you do, then why don't you try seeing yourself the way I see you too."

"I say those things because I'm afraid," L admitted quietly, looking away. "I'm afraid they might be true." He turned around and walked back to his seat. He sat down and looked ahead. "I say those things, because every time I do, you tell me they're not true."

"But that's the thing; I don't ever want you to be afraid of that. I love you so much…" Light said trailing off for a moment. "Are w-you ok?" L shook his head and buried it in his knees, his arms going over his head.

"I don't want this to end, but all I seem to do is push you away," He said, sniffing slightly, his eyes leaking. "I don't want to lose you, but all I seem to be doing is fucking up."

"What about me? I was stupid and ran away knowing that you needed me more than ever, but because I… I couldn't think of a way to help you. If you really don't want to lose me then don't. It's as simple as that. I don't want to ever leave you and you don't ever want me to leave. It is just that easy, the only reason you're finding it difficult is because you want it to be," Light smiled at his cheesy words. "All you have to do is love me and you can have me forever."

*******

**So what do you think so far? Are you glad Light forgave L or should he have been a bit harder on him? Thank for reding.**


	14. Light Joins The Mile High Club

**Sorry it took so long to update. I just got a new beta reader Demonluvr3261 and so it took a while to sort that all out. Anyways enjoy.**

*******

"I wish I could believe that," L sobbed. "I really do..." He sat up straight, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm going to try," He said with a trembling chin. "I'm going to do everything in my power to make this work." He dropped his knees and opened his arms up for Light. "I promise I won't let you go without a fight. Even if you don't want me to, I'll still fight for you..." Light face brightened instantly and he moved over slowly and embraced L, his head rested on L's shoulder.

"Believe it, that's all I ask. Thank you L," Light murmured. Still hiccupping slightly, L pulled Light closer.

"Now...I should go and get cleaned up before we get to Europe..." He said with a small laugh. "I must look like a mess." He stood, somehow managing to do so without  
letting go of Light. He then pulled away slightly and leaned in to kiss him. "I'm not sure about a lot of things," he said softly, "but the one thing I'm sure about, is that I want to be with you."

"I never doubted that I want to be with you, too...you go get cleaned up then. When you're done I will too," Light replied sweetly and kissed L back. Smiling, and flushing slightly, L turned around and went into the bathroom. Ten minutes later he returned, seeming to feel better now that he wasn't covered in his own tears, beaming at Light.

"Bathroom's all yours," he said.

"Thanks," Light replied but paused to kiss L before going in. "I love you." He too came out about ten minutes later, looking as flawless as ever.

"God..." L said softly, staring at Light, "You know... we might not make it back to Japan before I pull you into some bathroom and tear these clothes straight off..." He mumbled, looking at Light. He was still stunned that this young man was here for him, and was all his.

Light grinned. "I love it when you talk like that."

"Who says it's just talking...?" L asked, licking his lips slightly and moving closer to Light. He gently took Light's lapel in his fingers and inspected it closely. "When I look at you, I'm surprised we ever leave the bedroom." Light moaned softly at L's words.

"We'll have to correct that when we get back then, now won't we?" Light purred his eyes on L's wet, shiny lips. L moved closer to Light, licking his lips again.

"Hmmm, yeah," He said with a wanton smile. He looked at Light, leaned even closer, still not touching the other. He smiled up at Light. Light leaned in too, a seductive grin playing on his lips. When he was barely an inch from kissing L, Light took a teasing step back and sat on a chair behind him.

"So how long till we get there?" Blinking a few times, L swallowed and moved forward, straddling Light. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply. Pulling back slightly, he started panting softly, breathing his words against Light's lips.

"Oh, we still have a few hours..."

"We do, do we? Well, what do you-" Light cut himself to kiss L's lips briefly "want to do with those hours?"

"Well...." L said with a small smile, "I've heard that when couples break up, it's customary to make up with sex," He said, leaning forward and kissing him again.

"Shouldn't we wait till we get back; or get to a hotel or something?" Light asked, although he returned the kiss anyway.

"Why?" L said, kissing Light back, "It's a private jet. I'm the only one who uses it." He pushed closer to Light. "Besides, Watari will clean the plane up."

"Are you sure? I mean, it was only yesterday that I couldn't even touch you…" Light trailed off, his hands resting at the base of L's back. "... And Watari is just over there."

"Watari will understand," L said with a smile and pulled back far enough to look at Light. "I am ready to be touched... by you." He gently stroked his face, smiling softly at him. "But I'm not going to rush you." He said in the same tone.

"Don't worry about me; I was worried about you is all. So… um… where do you want to do this…?" Light asked blushing slightly. Sitting up and smiling at Light, L leaned over to press a button on the side of the seat. The seat reclined completely, and L leaned forward to kiss him deeply again. The chair was quite wide, due to it being a private plane. If L had wanted to, he could've curled up on the chair.

"I'm not picky," he said, smiling at Light kissing him again, his hand reaching to press under Light's shirt, brushing against the bare skin underneath. Light returned the kiss passionately, his arms wrapping around L's neck. One of Light's hands slid down the top of L's shirt to caress the smooth skin while the other dug its way into L's hair. L mewed into the kiss, his hand rising higher on Light's chest. His other hand made its way down to work on the button of his trousers. "You do realize," he mumbled, pulling out of the kiss, "that in order for this to work, we'll have to be completely naked, or our clothes will get soiled." He smirked, "Are you comfortable with wearing nothing over the ocean?"

"I'm perfectly fine with that," Light said shivering slightly at the sound L made. Smiling, L started to remove Light's clothes, pulling him back into a heated kiss as he unbuttoned his shirt.  
Light returned the kiss eagerly, his hands moving swiftly to assist L in the removal of his clothes. It wasn't long before the clothes were completely removed, L having to stand for the removal of his trousers. He then looked down at Light and bit his lip, flushing deeply.

"Gods... you're so beautiful..." He stepped closer to Light, kissing him with more passion than ever before, straddling him once again.

Light returned the kiss. "I love you so much L," Light murmured passionately." Light leaned up and kissed L's cheek. L leaned forward to kiss into Light's neck, his hands leaning down and caressing Light's chest, paying particular attention to his nipples. After tweaking both, he reached down, his fingers gently running over the other's skin. His hand went down, down, around the navel, and down still further to gently stroke Light's more sensitive skin. Light moaned softly at L's touch, his hands flew down to the base of L's shirt, and he gripped it tightly. L pulled back completely, standing and looking at Light, smiling at him. He took his hand and pulled him up.

"That position wasn't going to work," he mumbled, pulling Light into his arms to kiss him. "Top or bottom?" he asked.

"Hmmmm?" Light mumbled looking confused slightly by the question. Chuckling slightly, L kissed Light again.

"Would you rather be on the top or the bottom, seme or uke?" he asked.

"I thought that's want you meant." Light replied quietly and blushed. "Then that's easy." Light's arms moved around L's neck. "I want you inside me." Nodding, L kissed Light deeply. He moved to push Light down, changing the position from what it was before. Now L was sitting between Light's legs, leaning down to kiss him. He gently started stroking his member, not holding it very tightly. Light moaned softly at the light, teasing pleasure. Light's hands took hold of L's hips, stroking the soft skin there. L's breath hitched and he pushed himself closer to Light. He pulled out of the kiss, keeping one hand on Light's member and the other was shoved in front of Light's face.

"Suck." Light took hold of L's hand and drew the fingers towards his lips, his tongue darting out to lick the fingers seductively. Ever so slowly, he drew the fingers into his mouth, sucking them gently, moaning softly. L closed his eyes, trying his hardest to hide the moans that were threatening to escape. He continued moving his fingers up and down Light's shaft, giving him pleasure without making it enough to send him over the edge. The sensations around his fingers were making him twitch, his member becoming heated, throbbing against Light's thigh.

"Nnnghnnn…" Light groaned, trying to remember to his voice. "…Llllll… mmm… watch m-meee…" Light requested, pulling away from the dripping fingers to talk before nipping the ends gently. Opening his eyes, a little confused, L did as he was told, watching Light. He continued to move his hand, wondering what it was that Light wanted him to watch. "I lo-ove it when you watch… mmm-me…" Light purred, releasing the fingers. "…I love the look you get in your…uhhhh… eyes when you enter me and I n-need to see it now." L moved his hand to Light's entrance, gently pushing one finger in.

"Not yet. You need prep." He smiled at Light, loving the way his voice was hitching – most likely due to what his hand was still doing. He didn't want to kiss him, so he could continue to hear the sounds coming from the other. His finger started moving around, stretching him slightly before he pulled it out and pushed another one in with it. Light groaned, the need for his lover overpowering any discomfort he felt. Relaxing his muscles, he pressed down slightly on the fingers drawing them in further. Moving his fingers faster, stretching Light, L leaned forward and kissed him deeply. He tried to find that one spot, that one that would make Light writhe in pleasure.

A few seconds later L hit it and Light barely contained the cry that threatened to burst from his lips. Light returned L's kiss desperately now, his fingers buried in the mass of black hair as he arched up against L's body. L moaned softly and pressed his fingers against that spot again as he leaned down and kissed him deeply.

"I love you," He mumbled against the lips.

"Ahhhhh…I love... you... too…" Light panted, his eyes trying hard to remain glued to L's face as he continued to moan and whimper; his arms drawing L ever closer. Pulling out his fingers, L leaned closer and kissed him deeper. He pressed three fingers into him now, getting more and more worked up from Light's sounds. His member was throbbing painfully now. Light returned the kiss hungrily, taking everything L gave and more. He could felt L's erection straining against him and it caused him to purr in pleasure. Freeing one of his hands, Light took hold of the firm muscle, his thumb rubbing against the slit. L froze, moaning softly. He pulled his fingers out and gently pulled away from Light.

"You ready?" he asked, panting. He positioned his member in front of Light's entrance, waiting until he was ready.

"Absolutely," Light murmured his eyes half shut as he stared up at L lustfully, letting go of the shaft to place his hand on L's shoulder. L slowly pushed in, taking in a breath with the tightness that came with entering the other. Once he was all the way in, he paused, looking at Light, waiting for him to be ready. Light stared as L finally pushed inside him, he hadn't been lying when he said he loved to see it. Barely even noticing the pain over his need, Light squeezed down on L briefly.

"P-please… M-move…" Light begged, one leg moving to hug L tightly to him. Nodding with a deep breath, L pulled out to push back in. He moaned deeply at the warm tightness.

"Nnnngnn, Light...." He moaned, panting. Light shuddered with want at the sound.

"Mmmm… L…" Light groaned as L pushed deeper inside of him. Lifting up his other leg, he hooked it around L's waist, drawing the other man closer. Squeezing the hand on L's shoulder, Light pulled L down in a deep, needy kiss. Moaning and panting, L returned the kiss, pushing into him again. He reached down with his hand and started pumping Light in time with his movements. Light squirmed against L helplessly as the onslaught of pleasure continued, his head falling back to expose the full length of his neck. He barely held back a shriek as L hit his prostate dead on.

"O-oh my… Ahhhhh… L…" Grinning, L pounded back into Light, trying to hit that spot again. He moaned deeply, his head on Light's shoulder as he panted. He kept his hand moving on Light. He could feel how close he was and he didn't want to come first. Call him selfish, but he loved the way the muscles spasmed around him when the other came. Light's hand almost clawed at L's back, moans and whimpers escaping his lips. He was so close. After a few more thrusts, the pleasure finally overwhelmed him and he felt release hit, and he came, muscles clamping around L, crying out L's name softly in L's ear. Gasping and moaning, L followed suit, releasing his load into Light. He continued to pump and thrust for a few more seconds before slowing down and slumping gracelessly on top of Light.

"Light..." he whispered, pulling out and moving to lay beside the other male. Pulling the younger into his arms, he buried his head in the crook of his neck and closed his eyes, a happy smile on his face. "I love you," he whispered. "Don't ever let me make you go away again." Light embraced L back, a warm, satisfied look in his eyes before he closed them, just focusing on the man in his arms.  
"I won't, I swear it. I love you so much," Light murmured back, turning his head slightly to kiss L's neck. L purred slightly and snuggled closer.

"Good," he said contently. He sighed happily and curled his legs around Light's waist. Light's eyes opened to look at his love and slowly began to stroke L's hair. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips firmly to L's forehead and lay back. "Light...." L said after a while, sounding rather like a contemplating child. "These feelings that we have... for each other... they won't fade, will they?" he asked worriedly. "I mean... that's what happens, isn't it? People feel strongly about each other, and then one day it starts to fade. Like those old married couples. They live together because that's all they know... old people don't have sex..."

"No they won't fade. Some do, but others last their entire lives. Just because others fade doesn't mean ours will," Light explained smiling gently. "And maybe those couples still live with each other because they can't imagine life without the other? About the not having sex part…" Light paused for a moment and shuddered "… I wish I knew my parents weren't but it is one of those things that are more common among young people. The older couples just don't need it as much since by then their hormones have cooled… I hope. But it doesn't mean that they love each other less... they just express it differently."

"I like sex," L said, snuggling closer to Light. "I don't want to stop having sex because of age... I'm older than you." He nuzzled into Light's shoulder. "I've not known you long, but I can't think of life without you." He was starting to talk slower now, sleepiness setting in. "I don't ever want to go back to being alone."

"I won't ever let you be alone again," Light whispered back. L just smiled, not having the energy for anything else. Soon, his breathing evened out and he started to dream of happy morrows. Light rolled his eyes but settled back to do the same, hoping that they would wake up in time to get dressed before they landed and Watari saw them.

*******

L slept peacefully, until suddenly he blinked his eyes open. It felt like the whole world had started to tumble. It took him a moment to realize that it was the plane.

"Shit," He exclaimed and sat up, moving to make sure Light was awake. "We're landing. We need to get cleaned up and dressed again. We have about three minutes before we're completely stopped." Light blinked tiredly at the rude awakening before coming alert a racing to grab his clothes and pull them on quickly.

"We're probably a complete mess..." Light murmured, sitting down and running a hand though his hair in a brief attempt to fix it. "Probably smell like sex too…" Nodding, L chuckled.

"Take your clothes off and come with me." He said, heading towards the bathroom. He then climbed into the Jacuzzi. "You can wash in this. Watari will clean it up."

"L, we're landing, we should be in our seats so hurry up and get out," Light said, rolling his eyes. Taking a seat he belted up and waited for L to return. L cleaned himself quickly before jumping out. He ran to his seat and sat in it, buckling himself in. He didn't bother to get dressed yet, nor dry off. He was dripping and grinning like an idiot.

"There was quite a lot of ickyness on me. Didn't want it on my clothes."

"So you risked getting hurt for that?" Light said sound a little annoyed. "I thought I was the neat freak… I still have 'ickyness' on and in me," Light joked. L shrugged.

"I spent a week in that hot tub once. I refused to come out, even for landings. I was fine." He smiled at Light before shifting. "I'm cold." He complained, pulling his legs up closer to his chest.

"Good for you, just don't do it while I'm around, I couldn't handle anything happening to you." Smiling at L, Light lifted up the arm rest between them and took the shivering man into his arms.

"How's that?" L laughed slightly, leaning against Light and enjoying the warmth.

"A little better," He mumbled, smiling. He leaned closer to Light. "Hmmmnmm... I wish I could spend forever in your arms," L mumbled, a few seconds later turning pink as he realized what he'd said. He didn't take it back however.

"I could spend forever holding you," Light replied kissing the pink cheek and squeezing him gently.

"I might just hold you to that one day..." L said with a smile. "I might just spend a whole day with you."

Light sighed blissfully, "That sounds so unbelievably amazing." The plane touched down and L smiled at Light.

"We need to do that one day. Right now, I'm intending to take you to the most romantic restaurant in Paris ." He smiled. "I have to make it up to you,after everything I've put you through, I have to make it up to you." He smiled at Light.

"Would you mind if I get cleaned up first?" Light asked scrunching his nose up, "I stink." Laughing, L pulled away and nodded.

"Yeah. Go on." He stood himself and moved towards his clothes, completely fine with being naked. He bent over, seemingly not noticing that he was pushing his ass up towards Light. He dug around for his underwear, looking through his clothes and wiggling his ass. Light rolled his eyes.

"Show off," he muttered and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. That confused L. He picked up his clothes and put them on. He then waited for Light to come out of the bathroom.

"C'mon lover boy..." He called into the bathroom.

"One minute, I just have to get dressed again and I will be out," Light called back.

"Why bother dressing. You look real good naked," L joked. Truth was he didn't want to share this wonder with anyone else. But at the same time, he couldn't get enough of seeing him naked. He still felt his heart jump when he thought about a naked Light. He decided to change his train of thoughts before he became aroused again.

"I thought you would want to be to only one who sees me naked…" Light teased, through the door.

L nodded. "Yeah. But if you want to have dinner naked, then we can go somewhere more private." He smiled at the idea. "I really wouldn't mind eating dinner off you-with you naked." L blushed as he realized his slip. "The Hotel Lancaster won't mind if you want to eat naked in the room." He laughed, naming the hotel that he'd booked them at should they want to use it. It was one of the most romantic and well known hotels in Paris . Light was fixing up his shirt when he came out of the bathroom.

"Maybe later… Right now I'm starving," Light's stomach growled slightly L and chuckled. Moving closer to Light, L leaned into him, hugging him.

"Alright. Dinner it is." That was when Watari opened the door and looked at the two.

"We're here," He said with a small smile.

"Finally," Light said and reached behind him to take L's hand and pulled away from L. "Come on." Laughing, L followed Light off the plane. He led him to the waiting limo and opened the door for him.

"After you, m'lady."

*******

**Thanks for reading. Reviews and flames are both very welcome. **


	15. Getting Wasted

**Welcome back. Sorry for the delay but I only just got the chapter back. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Betaed by: Demonluvr3261**

*******

Light glared at L before punching him in the arm playfully.

"Hey, don't call me that," Light muttered and got in the limo. Laughing slightly, L followed Light into the limo, smiling at the other. He sat down opposite him and reached into the cabinet beside him. He picked out a drink and smiled at Light.

"Do you want anything. I don't think there's anything un-alcoholic here, but it's legal for you to drink anything you want to." He was starting to feel a little nervous again. He downed the martini in one gulp, reaching back to get more. "Want me to pour you something?"

"No, I'm fine but are you? I didn't know you could scull one of those like that," Light said in amazement. Blinking a few times, L smiled and nodded.

"Yeah..." He poured himself a drink and sculled it again. "I don't think I should though..." he mumbled, blinking as he swayed slightly. He put his glass down and smiled at Light, more than a little nervous. He'd never been on a date before, and he didn't know how to act. He knew he wanted to make this something special for Light, but he wasn't completely sure how they were now...

"No you shouldn't. L, I know you want to make this memorable for me, but you getting drunk won't help in making it a good one, just relax. I don't know what you're so worried about anyway," Light said leaning back against the chair. Smiling, L sighed and relaxed against his own chair.

"I want things to go right." He said with a smile, then a grimace, "And I tend to drink when I get nervous..."

"I didn't notice, but L, think about it. We are in a completely different country, we are going to a restaurant for dinner and, to make everything perfect, you're here. I don't know how things can get any 'righter' than that. Heck, we could be having dinner in a cheap hotel and it would still be perfect with you there." Light smiled and took L's hand in his own, squeezing it in a reassuring manner. "I love you." L smiled at Light, a little nervously.

"I guess..." He nodded, squeezing Light's hand. He then reached back for another drink. He drunk it in one large gulp again before looking at Light. "Sorry..." he mumbled.

Light frowned, almost pouting, "How high is your tolerance anyway? I don't want to be refused to be allowed in to eat because you got drunk." Smiling, L looked at his glass.

"Dunno.... I've never felt quite this nervous before... usually I don't feel the need for more than one or two..."

"Then will you stop please? I want you to actually remember this in the morning," Light said sounding slightly frustrated as he took the glass out of L's hand. "You haven't eaten in ages either so you will be even more affected than usual." L nodded, placing his head in his hands.

"Sorry," he mumbled, lifting his head to smile sheepishly. "Light..." he said softly, looking up and biting his lips. "Are you happy with me? I just- I'd do anything for you, I'd give you anything; just to make you happy."

"You are more than I would have ever dreamed of asking for in a lover. You don't have to do a single thing, give me a single thing, just stay with me. Just love me and that is all that I need to be happy for the rest of my life." Light replied, smiling back, unable to help himself.

"I still want to do things for you," L said with a smile. "Now, look outside." They were just passing the Eiffel tower, and it was night time. The city looked beautiful, lit up at night. Light gasped and nearly pressed his face against the window in child like delight.

"Wow, it's so beautiful. I always knew it would be, but not like this…"he trailed off, continuing to gaze out the window. L smiled, nodding.

"It is." He laughed slightly, " Just wait 'till you see our hotel suite," he grinned. Light turned his head back to look at L, his eyes drinking in the luminous pale skin, the dark eyes that reflected the city lights.

"It still won't be as beautiful as you."

Flushing red, L bit his lip and looked outside. He didn't know how to respond to that.

"I'll take you to America one day, you've got to see the Grand Canyon! And Niagara falls...." He grinned, "New Zealand is beautiful too. We can go there." He smiled, a hint of his excitement showing in his eyes. Light rolled his eyes and returned to looking out the window.

"Don't get too carried away," he joked.

"I want to show you the world," L said with a smile. "I have the money... and up to now, I've had no-one to really spend it on. Let me do this for you..."

"Ok, as long as you let me do something for you every once and a while," Light said, sighing in defeat.

L nodded. "Whatever you want to do," he said with a smile.

"Good because you spoil me too much," Light murmured.

"How can you spoil that which is closest to perfection?" L said with a smile. The limo stopped and the door opened. Smiling, L got out and looked at Light, extending arm out for Light to join him. The restaurant was large, and was at the base of the Eiffel tower. It was lit up with candles, and there were incense sticks everywhere. "What do you think?" Light looked around in complete awe.

"It's amazing… Th-thank you," he said breathlessly.

Light then turned to face L, his face glowing in pleasure. "No wonder this place is you favourite," he murmured. Smiling, L nodded, taking Light's arm and pulling him into the room. The woman there, she looked at L and smiled.

"Table for two?" She asked. L had booked previously, and she pushed them towards a table next to the window. Once seated, L looked at Light.

"I want to show you everything," He said, "All the wonders of the world. I want you to feel like you're a prince to be doted on." He took Light's hand. "I want you to feel loved."

"Not that I don't appreciate that, but I already feel loved by you and with every second I breathe I only feel more so. I hope you feel loved too, because I love you just as much," Light whispered and squeezed L's hand.

"Of course I love you," L said with a smile. "Do you think I'd do this for anyone I didn't love?" He shook his head and smiled. He sat down. When the waiter came, he spoke rapidly in French, placing his order before turning to Light. "What would you like?" He asked.

Light frowned, "You didn't answer my question." Grudgingly, he picked up the menu and after scanning it told L his decision.

"What question....?" L asked, confused. He gave the order to the waitress. It was quite quickly that the woman returned with some drinks. Smiling sheepishly, L took the alcoholic one and pushed it away from him slightly so that he was less tempted.

"I guess I should rephrase, do I make you feel loved?" Light asked his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he waited for L's answer. L paused, looking up in surprised.

"Of course," He said, blinking a few times. "Nobody's made me feel like you have, ever." He smiled softly. "You make me feel like everything is alright... That nothing will go wrong."

"I'm glad… Really, really glad," Light replied, returning the smile. "Just wondering, what do you think Mello, Matt and Near think of me so far?" Smiling, L shrugged, reaching for his drink. He drunk half of it in one go before putting it down again.

"They seem to like you. Thought Near is kind of indifferent, Mello just gets pissy and Matt hides everything with his games. They haven't hit you or anything, so they don't not like you..."

"Well I guess that's a good start," Light replied laughing. "So, any hints on how to get them to actually like me rather than just them 'not disliking' me?"

L shrugged. "I'm not sure. Just... be yourself. And maybe give Mello some chocolate. You have no hope of changing Near's mind, he's one of those people. If you make Mello like you, Matt will like you too," He said. He grabbed his drink and went to drink it but stopped himself, instead looking at the drink and then putting it down without taking a drink. He sighed and looked at Light. "You don't have to worry about the boys. The fact that Mello doesn't hate you is a good thing. You're probably the only adult that he doesn't hate bar me."

"It's funny but I thought I was actually making progress with Near at least," Light replied frowning. "I mean, until I left he was the only person I could spend time with since I couldn't talk you, Matt or Mello and Watari was always busy. As for Mello not hating me, I see your point. I doubt that it would be a very pleasant thing to be hated by him."

"Hmmm, Near might be connecting with you. If he is, that's a good thing. A really good thing," L said with a smile. "If you can break through his aspergers, I'll owe you a lot." He picked up his drink and finished it. "However, Mello will then try and prove that he's better than Near and try and win you over. He'll attempt to make you like him more than Near. Please, don't choose between the two, it would only cause the rift to become larger, and really, I'd rather they get along." He lifted his arm and a waitress came along. He spoke to her in fast French again.

"Obetenez-moi la meilleure des boissons pour ma saoul." (Give me the strongest you have) The waitress nodded and walked away, returning a few moments later with a glass of clear liquid. "Monsier." She said with smile.

"Merci beacoup." (Thank you very much.) L said before turning to Light and smiling at him. He played with the glass in his hands. Really, he was trying not to drink too much, but being out with Light, after everything that they'd been through- or what L had put Light through, he couldn't help but feel incredibly nervous.

"I would never choose between the two, it was just at the time you were so protective of Mello and Matt in never leaving his side prevented me from spending anytime with him," Light said trying to ignore how much L was drinking. Did L forget that Light could understand French or something? Whatever it was, it was annoying him even if he didn't look it. L managed to not drink his drink before the meals came. When his food came, he looked down at it, using his fork to push the food around. He wasn't all that hungry, and really, this night was about Light. He left his drink alone, even though he wanted to consume it right now.

"When we get back, I'll make sure to schedule some time that all of us can be together," L promised. "We can get to know each other better." Light smiled over at L, as he cheerfully dug into his food. Unlike L he was absolutely starving.

"That sounds really nice. I would like that," Light replied. "Mmmmm…" Light moaned softly as he continued to eat. "This is really good."

L nodded. "The best food in Europe ," He said with another smile. He put his fork down and just watched Light eat, feeling content to do so. He was glad that Light was enjoying himself. "I dunno.... we'll go to Disney land or something.... I always wanted to meet Mickey Mouse...." He put his thumb to his mouth in thought at that moment. When Light was done with the first course he looked up at L.

"You can really tell, but please tell me we didn't fly over to France to eat at your favourite restaurant so that you could watch me eat," Light said, moving back to allow the waitress to take his plate and replace it with his second course. Smiling, L shook his head.

"You seem to be enjoying it." He looked down at his plate and pushed it away. "I'm not that hungry." He said quietly before looking back up at Light and smiling. "Want something else? The deserts here are good." He said softly. "Their chocolate ice-cream is wonderful!"

"Please eat, you haven't properly in days," Light begged quietly. "As for desert, no thanks. I don't like sugar remember." L pouted, playing with his food again.

"I'm really not hungry. I'll eat later." He promised with another smile. "If you do not want desert, do you want to go? Or do you want to wait here for a while. I've made us reservations at a hotel..." Light sighed and finished up his meal.

"Sure, let's go," Light said and smiled up at L. Smiling, L stood and started to move away from the table. He paused and turned around, picking up his drink and downing it in one. "No sense wasting it." He mumbled before heading to the counter to pay for their meal. He gave instructions to Light for him to go to the car outside, tell the driver to prep so that they were ready to go. Once Light had gone outside, L paid for the food, getting another drink while he was doing so. After sculling it, he returned to the door. He then smiled at Light, blinking a few times as the alcohol seemed to kick in. Light sat in the car as he waited for L to come out. When he did, Light tried hard not to frown as L nearly stumbled into the car.

"L, are you feeling ok?" L looked at Light, his eyes slightly unfocused, but he nodded anyway, blinking a few more times as he turned his head forward. He told the driver where to go, and soon they were there. It was the most beautiful hotel in all of Paris . And L hoped Light liked it. Light clenched his fists in frustration, he couldn't do anything and if he did… he refused to hurt L after all he had been through and so he sat back and tried to pretend that L wasn't getting himself yet another drink. L downed the drink and put the glass down. As he did so, the car came to a stop and L got out, swaying slightly. The drinks were catching up to him. He was still able to think straight though. He waited for Light to get out of the car before guiding him inside.

"Light, I hope you like fancy..." he mumbled, "Because that's pretty much all that this is." He gestured around to the lush hotel before walking to the reception. He turned back to Light after a moment, holding a key in front of him. "Shall we?" He was starting to sway a little more now. The drinks were catching up fast. Light didn't bother paying any attention to the décor as he wrapped an arm casually around L's waist to steady him as he led L over to the front desk; a curse left burning at his throat. L waved the key in front of Light's face again. "We already got the key, we can just go right up," He said with a small chuckle. He took in a deep breath and 'hmmed' happily as he smelt Light.

"Thank god, I wouldn't know who to ask for anyway," Light replied with a laugh and took the key off L. Looking at the key number, he paused at the hotel map to find their room before steering L into the elevator. By this time, L was leaning heavily on Light.

"You smell nice," He commented, staring at the other male. "I've always liked the way you smell.... 'cept that time after your birthday. Your dad said your sister got you some icky stuff and you felt you had to wear it. It wasn't good. But you smell nice today."

"Thanks, though I don't have anything on at the moment. I washed it off earlier," Light said as he waited for the door to open. When it did he gave up, leaning slightly to pick L up his arms and carrying him to the room. A couple of minutes later Light opened the door and put L down.

"Carrying me over the threshold?" L asked with a small giggle, leaning closer to the other, "we're not married yet you know." He smiled as Light put him down. His hands were still around his neck, and he pulled him down into a small kiss. "You saved my life," He said afterwards, still smiling. He was saying it as if it was no big. "And I'm not really good enough for you. But you think I am, so I'll keep pretending. Then you won't go away." He hiccupped slightly before sitting up, pushing Light off him as he walked (stumbled) to the window. He opened it and climbed out onto a balcony overlooking Paris. "I have to try, to try to be good enough." He turned back to Light and smiled, "so you won't find someone better." Light followed after L to make sure he would be ok, though he was feeling more and more annoyed.

"L, come inside and have some water. You're probably dehydrated," Light coaxed. L shook his head, sitting down on the cold floor.

"I don't want water," He mumbled. "Got any vodka?" He asked hopefully. "Or Ozo. That's a good one...I like that one." He grinned at Light, swaying slightly. "My head feels funny," He said.

"Of course you head feel funny, you're drunk. Do you know what? Don't drink any water, but tomorrow when you feel like you head is splitting in two from your hangover don't expect any sympathy from me," Light growled and dragged L back in the room and closing the window. L looked at Light and frowned. His lower lip started trembling slightly and he pouted.

"Are you mad at me?" He asked, feeling very small. He sat on the bed and pulled his knees to his chest, holding them close. "I don't want you to be mad at me..." He said before standing and going to the minute kitchen. He opened the small refrigerator and pulled out a small bottle of clear liquid. The alcoholic drink tasted like aniseed as he drank it. He left half of it in the bottle and turned to Light, holding it out in front of him. "You have some?"

Light sighed, "No thanks. I'm just frustrated, not mad, that you tried so hard to make this enjoyable for me and then you get so nervous that you decide to get yourself drunk. I want you be able to relax when you're with me, but because you're trying so hard to prove to yourself that you deserve me that you just can't and tonight proves it." L put the bottle down and just stared at it. He swallowed and stood there for a few moments before letting his hand drop. He looked up at Light for less than a second before looking down again.

"I'm sorry," He said softly, quietly. He really thought that Light didn't deserve him. He hiccupped, feeling tears that were falling, "I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I love you- and I just- I want everything to be perfect for you- but I keep messing up." His hand came up to wipe at the rapidly flowing tears.

"It's not that you mess up, it's just that you try to hard when you don't need to," Light said, softening and opened his arms to L. "Come here, I love you too." L practically threw himself into Light's arms. He clutched onto him and sobbed, shaking madly. After a short while, he relaxed a little, still holding Light like he was the last piece of driftwood in an empty ocean.

"I never wanted to try hard for anyone before," He said quietly, "I just want things to be perfect ...for you." And with that said, L went completely limp against Light. Light wrapped his arms around L and held him tightly.

"What you don't get is that you are already perfect to me and for me," Light murmured and carried L to the bedroom and helping him onto the bed. By this time, L was completely unconscious, the alcohol kicking in to the extent of him passing out. His face was flushed, but his breathing was even. Light sighed again and helped L out of most of his clothes, turning L onto his side before placing the blankets over him. Picking up L's phone he called Watari to ask if he could bring some painkillers, before Light got ready for bed too. The painkillers were sent up almost straight away.

*******

**So what do you think? Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far they are really appreciated. Hopefully the next chapter will be up soon.**


	16. Memories

**Sorry this chapter is late, but I never got it back from my beta reader so you have to put up with my editing. Sorry. Anyways you may have noticed a chapter 16 went up a while ago but that wasn't the real chapter. I was just a moron and posted the chapter for Messages in a Dysfunctional Workplace here by accident' Anyway enjoy the real chapter.**

**Co-written by Interstella **

*******

Morning came, and L groaned. His head felt like it was trying to be somewhere else. The left hemisphere of his brain tried to go to India, while the right side of his brain wanted to be in Canada. He brought his hand up to massage his temples as he blinked his eyes open. Bad move. Screwing them closed again, he let out another groan.

That was when he became aware of the growing nausea. With a start, he launched himself off the bed and towards the bathroom. Light was up and following after L seconds later. He stood behind L to rub his back soothingly, holding L's hair out of his face as L emptied his stomach. Once L was done, Light guided L to sit down on the floor and went to fetch a glass of water and a couple of pain killers, before placing them on the bench. L was leaning against the wall, his eyes closed and his muscles relaxed. He'd long since learned to relax against pain. When Light came back with the painkillers, he took them silently before leaning back against the wall. He sighed.

"Sorry," He mumbled, his eyes still closed. The glass had been drained, and he left it beside him. Light took the glass and refilled it.

"How are you feeling?" Light asked softly as he returned. L just looked at Light with an expression that said 'what do you think?' He sighed after a moment.

"Like I've been hit with my plane," He mumbled, his eyes closing again.

"How much do you remember of last night?" Light continued his voice still quiet. L frowned and thought.

"We came to Paris.... ate at a restaurant..." He frowned deeper. "I- I don't remember much more..." he mumbled. He covered his face. "What did I do?" He asked a little anxiously.

"I wondered if you would remember and _we_ didn't eat, I did and you watched. You instead skulled a glass of their strongest alcoholic drinks, I went out to the car while you paid though you probably had another drink while I waited. We got in the car, you had another drink. When we got here you could barely walk so I had to carry you to the hotel room. You went out to the balcony, I offered you a drink of water, but you refused in favour of more alcohol which you then offered to me, but I didn't take. We talked for a while and then you passed out and I put you in bed," Light summarised, knowing how bad it sounded and worried about how L would take it. L seemed to try and sink into the wall, his face screwed up in disgust.

"I'm sorry," He said softly. "Gods, I'm such an ass..." he mumbled. He looked up at Light. "Let's stay another day. Let me make this up to you..." he seemed disappointed in himself for what had happened.

"Ok," Light replied smiling. "Let's get you cleaned up now, ok? Just promise you will try to relax today and the day will be perfect." L smiled softly at Light before taking his head back into his hands and groaning softly.

"Just gimme a minute..." he mumbled, turning back to the toilet and throwing up again. Light knelt beside L to stroke the man's back again, brushing the hair from L's face with a cool, steady hand. After he finished puking his guts up, L cleaned his face with some toilet paper before throwing it in the bowl and flushing the chain. He then fell back heavily against Light. "Thanks," He mumbled. Light turned L slightly in his arms and pressed his lips to L's forehead.

"You're welcome my love." Smiling softly, L put his arms around Light, leaning into him, his head on his chest.

"You're too good for me," He mumbled, not realizing that it was what he'd been going on about the night before.

"And you're too good to me, so I guess we even each other out," Light murmured, squeezing L gently. L couldn't help but feel that this was too good to be true. That Light was too good for him, but he didn't want to say anything else. He just stayed in Light's arms, glad that he was there. His head was still pounding, but it seemed that the painkillers were kicking in.

"L, can I tell you the one thing that annoys me about you?" Light asked though he didn't wait for an answer before continuing. "It's that you always feel that I am too good for you, that for some strange reason you don't feel like you deserve me and it is affecting how I act around you. I want to be able to just say that you're wrong and you're perfect for me in every possible way, but you can never quite bring yourself to believe me, can you?"

"I'm sorry," L mumbled, leaning against Light. "I just...." he mumbled, "I just... don't- I honestly don't understand why you love me," He said quietly. "I really don't." He sighed and moved closer, "But, I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. I just need to make myself good enough before someone better comes along."

"Damn it L, there is _NO ONE_ better for me than you. I love almost every single thing about you. You are my most precious person and it hurts me that you can't let yourself see that. You don't need to change a single thing to be perfect in my eyes…" _'…and I'm getting sick of having to repeat myself'_ Light almost finished but held himself back.

"My belief in this is something that is unlikely to change," He said softly. "I've never had anyone care for me like this before." He told Light. "I've never wanted to impress anyone before, to be perfect. It's never even crossed my mind before."

"I know and I am trying my best to correct that and I hope that one day you will be happy being who you are while you are with me. Did you ever think that I think you're perfect for being imperfect? That you're flaws make me love you even more," Light asked, resting his head against L.

L laughed slightly, "You should talk to Mello. He needs to hear that sort of thing more than me. He has more of an anger issue than me at the moment." He sighed softly and smiled a little. "I love you, Light. I really do. And I'm so happy that you love me back."

"Somehow I think that is already being taken care of," Light replied. "I'm glad that me loving you makes you happy, since I feel the same way about you loving me." L smiled softly. His head was still pounding, but he was feeling much better now. His stomach was settled. He stood, holding his hand out for Light.

"And I promise you; today I will be drinking milkshakes, soda, water, coffee, tea and anything other than alcoholic beverages," He said softly.

"Thank you," Light said and took L's hand in his own. "So what do you want to do today?"

"We're in Paris, the city of romance. I'm sure we'll find something..." L said with a smile. "There's a fair in town, and we can always climb the tower..."

"Sounds like fun, shall we get ready then?" Light asked, nuzzling L's head with his own. Nodding, L led Light into the other room.

"I take it you didn't bring more than one set of clothing...?" L asked with a small laugh. "Maybe we should go shopping first."

"Yeah, I was just about to ask about that," Light laughed.

L laughed. "Don't worry; nobody's going to look twice at two gay men walking around shopping in Paris." He headed to the door before looking around confused. "Where's the key?"

"Who said I was worried," Light teased and walked over to where he had placed the key the night before and handed it to L. "Can we shower first and you need to brush your teeth." Smiling sheepishly, L nodded and moved to the bathroom, pocketing the key on the way.

"You want to shower together? It'll be faster."

"Sure, though I don't exactly agree that it will be faster," Light laughed, remembering the last time they had showered together 'to save time'. L smiled and gently shook his head.

"I assure you, I'm in no condition to make our shower longer," He pointed out, his head still pounding.

"Ok," Light replied, smirking slightly and started to get undressed to get into the shower. L did the same, stepping into the shower. He turned the water on and smiled at Light, leaning past him for the soap. He covered himself in it and then cleaned himself off. He then turned to Light and smiled softly. He wanted to kiss Light, but he still tasted like vomit. Not a good idea. He handed him the soap.

"Here you go," He said.

"Thanks," Light replied and took the soap gratefully and lathered himself with it. Putting the soap down, he washed off the suds. L smiled softy, looking at Light. He stepped closer to him and gently turned him around. He then started to massage Light's back, his hands skilfully pressing into the muscles under the wet skin. Light moaned loudly, as felt L's fingers dig into his back and he let out a shudder as L hit a particularly sensitive spot. Keeping his fingers moving on Light's skin, L leaned forward to gently kiss the back of his neck. "It occurred to me that I owe you a massage," He said softly. "And after last night, I think you could do with one..."

"Well it feels, really… ahhhhhh… good," Light groaned, relaxing under L's talented fingers. L's heart skipped a beat when he heard Light groan. He leaned closer and pressed slightly harder, digging into the muscles. He'd actually been trained on how to do this. Now, he put all the training into use. Light was now a purring, panting pile of mush as he leant against the wall to steady himself. L's hands moved further down. He now started to massage Light's hips, moving closer to him. He then moved his hands even further down, to Light's ass. He moved closer, his body pressed almost completely against Light's.

"Are you liking this?" He asked.

"Oh god yes…" Light moaned as he leant back against L chest, his body moulding against L's. L sucked in a breath as Light moved against him, accidentally brushing against his member. He moved his hand forward, massaging Light's thighs –insides first, outside second. He then moved his fingers up and massaged the area between his genitals and his legs. Light let out a shuddering breath and he felt his knees weaken. L leaned closer and kissed Light's neck.

"Are you enjoying this?" he asked huskily. He was starting to feel quite 'happy' due to the closeness and Light's sounds.

"Yessssssssssss…" Light hissed, his neck falling to the side to allow L more access. Taking the initiative, L started to nibble at that part of Light's neck. His hands continued their massage before moving forward to gently stroke Light's member.

"Want me to get you off...?" He asked his voice deep with need.

"Please…" Light whimpered in reply, his skin tingling from the desire in L's voice. L suppressed a moan. His own member was rock hard against Light's arse, and the trembling was causing friction. His hand moved up and down Light's cock, fingering the slit before moving down again. His other hand carried on massaging the skin and muscle around Light's organ. This caused Light moan softly and a seductive smile flashed across Light's face. He leant further back against L as if to keep himself standing causing him to 'accidentally' grind against L's erection. L was nibbling Light's skin when he moved backwards and inadvertently bit a little too deep. Blood started to seep to the surface, and he lapped it up before sucking at the wound. He moved his fingers faster and pressed down harder. Light gasped as he tensed his muscles in reflex to the pain before it became overwhelmed by pleasure once more causing him to mewl. L sucked a bit harder before removing his mouth and looking down. He smirked a little as he saw a purple mark. That wasn't going to disappear any time soon. He moved his hand slightly faster, still massaging with the other hand. He lifted his chin to nibble at Light's ear before speaking to him.

"If you don't come soon, you're going to end up with a sore ass..." he warned.

"The way you're talking is making that sound like a bad thing…" Light purred. L rubbed his groin against Light's ass, moving his hand faster. The hand that was massaging his muscles moved down to cares his balls. He licked Light's neck again and purred into his ear.

"Come for me..." he said huskily. Light wouldn't have been able to hold on much longer anyway, but that voice… Crying out Light spilled into L's hand. Light's knees trembled as they tried to hold his weight, almost giving out. Smirking, L held Light to his chest, reaching out to take the detachable shower head and cleaned them off. He then put the showerhead back up and turned the water off. Carefully, he leaned against the wall and slid them both down it. He was still hard, but he was letting Light rest before he'd kick him out of the bathroom to finish the job himself. Smiling, he stroked Light's hair. "Feeling good?" He asked.

"Uh-huh," Light murmured and wrapped his arms around L. "Want me to help you out with that?" Light asked after a moment, nodding towards L's member.

L shook his head, "Its okay." He said softly with a smile. He didn't believe that he deserved it after the night before. "Today is all about you," He said softly. "Today is all about making you feel good. I'm going to make every day special."

"What if I want to…?" Light purred reaching down to rub thumb over the head of L's erection. L gasped and then gave a throaty moan.

"Well... if you want to... go ahead..." He mumbled opening his eyes and smiling at Light. "Today's for you." Light grinned before pushing L's legs apart and settling between them.

"Anything I want, right? Well I want this," Light practically moaned, his eyes glowing as he took the base of L's hard length in his hand, after steadying himself by placing his hand on L's thigh and parting his warm lips he took L into his mouth. L's eyes widened and he arched into the feeling. His member throbbed and his eyes slid closed.

"Hmmnn Light...." He moaned, his hands burying themselves in Light's hair. Light pressed down on L's hips and leant down to take in more before sucking on L gently, twirling his tongue around the heated flesh hungrily. Panting, L moaned again, trying to thrust his hips up. His head leaned back and his back arched off the wall. His hands started to run through Light's hair, urging him to do more. Moving his head up, Light grazed his teeth along the sensitive skin, nipping at the tip gently. Using the hand that was already wrapped around the base and tightening his fist he pumped his hand to cover the bits his mouth couldn't take in. Moving his head he licked up and around it and kissed the tip. Taking L in his mouth again he returned to long, hard sucks. The hand on L's thigh moved in closer to massage the skin nearer to L's erection. L was moaning and squirming. His hands in Light's hair gripped him tighter and he started shaking. "Mmmmnnn, C-close..." he tried to warn, coming a few seconds later with Light's name on his lips. Light swallowed the seed and let the limp penis fall from his lips, licking the excess off them. Sitting up he moved to sit beside L again and wrapped his arms around L's waist, his head resting on L's shoulder.

"How was that?" Light asked smiling. L was panting, a content smile on his face. He leaned against Light, his eyes closed and his body relaxed.

"Fuckin' good..." He whispered out, opening his eyes and looking at Light. He reached out to take his face in his hand, caressing it softly. He then leaned forward and kissed Light deeply…

…Well at least he would have if Light hadn't chosen that moment to pull back, scrunching his face up.

"Brush you teeth and use some mouth wash first," Light instructed. L nodded, smiling apologetically. He stretched and stood up, holding his hand out for Light. He smiled down at him. Light took it without hesitation, smiling back. Helping Light up, L pulled him into a hug before stepping back and heading to the sink. He brushed his teeth for quite a while before rinsing his mouth out with mouthwash. He then put the brush down and turned to Light, opening his arms. He wanted to kiss Light, to be held by him. Light spat out toothpaste too, rinsing his mouth out and putting his brush down. Done, he eagerly went into L's arms and wrapped his arms around L's neck. L leaned closer to Light and kissed him deeply, his arms around his waist. He pushed himself closer, thrusting his tongue into Light's mouth and running it along Light's tongue. He sighed softly into the kiss. Light clutched at L's hair as he returned the kiss fervently, playing with L's tongue with his own. Pulling back slightly, L smiled softly.

"I love you, so much," He said quietly. "What do you want to do today?" he asked.

"I love you too so very, very much," Light replied and leant forward to press a chaste kiss to L's lips before pulling away. "And I really don't know…"

"Want to climb the tower?" L was definitely feeling better then when he woke. He still had a headache. But he was glad that Light was smiling.

"Can we do it tonight or won't it be open?" Light asked curiously.

"It's always open for me," L said simply. He smiled at Light. "We can do that. Want me to call room service...? They do good pancakes here..."

"Sure, I'm really hungry," Light replied laughing. "You would be too, right?" L shook his head and shrugged.

"Not all that much." He moved to the phone, picking it up. "What would you like for breakfast? Think of anything and they'll likely have it." He held the phone to his chest, waiting for Light's response. Light thought for a moment before giving his answer and going to get dressed in the clothes he wore the night before except skipping the jacket and leaving a few buttons at the top undone. L ordered and put the phone down. When Light came back into the room, he pouted at the state of clothes. "You didn't have to get dressed," He mumbled, walking up to him and tugged at his shirt. "You look good without clothes." L himself was still naked.

"Yes I did or we would be tempted to stay here all day…" Light said grinning and paused "…and that really is tempting, but if we want to do anything today we probably should keep the clothes on." L pouted, gently stroking Light's chest and looked into his eyes. He smiled softly, reaching up to kiss him softly. He pulled away slightly and took a step back.

"Well... until we want to go somewhere, you'll have to get used to me dressed like this," He said with a smirk.

Light groaned. "That's the problem. I won't want to go anywhere with you like that." Giving up Light went and lay down on the couch face down so he wouldn't have to look at his tempting lover, his forehead resting on his crossed arms. Smirking a little, L moved to Light's side, gently placing a hand on his shoulder before straddling him.

"You seemed to enjoy this before..." He started to gently massage Light's back again. He pressed down a little deeper and leaned forward. "Enjoying it again?" He asked.

"Ngnnn… I am but remember what happened when we did this before?" Light reminded. "And you're just as naked this time too." L leaned even further down, nibbling on Light's ear.

"Are you saying it's a bad thing?" he asked into Light's ears. "You want me to stop?" He asked.

"As I said, it is if we want to leave the room today," Light replied moaning softly but didn't answer L's question.

"Just say the word, and I'll stop," L whispered, massaging Light's upper body. He then moved his hands down to his sides, massaging a muscle he knew was always tense. He licked Light's ear again before sitting up, still moving his hands. Light mewled and purred under L's touch, not even sure that he wanted L to stop as he rarely had massages and L was quite brilliant at them… Even if he did, have to fight to keep the image of L naked out of his mind. L kept his hands quite high, not wanting to provoke Light too much. After a while, he stopped and got off Light. The door had been knocked on. "You'll have to get the breakfast. Unless you don't mind someone else seeing me naked," He said with a smirk.

"No, you're mine," Light growled playfully, kissing L's cheek and went to get the tray of food left outside the room. Even though Light probably didn't mean for it to be so, L found those words incredibly hot. He moaned softly, and was waiting for Light to come back with breakfast. Light came back with the food a couple of seconds later and placed the tray on the table, before removing his food from it and sitting down. L sat there and watched Light.

"So..." he said after a moment, a smirk on his face. "You don't want to share me?" He asked, walking towards Light. He stood in front of him and smirked down at him. "But what if I want us to experiment...?" he asked seductively. "Wouldn't you enjoy a threesome?" Oh he was enjoying himself. He loved it that Light had become jealous at the idea of somebody else seeing him naked. Light gulped and kept his face determinedly down.

"Why on Earth would I agree to take part in a threesome?" Light said lowly. "You are everything I could ever want both in mind, heart and body. Why would I want to share those moments with someone else?" L smirked and moved closer to him. He sat next to him and leaned against him.

"I just found it cute when you got jealous about someone else possibly seeing me naked," He said with a smile. He was starting to believe what Light had been saying all this time. About him being someone special. He looked at Light's food and pulled a face. He really didn't feel hungry, even after he'd vomited everything he'd had in his stomach. He stood and moved to the pile of clothes in the corner. "When you're done with your food, we'll go shopping," He said with a smile, pulling the clothes on. Once L was done he looked over at L sounding annoyed.

"L, love, eat something or we aren't going anywhere," Light said stubbornly. "Your health comes before all things and you will feel better if you eat something." L rolled his eyes, not feeling at all hungry. He moved to the food near Light and took a single sausage. He downed it in one and then smiled at Light.

"Let's go," He said with a smile.

"I have to finish eating my food first," Light replied chuckling and returned to eating. L scrunched his nose.

"Okay," He sat next to Light and waited for him to finish his food. He lay down on the bed and looked at the ceiling. "Lemme know when you're ready."

*******

Light finished about five minutes later and went to the bedroom and stood by the door.

"I'm done, but you should know that I am really worried about you not eating, please don't make a habit of it." L just smiled at Light.

"It's nothing to worry about. I'm alright." He moved closer to Light and hugged him. "If it'll make you feel better, I'll eat lunch with you," He said softly. "And I'll promise I'll eat." Light returned the embrace tightly, his face turning to bury in into L's neck, and breathing in deeply.

"If you're sure, thank you," Light murmured and kissed the soft skin beneath his lips.

"It's alright." He smiled, "C'mon." He took Light's hand and pulled him out of the room. "We got the keys?" He asked, holding the door open in case they didn't.

"They're on the bench," Light replied and let go of L's hand only long enough to grab them and raced back, kissing L's cheek as he took L's hand again. Smiling, L pulled himself into Light's side, putting his arm around his middle. He walked with him down to the elevators. "Let's go shopping." Light smiled and wrapped his arm around L's shoulders.

"Sure, let's go," Light agreed cheerfully. L led Light to a fancy store. They spent a few hours shopping until they came to one store which L insisted they enter.

"Stay out here," He said with a smile. A few minutes later, he came back out and smiled at Light, not showing him what was in the bag. "That's for later." He said with a knowing smirk. Light frowned but didn't press L for answers. L smiled and put his arms around Light's waist again.

"Lets go get some more clothes. I wanna see you in skinnies."

"Do you now?" Light replied grinning widely and leant against L gently. "Well if you insist…"

"Oh I insist," L said slyly, dragging him towards the shop. After a short while looking, he finally found the trousers he wanted Light to wear and pushed him into the changing rooms. "Put them on." He said with a grin. Light took the pants and after about five minutes came out to show L what the new ones looked like.

Spinning around slowly Light asked, "So what do you think?"

"I think we're getting them," He said with a smile. He stepped forward and looked at the way they fit Light, making him turn around and taking particular care with examining his ass. He then pulled away and turned Light back around. "Yep, we're getting them."

"I though that would be your answer," Light replied grinning and walked back to the change rooms to put his other pants back on. By the time Light came out of the changing rooms, L had picked up a few more articles and was about to pay for them. He gestured for Light to come join him, to give the trousers over. Light did so immediately, placing the pants on the counter and taking L's smooth, pale hand in his. Smiling at the gesture, L paid for the clothes and pulled Light outside.

"Roast beef!" He exclaimed when they'd left the shop. He nodded to himself and moved further away from the shop. Light didn't even want to know what L had been thinking but followed the man anyway. L guided them to a small restaurant and smiled at Light. "I feel like roast beef... But it's up to you want something else, we can go for that."

"No, that's fine. I am just glad you feel like eating," Light replied smiling. L led them inside and they were taken to a table. They sat down and L looked at the menu.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" L asked with a smile.

"Yeah I am," Light replied, glancing down as he played with the ring on his left hand, before he lifted his eyes to meet L's again, shining brightly with absolute bliss. L smiled at Light and took his hand, running his hand over the ring.

"I'm glad." He looked over the menu again and smiled. "They do Yorkshire pudding!" He exclaimed happily.

"Get some then," Light said and laughed softly at L's excitement. After a moment he let their joined hands rest on the table between them and interlocked their fingers.

L nodded. "I will. Yorkshire pudding, onion rings, roast beef, roast potato and chocolate milkshake and ice-cream," He said with another, childish nod. He looked at Light, "What're you having?" Light just grinned before he looked over the menu and told L what he had chosen. The meal came, and L ate half of his before giving up. He smiled sheepishly at Light and pushed his plate away.

"You enjoying your food?" He asked, sipping at his chocolate milkshake.

"Yeah, I am," Light replied. "And thankyou for at least eating half of what you ordered." L nodded, looking down at his food.

"I'm not actually hungry," He mumbled. He looked up at Light again and smiled, "It was weird to eat something with so little sugar..."

"I know. I was surprised when you said what you wanted to order. Especially since we are in France and they apparently make wonderful deserts," Light commented. L nodded, bringing his legs up to his chest. He put his feet on the chair. He looked at Light and smiled softly, his head on his knees as he watched the other.

"What do you want to do next?"

"I have never been to France before so could you choose? I wouldn't know what we have time for," Light replied, chuckling fondly at L's change in his seating and glad that L had finally relaxed some. L paused in thought for a moment.

"Well... since I lived here for eight years, it's not exactly that exciting." He said with a smile. "I could show you my birthplace..." he said quietly. It was something that he had never shared with anyone else before. It was something very personal. Light swallowed harshly, his eyes widening, before he smiled.

"I would really like that," he replied gently. Biting his lip, L nodded, looking at his milkshake. He drank it quickly, wishing it was something stronger than milk. He took a deep breath before looking up at Light and smiling softly.

"I used to live there with m'ma, before she died," He said quietly, "I'll- I'll show you." Sensing L's anxiety Light squeezed L's hand in an attempt to comfort him.

"If you're not comfortable showing me yet, I'm ok with that. I don't want anything that would make you uncomfortable in any way," Light answered, trying to keep his voice low and comforting.

L shook his head. "I want- I want to show you," He said softly, "I want to open up to you." Swallowing, he nodded and smiled. "Shall we?"

"Sure," Light replied and stood up. "Thankyou, I know this must be hard for you."

"It's easier than I thought it would be," He said softly, smiling. "I-" he swallowed again, "I want you to know things about me...that nobody else does...not even Watari knows where I was born. As far as he knows, I don't remember much before I was eight."

"You have no idea how happy that makes me feel," Light said, hardly holding back the beaming smile in favour of a smaller, gentler one. L leaned over the table and kissed Light softly.

"Shall we then?" He asked, pulling his wallet out. He was getting ready to pay for their food. He didn't want Light to ever have to worry about money. As he was, he had plenty of money for the both of them. He could afford to cover them, even if they wanted to buy a house every day.

"Ok," Light said, extremely pleased with the kiss. After they'd paid, L took Light's hand and led him outside. It was a short walk to the coast, and a slightly longer one down the driveway.

"I don't know if anyone lives here..." he said softly, "But I do remember that this is where I lived." They came around a corner to see a run down house. It was a large cottage, one story, but wide. The roof was made of what looked to be straw, and the walls were bricks. L led them further down the drive, right to the front door. He then knocked on it. There was no answer.

"It doesn't look like anybody's been here for a long time..." He said softly, pushing the door open. It was unlocked. Nobody was inside. It was dark and dusty and smelled faintly of mould. L had to stop to take in a deep breath. His hands went to his face as he tried to control his emotions. "Everything's the same..." He took a few steps forward, next to the living room. He stooped and picked up a small doll. It was one of those that was made of material, and stuffed. The hair was dark hair was curled string, and the eyes were sewn on crosses. He held it to his chest before turning to Light and smiling softly. He took a deep breath before talking. "It's all the same as it was before." Light just watched, taking in every aspect of his surroundings, before walking over to L and placed a hand on L's thin shoulder.

"Thankyou for showing me this," Light murmured smiling back.

"I needed to see it too..." L said with a smile. After a moment, he bit his lip. "There's...there's something else I want to see..." He said quietly. "I could use your support..." He knew that what was going to happen was going to be hard. He took Light's hand, leading him to the back door of the house. The doll was still in his other hand. The back garden was over grown, the grass coming up to around their waist. But there was still a path, climbing a gentle slope. A few hundred meters from the house the path stopped. The grass here was a little shorter, going up to about their ankles. There was no path from here on, but L kept going forward. They were on a cliff now, overlooking the ocean. L pointed to a small wooden cross (made from two branches from the weeping Willow that was a few meters away) stood, jammed in the ground. "I...I put that there..." He said quietly, "The day after m'ma passed away." He looked at the cliff edge, moving closer. "She fell." He kneeled down on the ground, looking down at the water below. "She fell after pushing me away from the edge..." He hung his head, "It should've been me that fell." Light let go of L's hand to take hold of both his shoulders, his eyes staring into L's as he spoke.

"Don't ever think that way," Light said seriously. "I may not have ever met you're mother, but I don't need to, in order to know she wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself for her death. In fact if she is anything like the way I think she was, she would have suffered worse to keep you safe." Light moved forward to take L into his arms. "You're life is the most beautiful, amazing thing and you have saved so many, including me. You're mother would be so proud." It seemed to all make sense now. Leaning against Light, L allowed himself to cry, to let all his grief for his mother out. He clutched onto Light like a lifeline for a good ten minutes before pulling away. He looked at Light and nodded. Maybe now... maybe now he could believe all of that. If he didn't believe in his own self worth, then what was his mothers sacrifice for? He swallowed and wiped his tears away.

"Thank you," He said, smiling at Light.

"You're welcome my love," Light whispered, holding onto L tightly before pulling away so as to hold L's hand. L smiled at Light and took a deep breath. He looked back over the cliff, the sun was setting. He leaned closer to Light as he looked at the sunset.

"Isn't it beautiful?" he said quietly.

"But not as beautiful as you," Light replied smiling as he continued to watch his lover. L smiled at Light and looked out at the red sky.

"Light, I'll never forget this..." he said softly, "Thank you, so much." Light lifted his free hand to tilt L's head down slightly so that he could place a kiss on L's forehead.

"Anything for you."

"C'mon," L said softly, "Lets go." He didn't want to be here any longer than he had to be. It was starting to get at him. He pulled Light back towards the house before pausing. He tuned back and walked to the makeshift grave. He placed the doll down and smiled softly. "Good-bye M'ma," He said quietly. "I'll never forget what you did for me." He gently stroked the dirt on the ground before standing and moving back to Light. "Because of what she did, I now have you," He said softly, smiling at Light. "Maybe there is something in me that's worth it." Light just smiled back, not feeling like pushing L any further for the moment.

"And because of what she did, I have you and I will be grateful to her for every second I am alive." Holding Light's hand again, L pulled them towards the cottage.

"Her name was Ellenor. Elle for short." He said, "Elle... L." He smiled softly, "She thought it would be funny to call me L. Just a simple letter – hard to forget." He squeezed Light's hand and smiled at him. Ellenor Hikari Lawliet." He said. Light just smiled, listening quietly to L talk. He had never had the chance to mention it but he thought that L's voice was extremely soothing to listen too.

"Fancy that...she had 'Hikari' in her name..." L shook his head and smiled. "If it wasn't so cheesy, I'd say it was destiny." By now they were back at the cottage. L's steps faltered and he took another breath before walking in. He was silent now, looking around the house. He took a detour, pulling Light into a small room. There was a bed in the corner, it was messed up, as if someone had been sleeping in it. The curtains were drawn, not letting in any light. Toys were lining the shelves on the walls, stuffed animals, robots. There were some puzzles on the shelves and books – thick novels and information books. Above the bed, hanging on a wall, was a gothic letter.

**L**

Light gasped.

"Was this… Was this your room?" Light asked almost reverently as he looked around the room, trying to take in the clues from L's past. L nodded, sitting on his old bed. He picked up the book that was there. It was a complicated text on quantum relativity.

"I wanted to be a scientist," He said softly. "I wanted to see space one day..." He stroked the front of the book. "But after my dad was killed, I wanted to be able to find who did it..." Light walked over to sit next to him without the slightest hint of hesitation.

"Did you?" Light asked quietly, wrapping an arm around L as the desire to touch him in someway overcame him.

L nodded. "My first case... I cracked it just after my ninth birthday." He smiled softly, "That's what got me into Wammy's house...The orphanage where I became the detective L." He smiled at Light, leaning against him slightly. He continued to gently stroke the book. "Watari thought that I didn't remember anything – that the trauma was too much..."

"You are a stronger person than you give yourself credit for," Light said lovingly, running his hand up and down L's side comfortingly. Leaning forward Light kissed L's cheek for a moment before pulling the man closer to him.

"I wish m'ma could've met you," L said softly. L put the book away and looked around the room. "It used to be brighter..." he said softly. "The room. It used to get so much sunlight... now it's... abandoned..." He stood and moved to the curtains. He didn't open it, he didn't even touch it. He just looked at the curtains. He looked up at the ceiling. "There are stars..." he said, "glow in the dark... they need sunlight to work." He said with a small smile. "M'ma and I spent a long time getting them just right."

"I wish I could have met your m'ma too," Light murmured, using the name L used for her. Still seated on the bed, his eyes couldn't help but drink in the sight of L's smile and couldn't help but compare it to the glow in the dark stars. Like them, in the right conditions L seemed to glow with a light of his own. L looked at Light smiling. He nodded.

"Shall we?" He asked. This place had been his home, so long ago. But now, now he was in a different life. It was good to see it again, but he wanted to leave, to get back to his life as it is now. Light smiled back and got up. Slowly he walked over to L and took his hand.

"We shall."

*******

**So what did you think? If you confused about Light giving L a blow job, but not a kiss thing… Well I really don't know what I was thinking. Lol This chapter has been written ages ago. Anyway thanks for reading.**


	17. Disaster in Paris

**Sorry this update has taken so long. Just checking, everyone remember the warnings right? Lol Enjoy**

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L led them back to the city. By the time they got to the bustling streets, the sun was completely set. "Let's go up the tower." He said with a smile.

"Sure," Light replied happily.

"Don't let me twist your arm," L joked, pulling Light towards the tower. He showed some ID and gained free entry for the pair of them. He then led Light all the way to the top. From there, you could see all of Paris, most of France, and the coast of England. The view was breathtaking. The lights from the cities were twinkling, and the clear sky was mirroring it with the shining stars. "You're lucky," L said softly, "The sky isn't this clear often." He leaned against Light, pulling the others arm around him. He gave a content sigh, upon his face, a small smile. Light leant against L as he continued to look out on the scene in awe.

"I really am lucky," Light replied, with a look of contentment on his face. "I knew it would be amazing, but I didn't realise it would be anything like this. Thankyou my love, for showing me." Light turned his head to look at L, lifting a hand to guide L's face to look at him. "You know how you said that you don't believe in destiny, well I do…" With that, Light moved in closer and pressed his lips to L's. As L returned the kiss, he was mutely aware of the fireworks lighting up the French sky. He pulled Light closer, kissing him slightly deeper before pulling back and placing his head on Light's shoulder, looking at the fireworks. Right here, right now, L was happy. Happier than he'd ever been. His arms were around Light's waist, his head on his shoulders. Their hearts were pressed together, beating at the same rate. He truly felt like he was one with Light and that everything was going to be okay. "Looks like we picked the perfect moment to be here," Light whispered and pressed his lips to L's temple. "I love you."

"I love you too." L didn't want this moment to end. He didn't want to have to go back to Japan, to face that Shinigami, to remember why they had the argument in the first place. He didn't want to go back to real life. All he wanted to do was live this fantasy. This was how life should have been for a twenty five year old. He should be able to live in the moment, to go out with his lover, to have fun – be romantic. He shouldn't have to worry about the future of the human race, shouldn't have to worry about what the shinigami would do next.

He just wanted to be normal.

"I wish this moment could last forever," He said quietly, saddened by the fact that he knew he couldn't.

"I wish that for almost every moment I spend with you, but if that came true then we would never get to see the next moment and the next. The important thing about these moments is that we got to spend them together and that we will always remember them. But as for right now, the moment isn't quite over yet," Light murmured and snuggled closer to L.

L snorted, "Have you been watching chickflics?" He asked, shaking his head at how cheesy that had been. He shivered slightly, the air being quite cold. He was only wearing his thin white undershirt, having left his jacket at the hotel. He moved closer to Light, stealing his warmth. "We'll have to go down soon." He said quietly.

"Of course I've been watching chickflics, I do have a little sister after all," Light replied laughing. Pulling L's shivering form closer to him he continued, "You're right though, let's go back to the hotel and get warm." L shook his head, pulling away to smirk at Light.

"Let's not get _warm_." He leaned forward to whisper in Light's ear, "Let's get _hot _and _sweaty_." Light moaned softly as he felt an aroused jolt run through him.

"Even better," Light replied grinning. Smirking, L took Light's hand and led him down to the bottom of the tower. It wasn't long before they were back at the hotel, back in their room. As soon as they were, L pushed Light's back into the door, lips roughly against the others, hands running all over his body – exploring the well known paths. Light mewled as he pushed back into L, giving as good as he got. Light hands found their way up to L's hair, clutching it tightly in his fingers, soft moans and pants falling from his lips at the sudden burst of aggression making Light fell hot all over from arousal.

L removed his lips from the others to nibble at his neck, pushing him harder against the door. He roughly began to tear at his clothing, ripping the buttons off. He desperately ripped Light's shirt off him. He had to forget. Forget what he'd remembered today, forget about his mother, and forget about his childhood. He needed a distraction.

…And what better distraction than sex with Light?

His nibbles seemed to be getting harder, one of them even drawing blood. He lapped it up before kissing it and he sucked on it a little. His hands had finished removing the top half of Light's clothing now, and his fingers found Light's nipples, squeezing the buds harshly before his hands moved further down.

He wanted this – he needed this. His lips found Light's again, claiming them heatedly as his hands fumbled at Light's trouser button and fly. He was so close to just ripping the pants off too. Light yelped when he felt L draw blood, before moaning and whimpering as L kept up his assault. L had never been so rough with him before and his senses where on overload from excitement and… fear.

Light had never felt afraid of his lover before and he didn't know what to do. Looking in L's eyes, he saw the half-crazed look in them and he shuddered. The buckle on his trousers finally came undone. L found himself growling softly as he roughly pushed the garment down and moved closer to Light, pinning him against the door. One of his legs was between Lights thighs, pushing lightly into his groin; the other was straight, keeping their balance. He pulled back from the kiss and looked at Light. A small part of him felt guilty for probably hurting Light, but the majority of him just wanted him.

"I need you," He growled out, pressing harder against him. His hand snaked down his chest to finger the top of his underwear. Rather then pull it down; he quickly yanked his hand towards himself, tearing the clothing from his body. He threw it aside and pushed even closer to the now naked Light. His hand gently took Light's member and began to stroke it, pressing down softly with his nails. His own member was starting to become painfully hard. Bringing both arms up to Light's shoulders, he turned him around and pushed him onto the bed, straddling him and leaning down to kiss him deeply. Light bit his lip, unsure of what to do, before he finally used all his strength to push L off him and scuttled up to the head of the bed.

"L stop!" Light said firmly as he found himself curling into a ball, his arms wrapped around his legs. L was panting heavily, looking at Light. His heart was about ready to break, did Light want him to stop forever? Why didn't Light want to help him? Why didn't he want to let L release.

"I need you," He growled, crawling up to Light and pulling him into a rough kiss. He gently pulled Light's arms from his legs, pushing him down onto the bed again, straddling him again. He started to attack his neck again, "I need you, like never before..." Light let out a shuddered breath but relaxed under L's hold, focusing on the pleasure now and his hand darted out to pull open the draw out the tube of liquid and shoved it at L.

"At least use this," Light requested, giving in. L took the lube and nodded, pulling away from Light only long enough to take his clothes off. He then returned to Light and roughly thrust against him, their naked erections pressing against each other, causing him to moan loudly. He grabbed the lube and emptied some on his fingers, thrusting one inside Light, leaning up to kiss him roughly – trying to take his mind off the pain.

He wriggled the finger around a little before pulling it out and thrusting two more in, before Light was really ready. He started moving them around, fast, rough. He then pulled them out and placed three in, moving harshly against the muscle. All the while, he continued to kiss Light, biting down on his lip and sucking at the small wound he made. His mind was completely gone now. He wasn't hearing anything Light could be saying, he wasn't conscious of anything other than his need. This was exactly what he'd wanted. He wanted to forget about reality for a while, forget about his past. Forget about what had happened. He wanted to be caught up in the moment, caught up in Light.

In Light. That was a good idea. He pulled his fingers out, not even realizing that Light wasn't completely prepared. He then thrust inside, crying out at the mindless tightness that enveloped him. The feeling of being one with someone, the feeling of being completely consumed. He didn't pause to let Light get used to it, he just kept moving.

A part of him remembered that Light was with him too, and reached out with his hand to start yanking at his member, trying vainly to give him some sort of satisfaction. He opened his eyes and looked at Light feeling partially guilty. This was likely hurting Light.

But he couldn't bring himself to stop.

Light only barely managed to bite down a scream that threatened to burst from his lips. It hurt. It hurt so badly that only the random strikes of pleasure prevented him going insane. Nether the less he refused to scream, but that didn't stop the tears from falling or the blood from flowing where L had likely torn him. Instead he focused on L with everything he had and waited for it to end.

L continued to pound away at Light, kissing him softer now. His hand moved on Light's member, trying in vain to get him off. He was close, almost there. A few more thrusts and he knew he would come; but Light didn't seem to be enjoying it. With a lot of effort, L stopped, holding himself up above Light. He looked at him and swallowed.

"L-Light..." his voice was hoarse, broken. He leaned down and gently kissed the other, licking up the blood on his lip from where L had bitten him. He was going to stop, to pull away, but he was already too far gone. He started moving again, pushing a little more gently into Light, trying to hit that spot, using all the self restraint he had to prevent more random pounding. He pulled out of the kiss to look down at Light, his hand still on the others member, moving. He pressed into Light three more times before he couldn't hold it back any more. He called out Light's name as he came into the other, still stroking him.

Light pushed L's hand away; he was almost completely limp anyway and waited for L to pull of him. Once he did, Light ignore the jolt of pain up his spine in favour of curling up against L, burying his face in L's chest as he tried to find the safety he once found so easily in L's arms. He felt his warm, wet tears continue to fall onto L's skin, but he couldn't bring himself to stop.

L pulled Light closer to him, realizing through his exhaustion that he'd hurt Light. He could feel the tears on his chest, and felt his own build up. How had this happened? He wanted a distraction, a release, not to hurt the only man who loved him. He clutched onto the other before pulling away. He'd done it to Light. Exactly what had been done to himself, and to Mello. He'd done it to Light. What kind of a person was he? To put his love through such a thing.

"Oh my god..." he said, standing next to the bed. His hand came up to his mouth to stifle the horrified sobs. "Light...Light, I'm so sorry." He fell to his knees, staring at Light, sobbing softly. He would understand if Light never wanted to see him again. His horrified wide eyes looked at Light, wanting him to do something, to hit him, to yell at him, to blame him. To tell him he never wanted anything to do with him. He stood and headed towards the dresser, "I'll....I'll get you flight back if you want..." He was shaking, staring at the mess he'd made of Light's ass. The blood and semen oozing from him, creating a small pool on the bedcovers. "You- You don't have to worry about getting home, I won't leave you stranded here... I'll pack; I'll go somewhere else, somewhere far away. I'm so sorry." Light jolted as if struck by lightning and within the space of a heartbeat he was a quivering mass in L's arms.

"No… no… you can't leave me… _NO! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!"_ Light cried growing louder and louder as he spoke until he was almost screaming as he clung to L, as if he was a lifeline and Light was drowning. Frowning deeply, L held Light close. He guided them both down to the floor, holding Light into his arms.

"Light..." he didn't know what to say. Light didn't want to get rid of him? He didn't want to kick his ass? To hurt him? He was doing the complete opposite to what L expected of him. He was being... clingy. L frowned a little more, holding the other closer. He was confused, completely and utterly confused. "But Light... I- I hurt you..." he said softly, his own tears falling. He wasn't sobbing anymore, too confused. He realized that Light seemed to want to be held by him, that Light seemed to want to be kept in his arms. Did he still feel safe like that? Safe with L? L the rapist... "I hurt you... I raped you...you asked me to stop, and I couldn't. I used you..." The words were harsh, but that was what L thought he deserved. After such a perfect day, why did he have to go and ruin it like that? Light just clung to L tighter and practically climbed into L's lap. Lights breath was ragged as it blew across L's neck.

"Don't care… Don't leave me… Love you…" L stayed silent for a short while, completely taken by surprise. This was not what he expected. He wasn't prepared for this. He tried to figure out why Light was acting this way. After being put through something like that, it was more logical to want to push him away, wasn't it? Not to cling to him like a life-line. Gently placing his arm under Light's legs and the other on his back, L stood, holding Light bridal style. He looked down at the male in his arms, holding him closer.

"I love you too," He said softly. "And I hurt you. I can never be forgiven for that..." he was speaking quietly as he walked towards the bed. He sat down on it, keeping Light on his lap. He was mindful of the stain on the blankets, glad that he didn't have to explain to the maids what had happened to the covers, and probably the mattress too. All he would have to do is pay for a new one. That was nothing. He held Light closer to him, gently stroking his hair. "Why don't you want to kick me away? Why aren't you yelling, hitting?" He asked quietly. "Why do you stay close to me, even after what I did...?" He didn't understand it, and there wasn't much in this world that he didn't understand. He held Light closer to him, gently kissing his forehead. "Why aren't you angry, hurt emotionally...?" Light seemed to relax slightly now that he felt slightly more assured that L wouldn't be going anywhere for a while and snuggled up closer to him.

"Can't lose you… Too important…" Light whispered childishly, closing his eyes.

"But I hurt you!" L really didn't understand. He didn't like not understanding things. "Why do you still love me? Why do you still want me to remain close?" He was starting to raise his voice now. He forced himself to lower it. "Why? Just explain it to me. I don't understand." He gently pushed Light slightly away so that he could look into his eyes. He kept his arms on Light's shoulders, making sure that the other didn't think he was letting go completely. "I don't understand why you're not yelling at me to fuck off..."

"Because I need… because I will always need you no matter what… you're a part of me now and if I lose you… If I lose you I will fall apart," Light murmured, before looking down, making him seem almost fragile and in many ways he was.

"Light..." L said softly, "What I just did is a form of abuse..." He gently pushed Light off him, sitting beside him, his hands still on his shoulders. "You shouldn't stay with me. I know I didn't mean it, and you know it too, but the fact is I did. Who knows what I'll end up doing in the future..." It was a scary thought. L had to take a moment to pause. What would he end up doing in the future? How would he hurt Light next? L was afraid of what could happen. "Light...I'm a danger to you..."

"I-I don't care… I don't care... but if you leave me I'll… I'll kill myself…" Light stuttered sounding more and more freaked out the further L got from him and he immediately moved closer to press himself against L. Those words terrified L. He knew he couldn't leave Light. He didn't want to – he never wanted to, but...

"Light... c'mon... We should sleep on this. When you wake up, when you realize what happened, you'll feel differently." He lay down, holding Light against him. He was careful not to get on that one spot; the mess was still sticky, still wet. He didn't particularly want to lay in it. Light curled up against L, his head coming to nestle beneath L's chin but he didn't sleep. He may have for a couple of minutes at certain intervals, but woke up quickly needing to reassure himself that L hadn't left. It was a very long night.

*******

L had somehow managed to sleep. He woke up at about seven in the morning and noticed that Light was in exactly the same position. He wasn't sure if he'd ever get used to this clingy Light. But it was his own fault. Also- if he left, Light would kill himself. Sighing, he ran his fingers through Light's hair.

"You didn't sleep, did you?" He asked before sitting up. He disentangled himself from Light and headed to the bags of clothes they'd bought before. He made sure that he wasn't out of Light's line of sight as he picked them up. He then returned to the bed and looked down at Light. "We should shower, dress and leave. The hotel will want us gone before midday." He gestured with his head to the bathroom and began walking towards it. It was Light's choice if he came or not, but L was thinking he wouldn't be far behind him. Light hadn't bothered to reply know it wasn't needed. What L hadn't realised was how much effort it took to keep Light on the bed when L had went to grab the clothes but the instant L had looked like he was leaving the room he was instantly at L's side despite his bodies protest at such sudden movements. L couldn't be allowed to leave him. L took a deep breath and let it out with a sigh. He turned around and looked at Light.

"Light. I can promise you, I'm not going to leave you." He really didn't want Light in every second of his life. He could tell that it was going to get very old very quick. He didn't mind seeing him all the time, but he did want to make sure he got some sort of privacy. He hoped Light wasn't about to follow him into the bathroom for toilet breaks. "So you don't have to follow me everywhere, okay. I love you, and I'm going to stay with you. Just because I leave a room, doesn't mean I'm going to leave you, okay?" Light swallowed, looking almost like he was hit and tried to force back his fear, but it was really hard and right now he felt so very weak. "Really, Light," L said softly, leaning forward and kissing him gently. "I promise you." He smiled softly at the other before dropping his clothes in a corner and walking to the shower. He turned it on and stepped under the spray. He then looked at Light and held out his hand for the other, gesturing for him to join him. Light did so without the smallest hint of hesitation. Silence descended for a few moments before Light tugged on L's hand, almost like a child asking for their parent's attention.

"So you still want me?" Light as quietly.

"What…?" L pulled Light closer to him, holding him tightly. "Why wouldn't I?" He asked, "If anything, I want you too much...that's why last night happened." He still didn't think he was forgiven for that. And he didn't deserve to be. He pulled away slightly and looked Light in the eyes. "I. Love. You," He said slowly. "You've shown me that I don't have to be afraid of that. That I don't have to be afraid to be who I am. That I am worth something. Now I intend to do the same. Light. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying." He pulled Light back into his arms. "You're stuck with me." Light smiled and hugged L tightly, relaxing against the warm body.

"Love you, love you…" Light mumbled in an almost singsong voice. L nodded soothingly.

"I know. Now come on, let's shower." He said with a smile, pulling back from the embrace to pick up the soap. Light's smile faltered for a second before he managed to keep it up. He watched as L washed himself before taking the soap and washing himself too, wincing slightly as sharp pain hit him. L noticed this, looking at Light in concern. "Are you alright? Would you like to go to a doctor...I might've done some damage," He said regretfully. He moved to Light and started gently massaging his shoulders.

"No, I'm ok. I'll just be a bit sore for a while," Light said reassuringly, leaning into L's touch.

"Are you sure...?" L asked softly, bringing his arms down. "I don't want you to be even more hurt because of what I did..." He said sadly.

"I will be ok after I have a few pain killers," Light replied and leant in to kiss L firmly on the lips. L kissed Light back slightly before pulling away. He then looked at Light, frowning slightly. He was trying to figure out why the other was being so clingy to him, why was he being so clingy. L would give anything to return things to how they were the day before. He smiled softly at Light before rinsing himself off and stepping out of the shower. He reached for a towel and wrapped it around himself. He had a mystery to solve. Smiling at Light he turned and walked out of the room.

"Don't worry," He said over his shoulder, "I'm just packing our stuff, you stay in the shower for a little while, relax." After saying that, he went to his computer and did a google search. He found an article on the after effects of rape and anxiety disorders. He read the list of descriptions and realized that that was what Light must have. He shut the laptop after reading on how to deal with it. Exploit the anxiety while simultaneously reassuring the other. So he had to stay away from Light, while explaining to him that it was okay. That was going to be hard...

Light had of course ignored the other's words and followed after him as quickly and as quietly as a shadow. Drying off while he watched L work and got dressed. He watched L frown and had a momentary surge of panic and once again fought to race over and seek comfort in L's arms. L let out a small 'ooph' as Light pretty much launched himself into his arms. He held the man close and sighed.

"Light... I want to help you. Do you understand that?" He asked, gently stroking his hair. "I need you to listen to me."

"I don't know if I can. It's too soon," Light whimpered. "I'm scared."

"It's okay," L said soothingly. "You're going to be okay. I'm not going to leave you, but I need you to not need to be so close okay..." He said with a soft smile. "Remember how it was...remember how sure you were that I wasn't going to leave...that hasn't changed. I need you." He spoke calmly and soothingly, as if explaining to a child why mommy couldn't come into school with him. Light blinked and tilted his head, with a strange look of incomprehension on his face. L sighed and pulled Light down as he lay down and looked at Light. "Light. I'm not going to leave you..."

"Promise?" Light asked, snuggling up to L. Light's head was nuzzling L's head in a way that was almost kitten like, his eyes blinking as he did so.

L smiled softly, "I promise," He said with a nod. "I'll never leave you." He gently kissed Light's head. "Now c'mon, lets pack," He said with a smile.

Light nodded and walked over to the new bag of clothing taking them out and neatly folding them. Once that was done he walked over to grab the suitcase and happily busied his mind on packing. Trying to keep the need to look over at L every two minutes squashed knowing that was making L angry and if L was angry he would leave and Light didn't want L to leave… Light fought down the urge to look up and focused on folding his shirt perfectly.

L smiled at Light and headed to the bathroom. He needed to relieve himself. He closed the door, not even noticing that the lock click behind him. He relieved himself, then after cleaning his hands, turned to the door. It wouldn't' open. Frowning, he tried it again before moving down to the lock. He looked at it and couldn't change it. He then turned back to the cabinet and looked into it, looking for something to unpick the lock with.

Light finished packing his case and looked around for L and froze… L wasn't there and_… L WASN'T THERE!!!!!_ Trying to calm himself down, a million excuses came to mind and he curled up in a surprisingly L like manner on the bed to wait for L. He waited ten minutes before he raced out of the room to try and find him… Light refused to let L leave him. L promised. L finally found something. He managed to open the door and turned to apologise to Light... But Light wasn't there. He wasn't in the frame of mind to be allowed out alone. He rushed out the open door, running down to the foyer. He wasn't able to find him there, and they couldn't tell him where he went or even when he left. L was now getting very worried. He started looking in the streets himself. Eventually, after it was getting close to their departure time, he returned to the hotel to get them extra time.

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**So what do you think? Do you hate L? Do you think Light is being too clingy like L thinks or do you think that L should just try to deal with it and be patient? Let us know. Thanks for reading.**


	18. Who Are You?

**I know, I have been absolutely terrible at updating and I left it at a bad spot too. Sorry!**

Meanwhile out on the streets Light was in a daze as he ran, searching high and low for his missing love. Tears were running down his face and several French people stopped him along the way but his panicked mind could decipher a word that they were speaking. After what could have been three hours Light was exhausted and he desperately started calling out "Ryuzaki" which freaked out more than a few locals before a police officer came and after a small struggle managed to take Light down to the police station. When Light arrived his state worsened and they had to hand cuff him and bind his feet so that Light wouldn't hurt himself and placed him in a cell. So far they hadn't got a coherent word out of him apart from "Ryuzaki".

It was another two hours before Light passed out from hyperventilation and another twenty minutes before Light woke up again and had miraculously calmed down enough to tell them the location of his friend. Still unsure though they had Light checked out before finally contacting 'Ryuzaki'. As soon as the phone rang, L picked it up. Upon hearing that Light was in the police station, he was both glad and worried – glad that he was out of harms way and worried that he might have done something to deserve being in custody. As quick as he could, he left the hotel, booking it for another night before running down to the police station two blocks away (it would've taken too long to call a car). He got inside and rushed to the desk.

"My friend is here. I was called," he said and was led to Light. As soon as he got into the cell, he rushed forward and embraced Light. "I'm so sorry," He cried out. "I went to the bathroom and got locked in. I didn't leave. I promise I'll never leave." Light tensed in his arms, not returning the hug. Looking over L's shoulder at the police officer watching them he said.

"I'm guessing you are Ryuzaki?" L pulled away, a confused and hurt look on his face.

"L-Light?" He asked confused, "Don't- don't you remember me...?" He asked in a shaking voice. "It's me..." He placed his hand on Light's cheek. Light stared at the strange, but pretty man, but was unable to remember having ever met the man before in his life.

"I'm sorry but I don't…" Light started apologetically but was cut off by the officer behind them.

"He had a panic attack when he was in the cell and he hit his head pretty hard before we got a chance to get to him. Before that he wouldn't say anything but you're name and that he was looking for you. After he woke up he couldn't even remember anything about you only that he was staying with someone at that hotel and we were able to track you down," the officer explained. Light bit his lip helplessly as he looked at Ryuzaki but not sure what to do. L's breath hitched slightly and tears started to build in his eyes. He stood and wiped them away quickly. He turned to the police officer and nodded his thanks.

"I'll take him home, back to his parents. Maybe something in his mind will reconnect his memories. Retrograde Amnesia, is it?" He shook his head, not waiting for a response he turned around and looked at Light. "I'll take you home...back to Japan." He said with a pained smile. Light put a hand on L's arm and looked at him steadily.

"I may not remember you now, but I want you to at least give me a chance to try," Light said firmly. "I get the feeling that you were important to me so will you at least give me that."

L nodded. "I have no intention on leaving you," He said with assurance, he took Light's hand and held it closer to his chest. "You may not remember, but you are important to me. And I'm important to you." He pulled that hand up to his lips and kissed them softly. "And I promise you that I'll help you through this. And if you never get your memories back, we can make new ones..." In that tiniest action Light's world whirled dizzily as his eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. His breath caught in his throat and his heart pounded in his chest.

"Thankyou," Light replied almost breathlessly, not sure how Ryuzaki could affect him so much, but it made him strangely happy and he unconsciously played with the ring on his hand. L nodded before turning back to the police officers.

"May I take him?" He asked softly. The officer nodded and L led Light back to their hotel. "I'm just sorry you forgot yesterday. Most of it was wonderful." He neglected to mention the bad part of the evening. He kept a hold of Light's hand the whole way back, and when they got to their room, he gestured around. This is ours for tonight as well. But we can head home earlier if you would like..." He briefly looked at the bed, glad that housekeeping had taken the ruined sheets.

"It's up to you what you want to do," He said with a smile. He was going to let Light take the lead on this one. Finally, he let go of his hand to sit on the bed and look up at the teen. Light's hand felt cold immediately after, but didn't mention it and chose to follow L's example and sit next to him.

"W-would you tell me about yourself?" Light asked shyly after a moment, hating that he couldn't remember possibly the most important person in his life. He after all hadn't failed to notice the ring on his hand and immediately connected it to Ryuzaki. Feeling embarrassed and a little uncomfortable, L looked down at his lap before nodding. Biting his lip, he thought for a moment before looking up at Light.

"Well...I-I'm a detective...that's how we met. You were working on the same case as me... along with your dad and a few others... We got together- well...it all started with a massage actually..." He said with a blush. "When on a case I sit in a rather...uncomfortable position," He said looking back down at his lap. "You noticed that it must put my back under a lot of strain. You gave me a massage and... Well... it kinda led to sex..." his blush got darker and he started playing with his fingers.

"We got really close really quick... and... we were to be married at one point. Then some more things happened. I was... I wasn't very confident in myself and you thought that maybe it wasn't a good time to get married." He looked at the ring on Light's finger. "My boys- our boys had a lot going on... One of them... he got sexually assaulted," He said quietly. "And I spent more time with him than you... and then... we sort of drifted apart. I pretty much told you to stay out of my life... But Matt – one of our boys – pointed out that I shouldn't leave you. He made me see how much I lo- how much I love you." He had to stop there, his breath hitching. He didn't say anything for a few minutes. He then carried on talking.

"We came out here on a date. It was sort of a make up date..." He said, looking down at the ground now. "I brought you to Paris to make it up to you, and then last night... Last night I ended up getting a little carried away..." Tears were building up. He didn't want to tell Light this, but he knew he would have to. "You told me to stop...and I couldn't..." Tears were falling again. "You got very clingy after that and then I got locked in the bathroom... you ended up running around looking for me and probably got arrested or something, because after I got out of the bathroom, the phone rang... it was the police, about you..." Light found himself pulling L against him instinctively, as if the need to comfort L was second nature even if he didn't remember it mentally. He had listened to L's story carefully and was grateful when L didn't press him to talk straight away even if Light knew he should. From L's reactions he knew that the other hadn't been making the story up so Light very quickly began to analyse every word. He didn't even notice when he began to rock L gently in his arms, or when he began to run his hand up and down L's arm softly.

"Thankyou for being patient with me," Light said about ten minutes later and he looked down at L with a sad expression. "I'm sorry, but none of that sounds familiar to me at all, so I will have to go off you said and what I think I would have done…" Light paused again thinking before he murmured "… I really, truly loved you didn't I." It was a rhetorical question and he continued with only the slightest of pauses. "About the police they acted for my safety. At first they thought I was drugged or something. When they tried to bring me in I caused a bit of a struggle and that was the reasons for the cuffs and the cell. It was because they were worried I would injure myself and you know the rest…" L nodded, leaning against Light, sobbing lightly. He couldn't believe it. Light...Light was gone. He wasn't the same person anymore, he didn't remember. It was like he was a shell of who he'd been.

He didn't remember L. Clutching tightly to his boyfriend, L allowed himself to cry, mourning for the loss of his memories, of their time together. He wanted to wake up, to have the last twelve hours not to have happened, to have been a dream. He wanted nothing more than to be back on the Eiffel tower with Light, holding onto him like they had been, with the fireworks, the romantic air. He wanted Light back. But he had to be strong. He had Light, in a way, and he had to make sure he was alright, make sure that he was going to remember, or if he didn't, he'd give them more memories to share.

"I'm sorry," He sobbed against Light, for his actions last night, for the loss of his memories, for the thoughts that were running through his head. He already knew he was going to stay with Light. While this man didn't have Light's memories, he was fundamentally the same man, he had the same personality, the same looks, the same everything.

Except he didn't love L.

"You did. You loved me very much. And I love you." He found himself sobbing again. "I'll always love you. The first and the last, my only."

"Thankyou," Light replied, his filled with bitterness towards himself. "I wish… I wish so badly that I could remember, even the smallest thing of you but…" Light took in a shaky breath… It seemed so wrong that L was crying. A small look of concentration appeared on his face and he breathed in again. "…Your scent… it seems so familiar…"

"You chose my shampoo..." L said quietly, sniffing slightly. He'd stopped sobbing now, but the tears were still falling. Oh how he wanted his Light back. He found himself gently stroking Light's chest in a loving manner before standing. "It's okay... take your time. Maybe when we get back, something'll make you remember." He forced a smile onto his face. He had to be brave for Light. "I'm gonna call our boys, tell them what happened so it won't be so much of a shock when we get back...I'll call your parents too..." Oh how pissed was Soichiro going to be?

"I promised them I'd take care of you..." He said regretfully, "And less than a day later, you get your head smashed in so far that you can't remember a thing..."

"You think dad will be bad… Mum will be so much worse," Light groaned, before wiping L's tears away with a steady hand.

"You remember them?" L asked, pausing with his eyes wide. He couldn't help but feel slightly jealous. The man could remember his parents but not him?

"I'm sorry… but…" Light paused; he thought that L had understood. Obviously he hadn't. "… The only thing I don't remember is anything relating to you…" Light bit his lip anxiously. Scared at how L would take the news. He didn't remember anything of the man from before now but he already knew that he hated seeing him cry. L felt his insides freeze. He stood there, shocked, barely able to breathe. This was his punishment. For doing that to Light. It must be. Slowly, he started breathing again and nodded.

"O-Okay..." His voice was trembling now. "I-I understand..." He felt like his whole world had come crumbling down around him. But he didn't want to cry in front of Light again. He turned on his heel and walked to the bathroom, closing, but not locking the door behind him (he'd learned that lesson already). Once in the bathroom, he found himself curling into a corner, holding his knees to his chest and letting his tears out again. Light didn't remember him. He remembered everything else...but not him...

He couldn't help but feel like his whole world was gone, like everything that he ever needed had been ripped away from him, torn like a solitary piece of paper. But he knew that this wouldn't change anything for him. He was still going to stay with Light, to make new memories with him. He was still going to be there for him. Through thick and thin. Till death to you part. Light watched as the man tore himself from Light's arms and leave the room. A near silent _'L, don't leave me'_ echoed through his mind and without pausing to question why he had referred to Ryuzaki as L raced after him. Standing beside the door Light opened it a crack so L could hear him.

"L, I swear… I swear I will do whatever it takes to try and remember, but please can you try to remember that you're not the only one who is scared by this… I'm scared," Light admitted, letting his fear run into his voice. The door was opened and a tearful L looked at Light.

"You- you called me L..." he said quietly. "What's my name...?" He wanted to know if Light remembered that one fact. That one fact that had been the decider of life and death. The two words that had convinced him like nothing else that this man wasn't going to kill him. He took a shaky breath, an almost-sob and continued to look at the other man. "What's my name?" He asked again, almost hysterical.

"I d-don't remember…" Light stuttered sounding almost as upset as L did. "I just … I just remembered telling you not to leave me… nothing else."

"I won't- I won't leave you..." L said slowly. He felt what little hope he had built up shatter into a thousand pieces. He put his head in his hands and took a few deep breaths. "You're gonna have to... just give me a little time to adjust...okay?" He asked slowly, lifting his head and looking at Light. "I'm sorry about reacting this way..." he added quietly.

"I know you won't, it's just that was what I remembered," Light replied and felt like kicking himself again. "Don't apologise either, it's not your fault. Anyway I think we both need sometime to adjust to this. I will give you some time alone now; you probably have some things you need to think about," Light murmured and turned to leave. But L grabbed his sleeve, holding him there. He didn't look at him, just held him so he couldn't leave.

"Don't- don't go," He said softly. "We should... we should go back..." He could feel another panic attack coming on, and told himself to breathe deeply. "We should pack...and get to the airport. I can have the jet ready in half an hour." He was talking slowly, trying to control his heart rate. Having a panic attack in front of Light as he was now would likely be a bad thing, but he also knew he didn't want him going away.

"Ok, I'll stay," Light replied soothingly, turning back to face L, smiling gently. "I just thought that you… but if you want me to stay then there is no where else I would rather be." L let his grip on Light's sleeve fall and put his hand to his chest, trying harder to slow down his heart rate. He went to sit on the bed, taking deep breaths. He managed to look up at Light and smile softly before having to close his eyes to concentrate. Light followed after L and lay down on the bed behind him and waited for the other to calm down. While Light waited he tried to fill in the gaps his memory had inconveniently placed. After several minutes, L was calmed down. He took another deep breath before turning around to Light and smiling sheepishly.

"Sorry," he mumbled, before lying next to him. He put his head on his chest and gently started tracing patterns on his chest. "We once said that we'd spend a whole day like this," He said quietly. "Just... lying together, safe in each others arms..." Light wrapped an arm around L's waist and pulled him closer.

"I can see why. This is… nice," Light whispered. L closed his eyes. For a minute, just for a minute, he could pretend that everything was alright. He allowed himself to relax against Light.

"I know you don't remember it, but we were really close..." He said softly. "You were the only person I told things... the only one who knew certain things about me... The only one who knew my real name, where I was born. The only person to know me for who I am, and not just because of my world status..."

"Thankyou for trusting me so much," Light murmured and wrapped his other arm around L, securely. "I'm sorry that I'm hurting you."

"It's not your fault..." L said with certainty. "It's mine...for not stopping when you told me to..." He tried to make himself smaller after saying that. He couldn't believe what he had done to the other. "It's probably better that you've forgotten..." he added quietly.

"I know I can't properly forgive you now that I don't even remember it but I want you to know that I would have."

"No!" L shook his head, "You shouldn't. I raped you!" He pulled away from Light, looking down at him. "You told me to stop, and I didn't! You should kill me!" He shook his head. "I broke the law, I hurt you. I deserve a heart attack," He added quietly. He went over to his suitcase and pulled something out. He threw it over to Light along with a pen. It didn't touch Light, but landed next to him. It was the Death Note. "L.A.W.L.I.E.T L. L Lawliet. Write it down. Kill me for what I've done."

"_NO! NO! NO! NO!"_ Light screamed, his hands covering his ears. _"I WOULD HAVE STOPPED YOU… I WOULD HAVE STOPPED YOU IF I DIDN'T WANT YOU… NO! STOP TELLING TO KILL YOU… I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE! DON'T LEAVE ME… YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME DON'T YOU…?" _Light was panting hard and tears streamed down his face as he let words flow from his lips… words from his heart, unrestrained by the lack of memories in his head.

"I don't want to leave you!" L protested, "I did a bad thing Light! You don't remember, but I hurt you. I hurt you really bad. And I can't do anything enough to make up for it!" He was sobbing again now. "I hurt the person I love the most, don't I deserve to die? Don't I deserve Kira's wrath?" He collapsed to the ground now, holding his head as he cried.

"You're being stupid. You, of all people know that people know that Kira was wrong." Light shot back and knelt down in front of L. "I clung to you because I probably knew that if I didn't hold on to you as tightly as I could I would never get you back and I was right wasn't I? All it took was me to lose my memories for you to try and make me kill you," Light spat furiously. "Do you have the slightest clue as to what that will do to me? That doesn't matter to you does it? The only thing that matters is that you feel guilty."

"You don't know what you're talking about Light, you don't understand." And that was when it hit him. Light had no memory of being Kira. Of course he wouldn't. If he had no memory of L, then he wouldn't remember Kira, since Kira's goal in life was to kill L.

"Kira may have been wrong. But I fell in love with him," L said, his voice stronger than he felt. "I fell in love with him, I changed him. And he gave me that book." He shook his head. "I hurt you – and you don't remember it. I'm not the sort of person that can forget about what I did to you. By all rights, you should kill me. So why don't you? I promise you that I won't let you get stranded here. You have nothing to lose." His voice was quiet – broken. He'd stopped crying, stopped showing all emotion now. He was looking directly into Light's eyes, showing him everything through his own. Light's expression was absolute fury now and he slapped L hard across the face.

"How dare you! I will lose _YOU_ is what I will lose. My head doesn't remember you, but that doesn't mean my heart doesn't and right now it feels like you are stabbing it repeatedly," Light cried. "Damn it L. Why couldn't you just try to make it up to me? Why do you have to over react every single damn time? Why can't I let myself get upset for once without having to convince you that…" Light froze. He had absolutely no idea where all that all came from. Light picked up the note book and walked into the kitchen with it. Leaving the pen on the bed. Opening a drawer Light pulled out a box of matches and a large tray and taking all of them out onto the balcony set fire to the book. Ignoring L completely as he worked. L was still on the ground, sobbing. He didn't even seem to realize that Light had moved until he saw him pick up the book. Horror filled him as he thought that maybe Light would remember; maybe he would become Kira again. When he left the pen behind, L frowned. He stood and followed Light, leaning against the balcony.

"L-Light?" He asked, trembling and still crying. He felt guilty now, guilty for reacting like this, guilty for what he'd done to Light, guilty because he'd asked Light to take his life.

"It's gone now… It's gone! It's gone, it's gone!" Light repeated childishly. "It's gone and you can never ask me to hurt you again." L walked over to Light and pulled him into a hug, looking at the blue flames on the balcony.

"It's all gone..." he said softly. He stayed there for a few seconds before looking at Light. "How- how are your memories...?"

"Just as gone as before," Light replied tiredly and leant against L. "Please don't get me to do anything like that again." After a second, L nodded, holding himself against Light.

"Let's...let's go back to Japan..." He said after a moment. "I'll call Watari and have the plane ready..."

"Ok, but promise me first," Light said stubbornly. L remained silent, looking down at the ground. He didn't want to make a promise he couldn't keep. He quietly bit his lip.

"Let's go back to Japan..."

"NO! How hard is it to make a promise to not ask me to hurt slash kill you?" Light demanded.

"I promise never to ask that of you," L said, a tear leaking from his eye. He figured if things got too bad, he could always do it himself. He put his arms around himself and sighed. Why couldn't anything be perfect for more than a few seconds?

"Light. I love you. And I'm sorry I asked you to do that," He said after a moment to calm himself down. "I'm sorry I hurt you the way I did, and I'm sorry that I'm being so selfish. From now on, I don't matter to me. You do. Only you."

"L how on Earth did you become the world's greatest detective?" Light muttered sounding annoyed. "Since you're suddenly so keen on having everything spelled out for you, I will. Now repeat after me. I am precious so I must do my best to stay happy and healthy so my fiancé doesn't have to worry about me constantly even if they chose to anyway." L looked at Light and let out a small laugh. He shook his head and took Light's hand.

"It's okay Light." He said softly, "I became the worlds best detective because I wasn't distracted by social interaction. I'm not used to having to give a damn about myself. But I'll try. I'm learning." He pulled Light's arm gently, leading him into the room. "We have a few things to pack. I'll call Watari and get the plane ready." He let go of Light's hand to go to the bedside table, where his cell phone was sat. He picked it up and smiled at Light before dialling a number. Light practically growled.

"Say it." L hung up the phone and sighed. He repeated what Light had said in a bored tone before picking the phone back up. He spoke briefly to Watari before hanging the phone up again. Rolling his eyes he started packing.

"Happy now? Even when you can't remember me, you still have all this power over me."

"Like hell I do," Light yelled. "You say that like you expect me to believe a word you just said."

"Light," L put his things down and moved to Light. He took his hands and put them close to his mouth. Kissing them once, he pulled away far enough to speak. "I would never lie to you." His words were truthful, they were serious. "I can promise you that much. I would NEVER lie to you."

"It's not really a lie if it is painfully that you don't mean what you said," Light replied, looking L straight in the eyes as he spoke.

"I am precious so I must do my best to stay happy and healthy so my fiancé doesn't have to worry about me constantly even if they chose to anyway." L said with utmost seriousness. He was thankful for his good memory that allowed him to remember the words perfectly. "I mean that. If my believing in that is what makes you happy, then I will believe in it with all of my heart." He gave Light's hands a brief squeeze before kissing them again. Light beamed, his skin tingling from the soft kisses that L had placed so delicately against his flesh. Light squeezed L's hand happily.

"Ok, let's go." Nodding, L kept a hold of one of his hands as they packed. This made it slightly harder to do so, but eventually they were all packed and ready to go. "We'll go down and check out now. Make sure you have everything."

"Yep, I do as far as I remember," Light joked as they left the room for the last time.

"Well if you've forgotten anything, we can get it again." He shrugged. They made their way out of the building, checking out along the way. There was a limo waiting for them and L pulled Light inside. He hoped that this would bring some memories back to Light. Light just smiled and relaxed into the very comfortable seats of the limousine. After a moment he yawned loudly, a hand rising to cover his open mouth.

"I'm really tired," Light said after a moment and at that moment his eyes became heavy as if to add to the statement. L nodded and smiled softly.

"Just see if you can't stay awake for another ten minutes, then we'll be on the plane." He didn't want to have to wake Light to get on the plane. Light nodded, his eyes blinking frequently as he tried to stay awake. He leant his head on a curled fist, nuzzling it in an almost kittenish manner. He didn't look out the window once. L smiled softly at him. Soon they were at the airstrip. L leapt out of his side and went around the car. He opened Light's side and took his hand. "C'mon." He said with a smile, pulling Light towards the plane. "Once we're on board, you can sleep." Light stumbled forward, allowing L to lead him onto the plan, holding L's hand tightly in his, but remained silent. Once on board the plane, L led Light to a seat and pushed him gently into it. "You sleep now," He said with a smile, gently stroking his forehead.

"Mmhmmm…" Light murmured in agreement and his eyes closed gently and he was asleep within a minute of closing his eyes. After five minutes of watching Light sleep, L stood. Smiling at the other, he gently covered him with a blanket before moving to the cockpit. He sat next to Watari, glad to be in his company. Right now, he needed someone who knew at least a little about him. If L had turned around though he would have seen Light unconsciously reach out to him before sinking back into a troubled sleep. After a while of sitting in silence with Watari, L felt a little more relaxed. "I told him things... I told him things that not even you know... I told him things – and it made us closer... and now that's all gone..." His tone was sad. He was in mourning.

Watari sighed, "Just give him time, that's all you can really do for him right now. He probably hasn't mentioned, but you were his first male lover and he doesn't remember you so…" Watari trailed off, hoping L would get the hint. Biting his lip, L nodded, curling further in on himself. It was a sign of insecurity when he curled up on himself and bit his thumb.

"I know... I want to give him time... but it's so hard... He's Light... but he's... not..." he took a deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly. "All I want to do is throw my arms around him, kiss him, hold him close and never let go. But I don't want to scare him away..." He brought his hands up to cover his face, tears falling. "I don't know what to do."

"Just think of it this way, you have the chance to show him everything you feel for him, but this time you can do it right. Take it slow and he will come back to you and may love you even more." Looking over at the young man he smiled softly, "eventually everything will work out. Just be patient." L nodded, sniffing slightly. He uncurled himself and wiped his face with his sleeve before standing.

"Thank you Watari..." He said with a small smile. He walked back into the section with Light in it. He lay on the seat next to him and looked at him. He placed his hand against his cheek smiling softly at him. "I love you..." he said quietly, not wanting to wake the other. He gently stroked the skin under his fingers. "I really do..." His fingers pulled away and he just lay there watching Light sleep. A gentle smile crossed over Light's face as he slept.

"Ryu-zaki…" Light mumbled. L felt his heart break. It was painful to watch Light not remember – to not know who he was. He saw a small red spot in Light's hair and moved closer to inspect it. It was a small round wound, dried over. He figured that must have been where he got hurt. He pulled his hand away and sighed softly. "I wish you could remember. But I'll help you out... I'll stay with you, and I'll try and make you remember."

"…Love…you…" Even in the depths of sleep and part of his memory missing Light still reached out to comfort his L. Shuffling closer Light's hand lifted up again for a moment before falling again. L smiled softly.

"I love you too." He took Light's hand in his own and lay down watching Light. He decided to stay there through out the whole flight if he had to, just to watch Light sleep, to be there for him. But then he remembered something.

**So what do you think? How weel do you think L is handling Light's amnesia? Thanks for reading. **


	19. Pleasure Points

**Sorry I haven't posted any chapters in a while. It's just I had some problems with how I wrote Light so I wasn't really planning on continuing to post. I hope you all like it anyway. Thanks if you are still reading.**

Pulling his phone out of his pocket with his free hand, he dialled Matt's phone, realizing that he was most likely to be answered. He spoke to the boy, explaining about Light's memory loss, and asking him to tell the other boys. He then hung up and called Light's parents. This wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to.

"Hello." He said when the phone was answered. "This is L... I have some news about Light..." Fortunately for L it was Sachiko and not her husband who answered.

"Hello dear, what's happened?" She asked calmly.

"There was an...incident..." L said softly. "I'm afraid Light has hit his head. He lost some of his memory..." He spoke calmly into the phone, explaining things. "He doesn't remember anything to do with me. He remembers his family, but not... not me. I just thought that I should explain his to you, so you're not so shocked..."

Sachiko gasped. "Oh, I am so sorry. This must be so hard on you. Light is ok otherwise isn't he?" Sachiko replied comfortingly.

"Yeah... He's fine. He's sleeping right now...it's been a long day..." L said softly into the phone. "I'm sorry. You allow me to take Light, and the very next day I call you with this...I'm sorry."

"There is no need for you to be," Sachiko murmured, brushing off the apology. "I can see how much you care for my son so I know you would do anything to keep him from harm. Unfortunately these things happen. You try and get some rest too. Take care of yourself. Light will need you over the next little while even if he doesn't know it himself."

"Thank you Yagami-san," L said with a small smile. "I must let you get back to your business now," He said, "Good-bye." He hung up the phone and turned back to Light. "Your mother doesn't blame me..." He said quietly, "You don't blame me; Watari doesn't blame me... so why do I still blame me...?" He said quietly, not really talking to Light, more to himself.

"'cause you always blame you…" Light murmured his eyes still closed. After a moment they opened a fraction and he continued speaking. "…stop being stubborn 'bout this."

"Stubborn?" He asked softly, looking at Light. He was glad that he was awake and he smiled softly at him. "I can't help but feeling like it's my fault... If it wasn't for what I did last night, you wouldn't have run away. You would've stayed. You wouldn't have hit your head... You would still remember." He was speaking calmly, truly believing what he was saying.

"Maybe the start was your fault but the rest wasn't," Light replied and tired, cocky grin slowly formed on his face and he stretched his shirt riding up to show off a small flash of smooth, tan skin. "Though I am starting to believe it wasn't your fault for the first thing either, I'm just that irresistible," Light joked. L licked his lips, having noticed the skin showing.

"That you are," He said softly, looking at Light's face. He smiled at him and gently leaned forward and stroked Light's face affectionately. "You really are. You're my lucky catch," He joked softly, laughing slightly. He found himself leaning forward for a kiss, but pulled back with a jerk, having noticed what he was doing. He smiled softly, "Sorry." He mumbled, flushing. He wanted to wait a little while, until Light was ready before he kissed him. Light's eyes had glazed over slightly as though L had left him spellbound and his hand reached up to grasp L's shirt, tugging the man forwards so that their lips could meet. Light's other hand trembled as it pressed softly to L's face, holding it there. His caramel eyes were left open though as he watched to see what L would do.

L sighed into the kiss. He couldn't help it. He kissed him back with all the passion he had. After a short while, he pulled away and smiled at Light. Though he'd had no intention of doing that for a while yet, he was glad that Light had kissed him. He didn't know what else to say, so he just stayed with a smile. Light face flushed and he panted softly. He couldn't remember participating in such an incredible kiss before and his trembling fingers rose to touch his still tingling lips. The blush was made greater as he thought that if L was that good a kisser what he would have been like in bed… Finding himself chuckling at Light's reaction, L leaned back against his seat.

"You always seemed to enjoy kissing," he said, "Personally, that's something I hope never changes," He said softly, looking at his lap. "But don't do anything you're not comfortable with, I'm not going to push you..."

"If you keep kissing me like that, then I very much doubt that it will," Light murmured and moved so that he could curl up against L. "L, I promise that I won't do anything I'm not comfortable with, if that's what makes you happy."

L smiled softly, "I just don't want you to be hurt," He said softly. He put his arm around Light and pulled him closer. "I don't ever want to hurt you again." He stroked his hair softly and smiled at him. Light nuzzled gently against L's chest.

"I trust you," he replied simply and sincerely. Though he didn't believe that Light should think that, L didn't say anything about it. He smiled softly and sighed contently. "Let's sleep – the trip is quite long."

"Ok," Light replied and yawned quietly and closed his eyes. L closed his eyes and joined Light into sleep.

By the time he woke up again, the plane was landing. Smiling softly, L gently shook Light.

"We're landing." He said to him. Light seemed determined not to wake up though and nuzzled L again, letting out a soft purr like sound. Laughing softly, L shook him a little more. "Liiiiiggggghhhhhtttt... We're in Japan..." He stroked his hair softly before shaking him again. After that didn't work again, he kissed him, hoping that that would work better. Light pressed back into the kiss for a moment, before snuggling back into L's arms and not moving. L sighed softly, more than a little amused. "Light, you really gotta get up... Or else Watari will have to carry you." Light grumbled something about L being comfy and that L should carry him but got up anyway. Laughing slightly sat up and looked at Light. "Morning sunshine," He said leaning forward to gently press his closed lips against Light's before pulling back. "C'mon. The plane's landed."

Light glared with mock annoyance, a pout on his lips before following L off the plane not speaking. After they got out of the airport, there was another limo waiting for them. L led Light to it, allowing the hired help to take care of the bags.

"I should drop by the head quarters to see the boys, and then we'll go see your parents. Is that okay?" He asked with a smile. "They know what happened, so they won't be confused if you don't remember them."

"I remember them alright," Light sighed and then let out a groan. "Sayu will be freaking impossible though. She will start comparing it to a cheesy romance story that she has read at some point or another… or more likely a movie staring Ryuga Hideki." L laughed slightly.

"It doesn't help that you introduced me as Ryuga," He said with a grin. He sat in the limo and made Light beside him. "I explained things to your mother, she'll explain to Sayu. I'm just worried about Near... He'll understand, but he'll... He was getting close to you. You were breaking through his syndrome..." He smiled softly. "You're probably the first person that he's ever really talked to." Light beamed back.

"Then I guess it's a good thing that the only thing I have forgotten about him is his relationship to you. The others are more blurry as I was around you while with them, but my time with Near is still ok as you were never around then and I just focused on him." Light took L's hand in his, looking to see how well they entwined. "I'm really glad that he is getting close to me though. I would hate to be cut off from people like that."

L nodded, "He can't help it, and I've been trying to get him involved with people but... Mello doesn't want anything to do with him, and Matt pretty much stays with Mello..."

"I know and I will try to be there for him. I won't forget Mello, but I think Matt will probably keep him busy enough," Light replied and chuckled. Smiling softly, L nodded.

"Thank you." He said. He was a little jealous that Light could remember everyone aside from himself, but he was glad that Light was remembering at least his family. "I wish you could remember me..." he said quietly. Light's smile turned sad and he lifted his free hand to stroke L's cheek.

"So do I." Smiling softly, L leaned into the touch. The limo came to a stop and L got out. He grinned at Light and held out his hand for him. They were at the building that L had had built. Light took L's hand and shuffled out of the car, once he was out though he quickly pressed a quick kiss to L's lips before tugging the male after him and into the building. A little dazed, L paused for a second before smiling and following the other. When they got inside, he moved them to the elevator, pressing the button for Matt's and Mello's room.

"We'll talk to them first, then Near."

"Ok," Light replied smirking and using the few seconds of privacy to his advantage Light kissed L again, loving the dazed expression on his face before pulling back. "You know, you're right. I do like kissing you," Light said in a teasing voice. L moved closer to Light and kissed him again, quite passionately again. He pulled back and grinned at Light.

"I love you." He said softly. Light paused for barely a brief instant and smiled.

"I love you too," he replied and then door to the elevator opened. Taking Light's hand in his own, L pulled Light out of the elevator and towards the bedroom and knocked on the door.

"Are you two here? Decent?" he asked.

"You say that as if you expect us to be otherwise," Matt called back in a mock hurt voice.

"You never know," L said, pushing the door open. "I've had people walk in on me and Light before. Figured I'm never going to do that to someone else," He said with a smile, remembering when Matsuda had walked in on them. Matt sighed, Mello's arms firmly wrapped around his waist as Matt played his hand held game.

"Well as you can see, have been reduced from lover to… _teddy bear_," Matt replied as if teddy bear was a dirty thing and Light snickered. Mello mumbled something from under the blankets and shifted slightly. He was sleeping, but the noise was slowly waking him up. He was curled around Matt, holding him tightly. L didn't get it.

"We haven't done much more than snuggle in ages," Matt grumbled quietly, reaching a hand down to stroke Mello's hair tenderly in complete contrast to his words.

"He needs to know you're there for him right now," He said with a smile. He looked down at the sleeping boy and smiled sadly.

"I am there for him, I'm always there for him, but it is hard to protect him from what's in his head," Matt murmured and returned to playing his game.

"Nightmares?" L asked, sitting on the bed and running his own hand through Mello's hair. "There's not really much you can do for that..." Silently, in his head, he added _'at least he remembers you.'_

"Not really, it's more the silences while he's awake…" Matt trailed off and Light frowned sympathetically. Mello mumbled something before rolling over and opening his eyes. He saw everyone around, but didn't say anything. Just stayed holding onto Matt.

L smiled at him. "Morning sunshine..." he said with a small smile. Mello just nodded. Mello mumbled something before rolling over and opening his eyes. He saw everyone around, but didn't say anything. Just stayed holding onto Matt.

"How are you feeling?" Matt asked quietly and put down his game to embrace his love, before pressing a soft kiss to his head. Mello just 'hmmed'. He moved slightly to sit behind Matt, pulling him against his chest. He leaned forward to softly kiss Matt's neck before putting his head down on his shoulder. He leaned as close as he could to Matt, his legs wrapped around his waist.

L frowned slightly, "Mello... Can you talk to me...?" Mello just held Matt closer and shook his head. Matt sighed and shrugged apologetically, his arms entwining with Mello's. L moved forward slightly to gently place his hand on Mello's head, gently stroking through his hair.

"Mello... are you okay?" He asked, "Please talk to me..." Mello lifted his head and looked at L. "..." He opened his mouth as if he was going to speak but then just pulled Matt closer.

"'m 'k." He managed to say before burying his head back on Matt's shoulder.

"Mells it's ok…" Matt whispered soothingly. L stood and looked at Light.

"Shall we?" He asked quietly. Mello looked up at Light and blinked a few times. "You remember?" he asked quietly.

Light smiled back sadly, "Everything but L."

"Your mind forgets. But your heart doesn't," He said before burying his head in Matt's shoulder again. He didn't say anything else. L bit his lip and looked at Light.

"Let's leave them for a while," Light said turning to look at L and taking his hand. L took Light's hand and smiled at Matt and Mello before leaving the room. Once on the elevator, L leaned against the wall and covered his face with his hands. He thought that Mello was going to be okay. He'd been okay when they'd left. It was his fault, if he'd been able to find Mello earlier...

He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Hey, Mello will be ok. It will just take a while," Light said calmly taking L's hands softly in his.

"I know...but..." L looked at Light, leaning on his shoulder. "I'm sorry," He mumbled, "It's just hard seeing him like that. He's usually so... vocal..." Dropping L's hands, Light lifted his arms to wrap around L and kissed L's cheek gently.

"Come on, we still have one more to visit," Light murmured, "We'll have to talk about this more when we get to our room. The elevator opened again and this time Light steered L to where he knew Near would be at this time. Near was in the middle of constructing a white puzzle and as expected Light went and sat beside him and silently began to assist. Near had obviously been expecting him as it was the 1000 piece and Light waited for Near to speak. L sat down beside the two, silently watching. He didn't help with the puzzle, but instead, just watched the pair. Near looked up from the puzzle, only when it was completed. He looked to Light and smiled very slightly.

"Do you remember?" He asked, curious as to how much Light remembered. Light smiled back, the pain beginning to fade from his eyes.

"I remember everything, but L and seeing as how we spent most of our time together while L was not around I remember it all," Light explained. Near frowned for a moment.

"Something happened that caused your subconscious to not want to remember L," He said calmly. "Perhaps if you were to revisit what it was that happened, your memories would return." L became pale, extremely pale. He didn't want to go back there, he didn't want to have to do that to Light again. He was smart enough to figure out what it was that had Light wanting to forget.

"It's not that simple…" Light replied quietly and reached his hand out to stroke L's. "We will have to think of some other way to get my memories back." Near watched Light and L before nodding.

"I believe that will be the most effective way. When you have a fear, you have to address it before you can get over it." He said, reaching down to the completed puzzle and holding it upside down so the pieces fell out. "I believe that that is how you must address this problem. However, I will attempt to think of something else. Perhaps a psychiatrist..." He shrugged and went back to his puzzle, falling silent again. L looked at the hand that Light was gently stroking and took it tighter before letting go and standing.

"I'll... I'm... I'll be back..." He muttered, going to the elevator. Once there, he pressed the button for the roof. He didn't know why he was running, but he knew that he didn't want to go through what had happened before. He didn't want to make Light relive that. As far as L was concerned, it was better for him not to remember him at all than to remember that. When he got to the roof, he left the elevator and stood in his favourite spot. The one where he could see everything in Tokyo. Rain was falling, it was pouring down, but L didn't care. He didn't care that he was getting soaked. All he cared about was forgetting, letting his mind go blank. In the back of his mind, he could hear the sound of bells, maybe from a church... They were soothing to listen to.

L found himself closing his eyes, his head tilted up slightly to look at the heavens as they opened up to drench him with the tears from the sky. Everything had gone so wrong, so very wrong, so very fast. Mello... avoiding Light... the incident in Paris... Light's memories... L felt like it would be hard to go back to normal. What is normal anyway? A part of his mind asked. Light had watched L leave but knew he needed to explain to Near first.

"It isn't my fear that would prevent us using that option, but L's. To do that again would be his worst nightmare…" Light said calmly, his eyes stuck to the door. "I will be back soon, but he… Excuse me." Turning to give Near a slight smile Light raced off in the direction L had headed. The rain was a welcome reprieve, the water droplets hiding the tears that were cascading down his face, creating a mask that could hide his face, forever disguising the emotions that played across his features. L kept his face raised, wondering what he should do. There was no way that he was going to 'relive' the experience... A psychiatrist would likely be a good step forward, but would Light agree? The money wouldn't be a problem, and L could easily take Light to the best – no matter where that would be.

"I thought I would find you here," Light called from behind L and without hesitating stepped out into the icy rain and walked towards L. L looked over at Light, a hand to his ear. He hadn't heard what the other had said. But he was coming closer now, and L stood back up, his shoulders still curled like normal. He didn't bother hiding the tears that were building, or even the ones that were falling. Instead, he re-tilted his head to look at the sky.

"Can you hear the bells?" He asked Light.

"No, I can't," Light replied puzzled and wrapped his arms around L shivering slightly. "How can you stand to be out here? It's freezing."

"Sounds like it could be a church... maybe a wedding... or a funeral..." L didn't seem to be listening to Light. But he leaned against the male, his arms wrapping around the others. "Have you ever lied to anyone?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, but there aren't many who can honestly say they haven't," Light admitted. L leaned against him.

"Have you ever lied to someone you love?" He asked quietly. He didn't actually know where he was going with this. But he found himself asking.

"Yes," Light replied, guilt edging his voice.

"Have you ever lied to me...?" L didn't know why he was asking, he trusted Light.

"I don't remember…" Light replied helplessly. L sighed and nodded.

"Of course you don't." He turned around in his arms and leaned against him. "What do we do?" he asked quietly, placing his head on Light's chest, his arms around his waist. "How can I help you? Do you want to remember?"

"…I don't know…" Light murmured with a look of confusion. "On one hand I want to remember, but the other half is scared that it would be better for me to remain ignorant." The rain was still falling, soaking them both. After a moment, L pulled away and took Light's hand, leading him back under shelter.

"We should get changed." He mumbled.

"Yeah," Light agreed, staring at his feet. L retrieved some towels that he'd stashed earlier and put one on his head, pushing the other towards Light. He then picked up another and sat in front of him. He started drying Light's feet. "I can throw in a massage if you'd like." Light smiled and used his towel to dry L's hair and leant down and kissed L's cheek.

"If you want," Light replied, returning to the task he had set himself. L nodded, smiling softly up at Light. He started massaging his feet, knowing the place where he could press down for that specific reaction. He knew that pressing on the arch would cause a reaction in the groin area. He knew that if he pressed hard, he could get him to orgasm with no other touches. He smiled softly and looked at Light, waiting to see if he'd done it right. Light moaned loudly, his fists clenched and his face flushed but he held on. Swallowing harshly, Light eyes narrowed with suspicion. "You knew that would happen didn't you," He accused as he panted from arousal.

"Did it work?" L asked with a small smirk, pressing down again on the same place. He then leaned up to kiss him deeply. Pulling back, he continued to massage the feet

"Lllll…" Light cried, unable to hold back release this time. Looking frustrated Light pulled his feet away from L's hands and stood up.

L looked at Light. "I'm sorry," He mumbled, standing. He looked to Light and smiled softly. "I wanted... to make you feel good," He said softly. Only now did he realize that Light might not have wanted that from someone he basically didn't know. Light let out a harsh breath.

"It's ok, it's just you were only touching my feet and I…" Light looked at L almost helplessly.

"It was supposed to do that..." L said softly. He reached out and gently stroked Light's forehead. "Should we go get changed?" He asked softly, smirking a little.

"Mhmmm…" Light mumbled distractedly and a small grin crossed his face as he drew L to him, needing to taste those lips, his hand sinking into L's hair to keep him there. L moaned softly, leaning into Light's touch. His arms went around his waist, reaching down and gently squeezing his ass, pulling him closer. Light felt his body clench slightly in pleasure and mewled loudly into the kiss. His free hand travelled down to cup L's hand pushing it closer as he deepened the kiss. After a second, L pulled away and looked at Light. Grinning, he stroked his hair again and looked at him.

"C'mon. We can't do this here."

"I guess not," Light replied with an equally large grin and took L's hand. L led them towards the elevator and pushed him towards the wall. He thrust him into the wall and attached his lips to the others. Light returned the kiss with an eagerness he could not remember ever feeling before, soft pants escaped as he pressed back against L's body that seemed to scorch his own despite the wet clothing they both wore. After a moment, L pulled away, panting. He smiled at Light and pulled away completely.

"I don't... you don't... we... shouldn't." He sighed and shook his head. "I'd feel bad doing much more with you when you can't remember." He said softly.

"L, if I wanted you to stop I would make you stop," Light said teasingly, though his eyes were serious as he stared deep into L's own.

"I...I can't..." L said softly and shook his head. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Just...give it time," He said softly. He looked at Light and gently stroked his chin. "Making out is good though." He mumbled and leaned closer, kissing him again. "And I'm good with feet," he said softly with a smirk.

"Ok, I just wanted you to know you weren't forcing me and not to feel bad." Light smiled softly as he spoke, "Making out is _very_ good, but there is no way in hell I am letting you do that to my feet again."

"You didn't like it...?" L asked with raised eyebrows and smirked slightly. He kissed Light deeply again. He pressed against him. "I didn't even go as hard as I could have..." Light returned the kiss patiently before speaking.

"I just didn't like the idea of orgasming like that with so little stimulation." This had L completely confused.

"It didn't feel good?" He asked, stroking his hand down Light's chest. He smiled softly. "I mean... I heard that when you get touched like that it's better than going the long way..." He was genuinely puzzled. "You really didn't like it?"

"That's the thing… It felt _too_ good and I very much doubt it would be preferable to…" Light leant forward to press his lips to L's as if to finish his sentence. L leaned into the kiss. He pulled back and smiled softly.

"So you don't want me to do it again?" He asked. The elevator dinged and he pulled out of Light's arm, dragging him by the hand to the bedroom. He pushed him onto the bed and straddled him. Facing his feet. He took one and gently ran a finger down it.

"Are you sure you don't want me to do it again?" He asked, rubbing his butt over Light's crotch.

"I am… extremely sure that I… Uhhhhhh… Never want you to get … mmmm-me off by using the pressure p-points in my feet again…" Light replied stuttering as his own moans broke up his sentence. L turned over and continued to grind his butt on Light's crotch. He leaned forward and kissed him deeply.

"Too bad," He mumbled against his mouth, "Because the look on your face was priceless." He mumbled kissing him again.

"Nnngnnnn…" Light groaned, returning the kisses hungrily, the friction while delicious was not enough and the word 'tease' lingered at the back of his throat. L leaned closer and kissed him. He pulled back and looked at him.

"I love you," he said softly, "I really do." Then he moved closer and kissed him again, this time sweetly, lovingly. His hand came down to gently caress Light's crotch. He pulled back and looked at Light before opening his trousers. He smiled softly and leaned forward to gently lick Light's member. Light had moaned loudly at the first tentative lick. The first feel of L's warm wet tongue on him. L leaned closer and took Light into his mouth, sucking gently on the long organ in his mouth, as if it was a chocolate lollypop. He hummed slightly, running his tongue on the underside. At the same time, his hands were caressing his ass. Light cried out again as the pleasure grew and he fought hard not to thrust into that tempting warmth.

"L… Please?" Light begged, not entirely sure what he was asking for though. L looked up at Light and hummed a little more. He squeezed Light's ass again before removing his hand. It went around to his balls and fondled them a little. Moaning louder, Light's back arched off the bed, his eyes squeezed shut and he wasn't sure how much longer he could handle such bliss. Humming louder, L sucked him some more, bobbing his head slightly as he fondled his balls some more. He wanted to talk, but it wouldn't be possible with him in his mouth.

"So… close…" Light murmured loud enough for L to hear. Light's breath was coming out in harsh pants and his hands clutched at the sheets beneath him. L continued his movements, stroking Light's abdomen with his free hand. He hummed louder and clamped his throat around Light, trying to give him more friction. He started to move faster, holding back his gag reflex as Light's member touched the back of his throat. Letting go, he all but shrieked L's name as he came fiercely into L's awaiting mouth, his body clenching and relaxing as he his muscled spasmed with his release. Swallowing it all, L gave a few more sucks before pulling back. He wiped his mouth and smiled at Light.

"You prefer it that way?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Very much so," Light replied cheekily though he didn't bother to say what he would prefer more. He didn't think L was ready for that yet. L leaned up and kissed Light deeply.

"Take off the rest of your clothes. You'll get sick if you stay in wet clothes," He said, standing and stripping himself. He moved to the closet and grabbed a few sets of clothes. He threw some at Light before lying down in the bed and watching Light. "We'll rest for a while, and then we'll go see your family." Light sighed and watched L undress and waited till L was watching him to undress the rest of the way, slowly. Picking up the towel, Light dried off the rest of his body before dressing. L smiled softly and watched Light. When Light had finished dressing, L pulled them into his arms and held him. "Go to sleep." He said softly, stroking his forehead softly. Light snuggled closer to L, to his warmth, to his scent and his eyes slid shut almost as if they had never been open. Once L was completely sure that Light was asleep, he climbed out of the bed to return to the roof. By now, the rain had stopped, and he sat there watching the sun set. It had been a long day. He looked at the sky and sighed softly. "Happy birthday L." He mumbled under his breath. Back in the room, Light had curled up into a ball, a frown on his face as he slept.

**Thanks to everyone who has read this far and have reviewed. I will try to remember to update more often.**


	20. Cure for Memory Loss

**I guess this isn't much of a Christmas present, but at least it's an update. Hope you enjoy. Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays!**

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It was a few hours later that L returned to the room. He looked at Light and smiled at him softly. He couldn't help it, he loved him, so much. Sighing sadly he turned to the kitchen. The fridge was his next destination. He looked inside and pulled a cake out. He looked at it pulled a fork from the draw. Sitting at the counter, he started eating the cake. Light's face hadn't relaxed during his slumber, only became more distressed. His legs were clutched tightly to his chest and his forehead rested on his knees as he near silent whimpers became more pronounced. Hearing a sound from the bedroom, L frowned. He picked up his cake and headed to the bedroom. Placing the cake down gently on the bed side table, he turned to Light and pulled him close, into a hug.

"Hey," He said quietly, holding him closer. "What's wrong love...?" He asked. Light released a slow breath and his face relaxed into a pacified sleeping face and Light unconsciously snuggled closer. L sighed sadly. It seemed that Light's subconsciousness still remembered everything that had happened. L held Light closer, comforting the beauty in his arms. "It's okay," He whispered, "I'm here for you. Always."

"I know…" Light murmured is a slow tired voice that made it clear he was still asleep. "I'll let go now…"

"No, it's okay." Truth be told, L didn't mind snuggling up to Light. He quite liked the warmth and security that it provided. "I don't mind holding you..."

"I won't hurt anymore," Light promised as if not hearing L, holding him as close as ever though.

"I know. I'll make sure of it," L reassured the other, holding him to his chest and gently stroking his hair. "I'll take care of you love..." As L spoke Light's eyes opened as he looked at L happily.

"I love you."

"I love you too," L said with a small smile. He still stroked his hair, trying to comfort him. "You okay?" He asked, smiling softly. He adjusted their positions slightly so that he could retrieve his cake and eat some. "Would you like some?" He asked. There was blue icing on it, only parts of words able to be seen. 'ppy rthda'. Light looked at the letters for a moment then his horror filled eyes looked up at L then at the cake and then L.

"I am so, so sorry. I can't believe… I didn't mean to… You should have told me… I'm sorry… Happy birthday…" Light said in a rush.

"It's okay." L said with some amusement. "How were you supposed to remember if you don't even remember me?" He asked. He kissed Light's forehead. "Don't sweat." He took another forkful of his cake and looked at Light. "So do you want some...?" He asked, offering Light the sweet food. Light smiled gratefully and leant forward to take the fork in his mouth, pulling the fork out he swallowed.

"Thankyou."

Smiling at Light, L nodded, He leaned against the headboard, holding Light to his chest. He ate some more of his cake before offering more to Light. As he let Light take the bite, he kissed Light's neck, sucking on the sensitive spot gently. Light moaned quietly, leaning back against L's chest. After a second L pulled back and smiled softly. He started to gently massage Light's back.

"You want to go see your parents tonight or tomorrow?" He asked with a smile. He started to push a little harder, digging a little deeper into the muscles, attempting to make them relax, make him feel good.

"Tomorrow," Light murmured, purring slightly, his eyes falling shut. L leaned forward and kissed Light deeply before laying them down. He held Light to his chest and readied himself for another night of no sleep. He had to watch over Light.

"Go to sleep..." He said softly, "I'll stay here." Light nodded and closed his eyes. He slept peacefully.

It was a long night for L. Most of the time, he didn't sleep, but around about dawn, he found himself drifting off slightly. He was curled around Light, having changed positions in the middle of the night. His head was now on Light's shoulder, and his arms around his waist. Their legs were intertwined.

After about half an hour of sleeping, L found himself waking up again. It was twenty minutes later that he finally let his tears fall. So much had happened so fast. He felt like he'd lost Light, and now, that loss was finally coming out. He was happy that Light was still there, but he was like a shell of his previous self. He acted the same but...

Memories weren't that important...were they? Still, L had decided to stay strong for Light, so he did. It was only when he knew that Light wasn't awake did he let himself cry, let those feelings out. Still, he didn't sob. It was only tears leaking from his face. Having slept so much before Light woke easily now and he cradled L against his chest as the man cried. L allowed himself to sob now, curling into Light's arms. He clutched onto the man and cried for dear life.

"I love you." He cried out, "I love you. I'm sorry." He started to sob more, shuddering and shaking.

"It's ok, I love you, will always love you," Light murmured and stroked L's hair.

"How can you know? How do you remember?" He asked, still sobbing. "You don't remember me, how can you love me?"

"I can't explain it," Light whispered and pressed his lips to L's forehead. "My mind may forget but my heart never will." L was still crying this made him worse. He relaxed against Light and slowly calmed down.

"I love you." He continued to repeat, "I love you," he kept saying it like a mantra, like it was the only thing keeping him going.

"Shhhh… It's ok, I'm here. I love you too," Light said quietly, rocking L gently in his arms.

"I'm sorry," L said after a moment, sniffing slightly. He lay against him, completely relaxed in his arms. "I'm sorry," he mumbled again. "You don't need me to break down on you..." He started to pull away, drying his arms.

"It's ok, I would rather have you cry in my arms than cry alone," Light whispered and cupped L's face in his hand. L's chin was trembling as he looked at Light.

"You don't have to... you don't have to say things like that," He said with a slight laugh. He wiped his eyes and put on another brave smile. "Sorry, I woke you up..."

"I say things like that because that's how I feel and I know you need to hear it. Personally I think you have turned me into a sap," Light said jokingly. Shaking his head, L leaned closer to Light.

"Sorry." He apologized again, joking also. Or rather, he made it sound like he was joking. "Sometimes..." He said a little more seriously, "Sometimes, it seems like you really do remember me...then other times... other times it's like you're not really there anymore..." He said softly. He paused for a second and then shook his head. "I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise please," Light requested softly and moved in to press a gentle kiss to L's lips. It was just a press of lips on lips and Light prayed that it conveyed everything that he should be saying. L kissed Light back, licking at his lips slightly to try and get them open. After a moment though, he pulled away and looked at Light. "I just wish that you could remember me..." He said quietly.

"I know," Light said, unsure of what he could do or say that would help ease L's pain. L clutched close to Light.

"I just... I want you back... I miss you..." He realized that this was insensitive, and that he was likely hurting Light's feelings with what he was saying. But it was the truth.

Light's eyes narrowed, "I'm sorry my subconscious is so determined to forget. Clearly it isn't me you miss since I am here in your arms; you make me feel like the one you loved was a completely different person. If you truly think that way then I apologise for trying to take the place of your missing love."

"No. That's not...that's not what I meant..." L sat up and dug his heels into his eyes. He shook his head as he spoke. "You're you. You're still the you that I fell in love with... but you're not... you're not completely you." He ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry..." He said softly, turning to look at Light. "It's you that I love. I just wish you could remember. You knew me like nobody else, and now...now you don't even remember me..." He felt rather pathetic, looking much the way he was feeling. "I'm sorry," He said softly, standing. He walked to the window and looked out. "I know... I know I should be more supportive than this..." he sighed and leaned against the window, half looking at Light. "I'm sorry," He repeated, "I'm trying... I guess I'm just... not good enough."

"I know you're trying, but you make me feel so helpless. I don't know what to do. I want to remember you so that you will be happy again. I can't stand seeing you hurt so much. I can't remember though," Light stared at the hands in his lap. L turned around, leaning his back against the wall. He slid down it and watched Light.

"I don't know how to help you... I can... I can take you to the best... the best in the world. Psychiatrist I mean..." He said softly. "I don't know what to do to help you." He mumbled. He looked at Light his eyes wide and trusting. "Just tell me how to help you, and I'll do it... No matter what it is, no matter how much it costs, no matter what – I'll do anything for you."

"Just love me, please…" Light murmured and curled up on himself.

"You don't even need to ask for that," L said softly, "I'll always love you." He stood and came to sit on the bed. He sat down next to Light and looked to him. He put his hand on Light's face, on either side of his face. "You're the light of my life, you're my everything. I'll always love you." He leaned forward and gently kissed him. "For now and forever." Light pressed back into the kiss, tears in his eyes, but couldn't ask for the one thing he needed. L pulled out of the kiss and looked at Light. He saw the tears in his eyes and looked apologetic. "What is it?" He asked.

"You are my everything too…" Light murmured.

"That's not it..." He said softly, "There's something else bothering you." He gently stroked Light's cheeks, almost leaning forward to kiss him again, but he didn't. He waited for his reaction.

"I can't… You…" Light stammered tilting his head forward to rest his forehead on L's.

"Light... I would do anything for you. Don't be afraid to ask." He said quietly, looking at Light, "Never be afraid to ask me for something." He smiled softly and kissed Light softly. "Ask away."

"That's the thing, it is the only thing you won't give me or at least I'm sure enough that I won't ask," Light replied, eyes glistening.

"Light..." L pulled away slightly to look at him. "Even if I don't want to do it. I will." He had a nervous feeling in his stomach, he could figure out what it was that Light was going to ask. He didn't want to do it, but he was going to. For Light. Light swallowed and wiped his eyes before his gaze met L's.

"I want..." He paused, his throat clenching, stomach twisting nervously, "… I want you to make love to me. I need to have a memory of it."

Swallowing, L nodded. "I will... so long... so long as you promise me that you'll take control. You'll keep in control. Don't let me... don't let me hurt you again," He said softly.

"What do you mean?" Light asked confused.

"I want you to be on top. I want you to take the lead, and to pull back when you want to. I don't want to... I don't want to rape you again..." He said quietly. He didn't mind sleeping with Light, actually, that was a great idea, but he didn't want to do what he'd done before.

"No," Light said shortly. There was no hesitation in his voice as spoke.

"...N..No?" L asked, confused. "What...what do you mean? Don't you want to do it anymore?" He was very confused by now.

"I said that I want _you_ to make love to _me_," Light said emphatically.

"Light... I'm afraid that I'll hurt you again, that I won't be able to stop if you want me to..." He said quietly, looking down at the ground. "I don't ever want to do that..."

"L, I'm scared too and that's why I need you to do this for me," Light pleaded. L kissed Light then, deeply. Tears were still falling from his eyes and he pushed him down into the bed. He started to strip the other, his hands gently pressing into the skin as he did so. He was going to do this, and he was going to make Light enjoy it. Once Light was naked, he started removing his own clothes. Now they were both naked and L leaned forward and kissed him deeply, gently caressing his skin. He tweaked with Light's nipples as his other hand went down to gently caress his member.

"Are... are you sure about this..." L asked, pulling back slightly.

"Yes," Light said quietly. "But I don't want you to be crying. I want you to enjoy this, but if you are truly not ready then we can wait." L shook his head, leaning forward to kiss Light deeply.

"I want to... I'm just afraid," He said softly. "Don't be afraid to hit me if you don't want to carry on... if I don't stop," He said softly. Kissing Light deeply, he stroked his hair, his other hand still caressing his member. Light relaxed, returning the kiss and wrapping his arms around L's neck, moaning softly. After a moment, L pulled out of the kiss to look down at Light, desire in his eyes. He reached down to gently lick the male's member before taking him in for a little while. He pulled back then sucked on three of his fingers. He gently placed one in, moving it around as he leaned back down to take Light back into his mouth, trying to distract him from the feeling. Soon, he placed a second finger in and moving them both around. He began to scissor them as he sucked a little harder before adding a third. Once he was fully stretched, he pulled out completely, removing his mouth to look up at Light. "You're sure...?" He asked breathlessly.

"Never been more…" Light said breathlessly, finding himself entranced by the lust in L's eyes. Moaning softly, L positioned himself at Light's entrance and thrust in, slowly at first. He was making sure that Light was comfortable. He paused when he was all the way in, waiting for Light to be ready for him to move. There was pain, but that was only to be expected. He squeezed down on L gently to signal that he could move, his legs wrapping around the man in an attempt to get even closer. Moaning deeply, L began to move closer, thrusting in before pulling out. Soon, he had a rhythm, going in and out. He moved his hand to jerk Light off in time with his thrusts. He leaned over Light, panting deeply. He leaned over to kiss him deeply. "I love you," He panted into his ear.

"I love you… ahhhh… too… nghnnn…" Light cried, his body shuddering and his chest heaving as he panted but that didn't stop the mewls or moans or Light from pulling L down closer to him, his fingers running across L's back. L started moving faster, getting caught up in the sensations. He loved the sounds Light was making. He pumped Light's member faster, pulling out of the kiss to nibble on his neck.

"Light..." He moaned, "Light... come for me..."

Almost as if by command Light did so, screaming "Llllllll…" as he came hard across his and L's stomachs, his muscles spasming around L and his arms and legs tightened around L. L also cried out when the muscles tightened around him. He came hard into Light, moaning deeply. Panting, he opened his eyes and pulled out to fall and lay beside Light.

"I love you," he whispered, "Any memories surface?" He asked. Light closed his eyes and concentrated… only to blush horribly.

"Only about a dozen images of us in different states of doing what we just did…"Light mumbled. "…But that was it." L sighed softly and nodded. He'd expected that somewhat.

"We'll have to try something else to get your memories back," He said quietly, snuggling up to Light. He gently licked the skin on Light's chest, where his head was next to. He couldn't gather enough strength to move to lick anywhere else, but he loved the taste of that sweaty skin. "Like I said before, I can take you to psychiatrist if you'd like." He mumbled softly, leaning closer to gently suck on the skin in front of him. Meanwhile, his hand was gently tracing patterns on his stomach, barely touching it. "I'm willing to try nearly anything... I don't think I'd like to do Near's idea though... I don't think you'd like us to either." He shuddered a little, remembering how he'd taken Light against his will. That was something he never wanted to go through again. Even though, deep down in his heart, he was afraid that it would. Light moaned softly at L's gentle touches and the feel of L's lips on him. The small of his back ached pleasantly though and his hands flowed over L's shoulders.

"I don't really like Near's idea either," Light whispered.

"Good." L nodded slightly, intent on sucking on Light's skin. He pulled back a little and blushed slightly at the purple mark that was there. He gently ran his tongue over it again before moving up very slightly to work on a new piece of skin. His hands were still tracing patterns softly, slowly making their way down past Light's navel. L didn't even seem to realize what he was doing to Light. "Because I don't ever want to hurt you like that again..." He mumbled against his skin. Oh god how he loved that skin. "Light..." He mumbled softly, regretfully pulling away from the delicious skin. "What are we going to do?" He asked quietly.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Light panted, face flushed. L sighed and leaned against Light.

"What are we going to do...about your memories, how're we going to try to get them back... _are_ we going to try anything else?"

"I don't know…" Light replied softly and pressed his lips to L's head. "Thankyou though, I know you were scared about losing control again."

L nodded, "I'd do anything for you." He said quietly, "And I didn't lose control." He added with a small smile. He gently pushed Light down and straddled him. He looked at Light and leaned down. He kissed him deeply, "Even if you wanted me to do what I don't want to," He said softly, "I don't want to do what I did before..." He assured him, leaning down to kiss him again.

"And you didn't. You were incredible," Light whispered kissing L back. Lifting his hand, Light stroked L's face softly, "My L… my beautiful L…" Smiling he leant forward and pressed his lips to L's in a lingering kiss. L kissed him back.

"I love you." He whispered, pulling back slightly. He smiled at Light, kissing his neck softly, his hands on either side of his chest so that he could keep above Light without completely squishing him. Light purred quietly and nuzzled L's head.

"I love you too, so much…" Light replied with wonder written on his face. L pulled back and sat on Light's stomach, smiling tiredly.

"Tomorrow, we'll go see your parents. Then we'll see if we can find some way to help you."

"Ok," Light replied, his head falling to the side as he simply watched his lover. L lay next to Light and sighed softly. He was exhausted.

"Shall we sleep now?" He asked with a soft smile. He didn't want to sleep if Light wasn't going to. He needed to sleep with Light – that was the only way he could sleep well.

"Are you tired my love?" Light replied with a soft smile.

"Exhausted." L answered honestly. He closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, relaxing completely against Light. "But I can't sleep unless you do too."

"Ok," Light replied gently and curled up close to L. "Then let's sleep…" Light let his eyes close though he wasn't very tired himself. Finding himself relaxing completely, L closed his eyes and leaned against Light. Within a few seconds, he was sleeping, feeling completely safe and secure. He knew that Light wouldn't let him get hurt during his night. Still, he couldn't help his dreams from attacking him.

Once L was asleep, Light climbed out of bed and walked into the adjoining bathroom, closing the door behind him on the off chance L woke. As he neared the mirror his eyes fixed on the marks littering his body and frowned. He had never expected that he would end up with another man, and L of all people. Without thinking his fingers to touch the marks on his skin before flinching as his fingers grazed the still damp skin. He still couldn't remember L, but if those memories were anything to go by, then this definitely wasn't the first time he had placed himself entirely in L's hands. Unlike what he said to L, however, the memories were far from reassuring and he was only thankful that he was such a good actor. Here with L, he had never felt more terrified in his life.

Thinking of that reminded Light of the dull ache at the base of his spine and he squashed the brief spark of shame. He needed to do that or else he wouldn't be able to convince L to stay with him and then he would never find out what happened to him. That didn't stop him from grabbing a washer and wiping himself down, his breathing becoming heavier as he worked before calming himself down again. He could do this and so far it didn't seem like L suspected anything. Taking a few calming breaths he rinsed the washer and left the bathroom and got back into bed. He felt too awake now though, instead settling down to watch L sleep.

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**Umm, so yeah this wasn't the happiest chapter, but at least it's an update right? Anyway thanks for reading.**


	21. The Sweet Game

**Ok I know there isn't really an excuse for taking so long to update, especially when I already have so many chapters pre-written, however recently my laptop has become a complete disaster and I absolutely hate it and spend only as much time using it as I have to. I also have been caught up in watching and reading Star Trek and so I have only just started reading Death Note fanfics again, thanks to a rather awesome fanfic author who has recently started posting again. **

**Warning this story will contain dub-con scenarios if you didn't get that from the previous chapter. Yeah a bit late with that. Sorry.**

* * *

Several hours later, L started twitching and then thrashing around in his sleep. The nightmare began as a normal, nice, safe, fun sex dream, between him and Light, when suddenly, Light grew tentacles and things got a little nasty. Scared for his life and sanity, L found himself attacking Light in his sleep, eventually drawing a knife and –

He woke up with a scream. Light's arms were around L in an instant. He had never been asleep to begin with and he sat up, rocking L gently to try and soothe the man. He pressed his lips to every inch of L's face, whispering sweet nothings and just held L tightly. Bile rising in his throat as he attempted to comfort the man who had placed everything so entirely out of Light's control. L opened his eyes and pushed away from Light, terrified. He pushed away far enough to be able to take his shoulders in his hands, looking at the other up and down, checking for any injuries or tentacles. As soon as he saw that Light was fine and tentacle free, he leaned closer to him, clutching at him and breathing deeply.

"You're okay..." he whispered, panting, shaking, "You're okay..."

"Yes I am, my love, I'm fine," Light said, stroking L's hair softly. L couldn't stop the sigh of relief as he moved closer to Light and held him tightly.

"No tentacles..." He whispered to himself. Light choked back a harsh laugh at L's words, not trusting himself to speak as he continued to stroke L's head and back. Sighing softly, L leaned against Light. "I apologise." He said softly. "We can go back to sleep if you want."

"How are you feeling?" Light asked gently.

"Freaked." L admitted truthfully. "Random dream." He mumbled. "But I think I know what we have to do to get your memories back. And I don't want to. I really don't want to." Tears began to fall then.

"Then you don't have to. I won't make you do anything that would hurt you in the slightest way…" Light paused, struggling to force out the lie, though he wasn't sure what part he was lying about. "…I don't want to remember," Light said decisively. L nodded at the first comment, but shook his head at the second.

"You'll always be curious." He said quietly, "And I'll always miss what we already had. Because we can build new memories, but we'll never be the same as we were before. Did you know you were Kira? Did you know that I refused to convict you?" He knew it was probably not the best thing to use as an example. "Did you know that when we first got together, there were three days where we barely left the bedroom...or bathroom as it was..."

"I may be curious, but I would prefer that to the alternative… I'm sorry," Light said, unable to think of a response to the rest of L's words, and thankful that L couldn't see the expression in his eyes. As his anger grew he wanted nothing more than to shove the man away, but L was right, he would be curious and so he stayed. He wanted a shower… Alone.

L nodded. "I understand." He said softly, almost sadly. He did understand, and he agreed. He smiled a little at Light and nodded. "I can live with that..." He said, "It'll be a new experience, we'll be different, but it's okay. Because it's still you and me."

"L, you don't understand, but I… I don't think I will be able to hold on this time," Light said honestly, adding a stammer in an attempt to sound frightened rather than disgusted, before adding, "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me but…" He swallowed hard.

"What are you saying?" L had this sinking feeling that Light wanted to break up, that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to hold onto what they had. Still, he managed to keep his voice steady.

"Think about it L, if this triggers my memory I will be dealing with two rape like situations rather than one," Light said shaking slightly. "I already lost my memory of you after the first time. I'm scared as to what will happen to me if I have to deal with more…" L nodded, his heart rate calming down. He'd jumped to a conclusion, he was glad that he was wrong.

"I know. I'm not going to force you into anything. Never again." He smiled softly, a little shakily, "If you don't want to remember, I'm not going to make you. But I promise you that I'll stand by you, no matter what. I'll always be here for you. And if you don't remember, we'll just make new memories. And I can fill in the blanks. I'll tell you things if you need to know them." But he was trembling. It was official; he was losing a part of Light – part of his soul. But he'd adapt.

"L, I'm just scared that if I remember you will lose me completely…" Light said, letting go of L in favour of getting up and pacing, unable to stand the smell of sex that still lingered. He didn't even notice L's trembling as his own as his own got so bad. He felt sick. He felt like running but wanted to stay… He just needed to do something but he didn't know what, so he walked faster.

"Light..." L watched Light, "It's alright," He said softly, "Please... calm down. I'm not going to make you remember." He had tears in his eyes, but he didn't cry, he didn't sob. He reached his arm out, as if he was going to catch Light's arm and pull him back to bed – but he didn't touch him. Just stretched his hand out.

"But I'm _hurting_ you!" Light cried, burying his face in his hands as his energy fled him and he fell to the floor. L jumped off the bed and sat beside Light, pulling him into his arms.

"No. No you're not. I'm sad that I'm losing a part of you, but I still have _you_. So it doesn't matter that much. It's _alright,_ because _I love you_." He clutched onto Light tightly, burying his head in Light's shoulder. "And no loss of memories is going to change that, alright?"

"You are hurting, don't lie," Light replied almost childishly. Light was so confused. The sick feeling hadn't abated, but it was joined now with a sense of uselessness that was far worse.

"Yes, I am, but my point is it's going to be alright. I just want you to be happy. That's it. That's all I ever want." He held Light closer, wrapping his legs around the other too. "Please... you just need to be happy."

"But I want you to be happy," Light mumbled making himself to lean into L, hoping that L would finally start trying to hold onto whatever it was they had so that it wouldn't be so hard to pretend. That he would need to keep forcing himself like this.

"I will be," L said softly, "It'll just take me a little time to adapt," He said quietly. "It's fine..." He pulled back slightly. He smiled softly at Light. "I'm a little sad that you won't remember what I showed you back in France... I showed you my house... my birthplace... and my mother's grave." Silence fell for a moment and Light heard a small whisper. The answer to a question he hadn't asked.

"She fell didn't she? She pushed you away from the edge and she fell…" Light whispered stunned. L pulled away to look at Light, his eyes wide. His hands were on Light's shoulders and he was staring at him.

"You- you remember that?" He said his voice thick and hopeful. Regardless of his words before, he really did want Light to remember. Light tried to hide the frightened look in his eyes.

"Ye-yeah... Of course… you were so upset," Light stammered as the whispers continued.

L nodded, "You- you held me. You made it better." He stammered. "And then... then I showed you my bedroom..." Light's flared in amusement though fear could still be read in them as he received new information.

"You had an L poster and glow in the dark stickers," Light passed on. L nodded, tearing up, holding Light close to his chest.

"You're remembering!" He was crying softly against him, so happy. "After that, we went up the tower, Eiffel tower..." He wanted to know how much he could get him to remember. Light smiled, as though glad that he was making L so happy but his every instinct was being it to stop before he remembered everything.

"…The view from the tower at night is amazing, but not as much as you," Light whispered. Each word brought a new emotion to his mind and his mind whirled as the two sides of him clashed. L held Light closer, gently pulling away before pushing Light down onto the ground. He was straddling Light now, leaning down to kiss him deeply. There were tears falling down his face from his closed eyes as he pressed closer. He was so happy, he loved Light so much. Light returned the kiss eager to escape the conflict for a moment. It looked like he would get that reprieve after all. Leaning closer to Light, L deepened the kiss, pulling back far enough to kiss Light's neck.

"I love you," He said against that skin, the skin he loved so much. His hands went under Light's shirt, gently stroking the skin beneath. The fact that Light seemed to be remembering was a good enough reason for him to want to celebrate, right? Light closed his eyes as he forced himself to moan softly at L's actions.

"I love you too…" Light repeated and leant his head to the side to give L more access. Softly tweaking Light's nipples beneath his fingers, he pulled back to quickly make sure that every piece of clothing was gone from them both. He leaned down and kissed Light again, deeper, while his fingers running down his soft skin, down his chest and past his navel, gently taking Light's member in his hand. He pulled back slightly and looked at Light, smiling softly.

"Stop me now if you don't want to do anything..."

Light growled softly and tugged L back into a kiss. "Oh I want…" He murmured against L's lips and kissed L again. "… I really want…" Hand on L's shoulder Light pulled L down closer to him, his mouth firmly attached to L's. L leaned closer to Light, his hand moving on the others. He pulled back and licked his way down Light's chest, paying particular attention to his nipples before making his way down to the navel, fucking it with his tongue for a moment before moving further down to kiss his lower stomach. He then moved even further down and licked Light's member, looking up at him with a smirk.

"You want what... exactly?" He asked. Light moaned loudly, his eyes falling to half mast as he stared at L.

"I want you," Light replied with the slightest hint of hesitation, his eyes glowing now.

L gently licked his member again and smirked softly, "Oh... What exactly do you want to do with me?"

Light returned the smirk and purred, "It's more what I want you to do with me."

"And what's that?" L asked, licking Light again, paying special heed to the slit on the head. Light moaned louder, his back lifting off the ground slightly. With a teasing smile on his face Light replied.

"Guess."

"Hmm... Well... I think what you really want..." He leaned up to kiss Light, and then pulled back, "Is for me to respect your dignity and leave you alone." He teased. Light's mouth fell open before he regained his composure and he glared. It was bad enough that he had to allow this to happen to him at all, let alone have to spell it out each time, but Light knew if he tried to have it any other way he wouldn't be able to go through with it. It was easier to convince himself that he didn't want it if he was the one taking it.

"If you suggest that again I can and will hit you…" Light threatened. "How does 'I want you' translate to 'leave me alone'?" Light asked pulling L back to him. L smirked, leaning forward to kiss Light.

"I'm just teasing you." He said with a grin.

"I know," Light replied. "…but my threat still stands" Laughing lightly, L returned to his position between Light's knees. He leaned down and once again licked the other male. He then smirked at the other before leaning down and taking his member into his mouth, relaxing his throat and leaning all the way down until his nose was nuzzled in the dark hair. Light was completely sheathed. Swallowing slightly to get used to the feel, and making sure to keep his throat relaxed in order to prevent his gag reflex. He then started to hum a little as he slowly pulled up and pushed back down. Light gasped, moaning and tried hard to resist push deep into that moist heat, while part of him attempted to pull away. To prevent that side from taking over Light's hands dug into L's hair and he mewled softly. L pulled back a little, his teeth scraping slightly on Light's member. He then dunked his head back down, faster this time, taking Light all the way in. His member touched the back of his throat, and he had to pause for a moment to make sure he didn't gag. But then he kept moving, his tongue tracing random patterns on the underside of Light's member while he hummed a random melody. One hand moved forward to start playing with Light's balls, while the other held his hip down.

"Ughhhh… c-close… nghnnnn… but wrong-mmmmm…"Light groaned panting, still feeling like he had too much control in the situation. L pulled back, frowning slightly. He allowed Light to recover some of his breath before asking. "What's wrong?" He asked softly, lovingly.

"Your answer… You haven't guessed correctly…" Light panted, a smug smirk on his face.

"Well I wouldn't have to guess if you just tell me..." L pointed out, leaning back down to lick a trail up Light's stomach and chest, up his neck and then to push his tongue into Light's mouth. He kissed him for a few seconds and pulled back very slightly, smirking at Light, his lips twitching at the feel of L's tongue on his body. "So tell me what it is you want, or I'll just keep making my own choice... You said you want me... want me to do what...?" He pulled back to sit on his knees. "Did you want me to put on a show for you?" He asked, running his hands down his chest, slowly. He reached his own member and gave it a tug. His eyes closed and he let out a small moan. Really, he'd been paying all his attention on Light, he needed to be touched too. Light pushed L's hand away and tutted.

"Really L, I expected better. The answer is staring at you right in the face and you can't even see it," Light murmured. "Let's go over the hints shall we? I want you… I want you to do something with _me_ rather than me with _you_… I don't want you to give me a _blow job_… I don't want a _show_… and I definitely don't want you to leave me alone." Moving forwards Light captured L's lips with his own, his hand cupping L's neck as he kissed L heatedly. "I'm waiting…" L laughed, he really was enjoying himself. He'd known what Light was asking from the beginning, but this was just so much fun. He smiled as he leaned into another kiss. Then he got up, and held out his hand for Light. If they were going to do that, there was no way in hell he was going to do it to Light on the hard floor. No, he was going to give it to him on the bed. While leading Light to the bed, he opened the bedside draw and pulled out a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs. "Well...shall we have some fun with these?"

"K-inky..." Light replied laughing, hoping L didn't see him flinch or hear the stutter.

L snorted, "Please, you think this is kinky, you should see what I've been reading." He then leaned forward and kissed Light deeply. "You once told me to do some actual research before this sort of thing... so I did." He then took Light's hands and cuffed them to the bed. He then pulled away and leaned into the draw again, pulling out some chocolate flavoured lube. Blushing a little he shrugged. "Thought this could be useful..."

"L, I love you…" Light declared laughing trying to relax completely again, but the tension didn't quite leave his eyes. "I am curious as to what you have learnt during this research of yours."

"Well... some of the stuff you won't be interested in, but there are things like... well... I've learned how to give the best orgasm..." He admitted, "But you won't like the build up." He teased. "You just saw one of the things I learned... When we first got together, I couldn't take you all the way into my mouth like that..." He leaned over and kissed Light deeply before pulling away. "I also taught how to tease." As he was saying that, his fingers were tracing a pattern on his inner thigh, his stomach, and his hip, but completely missing his member. "How to have you begging for more..."

"Oh, so you like me begging do you…" Light whispered seductively. L smirked but didn't answer.

"What would you say to a little game...?" he asked. By now, he'd completely forgotten why they were doing this in the first place, but it was alright, because everything was alright now.

"What type of game?" Light asked suspicious. L leaned forward and spoke in Light's ear.

"A sweet game..."

"Sounds interesting," Light replied softly. L smirked and pulled away. He reached into the draw and pulled out a scarf. He tied it around Light's eyes, blindfolding him.

"I'll be right back..." He said with a smirk. "You just stay right there." Light closed his eyes and waited. The throbbing between his legs seemed to grow more and more insistent as he no longer had anything to distract him from it, and he was partially thankful that despite his disgust he still seemed to be reacting normally, the rest of him felt sick. When L returned, he gently stroked something down Light's stomach as he dribbled something warm (but not hot) into Light's navel. He then dipped what ever it was that was on his chest in the syrup and placed it by Light's mouth.

"Tell me what it is..." He said in a sensual voice.

Light moaned softly as though in pleasure, but his dislike of sweets only made him want to rinse his mouth out. "It's chocolate sauce, but something else too," Light replied after a moment, his senses heightened by the lack of sight.

"Strawberries and chocolate sauce." L corrected, pushing the strawberry to Light's mouth, allowing him to take a bite. Light did so, tasting the sweetness of the fruit that tasted slightly bitter after the chocolate sauce, a small bit of juice dribbled out though and down his chin. L leaned forward and licked up the juice, ending up with his mouth on Light's, his tongue inside. He put the strawberry aside and pulled something else out. He brushed it down Light's stomach and dipped it into the chocolate sauce before bringing it up again. Removing his mouth from Light's he put the stick of chocolate by his mouth. "What's this?"

"Chocolate?" Light guessed tentatively.

"Yep." L said with a nod and a smile. He then leaned down to lick down Light's body, his tongue going into the chocolate sauce and he licked his way back up. He then looked over to the plate to his side. He picked up a stick of pocky and moved it down his chest, dipping it in the sauce then moving it to Light's mouth. "And this one?" He asked as he moved his other hand to the chocolate sauce, covering three digits in it.

"Pocky and chocolate sauce?" Light replied laughing, hoping it didn't sound as strained as he thought it did. Joining in with the laugh, L nodded before saying yes.

"I'd use all my favourite foods, but Hawaiian pizza doesn't really work for this." He said with a smile, pushing his fingers towards Light's mouth. "Can you suck on these please." He asked good-naturedly. Light hesitated for a moment, realising what was coming and took the fingers into his mouth, sucking and licking them gently as he tried to coat them as well as he could. Once L was sure the fingers were coated, he pulled them out of Light's mouth and pushed one gently against Light's entrance. "I assume this is what you wanted," He said with a smirk before pushing his finger inside the other. He kissed him deeply before pulling away and lapping up the chocolate sauce that was on Light's stomach and chest. He then, after moving his finger around a little more, pulled it out and replaced it with two, just as he was leaning down to pull Light's member back into his mouth. His fingers were stretching Light as his mouth was pleasuring him. His other hand was on Light's hips, so when he pressed against his prostate, the other wouldn't force him to take too much in too fast. Light cried out in pleasure and as L had guessed he just pushed down harder on the fingers.

"Oh… yesssss…" Light hissed, relieved that it seemed L was going to leave on the blind fold, the terror from having both the handcuffs and the blind fold only making him feel more secure. Smirking, L pressed down on that spot again, taking more of Light into his mouth. After a moment, he pulled his head up, not wanting Light to release too soon. He continued to move his two fingers inside Light, but stretched to reach inside the bedside table. He pulled something out and put it over the base of Light's member. It squeezed slightly and was there to prevent him from releasing until L decided he could. Smirking again, L reached down to replaced his mouth on Light. He knew that the blindfold made everything even more sensual, that Light would be overwhelmed by feelings of pleasure. L removed his two fingers and replaced them with three, doing the final stage of prep. With one hand back on his hip, he made sure to press against the prostate with every thrust inwards. Light gasped before whimpering loudly as he felt his pleasure cut into by the band wrapped around him. His back arched off the bed as he cried out in pleasure.

Once the final preparations had been completed, L pulled his mouth away from Light's member. Taking the chocolate flavoured lube, he squirted some on his hand and coated his member. He then leaned closer to Light and pushed in slowly, his hands on Light's hips to guide him. Light's mouth opened in a silent scream, his legs instinctively pulling L closer, deeper. Moaning deeply at that, L moved closer to Light, his hand pumping Light like never before. He pulled out and pushed back in, making sure to hit Light's prostate as often, and with as much force as he could. He leaned forward to kiss Light deeply, all the while, pleasuring him as much as he could.

Light moved closer to L, cries and moans flowing from his lips as the pleasure grew towards the painful end. His face flushed as his breathing turned ragged as he tightened around L. Smirking, L knew that Light couldn't come. He wanted Light to have the best that he'd had, ever, and he knew this was how to do it. He leaned down and kissed Light, pausing the movement in his hips.

"Do you want to come Light?" He asked in a kinky voice. His hand was still stroking Light, playing with the tip and then fisting the shaft.

"YES!" Light cried begging, "PLEASE!" He didn't know how much more of this he could take, the pleasure or the revulsion. Smirking, L continued to move inside Light, his fingers still playing with Light's member. They moved further down the shaft, pausing at the end to remove the band. He then gave a few more strokes, pounding into his prostate at the same time. He was close himself, and he knew that Light coming would throw him over the edge. It only took a few seconds after the band was removed to bring Light to release. White light's flashed in front of his eyes and he screamed L's name, his legs clinging to the man tightly his body convulsing, rapidly tensing around L. This threw L over the edge. He moaned out Light's name. He rode out the last of his orgasm before pulling out and leaning over Light to undo the handcuffs and remove the blindfold. He then leaned closer to Light and lay against his chest, panting.

"I love you." He said with a smile, holding him closer. Light wrapped his arms around L, breathing heavily, needing to be close despite how it made him feel.

"I love you too," he whispered and held L tighter. Laughing a little, L leaned closer to Light. He was so tired, but he knew they needed to clean up.

"I gotta clean all the food and the ring..." He mumbled, attempting to get up to remove the sweet food. He managed to put it aside, on the bedside table (rather than on the bed where it would spill). He then went for the ring that had been around Light's member. It was covered in Light's seed, the white liquid was still warm. L couldn't be bothered taking it to a bathroom to clean it, but knew that it had to be cleaned after every use. So he stuck it in his mouth and started to suck on it, cleaning it with his tongue. Light gasped at the display, clenching the sheets tightly in his hands and couldn't prevent himself from looking away. L didn't even seem to notice Light's reaction. L continued to lick and suck at the black ring in his mouth. He found himself moaning softly at the taste. It was a strange way to taste it, making it slightly strange, but he liked it well enough.

"You are such a tease my love," Light murmured, fighting disgust and leaning close to kiss L's neck softly and down to L's shoulder. L leaned closer to Light, moaning softly. He pulled the rubber from his mouth and looked at Light.

"How- how am I a tease if I don't withhold sex?" He asked.

"You're a tease because had I seen anyone else do that it would have been disgusting, but you make it very _erotic_," Light continued to murmur, hoping that would mask his feelings and his attention still focused on L's neck. "You make many things very erotic in fact." L moaned softly, leaning against Light.

"Light... as much as I love you, and love it when we make love, I'm really tired." He said with a smile. "Please... stop turning me on..." He smiled softly and didn't make any move to pull away from the feeling on his neck.

"I know, I was just show you what you had been doing to me with your little display," Light whispered and pressed a finally kiss to L's neck before pulling away. Smiling softly, L curled up against Light, holding the black rubber ring above them so they could both see it.

"It needed cleaning. It's supposed to be cleaned after every use... but I couldn't be bothered moving to the bathroom." He pointed out, snuggling closer and letting his hand drop. He let his eyes close and a sigh escaped him. Light took the ring and got off the bed.

"I'll be right back," Light said cheerfully and walked into the adjoining bathroom, not bothering to get dressed and after washing himself down as quickly as possible and crawled back onto the bed. By the time Light returned, L was asleep. He was completely relaxed against the bed, spread over half the mattress. He turned slightly, curling a little closer to himself, his thumb finding its way to his mouth. He sighed contently. Not feeling tired despite his lack of sleep the night before, Light pulled a book out of the drawer and got under the covers to read for a while. After a short while, L turned so that he was closer to Light. He was resting his head on his arm now. A soft sigh escaped him and he slept on, his eyes rapidly moving under his eyelids. He was dreaming.

After a short time, L let out a small whimper. Light's head whipped around to look at L in an instant and putting his book down for a moment pulled the man into his arms, on hand stroking L's back. L was shuddering, turning his head back and forth, from side to side. He was mumbling under his breath, nothing that was able to be heard properly. He was trembling, shuddering and crying. Light panicked now and shook L, telling him to wake up. That what he was seeing wasn't happening. That it was a dream and L needed to wake up. Tears were leaking out of L's eyes and he was moaning in terror. He was hyperventilating, breathing as if he'd run a marathon. But he didn't wake up. Light took L's face in his hand gently and pressed soft kisses to it whilst begging L to wake up and held L tightly. After a short time, L's eyes flew open. He saw he was in Light's arms and he pulled away as fast as he could, terrified about something. He was trembling, and trying so hard to stay away. As soon as he was on the other side of the bed, he burst into tears.

"L? Love? Tell me what happened?" Light asked gently, moving to sit beside the crying man.

"No...no... please...no..." L moved away from Light again, shuffling so that he was slowly moving away from the other. "Please no... I don't want to ... I won't..."

"L, it's me, Light, I won't hurt you I promise," Light said soothingly not moving towards L.

"No...No you won't..." L was hyperventilating so much now he was close to passing out. He was now in a fully formed panic attack. A hand went to grip his chest, his heart was beating too fast and he was sure it was going to explode. "You won't... I'll hurt... I'll hurt you... NO!" He wasn't sobbing anymore, he couldn't, he was hyperventilating too much. "Please don't let me..."

"L calm down. I'm fine. You didn't hurt me. You won't hurt me. I trust you my love," Light continued firmly, hoping that would calm him. "Now you will calm down before you hurt yourself and if you make yourself pass out again I will be annoyed. I am fine." But L wasn't listening. He was trying hard to breathe now, and the hyperventilating was making him more panicked, causing him to hyperventilate even more. Quite soon, L's eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he slumped forward, passed out. His breathing was calming down and his heart rate slowing.

Light screamed in frustration. Spitting out curses in rapid fire and in multiple languages he set L up so his feet were raised. He only barely restrained himself from kicking the wall which had become a very attractive idea, but he threw his fury into pacing.

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**Hope your enjoying this so far, but I won't hold it against you if you don't review since it has taken me so long to update. **


	22. L Hates Parties

**Even though I really hate my laptop at the moment, because I delayed so long in updating I thought I might as well give you two instead of one.**

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After about five minutes, L was still unconscious. He was breathing normally now, but still, there was no movement from the male. By this time Light had started to calm down when he accidentally looked at L and was set off again. L remained unconscious for around another half an hour, before a soft moan escaped his lips and his eyes blinked open. He just lay there for a while, staring at the roof. Meanwhile Light was in the kitchen drinking lots and lots of very strong coffee.

When L sat up, he looked around for Light and didn't see him. His head was aching, killing him. He shuffled to the kitchen, rubbing the back of his head tiredly. He didn't put any clothes on and he saw Light in the kitchen. Memories of his panic attack had completely faded, he had no idea about it; as far as he knew, he'd fallen asleep beside Light and just woke up now. He smiled at Light and moved passed him to find some Advil.

"Morning."

"Afternoon actually," Light shot back and returned to his coffee.

L paused for a second, confused. "Are you okay?" He asked, having not liked the tone he'd used on him. He tried to think back to something he could've done to make Light angry. Did Light not want the sex? But he'd asked for it...

With a sinking feeling, L thought that must be it. Horrified, he found himself leaning against the wall. "Please tell me I didn't..."

"You had another panic attack," Light finished staring at his empty mug. L realised that he shouldn't be feeling relief at that, but he did. He relaxed and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He looked at Light and smiled sheepishly.

"I'm sorry..." He said softly, "If I scared you... but how did you know it was another?" he asked quietly, a small smile forming, "Are you remembering more...?"

"Yeah…" Light replied shortly, a dark expression on his face.

"What did you remember, are you okay..." L was getting more and more worried now; he took a small step forward, towards Light, reaching out with his hand.

"I just remembered how once again I was utterly useless in helping you. So useless in face that you end up knocking yourself unconscious," Light murmured, his fists clenched, furious that the other man was able to get him like that. L stepped further forward and put his hand on Light's shoulder.

"It's okay," he said quietly, "My losing consciousness after a panic attack is normal. It's the way my body reacts to the lack of oxygen and elevated CO2 levels." He smiled softly, "I'm fine, see... You don't need to take care of me all the time. You're the one who needs it now."

"That's a cold comfort," Light replied dryly and stood, picking up the cup and taking it to the kitchen.

"Light..." L followed Light and looked at him, a sad sigh escaping him. "Please talk to me..." He said, "I'm sorry for having another attack, I can't help it, but please... please don't be upset about it..."

"I know it's not your fault and I'm not upset with you… I'm angry at me." Light sighed and placed his hands on the bench in front of him, his back to L. "I hate seeing you hurt so much or be so scared, but when nothing I do seems to have any effect and I have to sit by and watch you hyperventilate till you pass out…"

"Light... Look at me... please..." L was still talking quietly. He walked so that he was stood behind Light. "There is nobody in this world that I can help me when I'm like that, nobody who I don't shy away from. There's nobody who I'm not paranoid about." He put his hand on Light's shoulder, "But you're the only person that I get paranoid that I'm going to hurt."

"L, panic attacks increase your risk of heart attack and stroke," Light replied sounding flat. "I couldn't handle it if I lost you."

"Light, please." L didn't know what he was asking for, maybe for the other to turn and look at him? "You're making this sound like I do it on purpose, like I do it to spite you..." He let his hand drop, and made sure his emotions were hidden, going back to the way he was during the Kira case, shut off, emotionless. "I'll do the only thing I know how to, to stop them then." He said, his voice returning to its monotone. Then, he turned around and left the room. Light was after L in a flash, his arms wrapping around L.

"I know it's not your fault, I'm just scared because as paranoid as you are about me getting hurt, I get about you being hurt. I'm sorry," Light said, hoping that his anger hadn't stuffed everything up. Sighing softly, L leaned against Light, bringing his hand up to rest on Light's chest.

"I love you..." He said softly, not sure what else he could say. His voice was still monotonic. It was easier to deal with emotions if you never had to think about them.

"I love you too," Light whispered, holding L tightly, trying to bring back even the slightest amount of control back to his side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I was being stupid. _Please_ don't close yourself off from me. I'm sorry…" L pulled away slightly to look at Light. Sighing softly, he took Light's hand and led him to the bedroom, gently sitting him down on the bed. He looked down at the other and gave him a small smile.

"Things are just hard for me at the moment, for both of us." He said softly, heaving another sigh. He looked away for a second, trying to figure out what to say. He then looked at Light and smiled again. "It's easier to deal with if I don't deal at all... Just give me some time..." Light curled up against L, resting his head on L's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Light murmured. Leaning closer to Light, L nodded, falling down onto the bed and holding Light.

"Things are so messed up." He mumbled.

"I guess, but no matter how badly things get messed up I will never leave you because I know that as long as I have you things will eventually be ok," Light said softly.

"You've been watching chic flicks again...haven't you...?" L said with an invisible eyebrow raised. He sighed softly before shaking his head. "We can't sleep again," He said softly, "We need to see your mother and sister..."

"I though I explained that because I have said little sister I had no choice in the matter," Light retorted, rolling his eyes. "Let's go then…" Quickly he moved out of his lovers arms and began to straighten himself out, walking into the bathroom to correct his hair.

L moved to put on some clothes, finding a clean set; he looked at them with a smile. They were very formal, even more so than the suit he'd worn on his date with Light. He put them on, grimacing as he felt uncomfortable in them. He sighed and looked in the mirror. He then went to their secondary bathroom and sorted his own hair out.

He wasn't even sure if Light knew they had a secondary bathroom...

Soon, he looked at his reflection and frowned slightly. He looked... Presentable. He'd taken ten minutes to flatten his hair. It was now down to his shoulders. But he'd pulled it behind him into a small ponytail. Sighing he turned from the mirror and walked to the bedroom. "I dunno about this hair..." He mumbled, "But your father kept saying that my hair made me look less respectable..."

Light nearly choked when he saw L before wheezing, "Why on Earth did you listen to my father's fashion advice?"

"They're your family... I have to make an effort." L pouted slightly, looking down at his clothes. "Even if I do feel like an overdressed penguin."

"Can't you make an effort in some other way?" Light asked in a mock beg. "If you go looking like that my sister will just laugh at you and then ask me why on Earth I let you leave the house looking like that."

"It's not good?" L asked, seemingly distressed. He pulled the hair tie out of his hair and shook it until it was back to normal. He then looked down at his clothes and snorted, "I guess I do look like a waiter..."

He sighed and sat on the bed. "I have nothing else to wear..." He admitted, "All I have are white shirts and blue jeans..."

"Then wear that," Light replied smiling. "You feel more comfortable and so you will feel more confident. I like you in you white shirt and jeans anyway."

"Pfft," L looked at Light and smiled sheepishly. "It's your family. I have to make some sort of effort." He sighed and nodded, standing and removing his jacket and shirt. He casually tossed them aside and stripped until he was naked (yeah, he'd forgotten to put on underwear). He then reached into his draw to take out the clean clothes for him to wear. After L was dressed, he turned to Light, slightly sheepishly. "You should probably call your mother...let her know we're coming."

"Ok," Light replied grinning and pulled his phone out of his pocket to call. L sighed softly and moved to the bed. He didn't know why he was nervous. Maybe because Light might change his mind? He might want to live with his parents while he didn't remember L? He was nervous that maybe Light's parents wouldn't want him coming back. He found himself pulling his legs to his chest, sitting like he used to with his thumb in his mouth. He smiled softly as he watched Light on the phone. He could deal, if Light wanted to live with his parents, he'd understand that, he'd accept that – if it made Light happy. Light put down the phone and sighed.

"They are expecting us," Light informed L and walked over to him. Sighing softly, L nodded, biting his lip. He sent a nervous smile to Light and stood.

"Shall we then...?" He asked, heading to the door.

"Sure," Light replied grinning and followed after L. Once they were outside, L smiled softly at Light. It was a nice day, so L figured they could walk, rather than driving. It wasn't far away. He moved to walk beside Light and put his arm through Light's. Light was smiling now as he walked with L, letting the comfortable silence continue. By the time they got to Light's place, L was fidgeting and bouncing on his feet. He couldn't keep still. He was so nervous. He sent a shaky smile at Light and let out a deep breath.

"Hey, calm down. You've been through the hard part," Light reminded and knocked on the door.

"Oh yeah?" L asked, "What if your mom doesn't want to let you come back with me? What if she wants to take care of you – she'd do a better job than me..." He smiled nervously at Light and shook his head. "I think the hard part is just getting started."

"Do you want me to leave you?" Light asked sounding annoyed, his hand falling from the door.

"No." L admitted loudly, "I just..." He quieted himself slightly. "I just want you to be happy." He looked at Light and smiled softly, "If you spending some time with your family will make you happy, I won't stop you... but your parents would probably get annoyed when they realize they have not one but two extra house guests..."

"Well I am happy with you. We're not ready to be apart yet… I'm not ready," Light murmured. L nodded, leaning closer to the other before leaning forward and knocking on the door again. He then turned and looked at Light, smiling softly. Light returned the smile and took L's hand in his, unsure of how affectionate he was with L around his family. L was still a little nervous, but he squeezed Light's hand and turned to the door, waiting for it to open. When they got no response Light knocked again, louder guessing that Sayu was probably watching a movie with his mum and didn't hear. After a short while, L frowned and took out his cellphone. He called Light's home number, and soon there was an answer. After a short conversation, he put the phone away and looked at Light in confusion.

"Your mom said to go around the back..." Light nodded and lead L around to where he had instructed. There was a rather large shout of 'surprise' as they rounded the corner. L smiled softly, having been told of this on the cell phone. He smiled to Light as his mother came up to embrace him and kiss him as only a mother could. L took a step back, allowing his lover's mother to take care of him for now. He looked around the garden. It was well decorated, with lots of banners everywhere and party hats on what looked to be the entirety of the neighbourhood. There was a stage set up, along with a microphone. Someone was stepping up on the stage, someone blond, wearing black Lolita... L made his way back to Light's side to whisper in his ear.

"Misa's here."

He knew Light would remember Misa, but he didn't know if he'd remember how they broke up. Light swore under his breath and moved closer to L.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Light complained, realising that he now had one more person to put up with.

"Probably wanting to get you back." L hypothesised. "She's probably thinking that you don't remember breaking up with her... since it was sortta me who broke you two up... Let's just say she didn't like to be forced to become voyeuristic."

"Llll," Light whined. "Can't we come back later, please? I don't want to have to deal with her now."

Smiling softly, L nodded, "Your mother went to a lot of trouble. I'll get rid of Misa." He said with a smile. He then left Light with his mother and went to the stage.

"Misa!" He called the blonde over. She grinned and bounced to L.

"Hello pervert. I heard that Light doesn't remember you!" She seemed very happy about that fact. L just smirked slightly.

"He didn't. But now he's remembering, and he still intends to marry me. Right now though, he doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want you here but-" He raised a hand to stop Misa from interrupting, "I heard that there's a party on Tokyo tower that wants you there! Go! You'll be late!"

Misa's eyes widened, and she seemed to forget about Light as she bounced off the stage. "Are you sure! They want Misa Misa!"

"They won't settle for anyone else." L reassured her. She bounced off the stage and ran out the garden. Smirking, L returned to Light's side. "She's gone." He told him. Light smiled and hugged L tightly.

"What on Earth would I do without you," Light murmured and kissed L's cheek, finding it easier to pretend now that the gaps in his mind were slowly beginning to fill. Smiling, L placed his head on Light's shoulder and looked around.

"Where's your mom?" He asked, "She was looking forward to seeing you."

"No idea," Light replied softly. L laughed a little and looked around. Really, he was quite uncomfortable around this many people. "Do you even know all these people?" He asked, spotting Matsuda beside what looked to be a buffet table. "I mean...the task force are here...but what about the others... It looks like it could be the entire population of your school..." of course, this was a bit of an over reaction – but there were a lot of people.

"Of course I do," Light replied laughing, the ease he felt at being somewhere truly familiar shadowed by L's presence. "I doubt mum would invite people I didn't."

"There's a lot... of people here." He was holding onto Light's hand, quite tightly actually. He was putting on a brave face, smiling shakily. He really was nervous around people, he always had been.

"I noticed," Light said dryly, "Sure, you don't want to leave?" L nodded, clutching Light's hand while looking around a little nervously.

"No... this is your party..." He turned to smile at Light, "What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I pulled you away from your own party just for my own fears...?" He laughed slightly and shook his head. "I'll deal with it."

"You would be mine. Come on, let's go," Light said and squeezed L's hand, leading him away from the party and inside. "Let's go to my room."

"Light," L stopped, digging his heels in the ground to prevent Light from carrying on. "Light, no. Go mingle. These are your people, your friends." He smiled at him, all be it shakily, "I'll be alright. If I want quiet, I'll move here..."

"No, I said I knew them, I didn't say they were my friends," Light said quietly. "I won't leave you alone when you don't know anyone."

"I'm alright..." L assured Light with a smile. He reached out with the hand not holding Light's. He gently stroked his cheek. "Really, your mother went through a lot to put this together. We can be alone together soon." He leaned forward and kissed Light softly and pulled back with a smile. "Besides, I have to face my fears, otherwise I never will."

"But fears are supposed to be dealt with slowly," Light countered.

"I'll be all right, so long as I know that you're here too." L sent a smile to Light, a very charming, and confident smile, with only the barest hint of nervousness.

"Why do you have to be so damn beautiful?" Light muttered, allowing L the victory.

"Because you make me that way," L mumbled, smiling still. "C'mon, let's go join the party," He said softly, cocking his head towards the door and keeping a hold of his hand. Grumbling Light followed, dragging his feet as he went. Grinning, L stopped dragging Light and turned around to kiss Light deeply. He then pulled away and gestured outside. "C'mon... lets go eat something..."

"Ok ," Light agreed reluctantly and allowed L to pull him along. L led them to the food table and picked up a plate, filling it with sweets and some pizza (Hawaiian! How did she know!). He made sure to have more pizza than sweets. He really loved pizza, and he had Light to thank for that. Light laughed at L's selection and got some food himself.

"Never thought I would see the day you would put pizza before sweets." L smiled at Light and shrugged, "When we started sleeping together, our activities caused me to become exhausted and sleep through the night. I didn't need as much sugar, and it started to make me feel ill, so we ordered pizza. Since then, I've been craving pizza." He smiled softly and started eating the pizza. "I'm surprised you remembered my love for sweets." Light's smiled tightened. He hadn't remembered, not really, but he chose not to comment. Smiling, L nodded and looked around to find a place to sit. Most of the chairs were taken, but L saw one free. He pulled Light towards the chair, sitting him down and sitting on his lap. Light wrapped an arm around L to steady him, ignoring the stares sent by the other guests that Light was only too keen to ignore. L was completely relaxed against Light, eating his food and ignoring all the people around him. He was still a little nervous, especially as people were staring at him, but he ignored it completely. Smiling softly at Light, he offered him some pizza. Light steadied L's hand and took a delicate bite of the pizza.

"Mmm… Nice choice," Light murmured. Smiling, L nodded, trying to move closer to Light, to meld to him. Maybe then the people would stop staring. Really, had they never seen two lovers together before?

"I love you," Light said quietly.

"I love you too." L replied, starting to become more apparently shaken. His body was starting to tremble slightly. "Everyone's staring..." He mumbled quietly, feeling quite uncomfortable.

"Yeah well we are being rather affectionate," Light replied feeling at ease.

"But that's our business..." L mumbled a little annoyed. He took another slice of pizza and began to demolish it, leaning closer to Light. His feet were now on the chair on either side of Light's legs, his shoes having been slipped off moments earlier. "They don't have to stare..."

"I never said that it wasn't rude of them to do so blatantly, but as I said these aren't my friends," Light replied chuckling as he watched L eat so enthusiastically.

"Still, your mother went to a lot of trouble, we owe it to her to stay." He smiled and licked his fingers clean, sticking them in his mouth before sucking on them and pulling them out. The staring was starting to get very annoying, and he was feeling even more anxious. Taking a deep breath, he smiled sheepishly and got off Light. "Sorry," he mumbled, "I need... I need to go somewhere... away from people..." He was beginning to hyperventilate, and he didn't want to go through another attack. They'd been happening far too much recently, and he hated Light's reaction to them. "I'll... I'll come back soon," He sent him another sheepish smile before practically running from the garden. He found himself in Light's room (knowing where it was from the cameras). He sat under Light's desk and put his head between his knees, holding onto the top of it with his hands. He concentrated on his breathing, in, hold, out. In, hold, out. Soon, he was beginning to calm down. Light felt like he had been slapped. He hadn't failed to notice how panicked L had become but the fact that L hadn't wanted him there actually hurt. Maybe L really did think he was useless or maybe he thought he would over react again.

Of course he was going to over react the first time he saw it and even though it wasn't the first time for him the last time it wasn't like he remembered it. He had just been reciting the lines he had heard… Light buried his face in his hands. Hearing voices. Great now he was losing his mind too.

* * *

After about ten minutes, L came back into the garden, looking shaken. His hair was wet at the front; he'd obviously splashed water on his face. He walked up to Light and smiled sheepishly, playing with the sleeves of his shirt.

"I'm gonna head home," He said quietly, his smile fading for a second before being replaced. "Sorry...there's just...too many people here..." He ran his hand over his face – it was still shaking. He looked down at Light and smiled again. "You should... you should stay – enjoy-enjoy the party." It was obvious that he didn't want that to happen, but he knew that Light should stay behind, that he should enjoy the party his mother had spent so much on getting ready. But what he desperately wanted, was for Light to stay by his side, to come home with him.

"I haven't been enjoying the party since the second you left so there is no way in hell I will now," Light said smiling gently, though the hand behind his back tightened into a fist at the idea of following L around like this. "Come on, let's go home. I tell mum that we're leaving and we can go."

"Oh thank god..." L muttered with a sigh of relief. He smiled at Light and shakily took his hand. He then looked around for Light's mother. "Can you see her?" He couldn't see her in the sea of people around. Light walked over to someone and asked before returning to L.

"They said she is in the kitchen." Light replied and pulled L in that direction. Light's mom was indeed in the kitchen, and L let go of his hand, standing by the door. He was letting the other have a little privacy with his mother, and at the same time, trying to calm his breathing down. He was still a little freaked about being around so many people. Light turned his head to smile at L before facing his mum.

"Mum, I'm sorry but something's come up and I have to go," Light said calmly when his mum turned to face him. L was shuffling, from one foot to the other, looking around nervously. If one didn't know better, one might mistake L for a burglar, or other criminal. But as it was, he was just a little anxious to be out of the party.

A couple of minutes later Light returned and took L's hand.

"Come on, let's go," Light said softly. Nodding, L squeezed Light's hand slightly, hastily leading them away from the gathering. He took a deep breath once they were away and sighed softly, leaning against Light and suddenly feeling quite weak.

"Sorry." He mumbled.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Light said gently as he wrapped his arms around L. "You made me so proud. I know how scared you were but you still tried to stay for me." Smiling softly, L leaned closer to Light.

"But I shouldn't be afraid." He said with a sigh. "I blame my upbringing for that..." He mumbled, "I had my own room, the children weren't allowed to come near me unless I said it was alright, I was pretty much left alone to do my work..."

"It's not your fault," Light insisted and kissed L's cheek. "Let's go home ok?"

"Yeah... I'd like that..." L said with a small smile. He kept his trembling body close to Light as they walked.

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**Thanks to everyone who is still reading this and I will try to update more often, though I'm not promising anything.**


	23. Disaster in Japan

**Hey, look at this. An update only one week after the last one. *cheers* Thanks to everyone who has reviewed and there is a reason why Light is acting the ways he is, so I hope you don't hate him too much. Also the statistics in this are completely made up so don't take them too seriously.**

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Light kept his arm around L the whole way back and guided him up to their room.

"Would you like a warm drink?" Light asked, heading straight for the kitchen, relieved they had arrived. L laughed slightly and shook his head.

"I'm alright." He said, it was nice just being home. "But I could do with some ice-cream..." He mumbled, heading for the freezer.

"I just thought it might help you relax," Light said, annoyed L laughed at his suggestion.

"Light, I'm alright. You don't have to look after me the whole time." He stood and moved closer to Light, "Please, I don't want you to worry too much..."

"It's my right as your lover to care about your wellbeing," Light replied smiling, hoping it didn't look as strained as it felt, swallowing and crossing his arms. "I'm glad you're feeling better now." L leaned closer to Light and kissed him before pulling back and looking at him.

"Light. You don't have to worry about me right now. You worrying about me, will worry me about you, which will make both of us worry worse. Now... Go into the other room for a little while. I have a surprise which I need to concentrate for, and when you're in the room, the only thing I can concentrate on is you." He smiled softly, pushing Light towards the living room. He turned the TV on and pushed Light down on the couch. He leaned down and kissed him on the forehead before standing and heading back into the kitchen. Light rolled his eyes and went to grab the book he had left on the shelf and began to read so as to distract himself from the mystery of what L was up to and thankful that he had some time alone.

* * *

About forty-five minutes later, L returned to the living room, looking a little sheepish.

"You can come in if you want..." He said, biting his lips. Light looked over at L curiously and put his book down before getting up and walking over to where L was. Taking Light's hand, L led him to the kitchen. On the counter top was a cake, baked in the shape of two L's intertwining around a heart. The icing was black on one L, white on the other, and the heart in the middle was red. On each of the L's there was the opposite colour in a small spot on the top.

"It's a tasty symbol." L said sheepishly. "I wanted to bake, but I didn't want to make a normal cake... I was gonna write your full name, but there wouldn't have been enough cake...so I put the first letter on..." He looked at Light and smiled sheepishly and putting his hand behind his head, wondering what Light would say about it.

"Whatever did I do to deserve someone as wonderful as you?" Light mused returning the smile and fighting the urge to gag. Even Misa hadn't done anything as ridiculous as this, well from the little he could remember of her. "It's perfect. What type of cake is it?"

"Chocolate sponge..." L said sheepishly. "It's my favourite type... I don't know what yours is... I know you don't like sweets much..." He bit his lip and looked at Light, "Do you want some?" he asked, picking up a knife. He then looked down at the cake. He didn't want to cut into it.

"I'm sure I'll love it," Light replied and walked over to L to kiss him softly and wondering just how much he could get away with binning. "Thank you." L leaned into the kiss and smiled as Light pulled back.

"I wanted to do something... normal." He laughed a little, "It's something a normal couple would do... So much has been going on lately, that I just wanted to hold onto something normal, even if it isn't for us..." He let out a small chuckle and shook his head, "That doesn't even make sense..." Light laughed and hugged L, unsure of how else to respond.

"Well this is nice, I just wish that I could do something for you rather than you for me all the time." L pulled away from Light to stare at him.

"You're kidding right? You really think that I'm the only one doing things? I owe you everything! Without you, I wouldn't be the person I am today. You have done so much for me, so much, that I could never pay you back enough..."

"You have though, you've let me love you," Light objected, trying to channel a character in one of the cheesy romance movies Sayu made him sit through, since apparently he had done enough of that in the past to get away with it now.

"The same could be said of you. Even after everything that's happened, even after you lost your memory and couldn't remember who I was, you still stuck with me; you still let me love you, even then." L smiled at Light and let his arms drop before looking at the cake.

"It seems a shame to cut it up... but it's a waste of cake other wise..." Light looked like he was about to something but grinned instead.

"Want to take a photo of it then?" Light asked playfully, though part of him wondered why L hadn't thought of it himself. L grinned and nodded.

"I'll go grab a camera." He said before leaving the room. He returned a few moments later with a digital camera. "You want to take the picture?"

"No, you can," Light replied, wanting nothing to do with it. "I have never been good with cameras anyway."

"I've never taken a photo." L said with a shrug. He then stood back and took a photo. He looked at it on the screen of the camera and sighed, "You take one." He mumbled, handing the camera over. Light resisted rolling his eyes as he took the camera and crouched slightly so as to get a better angle of the cake before taking his shot. Smiling at Light, L nodded. "Thanks." He looked at the cake again, "I still don't want to cut it..." He mumbled, sniffing the air, "But it smells real good."

"That's what the photo is for, so you can still look at it and eat the cake," Light said looking at how the photo turned out and passed the camera to L so he could see.

"So I can have my cake and eat it too?" L asked with a laugh. He moved to Light's side and leaned against him.

"Yeah, I guess you do," Light replied, an arm wrapping around L's waist, finding it slightly easier to do the more he practiced. As unbelievable as it would have seemed to him before, the sex was easier to put up with than these small touches.

"You cut it," L said with a laugh. Leaning against Light, L sighed softly. "I'm quite tired," he said softly. "It's been a long few hours." He smiled at Light, leaning over to kiss him. "You're probably more tired than me."

"Hmmm?" Light asked confused and reached out to take the knife when his vision suddenly swam and dizziness overcame him and he stumbled under L's weight. His head throbbed and he went to lift his arms to clutch at his head, but only succeeded with his right arm, his left hanging by his side. "M-my head…"

"Light!" L took the knife from Light's hand and put it on the table, slowly lowering the other male to the ground. "Are you alright! What's wrong?" Light's eyes were closed though as unconsciousness had taken him. "Shit!" L put Light down on the ground and took out his phone. He called Watari first, who told him what to do, keeping him calm. L then hung up and called an ambulance, picking Light up and taking him down to the ground level. He then called Watari again, and told him to take care of the boys. Before Watari could answer, he hung up and sat there, holding Light to his chest and waiting for the ambulance. They arrived and asked some questions; each one was answered truthfully, until they asked for his name. "Ryuuzaki." He answered to that one. "Is he going to be alright?"

"We'll take care of him. Are you family?" The paramedic answered.

"I'm his fiancé." He answered. This allowed him to ride in the ambulance with Light. He sat there, holding his hand the entire way. The paramedic continued to ask questions, and when the question of previous head injuries came along, L told her about Light's memory loss. This caused quite a stir. The ambulance increased its speed and the radio was used to talk to the hospital before they arrived. When they did, Light was rushed into a room. Nobody would tell L what was going on, and he was worried. After a short while, L was lead into Light's hospital room.

"We'll come and get you in a short while, we need to speak of insurance. It's likely that he'll need surgery." One of the doctors told L. L nodded, not looking at the doctor, instead, reaching for Light's hand. Light's eye twitched but he didn't wake. After a minute L's phone rang. Shaking, and almost sobbing, L picked up his phone and answered.

"H-hello?" He hadn't thought to look at the caller ID, so he didn't know who would be calling him. His hand was still on Light's, holding it tightly.

"Ryuzaki, what's going on?" Watari asked straight away.

"It's Light-" He had to pause then, to stop himself from beginning to sob. "They said he might need surgery... It's something to do with his head." He couldn't help the sob then, "What's going to happen Watari?" He was looking to him, his father figure, looking for guidance, for help. He was afraid.

"Calm down, I'm sure Light will be ok. Do you wish for me to inform Light's parents?" Watari asked kindly.

"Yes. Please. I also need to know about their insurance." L took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Watari... I'm afraid..." Now he was sobbing, and crying. "I can't lose him, I can't." That was when a doctor came in. He smiled at L and gestured to the phone.

"Please, put that down. It interferes with the equipment. If you need to call someone a nurse can direct you to a landline"

L nodded, "Watari... I have to go. I shouldn't be using the phone in the hospital." He sniffed and hung up, turning the phone off and looking at the doctor. The doctor smiled and sat down on a chair near L.

"Ryuuzaki, is it?" L nodded, the doctor smiled softly, "We're going to have to run some tests." He said softly, "We think that Light might have hit his head quite hard and caused a clot in his brain." The doctor was talking softly, as if reassuring L. "If that's the case, we'll have to take him into surgery immediately. We'll have to remove the clot, and there's a chance he may suffer some brain damage, but if we don't perform the surgery, there's a 98% chance that he'll die." Meanwhile Watari was on the phone with Soichiro, trying his best to keep the man calm and not go racing off while he was still trying to get details about their insurance. When he was done he requested that Sachiko or Sayu should go and stay with the boys and he headed over to the hospital.

"Do the surgery. I'm his fiancé; I should be able to make that decision, right?" L was keeping his own voice steady. The doctor smiled sadly and shook his head. "I'm afraid that his next of kin is still his parents until you two are actually married." He smiled softly at him, "Is there any way we can contact his parents?"

"They should be here shortly." L said with a nod. He held onto Light's hand tighter. "If he doesn't have insurance, how much would the surgery cost?"

"A lot." The doctor said sadly, "It's brain surgery, so you're looking at well over half a million."

L nodded, "That's not a problem..." Watari arrived about twenty minutes later with Light's mother in tow who immediately raced over to L.

"L, oh my god, how is he?" Sachiko asked in a rush.

"He needs surgery. They wouldn't let me sign the papers, said they need you to do it." He bit his lip, "Do you have insurance?" He asked, still clutching onto Light's hand like it was a life line. "They said the surgery will cost half a million without insurance. But I can cover that if you don't have any." He sniffed, bringing his free hand to cover his mouth. "Sorry," He mumbled, raising the hand up to his eyes. He was trying incredibly hard not to break down crying in front of Light's family. But he was so worried.

"Yes we do," Sachiko replied kindly and held her arms out to L. "Come here." L shook his head, his hand going through his hair.

"No... It's okay..." He kept a hold of Light's hand. He didn't want to move away from him. He was also wasn't used to physical contact. He didn't like to be held by anyone other than Light. Right now, all he wanted was for Light to hold him. For Light to wake up and be alright. That's all he wanted. He brought his knees up and looked at Light's parents. "Will you sign the papers? They said if he doesn't get surgery, there's less than a two percent chance that he'll survive." At that, he did break down, sobbing softly into his knees. He couldn't help it, it was too much. He'd already lost a part of Light, he didn't want to lose anymore. He couldn't.

"Ok," Sachiko said calmly. "Just so you know I will be here and you can talk to me whenever you need to. I remember how hard it was when I nearly lost Soichiro." Giving L one last sympathetic look she went to sign the forms. L was sobbing now, openly displaying feelings, in public. This just didn't happen. But he was overwhelmed. He felt like he couldn't breathe, like the world was closing in on him. He held Light's hand tighter. Watari knelt down beside L and spoke to him in a slow, soft, comforting voice to try and keep L from having a panic attack.

* * *

Ten minutes later, the doctors came in and took Light away, gently prying L's hand off Light. They smiled reassuringly at him and then Light was gone. Down the white corridor, down to a sterilised room. L curled up on himself, holding his knees and sobbing. He started rocking back and forth, waiting. He looked up at Watari tears falling down his face.

"Watari... what's going to happen?" He felt like he was a little kid again, having just been told that he couldn't live in his home any more, after he'd buried his mom. He felt like this was the first time he'd met Watari, when he felt like his whole world had turned to dust.

"Well he's going to go into surgery, everything will run smoothly and then you and I will be here waiting for him when he get's out. You will probably have to help him adjust to his loss of hair though," Watari said smoothly knowing that L would only accept physical comfort from Light. L nodded, wiping his eyes. He sniffed a few more times before moving to sit against the wall. He didn't move to the waiting room, there wasn't much point. He knew that they would call him after the surgery was done, and that the surgery was going to take a long time. L just concentrated on burying his emotions, on hiding them behind a mask. It took him an hour, but he finally managed it. His crying stopped, his hurting stopped. Everything stopped.

"Would you like me to bring you anything?" Watari asked gently. L nodded, looking up at Watari.

"I'd like a glass of water please." He said softly, feeling quite dehydrated. He spoke in his old monotonic voice, betraying the fact that he was holding back his emotions again.

"Of course," Watari replied and resisted looking back at L, praying that Light got well soon so that L could be happy once more. The surgery took six hours, and when it was over, L was asked to leave the room while they gave Light post op. L was told to wait in the waiting room, which he did. He was sat, staring at the door, trying his hardest to keep his emotions in check. It wouldn't do to break down now. Watari stayed with L the entire time, getting him food and drink every so often. He called Light's family to let them know Light was out of surgery as Light's mum and left to inform Sayu and Soichiro of Light's condition. L was let into the room, and he was instantly by Light's side.

"When will he wake up?" he asked the doctor.

"Not for a few more hours at the earliest," He said with a small smile. He finished checking the IV and turned to go. "I'll leave you be." L nodded and turned to Light.

"Do you know...how afraid I am? How scared I am that you're not going to wake up?" He was letting go of the hold on his emotions now. He was holding his hand, sniffing and letting the tears run. "You have to wake up, or I'll never forgive you, you got that?"

The steady beep of the monitor was the only response and Light seemed paler in the harsh white sheets, white bandages wrapped around his head. L settled himself down for a long night, sitting in the chair next to the male. His head eventually fell onto the bed as sleep claimed him. He was still holding onto Light's hand. Watari came in to check on them a little while after and seeing his ward was asleep he requested for a bed to be placed beside Light's so that L could lie down beside him.

* * *

**As I said before the stats are ****completely made up. Anyway so what did you think? I know Light is being kind of horrible, but I did have a reason for making him that way so I hope you don't hate him too much. Thanks for reading and hopefully I will update soon to make up for this short update.**


	24. L's Doubts

**Sorry for the delay. I have been a bit busy, but at least it hasn't been a few months, like it used to be.**

* * *

L was only half awake when the bed was brought in. He lay down on the bed, smiling at Watari thankfully and looking at Light. He lay down and watched the other, keeping a hold of his hand. He eventually fell asleep again, still holding Light's hand. Watari informed the nurses to call him when L awoke or if something happened to Light before he took his leave to check on the boys. It had been a long day. L slept on restlessly for many more hours. The only reason he was comfortable enough to sleep, was that he was holding onto Light's hand. He was close to the other, and in his subconscious, he knew that Light was going to be okay.

* * *

Light woke up a few hours later, his grip on L's hand tightening as he stirred. L was instantly awake with the pressure on his hand. He sat up and moved closer to Light's bed.

"Hey..." He said quietly, looking down at the other with a smile

"Hey," Light whispered back smiling tiredly and feeling more than a bit dizzy. "What happened?"

"Hey," L gave Light a watery smile, incredibly relieved that Light was awake. "You... you collapsed, you had a clot in your brain. You needed surgery and..." his lip was trembling now, he'd been so worried. "The doctors said you need to be checked out for br-brain damage." He continued to smile, even through his trembling. He needed to be brave for Light right now.

"Yeah, they probably would," Light replied looking only slightly scared so as to not worry L more than he already was.

"I'll... I'll call the doctor now." L said, biting his lip while still smiling. He let go and moved to the door, returning a few moments later with a doctor.

"Hello Light. I'm Doctor Dorian. It's nice to meet you." He said, "I'm going to just ask you a few questions to check for brain damage. Do you think you can answer?"

"Yeah, I can," Light replied sounding nervous. L held onto his hand, squeezing softly.

"Alright. Can you tell me your full name?" The doctor asked.

"Light Yagami," Light answered simply.

"Alright, what's your date of birth?" The doctor asked smiling.

"28th of February 1986," Light shot back his hand squeezing L's back. L smiled.

"Okay. Can you tell me who this is?" The doctor asked softly. L gave a nervous smile to Light, waiting for his answer.

"Ryuzaki, my lover," Light said confidently, though the worry on his face betrayed his confidence.

"Thank you. Alright, I'm going to ask you to do a few more things." He pulled a bunch of cards from his suitcase and smiled at Light. "I'll show you some cards, and I'd like for you to tell me what it is you see." He smiled, "There are no right and wrong answers, just what you see." The cards were done in a few minutes, and the doctor smile. "Okay, thank you for your time, Yagami-san." He turned to L and smiled, "Ryuuzaki, may I talk to you...?" Light squeezed L's hand and nodded, indicating that he would be ok if L left. Smiling softly, L left with the doctor.

"It looks like he's going to be alright, but we'd like to keep him in our care for a few more days, maybe even a week or so. But that depends on you and his parents. Your insurance doesn't cover a prolonged stay, so you'd have to pay for it."

"That's not a problem. Just do whatever needs to be done." L told the doctor with a smile. "Is there anything else I need to be aware of?" The doctor shook his head with a smile. "I don't think so. Just don't hesitate to call a nurse if you see something amiss." L nodded his thanks and returned to the room.

"He just wanted to know about money and insurance." He told Light, "Nothing to be worried about."

"Ok," Light said smiling softly and yawned, looking defenceless in the hospital gown and curled up under the sheets. "I'm tired…"

"Then go to sleep." L said softly, his hand gently stroking Light's head. "I'll be right here."

"Mhmmm…" Light mumbled and closed his eyes, falling asleep almost instantly. Smiling, L climbed upon the bed that Light was sleeping on and curled up next to him. There was hardily enough room, but L didn't care, he needed to be close to his love. Only when he was sure that Light was completely asleep, did L allow himself to cry, silent tears running down his face.

* * *

About four hours later Light seemed to stir, a frown crossing his features.

"Ki-ra no… No… nnn… m-me… L… stop… uh…why… don't… me die…" Light mumbled as an expression of almost anger continued to blossom. This woke L and caused him to frown. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he sat up and looked towards Light. The heart rate monitor was beeping far too fast, and his blood pressure had risen exponentially.

"Light," L started to gently shake Light, trying to wake him. "Light, you're having a nightmare, please wake up." Nurses were in there in seconds; Light was in intensive care after all and was quickly administering Light with sedatives to calm him. A couple of minutes later Light had returned to a peaceful state and the nurse turned to L.

"What happened?" She asked in a polite, business like tone.

"He started having a nightmare... I tried to wake him but he wouldn't." L was shaking slightly. "Is he going to be okay?"

"We seem to have got here in time but in his condition having his blood pressure up that high could be fatal, that was no minor surgery he had," the nurse explained and nodded for another nurse to get the doctor.

"So if he has another nightmare, what do I do? How do I help him?" L was definitely freaking out now.

"Call for assistance and try to calm him down till we can get to him," the nurse instructed. "He will likely to receive a mild sedative for the next little while and that should prevent those nightmares from occurring. To be honest he shouldn't have even had a nightmare so soon after an operation."

"He's had a pretty hard life..." L said softly, looking down at his love.

"Well at least he has you here to look after him," The nurse said and smiled kindly at him. "I don't think he would want you getting sick because of him though so take care of yourself." L smiled softly and nodded.

"Thank you." He said, "But I don't want to leave his side any more than I have to." He kept a hold of Light's hand, feeling like if he let go, he'd loose him. "How much would it be to get the meals? I can pay."

"It probably wouldn't hurt for you to go and get the meals yourself," she replied gently. "Besides you will have to go home to have a shower and bring something to do."

"I can amuse myself with nothing but my mind and my associate could bring anything I need from home. I'll wash in the bathroom over there-" he pointed to the bathroom in the corner of the room. "He is everything to me; I'm not just going to leave him. Now, I will ask you again, how much would it cost to have the hospital meals?"

"Well depending on the meal it could be as much as $15 and $5 for delivery," The nurse replied sighing.

"Very well, sign me up for as long as he'll be here. I'll give you my credit card details. You can charge it to that."

"I'm sorry but that has to be done through the cafeteria," The nurse said impatiently. "Is there anything else you wanted?"

Ryuuzaki shook his head, "No thank you." He looked back at Light, not looking back at the nurse. The nurse left quietly just as the doctor entered.

"I just heard what happened and I need to ask you a few questions," The new doctor said immediately. Nodding straight away, L agreed.

"Please, ask away." He said with a tight smile.

"Ok first off, how frequently does Light have nightmares? I was told that he has suffered trauma recently inducing him to forget certain things and I am trying to decide if this is acting as an outlet for his subconscious," The doctor said taking a seat beside L.

"Well... He's had a few in the last few days." L said softly, "I don't know if that's normal for him though. He's a pretty light sleeper; he used to get annoyed at me for typing on my computer because it woke him up... So I don't think he dreams much."

"How long do these usually last for? Is he easily awoken?" The doctor asked taking note of L's answer.

"I don't- I don't know..." L mumbled, rubbing a tired hand over his eyes. "He's usually easily awoken, but I'm not sure of during his nightmares..." It was too hard for him to think straight right now; he was too worried about the younger male.

"Ok, how about you get some rest and we can talk more later?" The doctor suggested, "Just ask for Doctor Kennedy." L nodded, sighing softly.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled, looking back to Light. He was so worried about the other. "Is he going to be alright?"

"He'll be fine. He will just need to be monitored just in case," Doctor Kennedy replied. "I'll leave you two alone." Standing up he walked over to the door. "It was a pleasure to meet you."

"You too." L said with a small bow. He then returned to Light's side and smiled softly at him. He then collapsed into the chair next to Light, holding his hand to his face and sobbing slightly. He was still afraid. Light remained silent with only the sounds of his breathing and the beeps of the machines filling the room. "I love you," L said softly, knowing Light couldn't hear him. He stayed there, not moving until he fell asleep, his head on Light's bed.

* * *

Light woke up a few hours later feeling rather hungry, his eyes opening as he fought his tiredness. When he spotted L he lifted a hand up and stroked his head and waited for the other to wake. Sighing softly, L relaxed completely when Light touched his head. He blinked his eyes and looked at Light with a small smile.

"Hey," He said softly, "You're awake."

"Mhmm… You'll find I will be on the occasion," Light replied teasingly. Laughing slightly, L nodded.

"How're you feeling?" He asked softly, sitting up sleepily.

"Hungry actually," Light said, his hand dropping to L's.

Chuckling, L nodded, "I'll call a nurse." He stood and leaned over Light to press the call button.

The nurse came in a few seconds later, "You called?"

"He's awake... and hungry. Could you do something about that please?" He asked quietly.

"Sure, I will have his meal delivered straight away," The nurse replied sweetly and left to do so.

Nodding at the nurse, L looked at Light and smiled at him. "How're you feeling? How's your head?"

"I'm feeling pretty bald right now," Light replied smiling though a dark look hung in his eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. Your hair will grow back." L said with a smile. He reached out with his other hand to stroke Light's cheek. At the same time, he stood and moved so that he was now sitting on the bed next to him. His hand was shaking, but he was managing to smile. "I'm so glad you're awake..."

"I know and I'm glad you're here," Light whispered and nuzzled L's hand. L moved closer to Light, putting his arm around his shoulder and burying his head gently against the other's.

"I was so worried." He said quietly, not being able to hold back his reaction anymore. His head was spinning and his body was trembling. He was still able to hold back the tears though. But not easily.

"I know," Light replied softly finding it easier to conceal his thoughts when he whispered and he wrapped his arms around L. That did it, L was crying now, not just letting the tears fall, but actually sobbing. He was clutching onto Light, careful not to hurt him. He'd been so worried before, and now he was so relieved, so unbelievably happy that Light was awake, he was alive, and he was okay. Light froze slightly before making himself relax and rubbed L's back softly. After a short while, L pulled back and looked at Light. He was smiling, an expression of pure joy and hope. He leaned forward and gently placed his lips against Light's bandaged forehead. He pulled back and leaned against the headboard, beside Light.

"I love you." He said, "I really do." Light lifted his head up slowly, movement still taking far too much effort than he was used to.

"I know and I love you too," Light replied, his eyes holding L's. L was content just to stay there, holding Light's hand, looking into his eyes, but he knew that something had to be done.

"I should call your parents. They were worried." He said with a small smile, "I'll tell them that you're awake."

"Ok," Light replied, trying not to sound too eager to be alone and squeezed L's hand softly. "Hurry back," Light pleaded softly. Nodding, L let go of Light's hand and walked out of the room. He went to a pay phone and called Light's parents, and Watari.

He returned to the room, ten minutes later and sat by Light's bed. He smiled at the other male, but didn't say anything. He didn't want all of the fear and worry he'd been feeling escape him. This was entirely his fault.

"I know this is rather ironic but are you ok?" Light asked sounding concerned. He could relax now that he had a plan formed.

Forcing a smile onto his face, L nodded. "I'm fine. It's you that we should be worried about." He still couldn't help the growing sense of doubt in his mind. He knew that it was all his fault... if he had've stopped when Light asked him to... none of this would have happened – at all.

"I'm fine too but I know you must be tearing yourself apart with guilt at the moment so you're obviously not fine," Light countered. A little surprised that Light had been able to see through him so easily; L shook his head, forcing a smile on his face.

"No – no, I'm fine. Really..." He let out a nervous laugh, "I'm not tearing myself apart..." Even to his own ears, that sounded fake, and a little crazy.

"Ryuzaki you are feeling guilty about something most of the time lately, so it wasn't too hard to guess that you are now, so don't lie," Light said a little sternly.

L shook his head, smiling softly (fakely), "I just don't want you to worry about me right now, that's all. You're the one who needs worrying about..." He added another nervous (fake) laugh.

"Tell me," Light persisted. "And cut out that fake smile and laugh, it's getting creepy." Letting his face fall, L sighed softly and looked down at the floor.

"It's nothing to worry about," He said sadly. "You already have enough to worry about." He was refusing to tell Light, and he could be very stubborn when he needed to be. He looked up, a serious expression on his face. "You just worry about healing. That's all you need to care about right now. Everything else can be dealt with later." And he meant that, with all his heart.

"If I can't multi–task by now I will never be able to. Besides I will be even more worried if you don't tell me because I will have to resort to my imagination to find out what's wrong and I have a very active imagination…" Light threatened, struggling to prevent his eyes from closing.

"Light, drop it!" That was the closest to angry L had become towards Light in a long while. His face momentarily contorted into anger before he forced it to relax. "Daijoubu." He said in a softer tone.

"I am definitely not dropping this now," Light said stubbornly. "If it is affecting you so much that you yell at me then it must be very important." L stood, controlling his breathing with effort, and turned his whole body to look at Light.

"Light, I have never been so serious – Drop. It. You don't need to worry, and I'm not going to let you."

Light glared. "Like it or not, you're important to me and when you're upset and I don't know why, it makes me worried. So I doubt I need to say that I will not be dropping this until you tell me."

L was silent. He continued to look at Light with a serious expression, which was getting harder to maintain due to his increasing tiredness. He wasn't going to tell the other what was wrong, and the sooner Light figured that out, the better. Still, he didn't say anything, making it obvious what was going on. Light continued to glare for a few moments before speaking.

"Fine, since you obviously don't trust me you can leave," Light voice was harsh and he turned away from L. "Get out." Because Light was facing away, he didn't see the hurt look that was briefly in place on L's features before he stood and wordlessly left. He passed Light's mother on the way out of the hospital and told her that

"He's awake". He then stormed out of the building and carried on going. He had no idea where he was going, or how long he was intending on walking. All he knew was that he was angry, and that he had to get away before he did something he'd regret – something else he'd regret.

* * *

Eventually, he found himself in a traditional Japanese garden, just outside the hospital's train station. He sat down at the waters edge and looked into the calm pool. Closing his eyes, he settled his feelings, using the waters surface as an example of what his emotions should be. This was how he'd learned how to hide his emotions in the first place. After a while, he spoke, having become aware of movement behind him. Instinctually, he knew who was there. It wasn't really a surprise; the other always knew how to find him.

"Watari..."

"I didn't expect to see you here," Watari said calmly and walked over to L. L opened his eyes. He continued to look at the water. After a moment, he allowed his head to bow.

"I don't know what to do." He admitted quietly.

"Tell me what happened then," Watari sighed.

"It's my fault... but I can't tell him that. He's angry at me, because I don't want him to worry – I don't want him to have to worry about me anymore. All I've ever been is bad for him..." L's words were spoken quietly, with such heartbreaking sadness. He was staring at the water again, trying to calm himself down. Droplets fell from his eyes, landing on the water and making small ripples. "He's better off without me..." Those words, so true, hurt like a thousand needles sticking into his skin.

"I'm sorry but I have to side with Light. To be honest I am surprised he has managed to be as patient with you as he has," Watari said finally. "You are near obsessed with taking care of him and yet you don't allow him to take care of you. He wants to be with you, but until you decide that you're worth his attention then I don't think you stand a chance. He wants to be close to you and share your pain as well as your joy, but you won't let him."

"I just don't want him to get hurt again, not because of me. Never again." L's words were full of hurt, screaming the agony and guilt he felt.

"You are a couple. You are bound to hurt each other sometimes, but if you love each other you will allow him to help you with your pain and Light with his," Watari explained gently.

"He has so much he has to be concerned about right now... I don't want to be another burden." He'd always believed himself to be a burden on others, that's why he did what he did, so at least he was a useful burden.

"Then maybe you shouldn't be together if all you see of your relationship is being a burden on Light then you obviously don't respect his love for you or you would realise that you are a burden he wants," Watari said gently. L wanted to object, to yell at Watari that he was wrong but...

"I don't know..." He said dejectedly, "Maybe you're right..." He stood, but kept his eyes on the water, "I don't want to lose him... but all I'm doing is making things worse..." He looked at Watari, "But what I do know... is that I love him..."

"Then explain to him what is paining you and let him in. All he is trying to do is love you and you are making that very difficult for him by refusing to accept it," Watari replied. "Let him love you and you will never lose him."

"But now... now isn't a good time! If I tell him now, he'll only get hurt more... If he wasn't in hospital - if he wasn't hurt..." L let his head drop again. Even to him, it sounded like he was making excuses.

"If you want Light to talk to at all before he leaves the hospital then I suggest you tell him. He can be as stubborn as you are when it's something he really wants," Watari hinted. L's gaze travelled from the still water below him to the clear skies above, as if asking for guidance. He had tears silently making their way down his face. For some reason, he felt like this was the end of something.

"I wouldn't know how to..." He said quietly. This time it wasn't an excuse, just the honest truth. He didn't know how to open up to anyone, and now...now he was going to lose Light because of it.

His breathing hitched slightly and he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath – steadying himself.

"Do you think it has been easy for Light either? You are the only person he has ever met that is on his level so I wouldn't be surprised if he has been hiding himself a lot, but because you aren't revealing yourself as much he is the one that is pushed to do so." L sighed softly, staying still and letting the words flow into him. He agreed with Watari but... he still didn't know how to open up to anyone. He'd never done it in his life - never. Still...

He turned, without saying a word to Watari, and returned to the hospital. He stood outside the room, waiting for Light's parents to come out... he needed to do this alone with Light. It was at least ten minutes before they left and Light was snuggled up under the sheets, his eyes closed when L came in. L just walked in and sat down next to Light's bed. He waited patiently, to see if the other was asleep, or awake, and if he wanted to talk to him right now. Light's eyes flickered open and he glanced at L before closing his eyes again.

"If you don't want to talk to me, that's alright, I understand. But I would like you to at least listen," L said quietly. He was sat, staring at the ground, his legs in his usual position – holding his body up. He was staring at the ground, not finding it in him to look at Light.

"I love you, I really do. And I'm sorry – I realize how hard I've made this on you. I haven't been opening up to you, telling you anything. I thought – I thought it would spare you from getting hurt. But I realize now, that love isn't about that, it's about trust. That's one of the things you said to me, when we were first together... And at the time, I told you my name, thinking that's the one thing I need trust to tell you... but I was wrong. Yeah, it required a lot of trust for me to tell you that, but it was less than I should have given you. I should trust you enough to tell you everything. But... I don't know if I can." His words were quiet. "I know I love you... but saying the things that are in my head... saying the things that I feel... I'm not quite there yet."

This was hard for L, harder than he thought it would be. "I should be able to tell you everything that's on my mind, everything that I'm feeling, but I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that it would hurt you. And I know I shouldn't be, I should trust you to trust me...but I can't." Tears were falling again, but he didn't sob. For some reason, he knew that this was the end. "I'm not a real fiancé, hell, I'm not a real boyfriend if I can't tell my partner everything..."

"Do you understand what you're doing right now?" Light whispered, an almost amused smirk on his face. "You're opening up to me whilst telling me you can't trust me."

Frowning, L looked up, his eyes meeting Light's for a second. He had a puzzled expression on his face. "What do you mean?" He asked quietly, almost not daring to hope.

"You are telling me exactly how you feel and that is that you can't trust me," Light replied and he tried to keep his tone from being bitter. L looked down at his lap again.

"I'm telling you that I trust you – just not enough." He knew it; he knew that this was going to be the end. He had a sinking feeling in his chest, and his stomach was rebelling. But he wouldn't say it. He wouldn't break it off with Light.

He couldn't.

If this was going to end, it would have to be done by Light.

"Exactly," Light murmured. "You really don't want to be with me do you?"

"I do..." L said quietly, "But I don't think I can be..." honesty is the best policy. "To be honest, I can't actually picture my life without you in it... But I know that I'm not... I'm not good enough to be able to be right for you. All I'll ever do is hurt you, and I might never trust you enough that you'll be satisfied..." Light rolled onto his side.

"Can you hold me please?" Light asked softly, "I'm so tired." L wasn't sure what that meant, only that Light wanted to be held. Did this mean they were still together, or what? Still, without asking, L climbed onto Light's bed, sitting behind the male and putting his arms around him. He knew that the other would now be able to feel the shaking his entire body was doing, and the thumping of his heart. Truly, he was terrified, terrified that Light was going to tell him they were over.

That was something he didn't want – but he'd respect Light's decision if it came to that. Light curled up close to L and closed his eyes, falling asleep despite both his and L's turmoil. L lay awake, doing nothing but holding Light and worrying. Really, he would have liked to have known right away, but at least this way, if it's a negative answer, he'd have spent a little more time with Light, a few more precious hours holding him. Light didn't wake for over six hours.

* * *

**Can anyone guess where Dr Kennedy came from? I know everyone will know where the other one came from. Lol I am also curious as to what your thoughts are on Light's plan and L's attempts to force Light to end it. So please leave a review, I was a bit sad last time that I didn't get any, but here I am posting anyway. Thanks for reading.**


	25. Light Suffers Through Hoospital Food

**Wow, I have actually managed to keep on updating on a regular basis. It helps that these are already written. Anyway I hope you like this chapter.**

* * *

For the entire time that Light slept, L remained in his bed, holding him. By the fifth hour, L had fallen asleep, not so peacefully beside Light. He was clutching onto him, but not tight enough to cause alarm or problems. In his sleep, he was muttering soft, 'I love you's and 'I'm sorry's When Light woke he wasn't sure whether or not he felt relieved to feel L's arm wrapped around his waist, holding Light close to him. L stayed asleep for around twenty minutes after Light, still muttering under his breath. The words were hardily distinguishable, but he tears were falling from his eyes. As he was waking, he moved closer to Light, snuggling a little before opening his eyes. Blearily, he looked at Light and smiled softly. Had yesterday just been a dream?

"Morning..." He whispered.

"Good morning," Light replied softly. He had spent the last twenty minutes revising his plan and he found no flaws in it. Meanwhile L wanted to know, he really felt like he needed to know... but he wasn't sure if he should ask... but...

"What happens now?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know…" Light replied and he swallowed harshly as his throat tightened. "But can I keep you at least till I leave the hospital?" L nodded, trying to swallow with his dry throat.

"You can keep me as long as you want," He said quietly. He didn't want Light to leave him, but he didn't think that he was right for Light – for anyone.

"I'm sorry," He said, his head bowed. "I wish I could be better..."

"I wish you could see how good you are, but you never listen to me. I want to keep you forever." Light curled up tightly against L. He felt numb.

"I-" L honestly didn't know what to say to that. He wished he was better, he wished he was more trusting. His head was still down, bowed to hide his face. "I wish I could tell you everything..."

"I know, let's not talk about that please. If we don't have much longer together, then I don't want to think about that," Light begged softly. L nodded, keeping his head bowed. He didn't deserve Light, he wasn't good enough. Those words were those that he'd been speaking the entire time, but he knew now, he knew more than ever that they were true.

"Life will never be the same..." he whispered to himself.

"I won't ever be able to love another," Light murmured. "So for now can I just love you for a bit longer?" Bringing his head up, L nodded softly.

"Just... give me a moment..." He said softly, "I'll be back soon..." He promised, standing and heading out of the room. He went to the bathroom, relieving himself and washing his hands. He then splashed water on his face, not caring that he got his hair wet. After a few deep breaths, he turned from the mirror and returned to Light's room. Smiling softly at the other, he retook his seat. "Sorry... had to go to the bathroom..."

"We all do," Light replied. Smiling, L nodded, not sure what else he could say. Suddenly, L's cell phone began to ring. Frowning, he tried to remember when he'd turned it back on, and figured he must have done that when he'd gone outside. It was a habit he didn't even realize he had. He pulled it out and answered it, not caring that it was against the rules.

"Hello?"

It was Near. He was calling to see how Light was, but he then started asking why L sounded upset.

"I'm fine Near..." He said softly, but even to his ears it was a lie. L's expression turned to something confused and then surprised. "He told you that...?" Pause, "I see." His tone was dark then, as if he'd been betrayed. "Thank you Near." He said sarcastically.

Then, "You want to what? ...alright..." A little confused, L passed the phone to Light. "He wants to talk to you." Light took the phone though he knew that it shouldn't have been on.

"Hello Near," Light said pressing the phone to his ear.

"Light," Near's curious voice had gone like L's used to be, dispassionate, emotionless. "Why is L upset? He won't say." He was worried, "And has your health improved?" He said that last part in Japanese, again practicing his words. He'd become quite skilled at the language after spending so long with Light.

"He's upset because he's given up despite promising me that he wouldn't. As for me, yeah, my health is improving fairly steadily I think," Light replied almost evasively. L heard those words, and the tears fell. But he didn't sob, nor object.

"Given up on what?" Near was curious. "I'm glad your health is okay..."

"Himself," Light replied simply. "I have to go now; he shouldn't have had his phone on in the first place."

"Be well..." Near said, "Both of you..." The phone clicked dead. L was now curled upon himself, tears falling.

"I'm sorry." He said, "I haven't given up... I just don't know how to... How to tell you everything..." He said quietly.

"I thought I said that I didn't want to talk about this," Light muttered avoiding the reply he wanted to give.

"Light," L looked up at Light, ignoring his tears; his expression was more serious than it's ever been. "We _need_ to fix this, or it will break us. We need to talk about it... Something has to be done."

"What is there to talk about? You've given up," Light stated. "Now you're just waiting for me to break up with you." L closed his eyes, feeling his heart sink. He knew he didn't want that but...

"I haven't given up... I just... don't know. I don't know how. I don't know-" He was shaking his head, his hands reaching up to cover his eyes. "I- I want to try."

"No you don't," Light said calmly. "You never trust me and that is one of the most basic elements of a relationship. I want you to be able to believe me when I say that you're amazing, but you don't. You have never thought for an instant that you deserve me, when I have never felt luckier to have you. I'm tired of being the only one who is fighting for this."

"I'm fighting myself." L said softly. "I've been trying so hard... I'm believing you, a little more than I did before..." He sighed softly, "And I trust you more than I ever have anyone except my mother... But there are things in my past, things that I don't want you to know, things that I've been hiding for so long... Terrible things. And... I'm used to hiding. I don't want those things to hurt you, it's safer to hide..."

"The only reason I would hurt is because I care about you and I would rather hurt than lose you," Light said, finding the effort to be so much as annoyed to be too much.

"I killed someone!" L shouted, blurting out. He was sobbing now, but staring at Light, stubbornly. "I was three years old, and I shot my father. My mother never blamed me, but I always did. I've always had issues because of that; I've always thought I wasn't good enough. I don't deserve to be loved. I am not beautiful, I am not cute. I'm covered in his blood and always will be. I don't believe in myself, because I'm not worth believing in. And I didn't want you to have to know that. I didn't want you to have to see the monster I really am." His sobbing was stopped, but he kept talking. He was standing, defiantly. He was breathing deeply, trying to stop his sobbing; he tried to stop how he was close to breaking. He was trembling, completely, his whole body shaking. His hands were beside him, his fists clenched. He really hadn't wanted to say that.

"You were three years old. Of course it was an accident, there is no reason for your mother to blame you because it wasn't your fault," Light said.

"I knew what I was doing." L said darkly. "I didn't do it by accident. I picked up a gun, I loaded it, and then I shot him – right between the eyes!" He pointed to his own head, "And then I turned the gun on myself," He said, "But there were no more bullets."

"Then why did you do it?" Light said.

"Because I didn't like him," L said softly, his entire body relaxing and his knees giving way. He sat on the chair and his face crumpled, as if finally realizing what had happened. He started to sob even more. "I killed him because I didn't like him."

"Why didn't you like him?" Light asked, too numb to be affected by L's tears.

"He scared me," He said softly through his tears, "he used to call my mother names, and he used to hit me." He shook his head, "But nothing too bad, he'd never leave any marks, and it wouldn't be enough to hurt me permanently, but... But it scared me. I thought he'd hurt mother." He shook his head, wiping away some of the tears. They were replaced less than a second later. "He slapped me a few times and used bad language, and I killed him for it!"

"But you were three. Three year olds aren't meant to handle stuff like that. You weren't emotionally ready to be treated like that. Not that anyone ever is but you were still not at fault. You just didn't want him to hurt you and your mum anymore," Light said, his logic taking the place his emotions had left.

"I'm a monster. And I need to be blamed," L said slowly. His sobbing stopped as he closed his eyes and thought of that still lake, the water's surface. He calmed himself down.

But then memories surfaced. He could feel the cold metal of the gun in his hands, the warmth of the blood that splattered over him. He could hear his mother's horrified scream; see the surprised features of his father as he fell to the ground.

"I need someone to blame me. _I_ need to blame me."

"There are many monsters in this world and you have met a lot of them yourself, but I can with absolute certainty that you could never be a monster and you do not deserve to be blamed for something that was not your fault."

L shook his head, "No." He stood again. "No. I took a life. I killed for personal reasons. I killed my father, and then pushed him off the cliff. And I did it because I didn't like him."

"Well until you forgive yourself you won't be able to give yourself to anyone. I could say it until I turned blue and you wouldn't believe me," Light said, the weight of L's emotions beginning to weigh heavily on him. Sitting down, L shook his head.

"I've never... I've never told anyone about this before... The only people that know... are you and me. My mother's dead, my father's dead. We're the only ones that know..." It was sort of a relief to have someone else know, to have told his biggest secret. Why couldn't he tell Light everything? If he could tell him this... why couldn't he tell him everything else?

"Thankyou for telling me," Light murmured, shutting in a bit further.

L nodded, looking down at the floor. He didn't say anything else for a while before he swallowed and looking up at Light. He bit his lip before speaking. "I love you." He said quietly. "I know that it doesn't seem like it sometimes..." He said, "but I really do."

"I love you," Light parroted.

"I don't want... I don't want us to end," He said softly, he was looking at the ground again, his legs under his body. "I really don't. I want to be able to tell you everything, but I just don't know how."

"I don't either," Light echoed, it was so much easier to just block everything out. "I wanted us to be forever."

"I still want us to be forever," L admitted. "I want to know how to make it work..."

"I told you so many times," Light said, forcing himself to listen.

"Tell me again..." L pleaded, "Just one more time..."

"You needed to trust me," Light said. "You needed to forgive yourself and you needed to believe that you are worthy of being with me."

"How...?" L asked again quietly, "I already trust you, but how can I forgive myself? Would you forgive the person who killed your father?"

"…" Light had gone to speak but he stopped himself quickly. "It wasn't your fault." L nodded tiredly, with a sigh. He put his hands over his head.

"I know..." He said quietly, "But I still killed someone." He sighed and shook his head, chuckling slightly. He remembered how easy it was for him to forgive Light. Could he do the same for himself. He thought for a moment, before there was a sharp intake of breath. He was confused, but he realized that the guilt, the burden he'd been holding for so long... was gone. Maybe he'd never blamed himself... he just... never shared it.

"L-Light... I don't... I don't think I blame myself... I don't think I ever did..." he said softly, "I just didn't share it. I didn't feel like I trusted anyone enough..." He looked up at the other.

"I'm glad," Light replied. "Thankyou for telling me." Nodding, L looked to Light.

"But I still think you're far too patient for me... Get angry at me, yell at me... Get pissed at me. Do something to show that you're not as perfect as I see you..."

"I had to be, I would have lost you otherwise," Light said softly.

"Don't be. Get angry at me. Yell at me, hell, you can hit me, just... don't be so patient with me." He looked down at the ground, "It makes me feel bad"

"I will, but not now. Right now I am too tired to do anything much," Light said letting his exhaustion show. Smiling, L nodded, standing and moving towards the bed.

"C-can I hold you again?"

"Yes of course you can," Light replied and lifted his arms up to beckon L to him. Thankfully, L moved to Light and lay down next to him, pulling him close to his trembling body. He closed his eyes and relaxed slightly. But his body was still shaking. He'd never been so afraid before. He was holding Light too tightly, and had to consciously relax his grip, so he didn't hurt Light. Light hugged L tightly, trying to focus on L's warmth, on his breathing, on something in order to bring himself back, but he was failing. L leaned closer to Light.

"I love you," he stated again, leaning his head on Light's chest. "I really do. And I want nothing but to be with you. Forever and always."

"Thankyou," Light whispered.

"For what?" L asked, honestly not knowing what there was to be thanked for. "All I've been doing is screwing things up..." He said with a smile.

"Loving me and wanting to be with me," Light explained.

"I'll always love you, I'll always want you. It's as much of a part of me as my eyes or my hair. As my heart."

"That's nice," Light whispered, closing his eyes to rest them.

L laughed slightly, "Go to sleep." He said, gently stroking his chest. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Not sleepy," Light retorted. "Just resting my eyes."

Laughing, L nodded, "Sure..." He said with a roll of his eyes. "Sleep." He ordered, "You really do seem tired."

"No, I just slept before," Light said. Smiling softly, L moved slightly so that he was closer to Light.

"Light... can I kiss you?" He asked. Before, he would've just kissed him, but now...now he wasn't sure where he stood. Light wondered at the irony of L being the one to ask this time.

"Yes, you may." Leaning closer, he kissed Light slowly, lovingly. He pulled back and then smiled softly at Light.

"I love you..." he said softly. "Now and forever... please... please don't tell me to leave..."

"I won't," Light promised. L smiled at that and kissed Light again.

He then pulled back, "You need your rest." He said, "You had major surgery."

"I know but it's not exactly like I'm doing anything," Light said. L nodded, holding Light closer to himself.

"Okay." He said softly. "What do you want to do?"

"Mmmm… Nothing… Have you hold me," Light sighed, his mask now completely in place now.

"What's bothering you?" He asked softly, replacing his head on Light's chest. "And don't say there isn't. Tell me...?" He didn't want to demand it, especially after what had happened before.

"Just my nightmare from earlier, I guess it's still bugging me," Light replied.

"What was it?" L asked calmly. "Sometimes talking can help..." He offered, knowing that Light didn't have to answer.

Knowing that L would get more suspicious if he didn't answer he said, "I don't really remember all that, but I remember how I felt." Nodding, L gently stroked Light's chest.

"Scared?" He asked softly.

"Yeah and angry, but at me," Light answered. Stroking Light's head softly, L smiled softly.

"You're okay now, you're safe, and I won't let you get hurt."

"My protector," Light whispered sounding content.

"My saviour," L countered. "You made me human again..."

"You gave me someone to love," Light replied, his eyes still closed and he fell asleep without realising he had done. Smiling L looked at Light and nodded, watching him fall asleep. He smiled at him, and gently sighed. He closed his own eyes, listening to Light's breathing.

* * *

Luckily Light wasn't asleep as long this time and he woke just as the nurse was bringing in his dinner. L stayed sleeping, laying against Light even when his dinner came. Light looked at the nurse helplessly before she finally assisted him in moving the man so that Light could be propped up enough to eat. L just shifted slightly in his sleep, sighing softly.

"Light..." he mumbled. Light glanced down at the sleeping male who was back to being curled around him and smiled slightly before returning to his meal. Not that it should in any shape or form be considered food. After a short while, L blinked his eyes open, sniffing the air.

"Custard?" he said randomly, sitting up and looking around confused and dazed. He looked and saw that there was custard on Light's plate and frowned. He shook his head and smiled softly.

"That's a random thing to wake up to..."

"It is," Light agreed, "Especially since I hate the stuff." Light picked up his spoon and began playing with the substance boredly.

"You kidding?" L asked, his eyes wide, "Custard is like one of the... best things I can think of to eat when you're sick! It's wonderful!"

"It tastes funny," Light replied and screwed up his nose.

"Mm, I love custard. Especially the green stuff, peppermint or something..." He smiled at Light and looked at the custard on his plate. "May I?" He asked, his stomach growling. He hadn't eaten in a long time, and it was catching up to him.

"Sure," Light replied and pushed the plated and spoon over to L. Smiling at Light, L nodded in his thanks and started eating the custard. He finished quickly and smiled at Light.

"Thanks." His stomach growled again, and he smiled sheepishly.

"Why don't you go and have something to eat? I'll be ok," Light said smiling back.

"No..." L said with a small, fleeting smile, "I'm fine..." Truth was, he actually felt kind of dizzy. He hadn't eaten in quite a while, and he doubted that he could make it to the cafeteria without passing out along the way. He was sure some of this showed on his face, but he was determined to stay with Light and to not faint. "Besides, I'd rather stay here with you."

"Go or I will get out of bed to make you and since I can't even get out of bed I will make you feel horribly guilty from my feeble attempts," Light threatened with a grin.

"I don't think I'll be able to." L admitted. "It's been so long since I've eaten, that I'm feeling dizzy sitting down. If I move, I'll end up on the floor." He smiled and shook his head, "I'll have Watari bring me something later. Don't worry, I won't starve to death."

"Call for a nurse then and see if they can bring you some because I don't want you fainting on me," Light replied.

"I already tried, they won't." L said defeated. "Watari should be here in a few hours, I'll be fine." He said. Light's eyes narrowed.

"Let me have a try…" Leaning over Light pressed the call button and a couple of minutes later a young trainee nurse came in and Light smiled at his luck.

"Is there something you wanted?" She asked, slightly flustered at how good looking the young man lying in the bed was.

"Could you please get my friend something to eat? I know you're probably very busy, but he has been so busy taking care of me that he has forgotten to eat and I'm worried he will pass out soon," Light said, the ever-present tiredness adding a dramatic effect and the nurse's heart melted.

"Oh of course, my break is in a couple of minutes so do you think he can hold out till then?" She simpered and Light said that he could and the nurse left.

L turned to Light and playfully scowled, "Using your looks is cheating." He pouted. Then, he smiled and looked bashful. "Thank you though."

"How did I cheat?" Light said innocently. "I didn't know we were competing with each other."

"There's no way I'm competing with you in looks," L said, pulling back and waving his arms in front of himself in a surrendering gesture. "I don't enter competitions that I'll never win." He was smiling at the other.

"I thought it was just a competition on who could get a nurse to bring you food," Light said grinning. "Besides I think you're beautiful." Blushing a little, L nodded, biting his lips.

"But you are more so," He said, looking Light in the eyes. For once, he didn't deny being beautiful. He couldn't deny it. He was starting to believe the words that were constantly tumbling out of Light's mouth.

Light smile softened a little, "Thankyou for not arguing with about it this time." Bowing his head to hide the even darker flush, L started playing with his fingers that were in his lap (he'd sat like a normal person for once).

"Well... I know you wouldn't lie to me..." He said softly

"Thankyou for trusting me," Light said. L nodded, still looking down. He was flushed a deep red, and wasn't sure if he wanted Light to see his face this red, not right now. Light saw this and lifted his hand to stroke a heated cheek with the back of his fingers. Soon enough, the nurse returned with a plate of hot food. It was exactly the same as what Light had been brought. L looked up at Light and smiled softly before reaching forward and eating some of the food. He only ate half of it before pushing it away. He then looked at Light, a sour look on his face.

"I'll be right back..." He mumbled before standing and rushing to the bathrooms. Once there, he emptied his stomach, vomiting harshly into the toilet bowl. After he'd finished with that, he moved to the sink. Washing his hands and his mouth out with the water, he then looked up at his reflection. He'd lost weight. A lot of weight. There hadn't been that much to lose, but now his bones were very prominent. His face was so thin that his eyes seemed even larger than they were before. His skin was almost the same colour as the white wall behind him, giving him an odd look of being transparent. He found his hand moving up to pull the dark skin under his eyes down slightly, seeing his blood shot eyes.

He wasn't well.

Light's confusion at L's sudden disappearance turned to annoyance and he barely resisted the urge to throw the rest of L's food on the floor… but he didn't have the energy needed to do so. After a short while, L returned to Light's side, looking quite green and even paler than usual. He smiled softly, apologetically at the other.

"Sorry." He mumbled, before sitting down beside Light. He picked up his tray and swallowed the nausea that was coming. He moved the tray out of the way and turned back to Light, taking a few deep breaths to try and prevent more vomiting. Light didn't speak, but he was no longer glaring. Carefully controlling his breathing, L closed his eyes trying to keep the bile down. Soon, he managed to open them and send a small, shaky smile to Light.

"Sorry I had to go like that..." He mumbled, "Thought you'd rather not see me do what I had to..."

"And I'm glad I didn't. I suppose you're not hungry anymore are you?" Light said only partially teasing. Grimacing slightly, L nodded.

"Definitely not hungry." He looked at Light and closed his eyes with a relieved chuckle. He was glad the other wasn't angry at him for that. "But I think I should force myself to eat something again soon."

"Yeah, but eat it slower next time," Light cautioned.

"It's not that," L said with a shake of his head, "I went through a stage of Anorexia when I was a kid, and it's never really left me. If I don't eat for a while, then I eat, I feel nauseous for a few times. Then, after a while, I can eat normally again."

"Ok," Light said a thoughtful look on his face. L looked down at his lap before looking up at Light.

"We're not... we're not going to break up... are we?" he asked quietly, wanting, no needing to hear it from Light.

"I don't think so," Light said softly.

"Oh thank god." L sighed in relief. He relaxed completely and looked up at Light, grinning. "I wouldn't know what to do..."

"Neither would I," Light replied, snuggling into the bed. L gently stroked Light's bandages, looking at them with a sad expression.

"Let's just concentrate on getting you better." He suggested, his hand moving down to gently stroke the side of Light's face.

"Ok," Light replied and rubbed against L's hands gently. L stood and smiled at Light.

"I'll go have a word with your doctor. See about your condition." He said with a smile. And he left the room to do just that, finding Light's doctor quickly.

* * *

**Thanks to everyone for reading and a special thanks to DaJapican for reviewing the last chapter. I know it's not looking for Light and L at the moment, but the story isn't even close to being over. Please review if you can be bothered and if you want to flame, tell me why, because I might agree with you.**


	26. Light's Hair Loss Fixation

**Welcome back to another chapter of 'It Started with a Massage'. Thanks for everyone who is reading and reviewing since I really enjoy hearing what people think of it and speculate about what will happen next. Anyway I should be writing an essay right now… Oh well, enjoy the update.**

**Warning: May contain triggers**

* * *

"Doctor? A word?" he asked, smiling at the male.

"Of course," Doctor Kennedy answered cheerfully.

"What is his condition?" L asked, making his way inside the office and sitting down. "How bad is he, really?"

"He is actually doing very well. The sedatives have been going really well but his exhaustion is to be expected, it shouldn't last too much longer," The doctor said smiling softly.

L let himself sigh in relief and smiled at the doctor. "Thank you, Doctor. How long do you think he'll have to remain in hospital?" He asked, "I want to take him home..."

"Maybe a week to be on the safe side and by then he should be up and moving around a bit though he will still get tired easily so probably nothing too strenuous for a while," Doctor Kennedy replied.

L nodded, smiling and standing. "Thank you Doctor." He said. He moved to the door and returned to Light's side. "The doctor said you're doing well... You can go home in a week or so." He sat beside Light and looked at him for a second before bowing his head. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, "It's my fault you're here..."

"How is it your fault?" Light said sounding annoyed, his mask easier to keep in place now that he had rested and put his thoughts in order. Easier to pretend everything was normal.

"Because of what I did in France. If I hadn't done that, you wouldn't have become so clingy to have a panic attack when I locked myself in a bathroom. You wouldn't have been running around Paris looking for me, and you wouldn't have hit your head." With every sentence, L pulled his legs closer and closer to his chest. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"I swear if you were given the time to think about it you could probably find a way to blame yourself for most, if not all, the problems I have ever had," Light said rolling his eyes.

"But this one is my fault!" L protested, staring at Light. "I should be arrested for what I did! Instead, I'm sitting here; worried to death about you because of the situation I put you in!"

"You should have had me executed," Light whispered.

L's eyes widened and he stared at Light, "W-what?" He asked, wondering if Light had... had he remembered? Which meant he remembered what had happened in Paris... and he remembered Kira...? "L-Light...why would I have you ex-executed...?"

"You know exactly why," Light said, before a sudden thoughtful expression crossed his face. "Just wondering do you think Near, Matt and Mello could visit?"

"They can if you want them to." L said with a small nod. He wasn't looking at the other, knowing that he was talking about. "I'll go and call them..." He mumbled standing and moving to the door. "I didn't have you executed because the Death Note drives you to kill," He said quietly. "I used it too." He then left the room, going to look for a pay phone. Light's eyes were full of self-loathing once L left the room and he rested while he waited for the other to return.

* * *

L returned ten minutes later and looked at Light with a small smile. He moved closer to the bed and looked at him. "They're on their way. Watari's bringing them over and they'll be here soon." He said softly.

Light nodded, "good, Near was worried about us. About you."

L nodded and looked at Light with a smile. "They know how happy you make me; they were probably worried that something had happened..." Light lifted his hand up to motion for L to come closer, smiling lightly. A little confused, L moved closer to Light, smiling a little sheepishly at him. "Hmm?" Light rolled his eyes and motioned him closer again. Now close enough to be face to face with Light, L frowned. Their breath was mingling, becoming one. "What is it?" He asked quietly, looking Light in the eyes. Light grinned and lent forward to press his lips to L's. Closing his eyes, L let out a soft sigh as he opened his mouth to kiss Light back. His hand went to his cheek and he pulled back with a smile. "I love you." He whispered. "More than I've ever loved anything..."

"Same," Light said softly, pressing his cheek into L's hand. "Now do you know why I wanted you to come closer?"

Blinking a few times, L looked at Light. "You wanted to kiss me?" He asked, puzzled. That's what he'd thought Light had wanted.

"Yes," Light replied grinning impishly. Chuckling at that, L moved closer and kissed Light again. Then he pulled back.

"The doctor said nothing strenuous." He gently prodded Light's nose. "So keep the making out to a minimum. I'd rather you not get even more hurt because you wanted to kiss me senseless." He said with a small laugh.

"By too strenuous I think he meant getting me off," Light said with a small scowl on his face. "Anyway, don't you want to kiss me senseless now I don't have hair?"

"What's hair got to do with anything?" L asked, completely confused. He shook his head, "And if we do end up in a make out session, I'll want to get you off." He smiled softly at the other.

"I was never meant to be bald. It wouldn't suit me. I haven't looked in the mirror to check though," Light explained. "As for getting me off, you will have to wait for a while longer, but I still want to be able to kiss you as much and as often as I want… Even if I don't look as attractive."

"You're kidding right?" L asked, looking at Light. "You don't need hair to be attractive..." He grinned then, "You want some of mine? I've got enough to share..." He said with a laugh, pulling at his own black locks. He shook his head and leaned over Light to kiss him passionately. He then pulled back and smiled at Light. "You're beautiful."

"You're sweet, but I know I am going to look weird once the bandages come off," Light said sounding a little distracted from the kiss.

"You look fine." L reassured him. He smiled softly at the other, "Trust me, you're gorgeous." He whispered, moving closer, kissing him again. "My love, you're perfect. I don't care about hair or anything like that. Hair or no hair, you're the most beautiful person I've ever known."

"Now I'm just depressed," Light said frowning again.

"Why?" L sounded a little offended and worried at the same time. Why did him thinking Light was beautiful make him depressed!

"I used to spend all that time making my hair look nice only to find out I would look just as nice if I just shaved it off," Light explained, his frown turning into a pout. L laughed, chuckling good naturedly. He smiled and shook his head.

"Your hair is something you love. _You_ feel more beautiful with it." He said with a smile, "So in a way, it _does _make you more beautiful, but only to you." L frowned slightly, "If that makes sense."

"Not helping…" Light said, his pout growing.

"It's what's on the inside that counts?" L asked in a squeaking voice. He had a sheepish look on his face, "It'll grow back?" he tried, "I don't care about what you look like." That one wasn't a question. Light didn't even answer that time. He just crossed his arms and rolled over onto his side, facing away from L. "Light... C'mon..." L sighed, reaching out to touch Light's shoulder, trying to turn him around. "Light, why does it bother you so much?" He asked quietly, "Hair is just hair." He shrugged, not really understanding at all.

"I just finished telling you that I spend a lot of time on my hair. You're the detective work it out…"

"You like your hair. But don't worry." He said softly, "It'll grow back. It won't take long, trust me, hair grows quickly." He smiled softly, his hand on Light's shoulder squeezing slightly. "It'll be back in no time at all..." Light rolled his eyes and tried not to imagine the months where his hair would be awkwardly short. Pouting himself, at the fact that Light hadn't turned back to face him, L sighed and climbed onto Light's bed, straddling the male and leaning down to be by his side, looking him up in the face. "Light... C'mon... look at me... You're acting as if it's the end of the world..." Light glanced up at L.

"You keep saying that I am beautiful, but I am so used to being judged on my physical appearance alone that when go on and say that my physical appearance doesn't matter… It confuses me," Light murmured.

"You're beautiful, but even if you weren't, I'd still love you." L clarified. "That's what I meant." He smiled down at Light and kissed him. Light returned the kiss softly, a small smile beginning to form on his lips. Mello was smirking, and Near was looking at L and Light as if it was something fascinating.

"What are you doing?" He asked, to which, Mello smirked more. Light and L broke apart and Light glanced over to where the three boys stood. Matt's eyes though were fixed to his game as always.

"Well he…" Light indicated L. "… is trying to show me that he still thinks I'm good looking without hair," Light replied and gave a barely perceptible snort before L got off him and he turned to lie on his back again and propped himself up with a press of a button since he couldn't sit up unsupported for very long.

L laughed slightly and shook his head, "I think he's beautiful." He admitted, wiping the saliva off his mouth. He looked at Light and smiled at him. Near grimaced and looked at the pair of them.

"That looked uncomfortable." He said, "Kissing seems like a waste of time." Mello smirked at Near before moving closer to Matt and leaning against him, being almost clingy, but not actually touching the other male. He just needed to be close to him. He was looking over at the pair, smiling lightly now. He was glad that they were okay. Light just smiled at Near and reached out a hand to take L's.

"So what have you all been up to?" Light asked cheerfully. Mello just looked at Matt, moving closer to him. Near shrugged.

"Well that's informative," L said sarcastically. Light laughed softly.

"Well at least you don't have to eat hospital food," Light said and made a sour face. "It really is as bad as what they say. So basically what you three are saying is that you have done nothing that could be more interesting than what I have been up to, which is absolutely nothing." L laughed a little, and Mello nodded. He was looking at Matt though, something strange in his eyes. He then turned to L and smiled, gesturing for the door. Would he mind if they left? L made a face which showed that it wasn't okay for them to go. Mello pouted slightly, but stayed, leaning close to Matt. Near nodded.

"I have been doing more puzzles." He said, "And we have been eating normal food. Would you like me to go to the store and bring you some real food?" He asked.

"No, it's ok. The nurses would probably confiscate it anyway," Light replied his smile brightening.

Matt turned to face Mello and seeing the expression on Mello's face he caught Light's eyes and nodded to indicate they were would just be a minute and tugged Mello out of the room before L could protest. As soon as they were out of the room, Mello pushed Matt into a wall, leaning against him and hugging him tightly before pulling away and kissing him desperately. He wanted to be close to Matt, to be touched by him, to be close to him. Pulling away from the kiss, he moved closer to him and hugged him close, desperately.

"Matt..." he whispered, his voice desperate. Matt returned the embrace gently.

"What is it Mells?" He asked softly, stroking Mello's back.

"Don't ever get hurt." Mello ordered in his now quiet voice. He was clutching onto Matt tightly. "Don't scare me, don't get hurt." He was shaking now, clutching tightly onto the other male. He'd seen the look in L's eyes. The older male was still terrified; worried that Light was going to be even more hurt.

"I can't promise you that I won't ever get hurt, but I will promise that I will try my best not to; for you," Matt replied. Mello nodded, leaning against the other.

"Matt... I love you." He said. This had been the most he'd spoken since the incident. He pulled away and looked at Matt, leaning up to kiss him again. "Love you." He whispered against those lips. Matt returned the kiss softly.

"I love you too," Matt replied and squeezed his arms around Mello softly but not enough to be constricting. Kissing Matt again, Mello sighed softly. He relaxed completely against the other, his arms around him and his eyes closed. He didn't want to pull back; he didn't want to move away from Matt. All he wanted was to stay close to him. Pleased with the affection that Mello was displaying, Matt allowed the boy to stay close and remained silent. After a short while, Mello pulled back and just leaned against Matt, holding him. This had been the most kissing he'd done since before the incident. His heart was racing, and his head was spinning.

"Matt... I want to make love to you." He said quietly. "I us want to have sex."

"Are you sure you're ready for that?" Matt asked gently.

"I don't know." Mello said truthfully. "But I want it. I want to be with you." He was trembling as he said those words. He wanted to be with Matt, but he was afraid of what memories might surface.

"Ok, how about this… We give it a go but you can be in control and we will only take it as far as you're comfortable with," Matt suggested and continued to rub the others back gently. Mello nodded, comforted by the small gesture on his back. He sighed softly, relaxing against the other.

"Should we go back inside?" he asked quietly.

"Sure _dad_ will probably be pissed if we don't come back soon," Matt replied smiling. Mello smiled a little, nodding. He stayed close to Matt though. He loved to be held by the other. With his arm still wrapped around Mello's waist he led them back to Light's room, allowing Mello to go in first. Mello entered the room, keeping close to Matt, and looked at him with a smile.

"Welcome back," L mumbled with a raised eyebrow. Near was sat on Light's bed, having been 'practicing' his words again.

"Me and Mells needed to sort something out," Matt said and tugged Mello over to a chair. Mello followed Matt, sitting down on Matt's lap. He shuffled close to the other male. Near looked at the pair of them and cocked his head to the side.

"Are you alright, Mello?" he asked, concern evident in his voice. Mello just glared at the child, still hating him.

"He's fine," Matt replied and took out his game boy from before.

"Mello..." L said slowly, "Why don't you talk?" He was still sat on Light, not having thought of the need to get off him. He kept close to his lover. Mello stayed silent.

"I think he is still trying to build up trust in people and he has decided to start with me. That way he has someone to trust absolutely in case the others fail," Matt said shrugging. Mello nodded, moving closer to Matt, snuggling into his shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he kept close.

L nodded, "Alright." He said softly, looking at Mello with a small smile.

"Well it's good he is talking to you anyway," Light said optimistically. L nodded, agreeing with Light. Near looked at Mello and stood, climbing down off the bed. He walked over to him before looking at Matt, as if trying to ascertain his reaction to what he was about to do. Then, he leaned forward and hugged Mello. Mello squirmed slightly, feeling uncomfortable. He was glaring at the other, but after a short while, he brought his arm up to briefly hug Near back before pushing him away. He was flushed, but he contorted his face into a glare to hide it with mock anger.

Light smiled at Near proudly and moved to lower his bed slightly. L smiled at Light and lay down next to him, not sitting anymore. He curled up against him, his arms around him. Light snuggled back against L, his eyes drooping slightly. Since the operation he had found it difficult to stay awake for long periods and the stress wasn't helping. Smiling softly, L stroked Light's cheek while looking at his boys. Near was sat on the floor with a puzzle he'd found before. Mello was still snuggling with Matt.

Everyone seemed happy.

"Hey, I'm really tired so I probably will fall asleep soon, 'k," Light whispered.

"Okay. Just... sleep." He said softly, looking at his boys. "When you've gone to sleep, I'll get Watari to take the boys home." He said with a smile. Light didn't need any further encouragement before he was out. Disentangling himself from Light, L looked at the boys.

"Matt, Mello, Near... It's time to go back now." He said, "Is Watari still here?" He asked, looking at Matt.

"Nah, he said he had stuff to do but to call when it was time for us to leave," Matt replied. L nodded, reaching into his pocket for some coins.

"Alright then. Go call him." He said with a small smile. "Tell him you'll be in Light's room, and then come back up here. He can pick you up from here. Oh, and tell him to bring some chocolate cake or Hawaiian pizza."

"Sure," Matt replied and got Mello off his lap. He took the coins before taking Mello's hand and leading him out of the room. Mello stuck close to Matt, not wanting to leave him. He held his hand tightly, keeping close to him. Matt got to the phone quickly and made the call. When he was done he turned to face Mello. Smiling at the other, Mello moved closer to Matt, his head on his shoulder and his arms around his waist. He loved to be close to him, to feel this sense of intimacy.

"We'll be home soon," Matt whispered and lead Mello back. Mello nodded, holding Matt's hand and leaning closer to him. He sighed softly and smiled.

"Love you." He mumbled.

"Love you too," Matt answered and kissed Mello's cheek. Blushing slightly, Mello smiled at Matt.

"Let's get going." He said quietly. They got back into the room and L looked at Matt and Mello, smiling softly.

"That was quick." He said quietly.

"Yeah," Matt replied and tugged Mello onto his lap on the closest chair. Mello let himself fall onto Matt's lap, almost seeming like a doll. He snuggled against his chest. Near sat up straight and looked at Matt and Mello.

"Is Watari coming?" he asked. Mello nodded.

"Y-yeah." Matt kissed Mello's head, proud of his love. Mello turned his face into Matt's chest, holding him tighter. Why was it so hard for him to talk to people? Why couldn't he just be like he used to be? L smiled proudly at Mello. Near was smiling at him.

"Thank you, Mello." He said softly.

"So proud of you Mells," Matt whispered. Mello nodded, leaning against the other. He sighed softly. Near continued with his game, and L lay next to Light, closing his eyes beside his lover. Watari turned up a few minutes later.

"Are you three ready to go?" Watari asked and placed the pizza on the table. L sniffed and sat up. He'd fallen asleep, only to be woke by the smell of pizza. He looked at the boys and smiled at them. "You can come back any time." He told them. "And as soon as possible, we'll bring Light home." Mello nodded standing but staying close to Matt's side. Near looked at L, then at Light.

"Tell him to call when he's feeling better..." He said softly before walking out of the room. Matt kept Mello's body against his as he lead the boy to the car outside.

The drive home was short and silent. And when they got inside the large hotel, Mello pulled Matt towards the elevator and then into their room. Once there, he pulled him all the way to the bedroom before looking at the other male. He was a little nervous, but he smiled slightly. His hand reached up to gently stroke Matt's cheek and he leaned forward to kiss him. Matt returned the kiss softly and moving to sit onto the bed, surrendering completely to Mello. Mello gently pushed Matt down and kissed him deeply. He moved to straddle him. He leaned forward and kissed him again before pulling back.

"I can't," He said quietly, looking upset about it. "I just... I can't..." Tears started falling and he shook his head. Matt embraced Mello gently.

"Hey, it's ok," Matt murmured. "I am so proud that you are already this far. As I said before, we'll only go as far as you're ready, so don't even think about me." Mello was shaking his head, sobbing lightly.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "But... Every time I try... I think... I think about what happened..." He curled up on himself on Matt's lap. "I think about how it felt..." He shook his head, "I'm scared Matt..."

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about," Matt whispered. "It's only natural to feel scared after what that monster did to you. The fact that you allow me to hold you like this so soon after is more than most others in the same position would be able to. We can take this slowly, only as much as you're ready for. I love you Mells."

With that, Mello started to cry even more. He clung onto Matt, shaking his head and sobbing. After a moment, he was able to pull back and look at Matt, smiling softly, even through the tears that were still cascading down his face. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked, "Because what ever it is, I'm going to keep doing it."

"Since when did video game geeks become popular?" Matt joked, and gently kissed Mello's cheek.

"God Matt..." Mello mumbled leaning into the other's chest again. "You have to be the smartest, most beautiful, sweetest male alive. And I thank god that I'm gay, and that you are too. And that we're together." He laughed slightly. "Now I sound like a girl."

Matt chuckled softly and just held Mello gently. "Yes, thank god I have you."

Sighing softly, Mello brought a hand up to wipe away his tears. "I love you Matt." He said quietly, sincerely.

"I love you too Mells," Matt replied.

* * *

Back at the hospital, L had fallen asleep beside Light, now however, the nurse was trying to get him to leave.

"Visiting hours are over sir. Please. The patients need their rest, and you have to go."

"I'm not leaving him." L crossed his arms defiantly.

The nurse glared at him, "I may have to bring someone in to bodily remove you." She threatened, and L just gave her a daring look. On the bed Light suddenly frowned and bit his lip as if in pain that was growing worse, but he barely let out a whimper. L completely ignored the nurse to look at Light.

"Light, are you alright?" he asked gently. Light didn't answer, still locked in the depths of his dream. The nurse shook her head.

"He's dreaming. He's fine. Now please, you must leave!" Glaring, L turned to the nurse.

"An earthquake couldn't remove me from his side. What possible chance do you think you have?" he asked before turning back to Light and gently stroking his face.

"Good evening," Doctor Kennedy said cheerfully as he entered the room. "I came to deliver Light's sedatives. I thought you might still be here Ryuzaki." Glancing down at the bed he frowned. "How long has he been like this?"

"I-I'm not sure. At least ten minutes." L said quietly, looking at the doctor before returning his gaze to Light. He looked at him in concern.

"I'm pretty sure this is the same thing as after his surgery. I'm going to attempt to wake him, Would you please step outside for a moment Ryuzaki? I will call you back in once he's conscious. It will only be a couple of minutes," Doctor Kennedy asked gently. A little nervously, L nodded, standing and leaving the room. He stood against the wall beside the door. He was worried as for his lover, for his best and only friend.

About ten minutes later Doctor Kennedy emerged looking concerned.

"We were successful in waking him but there is a problem, he has become very agitated and flinches when either myself or nurse Penny goes near him. He also is refusing to meet out gaze or speak," The doctor said worriedly. L looked at the doctor, his eyes wide with worry. He pushed past him and into the room, slowing down when he got there. He looked at the male and advanced slowly.

"What is it Light?" He asked quietly, "What's wrong?" Light's eyes widened and shuffled back on the bed and away from L, trembling. L stopped, pulling away and looking at Light in shock. "Light..." he said quietly, "Talk to me..." He said quietly. "I want to be here for you."

Light shook his head hard, barely blinking.

"Can I come closer?" L asked quietly, reaching a hand out but not making any move towards the other. "I won't hurt you." His voice was kept quiet, reassuring and loving. Light tried to move back, but he didn't have the energy to go very far even working on adrenaline… on fear.

_Tearing of fabric. _

_Pain. _

"_L stop!" _

"L-Light..." L nodded and dropped his hand. He took a few steps back before sitting on a chair in the corner of the room away from Light. Light calmed down slightly as L moved away and curled up into a ball similar to L.

_Fear._

'_please stop'_

_L forcing him onto the bed, ripping him open. _

_His defences useless._

"I can figure out what happened," L said quietly. "You remembered, didn't you?" Light just curled in on himself tighter covering his ears with his hands. Nodding, L shut his mouth and stayed silent. He'd let Light know that he wasn't going to say anything until Light wanted him to.

_Surrender. _

_Just a distraction. _

_Just a toy._

Light didn't speak; he just stayed silent and didn't even look at L. L sighed softly, and after a long while, he shifted slightly and forced himself to relax on the chair.

"I'm not going to hurt you, or do anything you don't want me to." If L was hoping for an answer he would be disappointed as Light just stayed quiet, staring off into space. After a few more hours, L found himself falling asleep, his stomach rumbling for the pizza that was close to Light. The nurse walked over and grabbed the pizza and brought it to L. She had stayed in the room to monitor Light's behaviour.

"You're probably hungry." L shook his head.

"I couldn't eat now..." he said quietly, shaking his head.

"Look, he obviously has a lot on his mind right now, the last thing he needs is to be worried about you," The nurse said furiously.

"You don't understand. If I eat now, it won't stay down." L smiled softly at her. "Thank you for your concern, and I promise that I will eat as soon as my stomach permits it."

"Ok," The nurse said grudgingly.

Smiling softly L nodded before looking back at Light and leaned against the chair. He sighed softly and closed his eyes.

The next day Light was still not speaking and barely eating. His mind fixed on one thing and one thing only.

L retuned to the room, having been summoned by the doctor. He stood by the door and looked at Light. "You have to eat," He said quietly. "The doctors said that if you don't eat, and talk to someone, anyone, they'll force an IV in your arm and bring you to a psychiatrist. Please Light..." he said quietly. "I know what I did was bad, I know what you did with the notebook was wrong, but please, you have to cooperate."

He ate then, but nothing else. Sighing softly, L nodded. "Are you going to talk to me?" He asked quietly, looking at the floor.

Silence. He was still curled up.

L sighed and nodded. "Alright. But I'm staying until I'm sure you're alright," He said softly, "Unless you want me to go, and then you have to tell me."

And so another day passed in silence.

Obviously, Light didn't want L to leave, but this was driving L crazy. Still, he stayed there, waiting for Light to speak, waiting for him to acknowledge him in some way. He never moved closer to the bed, and he spent most of his time in the chair. Every so often, he had to leave to go to the bathroom, and one of the nurses would force him to the canteen (with help from three orderlies). But aside from that, he was always there.

* * *

Days past and soon it was the day for Lights release. He had been growing stronger and even getting up to go to the bathroom, but L may as well not have been there for Light never said a word or even looked at him. That wasn't to say that he had stopped speaking completely, but it was only one or two words at most to the doctor or nurse checking in on his progress. Watari turned up at twelve o'clock to pick them up; bringing Light's mum to sign Light out, who was still trying to adjust to her son's withdrawal.

L was becoming more and more depressed, withdrawing in a similar way to Light. But at least he was still talking. He wasn't eating any more, he point blank refused, and he had lost five kg's in three days. He was now at 44kg's. When Watari came, L sat in the back of the car, just looking out the window, waiting for the others.

The drive back was quiet and when they got back to the hotel Light immediately headed to the bathroom connected to the room he shared with L, murmuring something about having a sleep; no one noticing the small bottle of pills he had taken with him. Slipping into the bedroom Light dropped his ring on his bed and walked into the bathroom, making sure to lock the door behind him and opened the bottle.

* * *

**Eep! Cliffhanger. Umm, well this story isn't over and won't be over in the next chapter or even the one after that, but I couldn't resist ending the chapter with this. Please review and let me know what you think. Oh and no one guessed where Doctor Kennedy came from. I doubt anyone would be able to guess it anyway, so it would be good to be proven wrong. **


	27. Light's Death Wish

**It's strange. I wrote this chapter ages ago and yet today when I decide to post it I find that my brother is in a fairly similar situation to L in this chapter. I don't know what to make of that. Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter and sorry for the cliff-hanger.**

* * *

L watched Light go, and after a while, followed. He knocked on the door. "Are you alright?" He asked, leaning against the wall beside the door. He noticed something on the bed, something shiny. He stepped forward and picked up the ring.

His heart sank, and his throat constricted. Then he frowned and moved back to the door. "Light, please, answer me." He was getting a little afraid now. Light either didn't want to get married, or didn't want to live...

"Light..."

A deathly silence lingered as L's cry had no response.

"Light. If you don't respond to me, I'm going to pick the lock on the door. I can and I will," L threatened. "And you know it."

L got no reply.

Cold fear gripped at L's heart as he pulled his credit card out of his pocket. He then moved it through the door, feeling the lock mechanism under his fingers. He heard a click and opened up the door...

Light was sprawled across the floor unconscious. He was barely breathing; the empty bottle of sedatives had fallen onto the floor beside his hand.

"Shit!" L rushed to Light's side, turning him slightly so that he was on his side. He pulled out his cell phone and called Watari. "Watari, call an ambulance and then meet me in my bathroom. Light has taken too many pills." He then hung up and shook Light. "Light, I need you to wake up, or I'm going to have to stick my fingers down your throat."

A soft sigh of a breath was released but there was no following inhale.

"Fuck," L growled, turning the male over and pushed down on his heart. Induced vomiting would have to wait; he needed to breathe to vomit. "Breathe," L said before leaning down and pressing his lips against Light's, trying to breathe into his lungs. He pulled back, "Breathe," he ordered.

Watari was in the room about ten minutes later with the ambulance officers following with their equipment.

"Help him, please!" L was shaking, tears falling from his trembling features. "He... He took pills..." He picked up the empty bottle and held it out to the medics. He was trembling even more now. "I- I don't know how many..."

"Thank you, that is a huge help," the medic replied and they immediately got to work on Light. Watari beckoned L over so he wouldn't be in the way as the medics finally stabilised Light and prepared him to be taken to the ambulance.

They took Light downstairs, with Watari and L following close behind and Watari allowed L to ride in the front of the ambulance saying that he would be following quickly.

L was curled in on himself, looking behind at Light. "Please be okay..." he whispered quietly, still trembling. Warm tears were cascading down his face.

As soon as they got there Light was immediately rushed inside one medic staying behind to question L.

"How long has Light been on sedatives for?"

"I- I don't know. I didn't think he was," L said distressed. "He was in hospital before, but I wasn't told of any medication he needed to take..."

"Why was he in hospital before?" The medic asked suspicious.

"Uh, head injury resulting in the need for some kind of surgery... It should be in the records..."

"Ok. Has he been showing signs of depression or has something happened recently that would account for this attempt?" The medic pressed. "I need to know so we can treat him."

"He- He hasn't been talking to any one recently... There- he was – he was sexually assaulted a few weeks ago..." L told them. "He- he refused to press charges..." He shook his head, "Is this because of that...?" he asked quietly.

"Possibly… Has he been under a lot of stress lately?" The medic asked gently.

L did nothing other than nod, looking nothing more than distressed and guilty.

"Ok so he will have to go into therapy after he is released but he will probably have to be in intensive care for a while," the medic said. "You can wait in the waiting room and someone will let you know when he is back in his room. He will probably have to have his stomach pumped."

L nodded. "Do whatever's needed. Just please... Please help him..." He was sobbing now, curled in on himself. "And- And you might need to call his parents..." He mumbled.

"Ok," was the calm response. "I know this is hard but because you were able to get to Light so quickly he should be ok."

L nodded, crying softly. "T-Thank you."

Just then Watari showed up and the medic excused himself.

"I was hoping that we wouldn't be back here quite so soon," Watari said gravely.

L nodded, pulling his knees closer. "This is my fault..." he said quietly. "This is all my fault. He's in there, probably dying because of me!"

"Well now is no time to blaming ourselves. Light needs our support now more than ever and if we're not there for him he may try it again and we may not be so lucky."

L nodded, pulling his legs close to him. He was sobbing now. "What do we do...?" He asked quietly. "What do I do, Watari...?"

"We wait. It won't be easy but that is all we can do right now and hope that Light will be will to answer our questions and we will be able to work out what to do from there. It won't be easy but nothing in these situations ever is," Watari replied wisely, his heart breaking seeing the one who was like a son, cry so much.

"Why would he do this...?" He asked quietly. "If he didn't want me to be around him, why didn't he just leave, or tell me to leave...?"

"Maybe it was because he couldn't," Watari replied. "I don't know why, you'll have to ask him."

"He... He won't talk to me," L said quietly. "He hasn't said a word to me in days..." He looked up at Watari, feeling like he was a young child again. "He probably hates me after what I did..."

"And that is why you are going to try again. Make him talk to you. Don't give up on him so easily," Watari said encouragingly.

L shook his head. "I'm not going to give up," He said quietly. "I just don't want him to either."

"As I said, it isn't going to be easy, but…" Watari started but Doctor Kennedy cut him off.

"…Ryuzaki? What brings you to the hospital?" He asked, concerned.

L pointed to the door which Light had gone through. "He... He tried to kill himself," He said quietly. "He took a load of sedatives..."

"Oh my…" Kennedy said stunned. "How long have you been here for?"

L shook his head. "I don't know... ten minutes?" He was starting to hyperventilate now. "Doctor, please... make sure he's okay..."

"Yes… of course, I'll go check on him now." With that the doctor turned and went to find Light.

L was lying on the chair. By now, he'd stopped crying, and he was just starring into space, doing nothing but just sitting there...

Doctor Kennedy came back twenty minutes later.

"The drugs have been flushed out and Light is being taken to intensive care, but he should be ok," He reported. L nodded, his eyes still staring into nothing. It was easier than having the emotion. Just to ignore them. The doctor sighed and told Watari that Light should be awake the next day and so they could visit then.

L seemed to be completely ignoring everything and anything around him. He was just uselessly staring in front of him. He was following any orders that Watari said, not even thinking of it himself. The doctor left and Watari sat down to wait with L. There was silence in the waiting room, L staring ahead, his eyes dead, his body completely lax.

He'd given up on emotions.

Watari sighed. "I'm going to go to sleep, there is nothing we can do till tomorrow."

L nodded, not making any moves to move. He just stayed still. Eventually, some quiet words escaped his mouth. "Have a good night Watari. And thank you."

"Will you be alright? I could stay with you if you would like," Watari offered.

Smiling a little, L turned to Watari. "I am no longer the child I once was." He said softly. "I'll be fine." He bowed slightly to the older male. "Thank you."

"I know but you are like a son to me and as such I will always want to be there for you," Watari replied gently. "I will be back early tomorrow, goodnight."

L nodded, looking at Watari. Just as Watari was heading away, L stood and moved to him. "Watari..." he said quietly, waiting for the other to turn around before standing forward and pulling his arms around the old man. "Thank you." He said quietly, his head on Watari's chest. He hugged him tightly.

"You're a good person and I am very proud of you. I just know things will turn out ok in the end," Watari murmured as he gently returned the hug.

"I hope you're right." L said quietly. "Thank you... for everything." He said quietly. He held Watari tighter and bit his lip to not cry.

Watari just held the younger man. He knew how painful it was to lose someone but even so he couldn't imagine what it would be like to know that person had decided to die.

For the first time since he was eight years old, L was crying into Watari's shoulder, sobbing like a young child.

Watari knew that he shouldn't have felt so relieved that L was crying, but he knew that L needed to get this out so that he would be able to help Light. L wouldn't have been able to help anyone at the moment and the last thing he needed was for L to give up on emotions.

Sobbing harshly, L clung to Watari. He'd never felt so frail before. Even when Light was in hospital last time, he hadn't felt so... broken. Maybe it was because Light had done it himself.

"We always feel weak when the ones we love are in pain," Watari whispered.

"It's my fault Watari." L sobbed. "He asked me to stop, and I didn't..."

"I think that it was more than just that," Watari replied softly.

"I raped him Watari..." L said quietly, sobbing, "He said to stop, and I didn't. Then he got hurt... I wish I stopped. I wish I did..."

"As I said, I doubt that was the entire reason but you need to talk to Light. Only he can give an answer as to why he did it."

"He won't talk to me. He hates me. He's silent to me." He said with a cry.

"Don't give up. He may talk to you this time," Watari said soothingly.

"I hope so." L said. He kept his arms around Watari, taking some comfort from his father figure. The only father figure that he actually liked. "When is he going to wake up?"

"Doctor Kennedy said he should be awake tomorrow and you should be able to see him then," Watari replied.

"C-can you stay?" he asked, knowing that he'd already told Watari that he didn't have to. "I- I don't think I can be alone right now..."

"Of course, I wasn't seriously planning on it anyway," Watari replied gently.

"Thank you." L said in a shaking voice. He leaned closer to the male and hugged him again before pulling away. He wiped his eyes with a shaking hand before looking up at Watari. "Thank you. For everything..."

"You're welcome," Watari replied and he led them back over to the seats to wait.

L sat on the chair, curling in on himself again and leaning against Watari. "Tell me a story..." he said quietly.

When he was a child, he often became afraid in the night. He'd rush to Watari's room, and climb beside him. Back when that happened, L would ask for a story, and Watari would tell him something to calm him down, a child's story to sooth him at night.

Watari looked up thoughtfully before remembering the one that L had liked the most and had often got him to retell it after he had a nightmare. Leaning back he wrapped an arm around L and began to tell the story.

L listened to the story, his eyes glazing over and sighing. He listened to Watari and slowly fell asleep, just like when he'd been a child. Soon, he was breathing evenly, relaxed and sleeping peacefully for the first time in what seemed like forever.

Noticing that his audience was asleep Watari smiled and watched over L as the boy slept as he had not done since L had been a child. Deciding that sleep could wait, Watari began to think over the events that had occurred and what was yet to come.

L slept soundly throughout the night, shivering slightly a few times throughout the night.

He shifted slightly, and now his head was on the arm of the chair beside Watari's hip.

Watari requested for a nurse to bring a blanket which he draped over L as he noticed how cold he was and sighed. He still had no idea what to do but it had only been 2am so he still had plenty of time to think up something before morning.

* * *

When it got to 6am Watari was still no closer to an answer than he had been when he started. L stretched and rubbed his eyes, a little confused to find where he'd fallen asleep. Finding a blanket around him, he looked at Watari and blinked in confusion. Then he remembered and he went pale.

"Is... Is Light okay."

"He's fine. He is still sleeping," Watari said soothingly.

"I need to see him..." L said quietly. During the night, L had had a nightmare about Light, that he'd gone into his room and Light had killed himself, right in front of L. L didn't want him to die – he really didn't.

L was shaking, but he tried to keep calm. "I need – I have to see him."

"I don't know if they will let you in the room but the walls will probably be glass so you will be able to look in on him," Watari answered and called over a nurse. "My sons fiancé is currently in intensive care at the moment. Would it be alright if he went in a checked on him? He is feeling quite upset at the moment and he will stay outside the room."

The nurse frowned. "Fine, but he will have to wait till visiting hours to actually go in." When Watari nodded, the nurse said, "Ok, follow me. You're here for Yagami, Light correct?"

L nodded. He looked down at his hand before putting it in his pocket. He pulled out the ring that Light had thrown onto the bed. He held it tightly in his hand. The word fiancé had reminded him of that ring, sitting alone on the bed.

Tears sprung to his eyes and his hands clenched slightly, pressing against his chest. He was trembling now as he moved to follow Watari. He looked through the glass and stared at Light.

He began to sob before, collapsing into the nearby chair. He looked up to Watari, reaching out for his hand.

Watari moved over and took the offered hand in his own as they gazed in on the boy on the bed who seemed so much more fragile than what he usually was.

L pulled his hand away after leaving the ring in his palm. He knew that Watari would understand. Standing, L looked to the glass. He was stood close to it, and he watched the other male in the room. His hand was against the glass, as if wishing he could be on the other side.

As if answering some unspoken call Light's eyes fluttered before opening, looking out of the room to meet the gaze of the one standing on the other side of the glass. His expression was blank though, as though he was exhausted.

L looked at Light sadly, forcing himself to smile at him. His hand curled slightly as if trying to hold onto Light. Tears filled his eyes again. He looked at Watari and smiled softly. "He doesn't want me." He said quietly, looking down at Watari's hand, where he'd put the ring.

"I thought you said you weren't going to give up?" Watari said kindly. "We don't know what Light wants."

"I'm not stupid," L said softly, looking back at Light. He could already tell that this was soundproof glass. And he'd been in this sort of a room before. "He refuses to talk to me, he removes the ring I gave him, and then he tries to kill himself in a _locked_ bathroom." He shook his head. "I'm not giving up. It just hurts to know that he'd rather kill himself than talk to me." He shook his head. "Tell me what I'm _supposed_ to think."

"That he was trapped for some reason and that prevented him from telling you. Don't jump to assumptions quite so quickly. Maybe the reason he wasn't talking to you before was because he had been planning to do what he did and he didn't want you to find out."

L shook his head, "I don't know..." He said quietly. "I'll talk to him... if he talks back..." He said quietly, "Because I love him, and I want to stay with him. And even if he doesn't want to be with me, I'll still be there for him as a friend. I'm not going to let him go through this alone."

"That's the spirit," Watari said smiling now and called over the nurse from before and asking when 'Ryuzaki' could go in. The nurse sighed and walked over to grab a doctor who went into the glass room and checked Light out.

When he came out he walked over to L and said, "You can go in now if you'd like."

L nodded, smiling his thanks. He then headed to the door, but he paused at the entrance. "I-" He couldn't... "I don't think..." He turned to Watari. His hands shaking. "I can't..."

"_Ryuzaki?_" Came a hoarse whisper from the bed.

Instantly, L looked back at the door, opening it. He looked at Light and his heart broke. He walked into the room and slowly advanced to Light's bed. "L-Light...?" His voice was trembling, more than his hand now.

"Hi," Light mumbled.

"Y-your talking to me..." L said quietly, a little surprised. He was stepping forward, timidly. He stopped, at the foot of Light's bed. He didn't know if he should go any closer. "H-how're you feeling...?" he asked quietly.

"Tired…" Light replied honestly. "…Numb…"

"C-can I come closer...?" L was still in tears, but he was ignoring that in favour of paying attention to Light.

"Yeah," Light replied almost distantly.

L nodded and hesitated before stepping forward and pulling a chair up to beside to Light's bed. He looked at him. "Why...?" he asked quietly.

"It just got too much… too heavy and I just collapsed…"

"Why didn't you talk to me... or your father or anyone?" L found himself asking, more tears coming. He was close to breaking down again, and he knew it. He looked down to his hand where he still wore his own ring.

"Because I couldn't. You've had this thing going on for nearly as long as we have been together, where I'm forced to hold my tongue. I knew you wouldn't be able to handle what I had to say and I would have ended up apologising just so you wouldn't try and get me to leave you. After all, it is only recently that you have even begun to think you are worthy of being with me. I knew that if I said anything you would either blame yourself, beyond what would be necessary, and I would be the one trying to make you feel better, or you would turn it into another fight where I would have to try and convince you that I want to be with you," Light explained, his voice neutral.

Instantly grief and guilt washed over L and he looked down. He didn't say anything, he just nodded. "I understand," He said quietly. He looked up again, into Light's eyes. "Do you want to be with me?" He asked, trying hard to keep his voice neutral. "You left the ring on the bed." He explained quietly.

"I also took half a bottle of sleeping pills and didn't expect to be waking up again," Light reminded L dryly.

L stifled a sob at that one. He tried to keep his emotions in check. He swallowed his sobs and nodded. "O-okay." He stuttered. "I- I understand." He nodded again. "But you didn't... you didn't answer me... It's okay... you don't have to answer now... But... I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to help you through this, even if it's just as a – as a friend..."

"You will?" Light said sounding doubtful. "After that _incident, _my world was falling apart and I needed you, just like Mello needs Matt at the moment, and you made me feel like I was nuisance. I was scared and you kept forcing me to deal with it on my own because I was being too _clingy._ As far as what I have seen of Mello and Matt they probably haven't left each others for more than a couple of minutes and Mello probably hardly let's Matt go for the entire time they are together."

"Light..." L was feeling even guiltier now. "I'm sorry..." He took Light's hand in his own. "If you want me to be like that, if you want me to be like Matt is to Mello, then I will. I'll be with you." He bit his lip as he looked at Light. He was trembling still, but he ignored that. "I just... I didn't think you'd want me to be that close..." he shook his head, "But I was wrong." He started moving closer to Light. A trembling hand reached out and gently stroked his forehead.

"Ryuzaki, I was _panicking_ whenever you got too far from me and you knew I was. I just wanted to be cared for, for once, rather than always being one putting my emotions second because I needed to try and balance you out again. I won't deny that it hurt like hell when you did _that_ to me, but I didn't let myself scream because I knew that you needed it. I could have stopped it, but I didn't because of you."

L trembled nodding. This was hurting him, but he was taking it. He deserved this. Light was right. He was quiet, listening to Light's words. "I know... I haven't been good to you... at all..." He said quietly. "I want to change..." He said quietly, "I'm going to try... everything I can..." He was crying again. He put his arm around Light's shoulders. "I'm sorry. From now on, I'll do what I can..." He continued to stroke Light's forehead.

Light unconsciously curled into L closer.

"You know how you felt because you shot your dad, well try multiplying that feeling by hundreds. I still haven't gotten over that either and I don't know if I ever will…"

L shook his head. "It's only human not to," He said quietly. He leaned forward to gently kiss Light on the forehead. He looked down at him then. "I want to help you," He said quietly. He climbed onto the bed and sat next to Light, his arms around him completely now. "If you want me to, I'll never leave. If you say you want me to stay, I will." He said quietly. "Just say the word."

Light looked up L, his eyes flickered with tentative hope, but clouded by doubt. "Stay?" He whispered.

Nodding, L shifted slightly to get more comfortable. He placed his head on Light's shoulder and sighed softly. He was trying incredibly hard to keep his tears in, but they were leaking. "Sorry." He mumbled, reaching up to wipe his eyes. He then sighed softly.

"How can I help?" he asked softly.

Light didn't answer. He had fallen asleep.

Sighing softly, L made himself comfortable. He was going to keep his word. There was nothing in this world that was going to make him leave now. Nothing at all.

Watari came in a moment later. "How is he?"

"He- He's talking to me..." he said quietly. "He told me his reasons..." He didn't move from his position. "He asked me to stay with him. Like Matt did for Mello..."

"So do you think he will try again?" Watari asked worriedly.

"I- I don't know... But... I won't let him." He said, "I'll protect him from himself." He promised.

Watari smiled. "Good, because he will need you to be strong for him now."

L nodded and looked up at Watari. "I – I need to be strong..." He nodded. "I fear I'll need you now more than ever..."

"Of course," Watari replied gently. "For as long as you need me I'll be here."

"Thank you Watari." Then L just stayed there, lying with Light.

"Now, how about some breakfast? Anything you feel like?" Watari asked.

"I'm not really that hungry..." L said softly. His stomach was churning, and he was glad that he hadn't eaten in a while.

Dimly, he was a little worried about that he was falling back into anorexia.

"I doubt I will need to remind you that you returning to your old habits now would not help Light. It would not be good for you to be sick because you were weren't eating and Light shouldn't need to be worrying about you," Watari said sounding concerned. "Anyway I am in desperate need of coffee."

"Get me... a cup of coffee...and maybe a muffin." He said with a nod, listening to Watari's advice. He sighed softly. "I'll try and eat it... start slowly... make it a blueberry muffin..."

"Ok," Watari replied and left to go and get the food and coffee.

L stayed with Light and looked to the sleeping male. "I'm going to do everything I can to make this up to you..." He said quietly.

Light frowned in his sleep as he curled up against L.

"I don't know if you know how much I do love you," He said quietly, "but it doesn't matter. But I'm going to stay here, with you, until you get sick of me and literally throw things at me to get me to leave..."

Watari returned a few moments later with the muffin and coffees.

L sat up, pulling a table closer to him and placing the coffee and muffin on that. He pulled the muffin apart and started to place small bits in his mouth. He smiled at Watari, thankfully as he started drinking the coffee.

Watari took a seat silently and began to eat his muffin too.

Half way through the muffin, L pushed it away slightly. He then lay back down with Light, his head on his chest. He was silent, feeling a little more comfortable now.

"So do you wish to contact the boys about what has happened?" Watari asked.

L froze for a second. "I don't want to scare them..." he said quietly. "And his parents need to know..."

"I know you don't but they will be wondering where Light will be since he probably won't be home for a while now," Watari answered. "As for Light's parents what do you wish for me to tell them?"

"The truth." L said quietly, "Always the truth. We can tell the boys that he's here because of an accident... They don't need to know right now..."

"Ok. Shall I make the calls now or wait?"

L paused, thinking for a moment, "Now would probably be best..." He said quietly.

"Ok, I will be back shortly." Standing up Watari turned and left the room to call Light's parents as well as Matt, Mello and Near.

L lay on Light and spoke quietly. "Watari's going to tell your family... they'll probably be here soon." He spoke quietly to the sleeping male.

* * *

About an hour later Light stirred from his sleep.

L sat up and looked at Light with a soft smile. "I think your parents are on the way..." he said quietly. "Watari called them. He also told the boys that you'd had an accident and had to come here..."

"Mhmmm…" Light mumbled, his eyes opening slowly.

L smiled softly at Light. "You feel like eating anything...?" He asked quietly.

Light shook his head. "No, not really."

Nodding, L lay back down, feeling okay to just sit with his lover. "You know... we once said we'd spend all day in bed, just lying together. But I didn't think it'd be here..."

"Neither did I," Light whispered.

L sat up and looked at Light seriously. "Are you going to try it again?" he asked, completely serious. "Are you likely to try and kill yourself again?"

"I don't… probably not… If you really do as you say and help me," Light replied tiredly.

"I'll hold you to that," L warned, "If you kill yourself, I swear I'll follow you and pull you back kicking and screaming if I have to." He then smiled at Light. "You scared me..."

"I know that now, but then I was just so overwhelmed that I didn't care. I wanted you to be," Light murmured.

"I'm not blaming you for it." L said quietly. "I just wish you would've done something else- anything else. Leave, cheat, hit me, yell, scream, gamble, anything..." He shook his head, "But it's all in the past now..." He looked at Light and gently stroked his bald head. "What matters is the present and the future..."

"I couldn't talk to you; I could never hit you or cheat on you and you are the centre of my universe so trying to leave you is like a planet trying to break free of gravity," Light said, hi9s words feeling inadequate for what he needed to express. "And if you make another crack about me watching chic flics I will hit you."

L laughed lightly, looking down at his love. "I think it's cute." He said quietly. "We should watch some together. Then maybe a Barbie movie too, or maybe that Tinkerbelle movie that's just come out," He joked.

Light gave a half-hearted glare and whacked L's arm. "I warned you…"

Laughing a little, L rubbed his arm and looked down at Light. Leaning forward, he gently placed his lips against the others. He then pulled back only far enough to whisper against his lips. "I like them too." He said.

"Sly bastard," Light grumbled crossing his arms against his chest.

L smiled down at him and leaned against him. "I'll get Watari to bring some with a laptop. We can watch together..."

"Do I have to?" Light whined. "You've made your point already. If we have to watch something can't it well… be something else?"

L smiled, "Like what?" He asked. "I can't stand horrors, crime and mystery is boring because I already know the answer before we're half way through, comedies aren't worth it unless they're romantic comedy. Action bores me." He shrugged. "What do you want to watch?"

"With most chic flics though you don't even need five minutes to work out what will happen in the end," Light countered.

"I know. But I still think they're cute." L told Light. He snuggled close to the other and carried on speaking. "I mean, often they're fantasies that random women have come up with, but they work for gay men too. The whole, everything goes perfect in a not so perfect way." He shrugged. "I've always liked romantic comedies."

"I'm usually pretty wary of those. They can be rather stupid," Light said frowning.

L laughed. "I like to dream." He said.

"Still looking for true love then?" Light teased.

"No, no. I have that." L said with a smile. "I just wish things were as easy as they are in the movies. Everything is guaranteed to have a happy ending."

"Yeah," Light said, wishing it were that easy too. Lifting his head up, he nuzzled L gently. "I love you."

"I love you too." L said quietly, leaning against Light. It was strange to think that they could have such a normal conversation after everything that had happened.

"…Thankyou for saving me," Light said a few minutes later, the words sounding awkward, not yet sure if he meant them. All this seemed too easy.

"I would've never forgiven myself if I didn't. I'd've likely followed you to be honest," L said quietly, moving closer to Light as if to reassure them both.

Light took L's hand, his eyes on the ring and he sighed.

"While I'm getting everything else out, I may as well say this out too. You know how we used to talk about marriage and you thought I was too young and then you proposed to me anyway. I… I wish you didn't," Light expression turned sad. "Don't get me wrong it's not that I changed my mind, but I felt like I was forcing you into it and then I had to tell you that you weren't ready and call off the engagement pretty much…"

L nodded. "I know." He said quietly. "I know that neither of us is really ready for that. We're close, don't get me wrong, but we're too screwed up right now..."

"You shouldn't have proposed then," Light said simply, closing his eyes. "I guess you won't want to trust me now will you?"

"Why do you say that?" L asked quietly. "I asked because I did want it. Even if we're not ready for it."

"You said it yourself; you aren't ready for that much trust. How can you want to marry someone you don't trust?" Light shot back.

"I've... I've started to trust you..." L admitted, "More than I thought I did." He said. "I have a feeling that you could ask me anything, and I would answer. But... I still don't know how to say what I feel. It's not anything I've ever had to do before."

"Yeah well now you do. It's not like I have much experience either. The people I used to hang around with were hardly my friends, so I was always lying about my emotions, but with you I am being honest," Light admitted and opened his eyes to meet L's. "What part of being with me scares you so much?"

"The part where you leave," L said quietly. "I'm afraid that you'll go." He admitted. "That you'll die, that you'll leave me..."

"_See,_ just listen to yourself. I feel like you haven't made any progress _at all_. You don't get it. Because you have never trusted me not to leave I nearly did. I nearly died because you could never believe that I honestly didn't know of _anywhere_ I would have rather been than by your side," Light exclaimed but not loud enough for anyone outside to hear.

L shook his head. "I'm not afraid that you'll leave me of your own will. I'm more afraid that you'll get killed, that you'll have to go." He said, "I know that you'd never go unless I give you enough of a reason. And something tells me that I'd have to beat you, probably a lot, for that to happen." He shook his head, "No. I'm afraid that something will force you away from me. And I'll always be afraid of that."

"Damn it Ryuzaki! I thought you were smarter than that," Light moaned. "Of course we are going to die eventually, but that shouldn't prevent you from enjoying the time we have. If you keep living like I'm going to die then we won't ever be happy."

"It's hard to act like there's no possibility of your death when you're lying in a hospital bed!" L pointed out, loosing it slightly. He took a breath before shaking his head. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"Discounting the fact that I nearly died of _my own free will_; how about the rest of the time? I hardly live in a hospital even if it does seem that way recently," Light replied ignoring L's apology.

"When we get out of here, things will be different." L promised. "We'll... We'll live in the moment..."

"We shouldn't always live in the moment, but I just don't want you to get held back because one of us might die tomorrow," Light said, frustrated. L nodded, understanding the logic. His mind agreed, but his heart still feared. He decided that he'd teach his heart, that he'd teach it to understand, and that he'd bury what ever doubt he still had.

"But I don't think I'll ever be able to be completely without fear."

"Neither am I, but I don't let it control me. Don't you think that the idea of losing you doesn't terrify me?" Light shot back, his hands holding L's now. L changed his position slightly, so that he was straddling the other. He looked down at him.

"You nearly did." He said seriously. "You nearly lost everything and everyone." He pointed out. "You tried to kill yourself. Even if I wasn't afraid before. I am now." He looked into his eyes, staring at him. "Do you know what it felt like, to walk into the bathroom and see you lying there, hardily breathing? In fact, you stopped breathing." He shook his head, "Don't ask me to give up my fear of you dying. Because I never will."

"I'm not asking you to. Anyway don't you think I know what I nearly gave up? –Ryuzaki I pretty much had an emotional crash after what has happened to me. I _forgot_ you and even then I knew I had to be constantly careful of everything I did or said. Now I remember again didn't you at least_ suspect_ that I might do something as drastic as what I did?" Light cried. L was feeling like his heart was breaking. Everything Light was saying, it was all true. He couldn't stop the tears that came out of his eyes. He nodded, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to swallow his sobs. Light's eyes closed tightly as if trying to protect himself from L's tears and forced himself into silence. L pulled away and sat up straight on the bed, not moving too far away from Light, but not touching him either. He curled upon himself, his legs close to his chest. He was trying so hard to stop from feeling like his whole world was crumbling.

"Y-You're right." He managed to say, "I've been nothing but a burden to you... I'm going to try... try to be different, to be more independent..."

"I wanted… still want to be there for you, but I want you to be there for me too. I can't handle all the negatives on my own as I think I have proven," Light whispered. L nodded, the urge to run extreme. But he wasn't going to run, he was going to stay, be with Light, go against that instinct to get away from all this potential hurt.

"I-I'm going to stay..."

"If this is because I said that thing about Matt, I hope you know I only meant I wanted you to be there _then_. Now is completely different. I don't know if I could cling onto you like I did even if I wanted to… If you staying out of guilt I don't want you to be here," Light said firmly.

L shook his head, "I'm staying here because I want to. I want to be here for you..." his voice was still trembling, but he was sure of what he was saying. "I love you... and I want to be better than I have been. I want to be – I want to be more deserving of you..." Light smiled, his eyes opening to look up at the white ceiling.

"Thankyou…" He tilted his head to look at L a curious expression on his face. "…I wonder. What would you have done if I told you this before I attempted suicide?"

"If you told me what exactly?" L asked, lifting his head slightly to look at Light. He smiled very slightly. "Honestly, I don't know." He said quietly.

"If I told you everything that I did just before. If I told you exactly how I felt before resorting to suicide," Light murmured.

"I-" He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to tell him the words, he knew they'd hurt both of them. But he wanted to be honest. "I think I would've run away..." He admitted quietly. "I wouldn't have realized the severity."

"That's what I think too and why I can't bring myself to regret what I did even if it hurt you. I needed something drastic that would prevent you from running away," Light mused, his smile turning into a slight frown.

L nodded, "I understand that." He said quietly, "Just... just don't do it again... and if you do... don't lock the bathroom door..." He said, trying to smile at that. He leaned back, tears still falling. "I love you," He said quietly.

"I love you too," Light replied immediately. "But, even though I probably won't try it again, I don't think you understand. I truly didn't intend to wake up. The fact that I did and this is the result was just luck."

"Do you wish you had died?"

* * *

**Yeah I still kind of suck, but at least it isn't as bad a cliff hanger as the previous chapter, or as bad as the one it was going to have, since this chapter was going to be half as long. Anyway I hope you all at least sort of understand why Light did what he did, although I am only now really beginning to understand it myself. Anyway thanks for reading and please review.**


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